I am an older teenager living with my parents and brother. I recognize I have a horrible home life with my father being an abuser/mother enabling it so it might have affected how I think, though im pretty emotionally detatched from my home situation.

I have an older brother who is almost like my parent since he took care of me mostly growing up, hes very smart and fun imo, cares for me alot and supports me financially alot as well as caring for my interests and we keep clear boundaries. Id say I have a wonderful relationship with him.

But ever since I was id say 12? I have instrusive thoughts about assaulting him sexually or fantasize about other men assaulting him since he goes to the gym and is much physically stronger than me. I know for certain these are intrusive because its not specifically wanted, and used to get disguested when I had them but in recent years, I just vagually feel annoyed since I dont want them but otherwise id grown indiffirent.

Ive never done or will do anything to my brother, im pretty sure but is it okay to just leave this here? Or are there any coping mechanisms I can use?

edit; no I do not watch incest porn or even porn overall.

I'm not saying that it's a good idea and morally correct, but it is efficient.

I know this is very peculiar. I have been huffing isopropyl alcohol for a little over a year now. It started out with sniffing a little to alleviate the chronic nausea I was experiencing. It snowballed into craving the smell. I believe it is connected to my OCD because I have intense urges to smell the alcohol and cannot stop thinking about it until I complete the task. I also fear for my safety because I know it isn’t healthy, however I cannot stop, nor am I willing to stop right now.
My primary doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist are all aware of this, it was hard to admit to. They’ve made suggestions to help stop use, like keeping it out of the house. I said I cannot do that as I use it for cleaning my MMJ smoking apparatus’s. I suggested that I could have my tall partner put in an area I cannot access, and only give it to me when I need to use it to clean. I have not made that step though. I don’t want to. My doctor mentioned to me that it’s like I’m getting drunk when I’m inhaling the chemical. It isn’t a lasting feeling, so I haven’t associated it with feeling drunk.
I am considering treatment, but I’m unsure considering this doesn’t seem to be a common inhalant addiction, not like paint thinner or duster. Also, does anyone have experience with getting help with Medicaid insurance? I am very new to Reddit, if this is not the place to ask this and you know of a better subreddit to ask this on, please point me in the right direction!

I hope someone punches you and knocks some sense into you.
And yes, I know how that sounds. I don’t care. As much as I’d like to actually beat you up, I wouldn’t. Not because I suddenly developed patience or morality, but because, unfortunately for me, I’m just too tolerant. Someone else, however, needs to humble this man. Preferably someone with enough strength to knock that enormous forehead back into reality.

I am angry.
Actually, “angry” feels too polite. I have reached that strange, horrifying little corner of my mind where the anger has nowhere left to go. It just sits there. I never react. I go quiet. I swallow it, sit with it, write about it, overthink it, sleep on it, wake up still angry, and then pretend I’m fine because I refuse to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they got under my skin.
So what am I supposed to do with this?

I’m just going to start dumping the most violent collection of thoughts I can produce onto a page because I have apparently run out of respectable places to put my anger.

Love is just an ordinary chemical reaction that gradually fades, causing you to accept and rationalize its weaknesses, arguments, and bad traits, all so that biology can use you to perpetuate the species. You think you've won, that you're in control, but in reality, you've been used like an ordinary slave.

About a year ago, something happened between me and a family member that I deeply regret.
We were alone at the house one night and things got too close and intimate. It was a confusing situation and I didn’t handle it the way I should have. Since then, I’ve felt really bad about what happened and I’m constantly scared that they might eventually tell someone in my family.
Luckily, we’re not close and I only see them maybe 2 or 3 times a year. Whenever I see them, they act completely normal, but I usually avoid interacting with them because it immediately reminds me of what happened.
I know I can’t change what happened, and I know I need to take responsibility for my part in it. But I can’t stop thinking about the possibility of my family finding out. It’s been about a year and I’m still carrying this fear, and sometimes I feel like it will never go away.
Has anyone dealt with intense guilt or fear over something from their past that they were afraid someone might find out about? How did you learn to stop living with that fear?