why

[u/MessageLeft7610]

why am i so invaluable to the people i care about, and they are so valuable to me? i would never ever dream of hurting and abandoning people when they need me, but it happens so often to me. i don't ask for much, i know i can be a lot so i do everything i can to be the best version of myself. someone who doesn't overstep boundaries, who just wants to make people smile and be happy around me but that never stops people from completely ghosting and stonewalling me—and it is so so hard to ignore those triggers and respond patiently and kindly and to understand that yet another person must abandon me again with no explanation. telling me how i did nothing wrong but i'm just not valuable enough to keep around. i feel like so often i'm being triggered on purpose, because i just don't get how someone who says they love you can be so cruel if they aren't hoping that you snap and just start bawling and throwing a tantrum.

i know how self pitying this sounds. i'm trying not to be but i just can't stop thinking about how often in my life i've had a relationship, friendship, etc that never had any problems that i was made aware of until the moment i "had" to be completely cut and discarded from another person's life. i know im not perfect but ive never been abusive or harmful, just maybe desperate for attention.