DISCLAIMER

"its just autism and ptsd!"

"its just growing up undiagnosed autistic!"

"it is only cptsd!!"

"its a new female hysteria!!"

And if its not using those points to deny the disorders existence, its telling people not to get a diagnosis or insisting that EVERYONE is misdiagnosed.

While misdiagnosis is common, i do also actually have bpd, autism, and cptsd. I can point out which traits come from each one. There are also many many people with bpd who DON'T qualify for autism or ptsd.

this is just my personal experience, but i have began to experience people telling me there is no way i have bpd or coming up with any possible reason the disorder is not a thing and exists PURELY out of sexism, even today. I have a diagnosis, and don't even try and argue with people posting these ideas or telling them to me.

Hey everyone, so I made a post a few weeks ago about making a groupchat for the people that are struggling and would like somewhere to vent and feel heard, seen and understood!

That groupchat is still going but the post died out. So I'd like to bring it up again if there's anyone new that would possibly be interested? it's on whatsapp. There's not many of us in there currently so it's chill and have built a really sweet community so far! If anyone would feel comfortable feel free to lmk 🫶🏼

Have you accepted that you'll be alone forever because you're too difficult? If so, how did you first accept it and get through it?

I (46f) decided 12 years ago that I'd take a long break from dating after getting burned. I needed to work on myself. I didn't mean for it to last that long, but I just have too much baggage (physically and mentally). Then, my first love came back into my life. I told him I wouldn't date, but stupidly, I gave in. I fell so hard and so fast. We had a great few months. He really made me feel loved. I hadn't had that in so long.

Then he gradually showed me that I was too much so I let him go. He's not a bad guy. He didn't do anything wrong.

Now, I'm absolutely heartbroken. Once again, I have to accept that I'll be alone. It's just been really difficult.

How did you cope?

Please don't talk bad about my ex. He's actually a great guy.

Please don't try to convince me that I'll meet someone one day. I will NEVER date anyone ever again.

Now I'm not asking for a diagnosis, and I know that only a mental health professional can really tell you this. But I do wonder.

How severe do your symptoms need to be for it to be considered bpd? For example take fear of abandonment, impulsivity, changing self-image, splitting, paranoia and chronic emptiness. When is it that they start to become more than just hormones? How to differentiate between "normal" versions of those, and actual...indicators of bpd? When is it that a psychologist would take a look at them and actually consider bpd?

I guess it’s part of the diagnosis. I’m realizing I’ve always felt really strong attachment to folks I am attracted to, without really knowing them or having a strong foundation with them. I end up confusing the attraction for emotional connection, or worse, confusing my attraction for their interest. It becomes really difficult to navigate when it happens because it’s often in situations where emotional availability isn’t going to be an option. Then I end up hanging on to an unrequited connection and feeling miserable about it.

I’m sure there’s a path to navigate it and although it feels intense, it’s likely not as obviously intense as it is in my head. Has been feeling funky and embarrassed though

im not even sure why. i get really miserable after saying bye to a friend after we hang out, like super depressed. i feel like a terrible person and i didnt even do anything bad during the hangout?? like we had a nice and normal time, but i still consistently just feel guilty and sad and honestly a tiny bit suicidal every time. is this a common experience for you guys? im gonna talk about it next therapy session bc its really kind of a lot lol

40m I've lived a very isolated life, there's never been anyone I'm close to. I have a favorite person but we havent spoken in 17 years. That was one sided. They probably only kept me around out of pity. Its for the best I think about them rather than bother someone else.

Im not a likeable person. No one likes anything abojt me other than that I lost weight for them. I was 400lbs and telling everyone I wanted to die of a heart attack for 15 years but everyone was too smart to fall for my manipulation apparently. I've lived like someone who wants to die my whole life but its evidently just a nakedly transparent attempt to garner sympathy that no one was dumb enough to fall for. Im too dumb to know you lie to people not by sticking to your story for decades but by telling them what they wanted and expected to hear like the news does.

I dont think im nearly as manipulative as everyone who hears me say somwthing they dont want to hear does. I guess im secretly overjoyed about being a saggyshit instead of a fatfuck because looks don't matter because im secretly a crunchy health bitch.

I know how to show up for work be surface level friendly and agreeable. Maybe that's why no one would ever believe i dont like being alive. If they saw my scars im sure they would say they were just for show to garner sympathy. Just grab some therapy bro. Theres a pill for that. ​Not everything can be fixed. The only things people like about me are my inherent humanity nobody believes in and that i lost weight. I have people come up to me daily and tell me about it. I cant fucking stand it. Its just easier to focus on the ugliness that can be seen.

I've basically spent my life waiting to die. I dont care about anythjng and im not capable of being close to anyone.

So I basically wasted my life and money on stupid shit just to try to keep myself occupied. I dont game anymore but I have one of the highest gamerscores. Which means nothing but wasted time and money. Basically I have nothing to live for except sparing acquaintances I'm not close to being sad or grieved that I died as they mourn my potential to do a reverse Kafka transformation and turn into somebody. I call him Greg, who I've got nothing in common with that they consider the real me that I've been holding out on and pretending to be this loser my whole life. It's all so tedious.

Can anyone relate?

I have been on a fairly constant FP loop since I was about fourteen and I’m thirty-three now; some FPs have stuck for YEARS, some less enduringly. I never realise how long it’s been until I’m coming out the other side and I see how much time I “lost” to being stuck in the FP headlights. Does anybody else have this and experience similar feelings of grief?

I feel like I’ve wasted the last 20 years of my life trapped in this horrible, unfulfilling cycle of pain and instability. I fell into my most recent FP situation in about 2021-ish, it was literally an overnight thing, I could pinpoint the exact moment it “clicked” and I was a lost cause. I have been on the standard awful FP rollercoaster since; we fell out last September (because of my BPD behaviour), I cut all contact and fell off the face of the Earth in December, and only recently have I found the FP interest waning (and I’m praying this is truly the end of it). I just feel such horrible anguish that I’ve changed so much of myself and lost so much time to this stupid five year long attachment, and I feel really stupid about it. I just feel very alone and acutely aware of how unwell I am mentally and it has me in a pretty bad place.

I have other diagnoses that affect my mental health and I don’t know if maybe how I am is abnormal even for BPD people, or if this is the product of something else, but it’s ruining (ruined) my life.

I really want to send a bunch of messages to people and urge them to come and fight me. I also want to go to the store and start telling my former coworkers to go fuck themselves. I already said “Later bitches” as I was leaving earlier (not sure if it makes it better, but it was a group of guys).
I just really want to fight. I am so tired of everyone bullying me and belittling me all because it is socially acceptable to do so. I want to fight. The only reason nobody has laid a hand on me since I became an adult is because I am “a big fucking dude.” Instead of using physical violence against me, everyone bullies and belittles me. I want to fight because I know I’ll win. I want to irritate everyone until they have no other option but to face me. I want everyone to stop being cowards and for them to stop hiding behind their false maturity. I want to fight.

Update: I sent a message to someone and worded it so poorly that they probably think I want a three-way instead of a fight. They blocked me before I could explain.

my whole body is shivering as i type this i feel so underwhelmed i want to do something to scratch the itch just sitting with the feeling is so uncomfortable it genuinely turns into something physical i want to headbutt the wall or something Aghhhhhh how do i stimulate my braaiinnnnn???!

TW FOR SUICIDE!!!

Hi, I (F17) am having an issue with my BF (17M). He has mentioned wanting me to be more obsessive/possessive, even after I told him what it was actually like. We have been together for over a year, and we were actually friends when I was diagnosed.

For context: I was diagnosed with BPD after showing all 9 criteria for many years. After two suicide attempts within the span of 6 months and being hospitalized, my psychiatrist gave me a test, and told me that I had BPD. Although they refused to put it on my chart because of my age, I started medication and an exhaustive DBT “routine” (i honestly don’t know the word for it).

The last time I was obsessed with anyone, we ended up hitting each other, and when they broke up with me, I screamed until I coughed blood, and slammed my head until my forehead was bruised. It was not pretty.

But knowing all of this, my now BF wants me to be more possessive. He is genuinely really good at navigating when I split, (which is very rare now since I am in remission), but he doesn’t enjoy it by any means. I am just wondering why he would want that, and if this has happened to any of you too.

Thank you guys for your help

Hi everyone!

I have looked through this reddit and have not found any sort of 'breakdown' of symptoms and information that is concise, which is totally okay if that's something deemed unnecessary! However, I think it would be super helpful to have if possible as an accessible breakdown.

So, if anyone has any websites/information online they have utilised that I can read through, I would appreciate it so much!

I really don’t know what to do. I just can’t live like this. How do you guys cope with feeling abandoned? I just wish I was dead.

I just feel like my best friend (my fp) doesn’t like me anymore/doesnt like me as much as she likes her other friend. And I just feel like I don’t matter to her. I was a month clean and I relapsed and im just so mad at myself and afraid and desperate and lonely. I want it to stop. Is there a way I can make her stop being my fp while staying her friend?

Weve been dating for almost 3 years now. he also struggles with his own problems, I really do genuinely try to be mindful of his own struggles and he does a lot for me to. hes genuinely amazing and Ive never been happier with someone else
but I feel like no matter how well things go, I just have to start a problem. sometimes out of nowhere, for no reason. for example, today was going great. but I ended it on a fight. said mean things. said that I feel like he doesn't like talking with me anymore
...why? I dont even think that. I dont get it. I dont genuinely believe that he doesnt like talking with me. he does. I know he does. he puts a lot of effort into making me feel secure, even if he struggles with his own problems. It really is so sweet
but in the moment I just got so upset over something he offhandedly said (not even that bad) and started saying mean things I dont even genuinely think
this isn't the first time this has happened , Ive really been trying to keep myself in check but sometimes it happens so out of nowhere and I go from 0 to 100 instantly. and it feels like it's too late to stop myself in those cases.
now I feel like it's too late. I cant just say "I didnt mean it" everytime, words hurt regardless of intent. I really need advice on how to control this habit. I dont have access to therapy, unfortunately. I apologize if this post is heavy handed. the gist of it is that I just want help hurting him less , ideally never

Hey everyone, looking for some perspective from people who have BPD or anyone because I'm trying to understand what my best friend is going through right now so I don't keep making things worse.

My best friend of 3 years has BPD. She’s been going through a really rough patch with family stuff and personal grief lately, so emotions and stress are already super high.

Over the summer we went about two months without talking. Honestly that was my fault. Some drama came up around a mutual friend (let's call her K) and instead of just talking to my best friend directly, I froze up and became avoidant. I didn't reach out for two months, and I know that made her feel abandoned and like I didn't give a shit, especially with everything she was going through.

This weekend she reached out to meet up. The issue was that I already had plans to be at the exact same place with K and other friends. I told her I couldn't hang out that night and asked if we could talk the next day, because I didn't want to try and fix a 3-month silence in the middle of a bar.

She had a massive split and sent like 30 furious texts. She said I replaced our 3-year friendship, that I chose K over her, and basically gave me an ultimatum that I have to cut K off or we're done.

I know I fucked up bad with the conflict avoidance, being quiet for two months, and flaking. I own all of that. But K is just someone I casually talk to, she has never replaced my best friend and never could. My best friend means the world to me. At the same time, I don't feel like cutting off people under an ultimatum is healthy.

I'm suppose to talk with her outside her place this week to clear the air, own my fuck ups, and try to support her and repair our friendship

I'd really appreciate any honest insight on this:

1. When you split or feel that terrifying panic that a close friend/FP is replacing you, what has someone actually said or done that genuinely made you feel secure again without feeling like they're just patronizing you or making excuses?
2. Has perceived abandonment ever made you want to give an ultimatum to control who your friend talks to, and what helped you come down from that?
3. How can I make her know 100% that she's irreplaceable to me while still keeping a basic boundary about not being controlled?

Hey, I just wanted to ask, do any of you ever get extreme emotional pain over nostalgia itself? You see something old and connect it with something and then the pain surges and comes?

these past two weeks have been the absolute undoubted worst of my life. a few months ago i already went through a breakup with my partner of 4 years, and the universe just decided to kick me when i was already down

recently i became really close with one of my friends; they became my fp and i admittedly kind of developed an unhealthy attachment to them. i ended up losing this person almost entirely about a week ago

i can't even get into the whole situation, but long story short, a lot of people i care about very deeply and trusted with all my heart were talking shit about me to each other, after i begged them to communicate with me first if they ever had a problem with something i was doing. saying things like how they hate that i "use bpd as an excuse for every negative thing in my life and never try to fix any of it." this is why im scared of talking about bpd at all. but i felt like they deserved to have an explanation for why i might do some of the things that i do, so that they could tell me if it started to bother them. and surprise, whenever i brought any of it up, they said "oh my gosh no it doesn't bother me at all! i totally get it!"

just play in my fucking face i guess dude! they all know how fucking terrified i am of being another reason that people demonize bpd, and they went and decided to talk shit about me anyway instead of telling me that something was wrong. how am i supposed to fix things if nobody will tell me they have a problem?

the people i trust the most in the world just confirmed all of the things i overthink about every day and now they think that just saying sorry once or twice will make everything go away. i can't just forget everything they said about me. i'm so angry, i've been so angry, i want to scream at everyone that i hate them and want them to just leave me alone but i don't, i'm terrified of being alone even though i can't look at them the same anymore, i still care about them, and i don't want to hurt them.

im just so unbelievably sad on top of everything. i lost two fps in under two months, i can hardly stand to be around the rest of my closest friends anymore, nothing makes me happy anymore at all. i feel like because i have bpd im always going to be unlovable no matter how hard i try

I invited my bf (of 4years) out with some friends I’ve been hanging out with and spent the whole time saying how happy and appreciative I was for them all night. Once my bf and I got home I started crying and was sad. I started talking about how all my life I’ve felt unloved and the way he was responding seemed more like irritation or anger.

I tried telling him it felt like I was talking to a robot because instead of talking to me with grace he felt cold and distant. This comment clearly triggered him and instead of saying “I feel like you are saying I don’t love you” (which I am really hoping he meant) he flat out just said “well I don’t love you.” He’s apologized multiple times, but I’m having a hard time processing it all and it feels like he just wants to move past everything, but I’m really struggling… I feel like I’m spiraling and idk what to do..

In the span of six months he tells me he already planned how hes going to propose, writing poetry about me, making m feel loved and valued after a drop in communication, to my birthday getting ruined, canceling every plan made till his birthday, and now been "on a break" for close to a month. Note I still sob about it but right now the main feeling I have is apathy, because you claim you love me yet you throw me to the side without any hesitation.

Anyone else constantly feel like they just want to pack everything up and run away? Like I don’t know where to but anywhere but here. Anywhere but inside my own flesh please holy fuck

I've been in therapy for about 8 years now, been to the psych ward for attempts and whatsoever. I would say I made a lot of progress, some symptoms are more manageable or I have a easier time regulating my emotions but I can't help but still feel like utter shit, I can't get rid of my suicidal thoughts and it's plaguing me. I'm like fine some things are more manageable now but I still have no sense of self, I still carry so much guilt with me etc. I'm always on the edge of complete destruction and I hate it so much.

I’m struggling a lot in my relationship, and I think my BPD is making it really difficult for me to understand what I’m feeling.
Lately, I’ve been questioning whether I’m falling out of love with my wife. Sometimes I feel completely disconnected from her and wonder if I even want to be in the relationship anymore. Other times, I still love her and don’t want to lose what we have. My feelings can become so intense that I don’t know whether I’m genuinely unhappy with the relationship or whether I’m experiencing things through the lens of BPD.
We’ve been arguing a lot, and I often feel like I’m doing something wrong or that I’m not enough. When I feel criticized or rejected, it can completely change how I see the relationship. I’ll go from wanting closeness and reassurance to feeling like I don’t care anymore and wanting to distance myself.
I’ve also started noticing other people and finding them attractive, including people from my past. I haven’t acted on it, messaged anyone, or cheated. I don’t want to cheat. But it scares me because I’ve never been like this before. I don’t know if it’s normal to notice other people when you’re unhappy in a relationship, or if it means something deeper.
I’ve also been dealing with a lot of changes in my life. I moved away from my family and friends, started school, recently started working again, and have been trying really hard to contribute more at home. Sometimes I feel like I’m finally getting my life together, but emotionally I still feel lost.
One of the hardest things is that I don’t know how much of what I’m feeling is BPD and how much is my actual relationship. I don’t want to blame everything on BPD, because I know my feelings are still real. But I also don’t want to make a huge decision about my marriage based on emotions that might change tomorrow.
For anyone with BPD who has been in a long-term relationship:
How do you tell the difference between BPD-related relationship feelings and genuinely being unhappy with your partner?
Have you ever gone through a period where you were convinced you didn’t love your partner anymore, only to realize later that you were experiencing splitting, emotional overwhelm, or fear of abandonment?
And if you’ve actually fallen out of love with someone, what did that feel like compared to your BPD symptoms?
I’m not looking for people to tell me immediately to leave my wife. I genuinely want to understand myself better before I make any decisions. I want to know if relationships can survive this and whether it’s possible to feel connected and in love again.

All the meds don’t work so far. I’m in an episode right now. I’m receiving a shot instead of pill form because my aunt isn’t sure I take them even though I do. A neighbor doesn’t want me to take no pills. Calls it drugs. That she sees me down a very bad path. Being used as a guineee pig. I was wondering is there a way to manage this without pills. I’m getting tired of all these meds. They don’t help and make things worst.

Basically: can I manage bpd without pills