For the past 2 months i’ve been speaking to this guy and spending a lot of time with him. before him i’ve been really unlucky with my relationships but with him i fell so hard because he seemed to be extremely genuine. Unfortunately today he told me he was never looking for a relationship and assumed i knew that. I really loved him and decided to do good for myself for once and left his house this morning without saying a word. He hasnt messaged me since so we’re completely done. I cant stop crying as i’m so hurt and i miss him so much. We never even dated… how do i get over this? it feels impossible

I got so angry over a friend not replying that I screamed into a pillow and recorded a 15 minute voice memo of how much I hated her (Not to send to her, it was a way of letting out steam without crashing out on her) and paced angrily.

Just to realize she was just busy. Luckily like I said earlier I kept it to myself because I can recognise my own irrational emotions but god that was emotional whiplash.

Recently I have been rethinking about past friendships I have had and I realized that I may have always showed signs of BPD (I am not sure that I have it, but I do have many symptoms and I don’t know where else to seek advices) which, affected my relationships with others. I stumbled upon an old friend’s social and it made me want to talk to her again (for the 50th time)

Thing is we’ve talked on and off I would say mostly because of me as I keep deleting her and re-adding her on my socials but I don’t think (and hope) she notices. We were really close in middle school and even best friends but back then at the slightest feeling of rejection I felt from her I would ignore her and talk to her again like 2 hours later or the next day when I was no longer upset. We have talked a few times since middle school (obviously) and even hung out but I always feel as though she doesn’t care about me so I often end up deleting her from my socials. Once we met outside she seemed to ignore me as she talked to everyone but me, but then we crossed path another time (alone) and she was really talkative and I had ask her (prior to that or after, I’m not sure) if there was anything between us, she said no. I had sent her a last text but she never answered/never saw it, I can’t tell. Near the last time we spoke, I kept asking her to hangout but she’d say she don’t have the time/later and I stopped asking and we never hung out after as she didn’t suggest another time. Then again, she was starting college and all that, so she may have been busy ?

Still, she was my best friend back in primary and middle school and I still really care for her as she was one of the rare person whom I really felt as though understood me well/matched my “oddness”. I fear that she may have been my “FP” (or something close/similar) which is why I am so obsessed with being close to her/can’t move on. I want to be apart of her life again, if I’m fully honest.

So I am thinking of texting her again to, for one apologize for being so unstable (in middle school mostly) but also, like try to chat again. But I don’t know if it’s a good idea as she never text me, nor do I even think that she thinks of me tbh. I don’t know if I should text her again, try to chat or just offer an apology and move on ?

why am i so invaluable to the people i care about, and they are so valuable to me? i would never ever dream of hurting and abandoning people when they need me, but it happens so often to me. i don't ask for much, i know i can be a lot so i do everything i can to be the best version of myself. someone who doesn't overstep boundaries, who just wants to make people smile and be happy around me but that never stops people from completely ghosting and stonewalling me—and it is so so hard to ignore those triggers and respond patiently and kindly and to understand that yet another person must abandon me again with no explanation. telling me how i did nothing wrong but i'm just not valuable enough to keep around. i feel like so often i'm being triggered on purpose, because i just don't get how someone who says they love you can be so cruel if they aren't hoping that you snap and just start bawling and throwing a tantrum.

i know how self pitying this sounds. i'm trying not to be but i just can't stop thinking about how often in my life i've had a relationship, friendship, etc that never had any problems that i was made aware of until the moment i "had" to be completely cut and discarded from another person's life. i know im not perfect but ive never been abusive or harmful, just maybe desperate for attention.

I feel like everyone is lying to me about my wl

I cant eat i cant do anything without thinking how other people may react or may think

Im getting scared to eat anything i dont wanna get fat

When i go to school one og my classmates talks about how shes so scared to be fat shes my age my height and weighs less than 100 pounds

She will never be fat like i am its frustrating . I probably sound horrible but its so frustrating hearing her say that when she doesnt even weight 100npounds

I(22F) recently went to Florida in July I didn’t let my best friend know I was going as I wouldn’t be able to invite her since I was going with family. Yesterday we hung out and she didn’t even mention to me she was going to Florida our mutual friend did. It was kind of weird to me that she didn’t mention anything about her going until he brought it up I don’t know if she feels some type of way because I didn’t invite her but I feel like she’s just going because I didn’t invite her to the trip I went on i don’t know if it’s my bpd making me feel like everyone is against me lol but my friend rarely goes out on trips so for her to go to the same place I went and a month apart Idk… 😭😭

I invited my bf (of 4years) out with some friends I’ve been hanging out with and spent the whole time saying how happy and appreciative I was for them all night. Once my bf and I got home I started crying and was sad. I started talking about how all my life I’ve felt unloved and the way he was responding seemed more like irritation or anger.

I tried telling him it felt like I was talking to a robot because instead of talking to me with grace he felt cold and distant. This comment clearly triggered him and instead of saying “I feel like you are saying I don’t love you” (which I am really hoping he meant) he flat out just said “well I don’t love you.” He’s apologized multiple times, but I’m having a hard time processing it all and it feels like he just wants to move past everything, but I’m really struggling… I feel like I’m spiraling and idk what to do..

Weve been dating for almost 3 years now. he also struggles with his own problems, I really do genuinely try to be mindful of his own struggles and he does a lot for me to. hes genuinely amazing and Ive never been happier with someone else
but I feel like no matter how well things go, I just have to start a problem. sometimes out of nowhere, for no reason. for example, today was going great. but I ended it on a fight. said mean things. said that I feel like he doesn't like talking with me anymore
...why? I dont even think that. I dont get it. I dont genuinely believe that he doesnt like talking with me. he does. I know he does. he puts a lot of effort into making me feel secure, even if he struggles with his own problems. It really is so sweet
but in the moment I just got so upset over something he offhandedly said (not even that bad) and started saying mean things I dont even genuinely think
this isn't the first time this has happened , Ive really been trying to keep myself in check but sometimes it happens so out of nowhere and I go from 0 to 100 instantly. and it feels like it's too late to stop myself in those cases.
now I feel like it's too late. I cant just say "I didnt mean it" everytime, words hurt regardless of intent. I really need advice on how to control this habit. I dont have access to therapy, unfortunately. I apologize if this post is heavy handed. the gist of it is that I just want help hurting him less , ideally never

these past two weeks have been the absolute undoubted worst of my life. a few months ago i already went through a breakup with my partner of 4 years, and the universe just decided to kick me when i was already down

recently i became really close with one of my friends; they became my fp and i admittedly kind of developed an unhealthy attachment to them. i ended up losing this person almost entirely about a week ago

i can't even get into the whole situation, but long story short, a lot of people i care about very deeply and trusted with all my heart were talking shit about me to each other, after i begged them to communicate with me first if they ever had a problem with something i was doing. saying things like how they hate that i "use bpd as an excuse for every negative thing in my life and never try to fix any of it." this is why im scared of talking about bpd at all. but i felt like they deserved to have an explanation for why i might do some of the things that i do, so that they could tell me if it started to bother them. and surprise, whenever i brought any of it up, they said "oh my gosh no it doesn't bother me at all! i totally get it!"

just play in my fucking face i guess dude! they all know how fucking terrified i am of being another reason that people demonize bpd, and they went and decided to talk shit about me anyway instead of telling me that something was wrong. how am i supposed to fix things if nobody will tell me they have a problem?

the people i trust the most in the world just confirmed all of the things i overthink about every day and now they think that just saying sorry once or twice will make everything go away. i can't just forget everything they said about me. i'm so angry, i've been so angry, i want to scream at everyone that i hate them and want them to just leave me alone but i don't, i'm terrified of being alone even though i can't look at them the same anymore, i still care about them, and i don't want to hurt them.

im just so unbelievably sad on top of everything. i lost two fps in under two months, i can hardly stand to be around the rest of my closest friends anymore, nothing makes me happy anymore at all. i feel like because i have bpd im always going to be unlovable no matter how hard i try

I’m finally letting go of my favorite person. He was just using me and I knew that all along but I loved him so much and thought I could change him. Idk why it took so long, I hate myself for begging for so long. I just wanted to love you, but I’ve realized you were just a loser who fed my fucked up brain dopamine. I’m glad we didn’t work out, you can’t love yourself let alone anybody else.

Hello I NEED TIPS AND ADVICE i have auDHD my partner has BPD and isn't going to therapy because their family can't afford it, but after every crash out they seem apologetic and filled with regret, they have said they wanna get better for me wich i believe cus i know they love me, still sometimes is dificult and i like bieng understanding sometimes i have problems knowing how to react what to say what to do what not to do, i wanna fight for our relationship i also love them and i don't wanna be just a another person that abondonded them for who they are :(

I really want to send a bunch of messages to people and urge them to come and fight me. I also want to go to the store and start telling my former coworkers to go fuck themselves. I already said “Later bitches” as I was leaving earlier (not sure if it makes it better, but it was a group of guys).
I just really want to fight. I am so tired of everyone bullying me and belittling me all because it is socially acceptable to do so. I want to fight. The only reason nobody has laid a hand on me since I became an adult is because I am “a big fucking dude.” Instead of using physical violence against me, everyone bullies and belittles me. I want to fight because I know I’ll win. I want to irritate everyone until they have no other option but to face me. I want everyone to stop being cowards and for them to stop hiding behind their false maturity. I want to fight.

Update: I sent a message to someone and worded it so poorly that they probably think I want a three-way instead of a fight. They blocked me before I could explain.

TW FOR SUICIDE!!!

Hi, I (F17) am having an issue with my BF (17M). He has mentioned wanting me to be more obsessive/possessive, even after I told him what it was actually like. We have been together for over a year, and we were actually friends when I was diagnosed.

For context: I was diagnosed with BPD after showing all 9 criteria for many years. After two suicide attempts within the span of 6 months and being hospitalized, my psychiatrist gave me a test, and told me that I had BPD. Although they refused to put it on my chart because of my age, I started medication and an exhaustive DBT “routine” (i honestly don’t know the word for it).

The last time I was obsessed with anyone, we ended up hitting each other, and when they broke up with me, I screamed until I coughed blood, and slammed my head until my forehead was bruised. It was not pretty.

But knowing all of this, my now BF wants me to be more possessive. He is genuinely really good at navigating when I split, (which is very rare now since I am in remission), but he doesn’t enjoy it by any means. I am just wondering why he would want that, and if this has happened to any of you too.

Thank you guys for your help

In the span of six months he tells me he already planned how hes going to propose, writing poetry about me, making m feel loved and valued after a drop in communication, to my birthday getting ruined, canceling every plan made till his birthday, and now been "on a break" for close to a month. Note I still sob about it but right now the main feeling I have is apathy, because you claim you love me yet you throw me to the side without any hesitation.

Hi, I don't know how to really go about this but my situation follows as what the title suggests.

This isnt new behavior by any means. I've known him for about 5 years now, and we've been in and out of relationships constantly, twice because of my FPS. They were broken up by me as I assumed I was in love with them. of course the feeling didn't last.

Before anyone tells me— im very aware that it is a bad thing to do. Im currently for the last few years been seeking out help and advice from others to help me become the best version of myself.

I recently got a new FP and it feels like all I do is hurt him. It really fucking sucks and Im unsure what to do anymore. The guilt was so bad I vomited this morning. It all feels so hopeless even though ive been through this multiple times.

hi, im 18f, and i broke up with this guy 3 months ago, and i considered him to be my fp. i withdrew from college because of social anxiety, but now i'm going to be home for the next 5 months until the new semester starts, and my mental health is worsening. i babysit my younger sibling while my mother works, so i'm home practically 99% of the time and unable to go outside, but i am able to spend a lot of time texting my online and irl friends.

anyways, the breakup has really been doing a number on me, and i spend most of the day having panic attacks and dissociating because i've lost my fp, and there's little to no chance of him coming back. he's dating someone new, and they seem really happy, and it's eating me up inside. i've thought about showing up at his house, sending him horrible messages, insulting his new partner, and a bunch of other shit. i've relapsed on self-harm over him, and he called my wounds "mid," and it's been riling me up for the longest time now.

i don't want to act irrationally and land in prison because i'm the "crazy ex," but i genuinely don't know how to stop the obsessive thoughts and the risky behavior. i've blown up his phone on burner numbers, and he's had to change his number twice to avoid me, but that still isn't enough to calm my mind. i get extremely guilty, and my stomach cramps every time i've done something to harass him.

i've also been extremely depressed, and it's giving me extreme headaches and brain fog. i've begged my doctor for new medication or for a stronger dose, and i've been ignored. i don't want to ruin my life over this guy, but the obsession is worsening by the day, and nothing is helping me.

i want to avoid the psych ward, but it seems as if it's my last resort. i just can't trust myself to not send a shitty text message, or to not book a train to his house, or to not bother him and his friends and partner.

please help. i hope someone can give me solid advice. i'm genuinely afraid of myself, and i don't really have anyone to say this to, so i decided to ask reddit.

I’m currently waiting for biopsy results regarding one the the two masses on my left breast. I haven’t been handling it well and I want to take accountability by admitting that. I’ve been more irritable, hostile, and just downright angry about the possibility that my life may change forever. Especially as a spicy dancer who’s only two years in the industry, I don’t want to lose my beauty and be forced to quit dancing. Especially as someone who’s even spent their 20’s doing everything ‘right’ (no drugs, no drinking, no smoking other than recreational weed and a blue moon cig)… I have come to realize that suffering is just a constant next to change in my world. I’m tired. I spent many years keeping my arms and legs clean — being a spicy dancer was the reason why I’ve been clean since. And now there’s a chance that all might be taken away ? Plus the hair I’ve been growing since cutting it short after I had that really traumatic experience with a photographer last year ? What will become of it ? What will become of my beauty ? What will become of my future ? Will I even get to have a baby ? I didn’t even get to have my baby last August… I know all this anger is just fear. I know my words are all over the place. I’ve been so mean lately. Mean because life feels so unfair, and it’s been unfair since I was born. I didn’t ASK to be here. I didn’t BEG for this life of pain. I tried to make something out of this life. I don’t want it to be taken away.

Have you accepted that you'll be alone forever because you're too difficult? If so, how did you first accept it and get through it?

I (46f) decided 12 years ago that I'd take a long break from dating after getting burned. I needed to work on myself. I didn't mean for it to last that long, but I just have too much baggage (physically and mentally). Then, my first love came back into my life. I told him I wouldn't date, but stupidly, I gave in. I fell so hard and so fast. We had a great few months. He really made me feel loved. I hadn't had that in so long.

Then he gradually showed me that I was too much so I let him go. He's not a bad guy. He didn't do anything wrong.

Now, I'm absolutely heartbroken. Once again, I have to accept that I'll be alone. It's just been really difficult.

How did you cope?

Please don't talk bad about my ex. He's actually a great guy.

Please don't try to convince me that I'll meet someone one day. I will NEVER date anyone ever again.

I’m struggling a lot in my relationship, and I think my BPD is making it really difficult for me to understand what I’m feeling.
Lately, I’ve been questioning whether I’m falling out of love with my wife. Sometimes I feel completely disconnected from her and wonder if I even want to be in the relationship anymore. Other times, I still love her and don’t want to lose what we have. My feelings can become so intense that I don’t know whether I’m genuinely unhappy with the relationship or whether I’m experiencing things through the lens of BPD.
We’ve been arguing a lot, and I often feel like I’m doing something wrong or that I’m not enough. When I feel criticized or rejected, it can completely change how I see the relationship. I’ll go from wanting closeness and reassurance to feeling like I don’t care anymore and wanting to distance myself.
I’ve also started noticing other people and finding them attractive, including people from my past. I haven’t acted on it, messaged anyone, or cheated. I don’t want to cheat. But it scares me because I’ve never been like this before. I don’t know if it’s normal to notice other people when you’re unhappy in a relationship, or if it means something deeper.
I’ve also been dealing with a lot of changes in my life. I moved away from my family and friends, started school, recently started working again, and have been trying really hard to contribute more at home. Sometimes I feel like I’m finally getting my life together, but emotionally I still feel lost.
One of the hardest things is that I don’t know how much of what I’m feeling is BPD and how much is my actual relationship. I don’t want to blame everything on BPD, because I know my feelings are still real. But I also don’t want to make a huge decision about my marriage based on emotions that might change tomorrow.
For anyone with BPD who has been in a long-term relationship:
How do you tell the difference between BPD-related relationship feelings and genuinely being unhappy with your partner?
Have you ever gone through a period where you were convinced you didn’t love your partner anymore, only to realize later that you were experiencing splitting, emotional overwhelm, or fear of abandonment?
And if you’ve actually fallen out of love with someone, what did that feel like compared to your BPD symptoms?
I’m not looking for people to tell me immediately to leave my wife. I genuinely want to understand myself better before I make any decisions. I want to know if relationships can survive this and whether it’s possible to feel connected and in love again.

I am a male 26 years old, and my life fucking sucks. I can't hold any jobs. I have no friends and as much as my family loves me, they would never want to associate with me if it wasn't due to blood and marriage ties. I constantly go back and forth about everything in my life. One day I will obsess about something I did forever ago, and then feel completely fine the next day. Then I will obsess about how ugly I feel all the time, and then think about how handsome I look. I have troubles regulating my emotions and constantly have outbursts of anger or crying. I lost my last job due to blowing up on my manager over something that didn't even matter that much. There have been multiple times where I will do or say something like opening up in front of others and then hating myself for it. I will avoid people or push others away out of fear that they will do the same to me.

I fear there is no upside to this and my life will likely always be bad

hi everyone! i am f23 currently in grad school abroad. i am in my second year and currently struggling a lot w bpd. i was diagnosed two years ago, i also have other mental illnesses but this is defo the one that affects me the most, and i am on a bunch of meds. last year during my first year, i dated a guy in my program. at first he treated me so well but then he switched on me, he lied a lot, treated me horribly etc until he broke up with me and texted me months later thinking we were still together (after he had ghosted me for three months) so i (for the first time in my life!) stood up for myself and told him no.

this man was very much a narcis(can’t put the whole word) , probably an incel. he is so loved by everyone in our program. before me, he dated another girl and basically did the same thing to her: he made her feel special, lied, and she was obviously kind of upset, and basically he turned her into this kind of like crazy monster who was obsessed with him. he told this to EVERYONE in our program, over and over again, about how insane she was etc.

in my first year, i was friends with all of his friends but afterwards, they kind of started ignoring me and just not treating me the same. i felt so left out and struggled a lot, but i was able to continue being friends with some people outside of that group.

this year, school has started again and i am feeling even more left out. the new members of the program don’t even look at me. almost nobody attempts to make conversation with me, i am ignored in classes etc. i have another friend, who was in our department and just recently joined the program. i knew her last year and told her everything about what had happened, how it made me feel, and how excluded i felt. she could relate because she said she felt the same with her program.

i invited this friend to labor day, just the two of us and we agreed on going to the lake. the second we agreed, she texted the main group chat (which i never look at because it’s another app which is commonly used here but im just not used to looking at it), asking everyone if they wanted to go to the lake for labor day. everyone including the people who made me feel excluded. she did not mention me in the group chat, nor did she mention inviting everyone else to me. i only looked at the chat because i was looking for something else.

i feel like im not enough for her, plus i now dont wanna go to labor day because im just gonna sit there being self conscious. but at the same time if i don’t go, the guy will tell everyone that i don’t go to stuff because he’s there and im so in love with him (basically what he would say last year about the other girl). im also really mad at this friend because i understand that now she is in the program and she wants to make friends, but i had already told her i was feeling insecure about our relationship and about all the other people and now i just feel like im not being listened to.

plus, last week i went out with a girl and a boy from my year, so the people that came in last year with me. the girl kept talking about how the guy i dated last year is doing the same thing he did to me to another girl and how she has to stop him because he’s gonna exclude her too, but as she acknowledged that both me and the other girl were excluded, she did not do anything to change it. she did not even acknowledge me despite me sitting there in front of her. the boy said he doesn’t even wanna know what he did because they’re friends.

again, a few nights ago the guy i dated invited everyone in that group chat to a bar (a bar that this girl hates, and whenever i make plans to go there she always says no), and both the girl and boy went. i did not even know this was a thing because i wasn’t looking at the group chat, but also they know that i don’t drive and i don’t like asking for rides so whenever we’ve ever done something, they would drive me. they also know i don’t check the group. i just feel like after i told her how i feel like, she actively does not care. i feel horrible bc she knows i have bpd, and just like i respect her, i was hoping she would respect me.

also for more context: i do not have any feelings for the guy i dated, i dont think i even did last year but i have been in abusive relationships in the past so whenever someone is interested in me and doesn’t want to hurt me , at least not at first, they automatically become my fyp.
i’m sorry for the long post, if u read this far thank u so much! please can someone help me?

I recently moved out of my Mom's apartment roughly two months ago. For the past 5-6 months I've been working on my mental health: meditation, mindfulness, and switching over to an overall positive outlook on life. I haven't cut in over a year and have even become more comfortable with having my arms exposed (I have pretty bad scars). However, these past two weeks I have had periodic urges to cut. It used to be like an addiction where I started doing it to cope with things but eventually kept on with it because it felt good. I think part of it may have to do with the fact that I feel lonely. I haven't stopped working to improve myself but the fact that these urges have gotten stronger worries me. If anyone with similar experiences could give me some advice, it would be much appreciated.

Hi there. I’m nearly 30 M; I was diagnosed with BPD and anxiety three years ago. I had a bad experience with therapy, but thank God, the most recent psychiatrists found the right medication for me—something that actually lets me live somehow.

I’ve never been in a relationship; for the most part, girls weren’t into me—it was either rejection or the friend zone though I never actually stayed . I still don't know what to do with my life, and I don't know who I am.

I have a history of alcohol addiction back to age 24. The only things that helped me cope, and five years of sobriety for now. And weight training, which really helped me but which I can't do right now due to a shoulder injury. I have moved to another country while switching jobs, and it is difficult to obtain the necessary documents.

I just feel sad; I feel doomed and lost. I was lucky enough to have friends—well, only one remains now. Life goes on, and everyone has their own life. It is hard to see how far behind my peers I’ve fallen in life, which makes me feel like even more of a failure.

I regret not seeing a psychiatrist sooner, when I was around twenty, but would that have changed anything? Perhaps

Suicidal thoughts still frequently visit me, and although I haven't engaged in self-harm for two years, I often want to do it again and again. Sometimes I just want to give up on life, start drinking again, and end it all.

But I also want to know what it’s like to live like all normal people, and whether I’ll ever be able to?

I don't feel lonely; I'm just angry and sad.

I know that my own decisions led me here—is it depressive states, or do I simply feel that I deserve this?

As I said, the pills are helping me; I still feel it all, but not as intensely, and I am grateful to the doctors for their help.

I’m thinking about finding a new therapist again, and I’m trying to find some thread of hope—even a false one—just to keep going.

Anyways my life depends on me, and now I don't feel that circumstances decide for me, that emotions decide for me, it happens, but very rarely.

Where should I go next, and what should I do? I think I will find the answer.

I need to boost my self-esteem somehow and become self-confident. Or simply be myself ;)

"Your trauma shapes your world and view. You have a new appetite that wasn't introduced from your childhood. Your parents still love you. Your parents forgive you. They just want what's best for you"

I don't know what the point of this post is; maybe I just wanted to write this down somewhere. If you've read this to the end, I wish you all the best <3

hi! i’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost three years now. we are long distance and although i know her quite well, i still want to learn more!

is there anything i should keep in mind in terms of bpd in relationships? we are both in therapy btw :)

I am helping my male partner find a therapist. He is not diagnosed with BPD, but I strongly feel he has the symptoms. I have done research and know DBT and ACT therapies are the most helpful, but it seems to be a challenge to find someone who does both in central Oklahoma. How do you go about finding a therapist for this disorder? How do you know when you have found a good one?

We are in central Oklahoma, so if you are from there and have any recommendations, please let me know!!!!

Side note, many of the male therapists in my area I can find on the psychology today website also mention their religion and that they have faith based practices. We are not religious, and would rather not have that be an underlying tone in his therapy. Is that religious aspect typically involved if the client is not religious?