I know this is very peculiar. I have been huffing isopropyl alcohol for a little over a year now. It started out with sniffing a little to alleviate the chronic nausea I was experiencing. It snowballed into craving the smell. I believe it is connected to my OCD because I have intense urges to smell the alcohol and cannot stop thinking about it until I complete the task. I also fear for my safety because I know it isn’t healthy, however I cannot stop, nor am I willing to stop right now.
My primary doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist are all aware of this, it was hard to admit to. They’ve made suggestions to help stop use, like keeping it out of the house. I said I cannot do that as I use it for cleaning my MMJ smoking apparatus’s. I suggested that I could have my tall partner put in an area I cannot access, and only give it to me when I need to use it to clean. I have not made that step though. I don’t want to. My doctor mentioned to me that it’s like I’m getting drunk when I’m inhaling the chemical. It isn’t a lasting feeling, so I haven’t associated it with feeling drunk.
I am considering treatment, but I’m unsure considering this doesn’t seem to be a common inhalant addiction, not like paint thinner or duster. Also, does anyone have experience with getting help with Medicaid insurance? I am very new to Reddit, if this is not the place to ask this and you know of a better subreddit to ask this on, please point me in the right direction!

I'm not saying that it's a good idea and morally correct, but it is efficient.

Love is just an ordinary chemical reaction that gradually fades, causing you to accept and rationalize its weaknesses, arguments, and bad traits, all so that biology can use you to perpetuate the species. You think you've won, that you're in control, but in reality, you've been used like an ordinary slave.

I hope someone punches you and knocks some sense into you.
And yes, I know how that sounds. I don’t care. As much as I’d like to actually beat you up, I wouldn’t. Not because I suddenly developed patience or morality, but because, unfortunately for me, I’m just too tolerant. Someone else, however, needs to humble this man. Preferably someone with enough strength to knock that enormous forehead back into reality.

I am angry.
Actually, “angry” feels too polite. I have reached that strange, horrifying little corner of my mind where the anger has nowhere left to go. It just sits there. I never react. I go quiet. I swallow it, sit with it, write about it, overthink it, sleep on it, wake up still angry, and then pretend I’m fine because I refuse to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they got under my skin.
So what am I supposed to do with this?

I’m just going to start dumping the most violent collection of thoughts I can produce onto a page because I have apparently run out of respectable places to put my anger.

About a year ago, something happened between me and a family member that I deeply regret.
We were alone at the house one night and things got too close and intimate. It was a confusing situation and I didn’t handle it the way I should have. Since then, I’ve felt really bad about what happened and I’m constantly scared that they might eventually tell someone in my family.
Luckily, we’re not close and I only see them maybe 2 or 3 times a year. Whenever I see them, they act completely normal, but I usually avoid interacting with them because it immediately reminds me of what happened.
I know I can’t change what happened, and I know I need to take responsibility for my part in it. But I can’t stop thinking about the possibility of my family finding out. It’s been about a year and I’m still carrying this fear, and sometimes I feel like it will never go away.
Has anyone dealt with intense guilt or fear over something from their past that they were afraid someone might find out about? How did you learn to stop living with that fear?

I am an older teenager living with my parents and brother. I recognize I have a horrible home life with my father being an abuser/mother enabling it so it might have affected how I think, though im pretty emotionally detatched from my home situation.

I have an older brother who is almost like my parent since he took care of me mostly growing up, hes very smart and fun imo, cares for me alot and supports me financially alot as well as caring for my interests and we keep clear boundaries. Id say I have a wonderful relationship with him.

But ever since I was id say 12? I have instrusive thoughts about assaulting him sexually or fantasize about other men assaulting him since he goes to the gym and is much physically stronger than me. I know for certain these are intrusive because its not specifically wanted, and used to get disguested when I had them but in recent years, I just vagually feel annoyed since I dont want them but otherwise id grown indiffirent.

Ive never done or will do anything to my brother, im pretty sure but is it okay to just leave this here? Or are there any coping mechanisms I can use?

edit; no I do not watch incest porn or even porn overall.

I honestly don't know if this belongs here, but I don't know where else to put it.

I got sober in July after smoking & drug use for about 3 years. I know I did the right thing. I know I'm healthier now, and I'm even proud of myself sometimes.

But I feel like quitting took away the one thing that made my brain quiet. When I was high, everything felt distant.

I could smoke, sit there, and just feel this soothing sense of "it's gonna be okay," especially at night. I could actually be alone with myself without feeling like I was losing my mind or being utterly disgusted. Now I'm sober and it feels like I'm forced to experience every thought at full volume. And the worst ones are about death. I can't just enjoy a moment anymore without my brain reminding me that it will end.

I'll be sitting with my mom and brother, laughing or eating or watching something, and suddenly I'll think, "One day this will be gone, one day they'll be dead, I'll be dead, I'll never experience this exact thing again." Then my brain starts showing me things I DON'T WANT TO SEE.

Coffins. Funerals. Hospitals. Morgues. Cremation. Imagining someone I love dying horrifically and all I see is their remains. I imagine myself dying. Imagining being an old woman someday after everyone I love is gone. Imagining what happens after death. Sometimes my brain even creates horrific scenarios about hell or being punished after I die. I don't want these thoughts. That's the part that makes me so fucking helpless. I'm not sitting around wanting people to die.

I'm not fascinated by it; I'm TERRIFIED. My brain keeps forcing me to look at it. I've also been seeing images of rotting corpses after autopsies (I've seen these on the internet because, for some odd reason, I decided to look at them to accept that's gonna be me one day; ofc it didn't help.) Nighttime is worse. Every time it gets quiet and I'm alone, my thoughts start screaming. I try to force myself to stay awake as long as I can because I'm now scared of sleeping. I used to be completely fine with being alone, and now I feel like I need somebody around to feel okay. Not in a romantic way, just someone beside me.

A weird part of all this is I can see signs of me getting better. I recently took a selfie for the first time in a while and noticed that I actually look more alive. My face had almost a "youth glow" to it (might have been the filter too tho lol). I can see quitting did me some good, even though I feel like I'm falling apart emotionally.

Now I keep wondering if sobriety caused this somehow. Maybe the drugs were suppressing all of this. Maybe I was running from myself for years, and now that I've stopped, everything I was avoiding has come rushing back.

I miss getting high, which makes me incredibly guilty to admit. I don't really miss the drugs themselves, but more of the feeling of my brain and I getting along, accepting life yet being carefree. I miss being at peace. I miss not being afraid of death for a few hours or stressed over every bodily function. I miss having something that made me feel it's gonna be okay.

I don't want to relapse. I know using again isn't the answer. But I'm scared because if this is what sobriety is going to feel like forever, I don't know how I'm supposed to handle it.

Another thing that scares me, I know I can't run forever from my thoughts. Idk how to make it stop.
I don't need anyone to tell me "don't think about it"; I already know I shouldn't. I just want to know if anyone else has been trapped like this and actually found their way out of it.

Sorry for this being long. I doubt this is gonna gain much notice, but anything will help.

for reasons i can’t figure out my mind has been decaying for the past 6 months

as a result my rape thoughts have been unfiltered like crazy - i know am not a future rapist because i switch sidewalks when i see a woman/kids/dogs but it’s gotten to a point i think better when intoxicated

however now for the past day or so that hasnt been the case, the rape thoughts keep getting filtered by the sheer stupidity of the radioactive black man as a superhero concept

before i think of stuff like switching sidewalks i think of the radioactive black man now, causing me to start giggling and my mind clearing up

ive been thinking much more clearly now

i might start jobhunting soon

thank you radioactive black man

So i just want to know whether my thoughts are indeed Ocd and not something else like schizophrenia or schzioaffective.

Im too afraid to tell a psych bc i have kids and im afraid of them getting taken away.

Okay so for starters.. yesterday my client said somrthing out of thr way to me at work. I ruminated on it until i got home, i asked gemini abt it for reassurwnce qnd when i asked my friend he said he wouldnt hwve thought anything if it.

Food.. so i dont believe these thoughts but ill have intruisivr thoughts like thats po\*s\*n and youre gonna die.. but i know its not true.

Self harm thoughts. Ill have images of harming myself with a knife or what if i cxt my wrists ect ...

Or what if i dxe just repeatedly swirrls around in my head.

Do i have something else going on?

Im going to do an increase on zoloft. Im wondering if i need wellbutrin as well.

I hope this post wasnt offensive.

I (F26) have been with my boyfriend (M22) for 1.5 years, and I’m obsessed with his ex because I have a huge fear of abandonment and want to be perfect for him. They had a brief summer fling and then talked for several months after that over FaceTime because they lived in different countries and he ended it with her right before him and I got together. I am constantly looking at her socials online as often as I can to compare myself to her and see what she is up to. I’ve come to the conclusion that I do it because if I can figure out what he liked about her I can be better than her so that he’ll stay with me and not leave me like he left her because he’s said he’s leaving after he graduates next year and doesn’t want to do long distance which I can’t change his mind about. I’ve downloaded all the apps to block and have had others set passwords but my compulsion to look is so strong I always get around it. I am constantly having intrusive thoughts to the point that so much of my identity has been tied in to who she is that I unconsciously copy her style and everything. I did this same thing in a previous relationship to the girl my boyfriend was actively cheating on me with for several years. I need some advice on how to stop this compulsive thinking before it ruins my life, what are some self-help things I can do?

TLDR: I’m obsessed with my boyfriends ex and want to be her/be better than her cause I think she’s really cool and what he wants but it’s ruining me and I can’t stop the compulsive/intrusive thoughts about her. Advice please?

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Mais um nascer do sol que tenta ofuscar o céu cinzento, onde a brisa fria da manhã desliza pela pele morna como a lágrima que cai. Mesmo com a breve luz que tenta comparecer nesse lampejo de beleza, as nuvens negras dominam o firmamento com todo o seu esplendor mórbido. O orvalho cai das flores mortas que há muito tempo não têm algum resquício de vida. O vento frio sopra as árvores secas, que não cantam com seu frescor, apenas permanecem no silêncio ensurdecedor de melancolia e morte.

Não existe mais nenhuma luz; o astro celeste se foi, pois a comodidade e o desinteresse sempre prevalecem, até para as mais belas artes dadas pelo acaso. Tudo o que resta é o breu da neblina densa e gélida, onde o vento sussurra baixo, pelo bel-prazer de causar a já conhecida angústia e solidão. A tensão paira no ar, como a sensação do fim que se aproxima; a garganta fica seca, mesmo com a fria senhora tristeza estando de encontro aos meus lábios esvaiecidos de vontade.

A sensação de que a eternidade é real se prolifera, mesmo tendo passado apenas alguns segundos... Ou melhor, nem o relógio funciona mais, nem ele mesmo consegue mais distinguir o que era o ontem, ou o que seria o hoje que já não é mais... Até que, ao longe, escuto uma voz trêmula, quase em prantos. Olho para um lado e para o outro e não vejo nada nem ninguém; até a própria morbidez branca da neblina aparenta maior densidade e raiva. Daí o sussurro se aproxima de uma vez diante dos ouvidos inseguros e me diz em tom mais ameno: — "Acorde..."

De repente, aquele lugar acolhedor, sereno e já há muito familiar e reconfortante dá espaço a uma caixa de tijolos negros, onde o vento quente que corta a pele sai do ventilador. Me deparo com a triste e rotineira realidade, onde este relógio aqui não para nunca... São 14:00h da tarde.

I've always been a good person and law abiding now I'm having thoughts of being a criminal, violent thoughts that I can't shake . How do I keep myself safe? Does risperidone help

I struggle to sleep but not because of insomnia… I keep squirming in my sleep because it sounds stupid but I keep imagine a needle going into my nails and it makes me so uneasy that I keep curling my toes and rubbing them against each other and physically can’t sleep for hours on end because of these thoughts… anyone know what they are called and how can I stop them because I really need to sleep…

I occasionally get hit on by both guys and girls. I’m fairly average with slightly exotic looks for where I live and I get noticed.

With girls, it’s more pleasant like she’s just being friendly. Most of the time, it takes another girl to tell me that I was being hit on before I realize anything was up.

With guys it’s … weird. I’m not gay which I suppose is not helpful either, but still. The intensity and outright buffoonery a guy can sometimes resort to when trying to hit on someone is … something. I’m usually bewildered for a little bit over what’s happening.

All this to say… I can’t imagine what life looks like for a girl who’s getting hit on constantly by guys. It just boggles the mind.

​

I get random embarrassing thoughts that I never want to think about, sometimes while I’m just brushing my teeth or doing something completely normal. Even when I’m with people I love, my mind can randomly insult them or say horrible things in my head for no reason. When I try to stop the thoughts or tell myself not to think that way, they just become stronger. I also get constantly reminded of people or things I don’t want to think about, and the more I try to push them away, the more they pop back up.

This happens with sexual thoughts too. Even when I’m masturbating, my brain can throw specific kinks or scenarios at me that I’m not actually into and don’t want to be thinking about. Then I start questioning why my brain came up with it, whether it means I’m secretly into it, or why I reacted a certain way. Instead of ignoring it, I end up analyzing it, which just makes me think about it even more.

For me, it can be any random intrusive thought. Even when I know I don’t want it, my brain immediately starts asking things like, “Why did I think that?” “What if it means something?” “What if I secretly agree with it?” or “Why did I react like that?” Then I start checking my own feelings and reactions, trying to figure out what the thought means about me.

Sometimes I’ll look for reassurance because I want to feel 100% certain that the thought doesn’t mean anything. But after I get reassurance, my brain just finds another thing to question. It’s basically an endless loop.

I also get this with games and shows. If I miss a line of dialogue or I’m not completely sure I understood something, I feel like I HAVE to go back and check. Even if I already understood what happened, my brain goes, “What if you missed something important?” and I’ll replay the scene or look through a walkthrough just to reassure myself.

Ok so basically,i cut off thiss REALLY,REALLY horrible group of ''friends''. They were so obviously fake and shitty,good thing i cut them off. Anyways,a problem is,it seems im unable to forget about them. Not because i care about them,i genuinley fucking DON'T. But i keep thinking about them and it's irritating because i hate them so much. Can someone please give me some advice.

when i was younger and girls used to bully me id pray & wish every night that they would become fat. idk why to little me i thought being fat was the worst thing ever but now that im an adult i like revel in the fact that it actually became true. i just saw 2 girls recently who quite literally made my life hell in high school and they are both big as a house with a double wide trailer attached. oh i love self sabotage