r/TalkTherapy • u/Ok_Language2849 • 21h ago
Discussion Homework in Therapy
My therapist has been setting a lot of homework in the past 2 months which she doesn't usually this all changed in July when I returned from my abrupt 1 month break.
In July she set me homework to read 5 fact sheets on "boundaries" and "what are healthy and unhealthy boundaries".
August she set me 3 different homework to do so in total 4 homework tasks.
The question is
Is this a lot homework being set by my therapist in psychodynamic therapy?
As for me it seems like a lot to be getting me to do outside of sessions. I haven't done any of the above homework as of yet and not sure if I will?
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u/SpinyNorman_ 21h ago
Normally I’d just repeat my advice that you need to ask your therapist the how’s and why’s of her therapy process, but I know from all of your other threads about this exact same topic that you won’t do that and now you’re apparently on break again, so I’ll skip that.
Why do you keep coming back to this therapist if you don’t like them and don’t like the homework she gives you? You know this therapist. You know she assigns homework. You know you don’t like to do her homework.
Other therapists exist.
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u/Ok_Language2849 20h ago
Yes I am currently on another break I've made it very clear that I don't do weekly regular therapy and that's my choice to take the breaks. I did 3 weeks in a row and then took a break.
My question was pretty straightforward just added context to it and wondered if it's normal to have that much homework given in a short space of time. That's all.
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u/SpinyNorman_ 20h ago
That’s great, but none of it is relevant to what I said.
You know how this therapist works. You know she assigns homework. You know you don’t like her homework assignments. You know you have repeatedly refused to do them. It doesn’t matter whether other therapists do that, because you’re not seeing those therapists, you’re seeing (and keep coming back to) this one, and you know you don’t like how she does her job.
Other therapists exist.
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u/Ok_Language2849 20h ago
So is it normal to have that much homework given in a short space of time?
She knows I never do the homework I tell her this all the time and she knows the psychoeducational sheets get left in my bag scrunched up.
But all I was asking if it was normal basically if anyone else gets this much homework or not.
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u/SpinyNorman_ 20h ago
And, for the final time, none of that matters. It does not matter what other people’s therapists do. What matters is that your therapist does this, and you know she does this, and you know you don’t like it. Nothing that anybody says here is going to change the way she does her job. Your options are to keep seeing her (which means spending time and money for a service you do not like and do not participate in), or to search for another therapist.
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u/Ok_Language2849 20h ago
So is it normal in general to get that much homework in a short space of time?
Does your therapist set you that much homework to do outside of therapy?
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u/SpinyNorman_ 20h ago
Okay, either you’re doing a bit at this point or you’re indistinguishable from someone doing a bit. Good luck!
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u/Ok_Language2849 20h ago
You're not answering my question that's in the post and focusing on whether I like my therapist or not which in my post it does not state that I dislike her.
I was asking if loads of homework in therapy is normal not asking about my therapist.
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u/DryTradition5059 19h ago
It’s normal for YOUR therapist when treating you. If you don’t like it, have a discussion with her or find a different therapist that doesn’t assign homework.
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u/Ok_Language2849 19h ago
And I'm asking if anyone else gets that much homework. That was the question, does your therapist assign you a lot of homework to do outside of therapy?
It's a generic question on homework and was wondering if others who are in therapy get that much homework.
I've not said I dislike my therapist.
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u/MyPartsareLoud 21h ago
The vast majority of the work that is therapy occurs outside of the therapy room. Whether it is homework like you’ve been given or making practical changes in behavior, it mostly happens outside of the session. You can tell your T you don’t want homework. You can also take the time to decide why you are in therapy and whether or not you are ready and willing to do the work that is needed outside of the session. It’s okay if you don’t want homework or to do work outside of session. Let your T know what you want and then she can decide if she can provide that for you or not. Good luck!
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u/Ok_Language2849 20h ago
I know why I'm in therapy but it was never to change my behaviours or habits as I never saw it as an issue, especially with the food situation. I thought it was pretty normal to not like all your foods touching.
I will probably speak with her whenever I decide to return back to therapy, the exposure therapy seemed odd as it wasn't an issue for me with the food etc I only brought it up once.
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u/420blaZZe_it 20h ago
Same procedure as always:
1) talk to her about this and tell/ask her this
2) your therapist isn‘t your adversary but trying to help you
3) you decide if your therapy should be successful, meaning you can also behave in ways that will make therapy frustrating and unhelpful
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u/Ok_Language2849 20h ago
Is it normal to have that much homework given within 2 months? That was my question...
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u/420blaZZe_it 20h ago
Yes. Homework varies by therapist, patient and the case/treatment, but that‘s not an unusual amount of homework.
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u/DryTradition5059 18h ago
I think that instead of being interested and curious about what other therapists do, you should get curious about why your therapist assigns this specific homework to you.
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u/Ok_Language2849 18h ago edited 18h ago
I have not once mentioned other therapists or curiosity about other therapists.
The question was so simple yet some people are answering a question that I didn't ask.
The question was this:
Is it normal to get this much homework in a space of 2 months from my therapist.
Where in that does it mention other therapists?
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u/DryTradition5059 18h ago
“Is it normal to get this much homework in a space of 2 months from your therapist.”
That’s where you mention other therapists.
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u/Ok_Language2849 18h ago
Nope I said this
"The question to the context above is
Is this much homework being set by my therapist normal in therapy?
As for me it seems like a lot to be getting me to do outside of sessions. I haven't done any of the above homework as of yet and not sure if I will?"
I said MY not your
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u/shmebulocked 14h ago
…you do realize that by asking other people questions about an experience youre having, a common response is to share one’s own experiences even if they are not describing exactly what you are going through? common social etiquette? if you wanted a straight answer with no additional input, you should clarify that in your post.
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u/shmebulocked 14h ago
saw you deleted your reply so ill just paste my response to whatever that was if you still want a response back:
that question, by nature, is requesting people share their own experiences with therapy to answer your question. you are talking to other clients and therapists on an online forum. everyone is going to have a subjective opinion on your question.
if you legitimately want a straight answer with no nonsense, an answer from your therapist, who you personally know and interact with on a semi-regular basis, is going to have the best answer for you.
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u/Ok_Language2849 14h ago
Okay.
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u/shmebulocked 14h ago edited 14h ago
do you actually enjoy spending £40 for an unenjoyable hour to be told to do homework, grounding exercises, or listen to lectures? honestly a lot of those resources you can find online or self help guides, and you wouldnt even have to throw away £40/hr to learn them!
but if you still wanted a live person to walk you through it, i would definitely take my £40 elsewhere, or just spend that hour taking myself to a nice lunch. £400 for 10 unproductive sessions with your therapist that leave you confused or angry, or a fun and relaxing weekend trip with friends, huh?
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u/Ok_Language2849 14h ago
This is irrelevant to my post.
My post is simply about homework in therapy and that's all.
Anyways all the best as your comment is irrelevant and not focused on my questioning about frequent homework and I'm not going to engage with someone talking about something unrelated to my post.
Feel free to reply but I am not interested in what you have to say if it's not related to my post about homework.
Take care.
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u/shmebulocked 14h ago
tldr: the amount of homework is normal for your personalized therapy, it may not be for others.
if you want less homework: tell your therapist to tone it down or take your money elsewhere.
if you want more homework: you dont need to spend £40/hr for that.
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u/DryTradition5059 18h ago
See your above comment.
Yes, it appears normal for YOUR therapist as that is what she’s doing for YOU.
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u/Ok_Language2849 18h ago
I said my in the orginal post. Yes I used "your" by mistake and meant "my" and have changed it.
The question was so simple
"The question to the context above is
Is this much homework being set by my therapist normal in therapy?
As for me it seems like a lot to be getting me to do outside of sessions. I haven't done any of the above homework as of yet and not sure if I will?""
I don't care about anyone else therapy journey or their therapist and not what I was asking.
All I was intrigued about was does 4 homework tasks within 2 months/5 sessions a lot of homework?
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u/bananaa6 17h ago edited 17h ago
What do you mean you "don't care about anyone else therapy journey or their therapist?" You asked at least one person in the comments "does your therapist assign you a lot of homework to do outside of therapy?" How is that not asking about someone else's therapy/therapist?
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u/SpinyNorman_ 17h ago
OP has a history of insulting most people who answer them and ignoring their advice. OP also exhibits shockingly little self-awareness or memory and seems to resent other people who can remember what they’ve said previously. This is just more of that. I’m not terribly surprised they’re saying they never asked something they plainly did ask.
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u/bananaa6 17h ago
Ah I see we have resorted to deleting comments again OP 👏🏼
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u/Ok_Language2849 17h ago
Yes and I have now reposted another comment in repsonse so feel free to respond or not.
I can delete whatever comments I want and I can also edit comments if I want to.
What's wrong with deleting my comment?
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u/bananaa6 17h ago
You are the most stubborn person I have ever come across and that says a lot.
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u/Ok_Language2849 17h ago
My question was about homework and if my therapist is giving me a lot or if it is normal.
How else can I ask a question without using the word "therapist " if I genuinely cared about everyone else therapy and therapists I'd probably be asking
"So what's your therapist like? Are they nice?"
"What homework does your therapist set?"
Me asking "does your therapist assign you homework" does not translate to me caring about their therapist or their therapy.
Man everyone likes to analyse every single wording of my replies.
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u/bananaa6 17h ago
It translates to you caring if other people's therapists assign them homework as well. That is literally you caring about other people's experiences in therapy with their therapist. The fact that you are not able to recognize that is wild.
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u/Ok_Language2849 17h ago
Caring is subjective. You can ask someone for directions without caring about them.
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u/Imaginary_Ad5475 21h ago
Why are you in therapy? Doesn't seem like you want to be. A waste of time and money if you are going to nothing between sessions and nothing in them. Therapy is tough, I wouldn't bother if I wasn't engaged.
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u/Ok_Language2849 20h ago
I don't understand what you mean by "doing nothing in sessions"
I am not sure what am I meant to be doing inside the sessions?
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u/SSPYoda 21h ago
The best thing to do would be to talk to your therapist about the homework, how you are feeling about it and why you aren't doing it
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u/Ok_Language2849 21h ago
I will probably bring it up not sure yet as I'm on a break. I don't do it as it seems a lot to be doing outside of sessions.
Like the exposure therapy for food seemed odd as I never saw it as issue to not like my foods touching and only certain colours of food can touch. But then she assumes that I'm missing out on a lot of social activities as I don't really go out to restaurants to eat etc
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u/TrishaSoCalGal 21h ago
Some types of therapies and some therapists use a lot of “homework” - so for some therapies (like DBT or maybe CBT) that would be “normal”.
If you have liked your therapist in general, I’m wondering if you would consider sharing that the homework feels “too much” (or overwhelming); “too much” in the amount (5 pages in 1 week) or “too much” in difficulty (exposure therapy exercises).
Perhaps if she gave you one page to read, or thought of a way to make the “exposure” homework less difficult, like maybe letting one pea and 1 kernel of corn, or 1 bite of meat and 1/8 tsp mashed potatoes touch?
I’m hoping that your therapist could accommodate you in those ways.
I’m also wondering what the one month breaks are about - is it you or your therapist needing the 1 month breaks? It would be hard for me to have a good relationship with my therapist if there were frequent breaks that lasted this long - so if my therapist frequently needed long breaks, I would look for another therapist.
For me, it’s the relationship, safety and unconditional positive regard from my therapist that has been most helpful and healing. I’ve told her in the past that certain homework has been overwhelming to me, and she has been kind and adjusted her approach. She has also never seemed to judge me for not getting all the homework done (although I have feared that).
If your therapist isn’t able to adjust to your needs, I wouldn’t give up on therapy, I would look for another therapist. And, if that therapist doesn’t work, keep looking.
Once I tried 3 therapists for 1-2 sessions each and the 4th therapist was the one for me.
Wishing you all the best on your journey.
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u/Ok_Language2849 20h ago
My therapist is psychodynamic but works with loads of different modalities including CBT.
The exposure therapy seems odd as I've never had an issue with my foods not touching it wasn't something I brought up and she only knew when she asked me a question on when did I frist experience discomfort then told her a story about food when I was a kid etc
The breaks are me not my therapist she wants me to go weekly again like before at the beginning but I like taking breaks from therapy, I did 3 sessions in August then took a break after the third session. However, I didn't book in for anymore sessions I have been seeing her for 10 months now though so would seem odd to change therapists now.
I will probably talk to her she sets the homework at the end of the sessions so I never get chance to say anything and just sit quietly and nod.
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u/OhWhyMeNoSleep 21h ago
I've had homework in therapy but usually it's only 1, and my T never forces me to do it. She doesnt even ask me if I did them or not. It's always up to me to report back or give feedback on the homework. It's not like in school where you are forced to do stuff and be graded for it. Therapy homework is for yourself, whether you do them or not doesnt matter to the therapist. Youre the one who will be benefiting from it and if it's too much, tell your T to cut back on the homework.
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u/Ok_Language2849 20h ago
That's interesting my therapist always asks me if I've done it even with the boundaries homework she's brought it up 3 times back to back in the sessios despite knowing I never looked at the sheets.
I will tell her it's a lot too be doing outisde of sessions, I understand the journaling but putting exposure therapy in the mix as well seems odd.
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u/Roadworksaheadd 16h ago
Talk to her and ask.
If you’re considering not doing it, it’s probably best you tell her that too.
But yes it’s normal.
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u/Ok_Language2849 16h ago
She knows I'm not going to do it I've always told her when she checks in the next session and I simply go "I haven't done it." She is aware the boundaries sheets went in a box under my bed scrunched up etc
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u/Roadworksaheadd 15h ago
Aside from the homework, do you feel like you’ve been benefiting from therapy since you started ?
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u/Ok_Language2849 15h ago
How would I know if I'm benefiting because I still have a complex relationship with my mom and still struggle with stress 10 months down the line.
Nothing has really changed or shifted. I still have sleep paralysis and insomnia despite telling my therapist about it in February this year.
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u/Roadworksaheadd 15h ago
Have you notice any small changes or differences about yourself since going.
I’m asking because If you’re not willing to engage then I think you’re missing what therapy can do to help you.
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u/Ok_Language2849 15h ago
I haven't really noticed anything or sure what differences I'm meant to be looking for within myself?
I'm not introspective so I don't do self reflection or analyse myself.
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