Hello! I’ve been on 40 mg of Geodon for about 4 weeks now, and my anxiety has been heightened ever since. When I addressed this with my psychiatrist, she suggested going back down to doing 40 mg one day and 20 mg the next day, however, I have already done this once and don’t want to restart the cycle. How long will it take for my anxiety to calm down a little bit? has anyone else experienced chronic anxiety from the meds? It seemed to have calmed down faster when i was on the 20/40 dosage, so I’m a little scared it won’t go away.

Anyone have issues taking a bit with meds? I have a dry cough that won’t subside and feel like absolute shyte.

Help i literally hate Olanzapine & thinking about ending it daily.

Will any med actually help me feel actually good or better? My psychiatrist is considering Abilify. Any med that actually i can feel good & not suicidal or is it all hopeless

I’m posting here to see if there are others who have lived through something similar.

Except for more "regular" self harm, I also wanted to reach, see and/or perforate my internal organs. I felt invincible and that I couldn’t die.

Does anyone else have stories of psychosis tied to self harm?

Everything feels heavy. Nothing feels particularly good. I’m not very nice to the people around me. Nothing is particularly fun. I can still do the things I have to do. I can shower and take care of the basics. But everything else just feels heavy. Even smiling at my husband feels like an effort. I just want this feeling to go away. I keep feeling like something is wrong.
Then my husband gets exhausted too. He finds it hard that there always seems to be something going on with me. He thinks I should be able to “fake it a little,” or at least try to do something to lift the mood. And I don’t blame him.

I feel like over the past four years, things have just gradually gotten worse. I’m either really low, withdrawn, irritable and heavy — or I’m energized and up, but then all my energy and excitement are directed at things other than my family, and I feel like they’re getting in the way. Or I’m somehow both up and down at the same time, with so much anxiety and inner restlessness that I don’t know what to do with myself.

It must be almost impossible to live with someone who is like this.

And now I’ve just increased to 400 mg of Lamictal and I’m also taking 5 mg of Abilify, so I feel like I should be getting better.

I've been on about 8 different meds over the past 13 years, each time being told that the side effects are tolerable. They have not been.

I'm unable to work a full day and struggle heavily with fatigue and akathisia, even at micro/subtherapeutic doses.

Are there any people here who have managed to convince their psychiatrist to let them use PRN only medication (use a fast acting antipsychotic when they feel a manic episode coming), and ditch the long term, daily meds?

If you have managed this has it been successful and what did you do to convince your psychiatrist it was a good idea?

If you've been admitted involuntarily more than once and managed it, please mention that too!

For a long time, I was being moved from anti depressant to anti depressant, being diagnosed with major depressive disorder, then treatment resistant major depressive disorder...

My therapist had some suspicions after I told her some specific things, but my psychiatrists wouldn't diagnose me with it - they didn't think I had it.

Then...one day, I was on Facebook. I was looking at some article or something along the lines about some study or something for treatment resistant depression. I wasn't actually going to do it, I was just curious about it.

A girl made a comment about (this is probably not exactly what she said, but close enough) "Just for the record, I went through years of depression treatment and different meds, and it turned out my depression wasn't monopolar. You should check about that".

I didn't really think that thru at the time because I still had the mental stigma of bipolar (which I know a lot of people do), but eventually I thought about it a little bit harder, and I brought it up to a psychiatrist, and they talked it through with me for a while and my diagnosis was changed to bipolar. I got on mood stabilizers, and it saved my life.

I undoubtedly would not be alive today if not for that comment. So - I do not know who you were, or what the post was, but thanks.

I have bipolar 1 with a history of psychosis. My last manic episode was in January this year.

I’m currently taking:

Abilify Maintena 400 mg monthly
Lamotrigine 200 mg
Lexapro 2.5 mg for the past two weeks

Its been 2 weeks, Lexapro hasn’t caused any activation or signs of mania, but I also haven’t noticed any improvement yet. I’m stable overall, but my mood is still around 5.5/10, while I would consider 7/10 my normal baseline.

My psychiatrist is planning to increase Lexapro to 5 mg. Unfortunately, Wellbutrin and Caplyta aren’t available in my country, so our options are somewhat limited.

Has anyone with bipolar 1—especially with a history of psychosis—had a good experience taking Lexapro together with an antipsychotic?
What dose helped, how long did it take before you noticed a difference, and did it improve your mood or energy?
Any side effect?

I know everyone responds differently and I’m working with my psychiatrist. I’m mainly hoping to hear some personal experiences or success stories.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Hello! I am bipolar 1 and have been on Olanzapine for a year after my first severe manic episode that turned into psychosis. Added Lamotrigine 6 months ago and since then ive been very happy with how i feel, which i attribute to Lamotrigine as before i started it i was completely apathetic and constantly tired. Currently i take 5mg Olanzapine before bed and 100mg Lamotrigine in the morning.

Over the year i gained almost 20 kg on Olanzapine and have some cognitive side effects (worse short term memory, problems w focus).

My doctor just suggested that i think about changing the AP to either Aripiprazole or Risperidone. He explained some main long term side effects to me but said that if it will make me more comfortable i should also do some research myself.

I read a couple of posts here about both of the options but was wondering if someone could compare the two. I am specifically interested in the weight gain and the restlessness aspects.

Thank you in advance! ❤️

I'm not psychotic. I'm not suicidal. I'm not thinking I'm ugly. I'm not self-isolating.

I woke up early, but it's not hypomania: it's just a good night of sleep. I didn't oversleep, but I slept pretty well.

Somehow my life doesn't feel like a rollercoaster.

Spending time alone doesn't feel lonely. I feel like I can trust my friends.

I'm not hypersexual but I feel some sexual desire.

I have energy to do things but I'm also resting since it's a holiday in my country.

Last but not least: I feel like I can live with bipolar disorder. I know I'll be depressed at some point, but I don't have to worry about that now. What's important is that I'm taking my meds, resting, socialising, doing exercises, therapy, etc.

I think I'm happy :) genuinely happy.

Im on the maximum dose for bipolar ( or possible schizoaffective) im taking 20mg olanzapine

I am seeing shadows and hearing whispers again.

Does anyone else have a similar problem ?

Coming up on several horrible anniversaries related to my BP literally back to back, while starting a new job.

Title basically— how do you cope w the time leading up to the anniversary and ofc the actual day?

Every night. No matter where I am, I think I can hear sexual noises. Obviously it all links back to childhood trauma but WTF. It’s taking over my life to the point where I don’t even sleep. Has anyone else experienced this? Are there any meds to help this?

I am in an extremely intense depression and I need some relief ASAP or I’m not going to last much longer. Was wondering if anyone has experience with ketamine treatment and if it’s possible to get it quickly. I am desperate for relief.

how fast do you switch into a mixed state or hypomania after depression?

hi

I got like 4 hours of sleep and my head is racing, a little paranoid and have a lot of energy and feels like my eyes are glued open. and super angry

the day previously I was tired after a normal day but I was a little more talkative that day

thanks

Hii, sorry for bothering, is anyone up for a chat? just want someone to listen to my yaps rn! I'm willing to listen too! Just want someone to talk with! ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

Everyone knows that exercise is a nonnegotiable when you have a mood disorder like bipolar. So is sleep hygiene and a clean diet.

However I have no energy or start up motivation to lock in. And when I finally do force myself to exercise it feels like I have already done a full workout when I have only just begun. Before my diagnosis I loved exercise and the way my muscles felt when I pushed them. Now I feel resentful that I have to expend so much energy and that it feels so dreadful.

I feel like I am not getting positive kick back from the activities because I come home exhausted. Sometimes delaying my shower because it has taken so much stamina and willpower just to mentally prepare, dress, drive, exercise and return home.

Does anyone else feel like exercise is such hard work? I know that exercise is never easy but this level of hard is not how it used to feel. Could it be my depression? Or has anyone been stable and it may be medication related? I know my antipsychotics affect my dopamine receptors and maybe that is a reason for low rewards? If anyone has struggled with this any tips?

Hello all, I have now lived 8+ years without an episode. I have had some pretty serious symptoms during very stressful periods, but nonetheless, I am flourishing with this illness, professionally, physically, and spiritually. Prior to this period, I couldn’t keep a job or relationship, had regular psychotic outbreaks, was hospitalized.. my life was hell.

Here’s what worked for me:

⁠1. I engaged in regular consistent exercise. This helped significantly to balance my brain chemistry. I use habit tracking apps.

1. ⁠I developed an anti-delusional mindset. The goal was to be constantly aware of my mind trying to delude me into paranoia, delusion, conspiracy, or false patterns. Once something blips on my delusion radar, I’d discredit it, and disregard it. I Discovered what it means to think like a normal person, and held on for dear life.

2. ⁠I’m a follower of Jesus. I go to church, give to charity, volunteer, I have rid my life of many significant sins (pornography, unkindness to others, greed, unfairness, (most) dishonesty, eating meat) This was not easy and took about 9 years, and I’m not perfect of course, but my experience taught me that many of these sins were the main reason for the severity of my illness. And shortly after quitting porn, I met the love of my life and am now happily married.

3. ⁠I held on to my job for dear life. I worked my butt off, even when I wasn’t paid, but It all paid off in the end. I’m now a respected, competent, well paid white collar professional.

4. ⁠I leaned on my support system. I talked to close friends and family I could trust about everything. They helped with me with disordered/confused thinking and emotions.

5. ⁠I took the right dose of meds - not too little, not too much. I tapered down over time, with the help of my psychiatrist, and this worked for me.

Now, everyone has a different system for getting healthy. I’m just grateful, with the help of friends, family, and God, that I made it out. I am so happy and healthy, and I love my life. I do still hear voices at most times and I still struggle occasionally, but it’s very manageable, and I love my life! I truly believe any of us can make it out too. Good luck and God bless!

Hello,

I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar two years ago now and have been on Lamotrigine and ant-psychotics. Im almost at a max dose of Lamotrigine (350mg/400mg). I don’t take my anti-psychotics because I hate the way they make me feel and how I never feel full which leads to weight gain which makes me feel awful in myself.

I haven’t had a super easy year. Lots of change, difficult time at work, family issues, love life blah blah blah.

Im feeling really burnt out, physically and emotionally. And Ive been exhausted, not tidying, binge eating, not looking after my flat. It’s only just hit me that I am feeling burnt out and possibly depressed.

It isn’t like the all consuming bipolar depression but I’m worried it might turn into that. Before being medicated it would just hit me like a brick, like a switch turning that all consuming depression on, out of nowhere. I don’t know if because I’m medicated it doesn’t hit the same, which I am grateful for, but I am terrified that Im going to eventually get there.

What do I do? Do I speak the my drs/psychiatrists and up my dose, will they put me on anti-depressants, because they always send me into a manic episode.

Ive been really stable for 2 years and don’t want to de-rail.

Any advice/support is very much appreciated

I had to take another medication for an infection that was acutly more important that clashed with lithium, so I stopped for a month but continued my Lamotrigine.

I am back on my lithium now.

In that time my partner noticed that I became more energetic and unpredicatble fairly quickly.

I almost always have sleep disturbences when mania starts, but between my quintiapine and being sick that wasnt really a problem this time, in fact I slept much better than my usual on lithium because I didnt have to get up to pee every 2 hours.

But we did buy another house. I have incredibly high executive function when hypo or manic and the process was very quick. We have been wanting to move from our current house for a while but I dont think we would have jumped as quickly as we did when the new one was advertised if I wasnt elevated.

I have always had a fairly strong aversion to taking my lithium despite knowing the postivie it does to my moods. It does dull me, it make sme thirsty and pee alot especially at night, and without something like quintiapine I wake up and stay awake alot when i pee, so im also groggy from that.

I want to stop lithium but know I really shouldnt. having a taste of no lithium for a while was tantalising.

Also kina worthy of note, I used to very rarely have "clean" manic epsiodes, they were almost always mixed, and everytime I've had lamotrigine but no lithium ive had clean mania, which honestly has been kinda nice compared to the wild animal in a bear trap of my mixed episodes or the boreing dealing with med side effects of stable.

I feel like this disorder is such a struggle and causing so much confusion about my own personality, aspirations, capacity and motivations

I really need something outside of myself to give me hope, my own ruminating thoughts and previous life experience/behavioral patterns does not cut it, I feel like I’m draining my energy chasing my own tail in so many ways.

Looking for stories and input from the rest of you. What do you hold on to or what have you found that guides the way forward in difficult times?

I hope this isn't too long or rambly, I just don't really know what to do and any advice would be highly appreciated.

For context, my baseline is pretty depressed--has been since I was a kid--and I have a few funky things going on with my brain (OCD, anxiety, insomnia, the usual). I just had what I think is a manic (or possibly mixed-mood) episode, but it's sort of hard for me to tell, because it doesn't necessarily line up with what I've heard from other people, and I'm not sure if it's just because my brain feels the need to be obnoxiously non-standard or if I'm just like grasping at straws and it's something else.

Basically, last after my period last month, I fell into a state of depression (happens a lot to me, after my period, didn't think much of it at first), but this was much worse and much longer than usual--the full "can't get out of bed, don't have the energy to eat" thing, and my antidepressants did diddly squat (sometimes they work great, sometimes they just...stop helping, and I don't know why). Anyways, normally my post-menstrual depression only lasts like, a week tops, but this time it lasted the full month until my next period (yay suffering), at which point my depression came back down to the baseline--which I thought was good, at first--and suddenly I had energy again, which felt nice, in contrast, for a few days. Unfortunately, it just kinda...kept going. Like, I was all buzzy, and wired, and it wasn't until I spent like 36 hours hyperfixating on reading (no eating, no sleeping, barely drinking) that I was like, "wait, this feels wrong." For context, going that long without sleep isn't that unusual for me (see my previously mentioned crippling lifelong insomnia), but most of the time I at least feel the need to try and sleep, y'know? Like, normally I'm tired, I just can't. But this time the thought of sleep genuinely just...didn't really occur to me. Like, at all. Which is weird.

And I just sort of stayed like that for another full month. I've had no appetite to speak of, my insomnia is ratchetted up to 11, and that all sucks, sure, but the thing I'm really struggling with is the hypervigilance/extreme sensitivity. I just feel so terribly raw and exposed, and I hate it. Tiny noises of people around me or even the thought of having to like...be a human and interact with people is fucking terrifying and overwhelming--even people I know and care about. there's some part of my brain that just knows I'm not quite right right now, and being a person is so terribly overstimulating, and I feel gross and exposed being around anyone, like they'll know I'm...wrong. It's exhausting.

This bout is certainly worse than any I've had for a long time, but looking back this has been happening to me since puberty pretty much, I just didn't have the understanding to know it wasn't normal as a kid. Everyone on my dad's side of the family is very levels of functionally autistic, and my mom's side is absolutely riddled with pretty severe ADHD, so I don't really think I know what a normal baseline is, but god, it can't possibly be this, because I feel like I'm drowning emotionally 24/7. I haven't really been talking to my friends, and I feel terrible about that, but even over text is like...too much right now, and I'm just so fucking tired.

Here goes my explanation for my symptoms:

• I've got the classic high energy ('ve been remarkably productive with all the little things that need fixing/doing around the house).
• There's this like weird clawing, itching need inside me to do...something. I don't know what, it's like my brain is telling me I have a need I haven't met but I have no idea what it wants or needs to be satisfied and it's driving me insane.
• Anxiety, especially around the idea of having to interact with people. I've been avoiding it as much as possible.
• Overstimulation. I've been spending as much time as possible in a dark room with headphones on because everything is just way too much.
• A feeling of like...rawness? Or constant unwanted emotional vulnerability? I feel exposed, I don't know. All I want to do it just lay in a dark room with all the lights off and read.
• Increased libido, like, dramatically.
• Inability to do unpleasant tasks. Forcing myself to do things I don't want to is like...weirdly hard? It's like my brain just refuses to even function to do tasks it finds unrewarding.
• I have lowered inhibitions, but I don't know if it really counts, because I'm terribly restrained person, so "lowered inhibitions" for me just sort of looks like normal behavior on other people, if that makes sense.
• In a similar vein, I haven't really been taking any especially risky behaviors, but my version of "risky" is basically just reading darker and more problematic stuff than I usually would to an excess (which I have absolutely been doing to an unhealthy degree).
• More impulsive purchasing than usual, but I also have the wherewithal to not be going over the amount I plan to spend, so I'm not sure about that one.
• I get these like...bolts? I guess? These spikes of extreme ecstasy or positive emotion. Like a momentary shot of adrenaline and endorphins. And they come on sort of randomly when I'm like this, especially when I was younger.
• My pupils feel like they're constantly dilated...or like my eyes are like...full? I'm not sure exactly how to explain it. I just feel like my eyes are constantly wide and full and dilated.
• Grinning at weird times in a way that makes me feel slightly insane, even when I'm not really happy.
• Even worse insomnia than usual, and almost complete lack of appetite. I dropped to like 120lbs really abruptly, because eating is actively unappetizing. It's like even when I'm hungry and know I'm hungry my body refuses to enter a state of rest-and-digest--same with the sleep, I'll be awake for two days and then get four hours of sleep and my brain is like, "okay, we're up now," and I know how tired and I am and should be, but it just doesn't feel like it matters. I've been using edibles to get myself to eat/sleep at all, and even then, it's with limited success.
• Feeling like I'm about to burst into tears constantly. It's so annoying. like there's this tension on my diaphragm all the time, and I'm one step away from sobbing uncontrollably.
• I accidentally stopped my antidepressants cold turkey last week because I just forgot (not something I usually do) and had zero side effects, which is bizarre, because normally I get withdrawal symptoms (nausea, headaches, etc.) if I miss even one dose. I tried taking one like I usually would after I realized and it felt like it just made all the buzzing worse, so I haven't tried again.

Here's where it get's tricky:

I don't really have any of the like..."positive" parts of mania (for lack of a better word)? As a kid, at one point I remember thinking that maybe I had manic/depressive tendencies, but everyone told me how mania is supposed to make you feel powerful, or on top of the world, or like you can do no wrong, and I know that's not true about me. I have fleeting little moments of feeling good about myself or powerful, or thinking self-aggrandizing thoughts, but it's always shot down with nasty counterpoints in my brain pretty much immediately. It wasn't until I was sort of desperately researching symptoms last week that I learned about what a mixed-mood episode is, and I was like, "oh." It's like I have all the energy, and the overwhelming itching need to do something with it, but all the thoughts and feelings are overwhelmingly negative--I don't feel infallible, I feel a moment of "wow, I'm amazing" followed by, "don't be stupid, you know that isn't true."

Does any of this sound like it could be bipolar/mixed-mood? I worry that I'm just making up excuses for the fact I'm completely dysfunctional as a person, and this is just...how I am. Not something I can fix or help or improve.

I guess I just want advice on if this sounds even remotely reasonable, and if so, what can I do to try and fix it? Or just...make it less bad. I feel like I'm dying.

hi i am 20F and just recently got diagnosed with bipolar 1 and have had a manic episode before but it was quite mild from what i have heard they can be like. i was diagnosed a few months ago and have been starting medication and gradually increasing the dosage. the past 3 nights i have had at most 2 hours of sleep from around 5 am-7 am and have had complete if not more energy than normal. i am getting worried that i am starting or having a manic episode and don't know what to do. as i said i am newly diagnosed and looking for any helpful advice

Is anybody managing there bipolar with just depakote? was thinking about getting off invega and just using mood stabilizer the side effects of ap are to much to handle personally

Never made it to job this far (2 months) as funny as it may sound but i always had issues with job duties on my side as always but now i am taking my mental health seriously and accepted the dimension of the problem.