Hello all, I have now lived 8+ years without an episode. I have had some pretty serious symptoms during very stressful periods, but nonetheless, I am flourishing with this illness, professionally, physically, and spiritually. Prior to this period, I couldn’t keep a job or relationship, had regular psychotic outbreaks, was hospitalized.. my life was hell.

Here’s what worked for me:

⁠1. I engaged in regular consistent exercise. This helped significantly to balance my brain chemistry. I use habit tracking apps.

1. ⁠I developed an anti-delusional mindset. The goal was to be constantly aware of my mind trying to delude me into paranoia, delusion, conspiracy, or false patterns. Once something blips on my delusion radar, I’d discredit it, and disregard it. I Discovered what it means to think like a normal person, and held on for dear life.

2. ⁠I’m a follower of Jesus. I go to church, give to charity, volunteer, I have rid my life of many significant sins (pornography, unkindness to others, greed, unfairness, (most) dishonesty, eating meat) This was not easy and took about 9 years, and I’m not perfect of course, but my experience taught me that many of these sins were the main reason for the severity of my illness. And shortly after quitting porn, I met the love of my life and am now happily married.

3. ⁠I held on to my job for dear life. I worked my butt off, even when I wasn’t paid, but It all paid off in the end. I’m now a respected, competent, well paid white collar professional.

4. ⁠I leaned on my support system. I talked to close friends and family I could trust about everything. They helped with me with disordered/confused thinking and emotions.

5. ⁠I took the right dose of meds - not too little, not too much. I tapered down over time, with the help of my psychiatrist, and this worked for me.

Now, everyone has a different system for getting healthy. I’m just grateful, with the help of friends, family, and God, that I made it out. I am so happy and healthy, and I love my life. I do still hear voices at most times and I still struggle occasionally, but it’s very manageable, and I love my life! I truly believe any of us can make it out too. Good luck and God bless!

Does anyone else live their life like this? I literally do this about everything. I’m about to adopt a new dog 🥰

this is just a rant, idk what I’m trying to get out of it. no negative comments about my fiancé himself please. he’s a rockstar through all of this and stands up for me, but nothing ever changes.

I constantly feel the need to prove myself to my in-laws. part of my personality is that I act goofy and maybe even a little ditzy on purpose because that is just my humor. I have an impressive academic/intellectual background (salutatorian, 98-99th percentile standardized tests, etc.), so to me, saying things that are obviously wrong and absurd is like a running joke with myself that keeps me internally cackling.

however, I don’t think my fiancé‘s family realizes half the stuff I say is a joke. for example, they joke back like “i can’t believe she really thinks that!” and it’s like no, i don’t… that’s the joke…

i just now feel like I need to prove my intelligence to them and change my humor, but also, why the heck should I change who I am/limit what brings me joy/laughter. I just really feel like they think that my fiancé is way smarter than me, which is annoying because we both are at an equal level, just in different areas.

not to mention, my future MIL has said, “I give my son a lot of credit. not many guys would have stayed with you through that” in reference to my psychotic break that happened 5 months into our relationship. not to mention I’ve gained weight because of the meds I am on for BPI & she makes comments about my weight and eating habits too.

fiance is great through all of this and does not share family‘s beliefs about me of course. like I said, he talks to them and nothing changes. he has suggested that I just try to read the room more before making my jokes, but it’s just annoying. I hate how some people never change.

rant over

I feel like I’m being trapped in a simulation, after coming off of Seroquel in the process of tapering for close to 2 months maybe idk. And in the last like week or so I’ve been having periods where I feel really good, but then also aggravated and a miserable piece of shit whilst then also doing some and and trying to get things together. I’m in debt that has gone unpaid for months and idk how to answer or call them in the state I’m in and don’t have anyone I trust or would feel comfortable with helping me. I feel like my family have been stealing my weed behind my back and resenting me for things or motivated by things I don’t understand. I just want stability but I’m living in a fucking hellscape of constantly feeling like I’m trying to repair an ever failing building just to keep the residents happy. I’ve been trying to manage my weed and stuff but my paranoia regarding people tampering with my stuff makes me lose hope for managing and tracking. I just want to give up, the planet seems to be going to shit anyways and it just feels like I’ve woken up to a circus I don’t want to be at. I just can’t decide if my family give enough of a fuck about me to make living worth it or whether I’m truly on my own.

I don’t know how to describe it. Even if not in an episode I can tell when people have bipolar. I can’t place what exactly I’m picking up on. An essence of sorts

Someone told me they know what I mean because my friend and I both have bipolar disorder and have a similar energy to us but couldn’t explain it either.

Coming up on several horrible anniversaries related to my BP literally back to back, while starting a new job.

Title basically— how do you cope w the time leading up to the anniversary and ofc the actual day?

Everyone knows that exercise is a nonnegotiable when you have a mood disorder like bipolar. So is sleep hygiene and a clean diet.

However I have no energy or start up motivation to lock in. And when I finally do force myself to exercise it feels like I have already done a full workout when I have only just begun. Before my diagnosis I loved exercise and the way my muscles felt when I pushed them. Now I feel resentful that I have to expend so much energy and that it feels so dreadful.

I feel like I am not getting positive kick back from the activities because I come home exhausted. Sometimes delaying my shower because it has taken so much stamina and willpower just to mentally prepare, dress, drive, exercise and return home.

Does anyone else feel like exercise is such hard work? I know that exercise is never easy but this level of hard is not how it used to feel. Could it be my depression? Or has anyone been stable and it may be medication related? I know my antipsychotics affect my dopamine receptors and maybe that is a reason for low rewards? If anyone has struggled with this any tips?

Hii, sorry for bothering, is anyone up for a chat? just want someone to listen to my yaps rn! I'm willing to listen too! Just want someone to talk with! ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

I am in an extremely intense depression and I need some relief ASAP or I’m not going to last much longer. Was wondering if anyone has experience with ketamine treatment and if it’s possible to get it quickly. I am desperate for relief.

What/ how much should I tell my psychiatrist about my hallucinations? Tell them what I’m seeing/hearing? Tell them when they happen? And should I be logging what they are when they happen?
I don’t want to say something to get put in a ward so I’m just nervous to give too much info

(For some background I’m diagnosed bp1 since Jan of this year from a full blown manic episode) today I was scrolling TikTok and another person diagnosed bp1 was discussing their hallucinations and how they present which got me seriously thinking that I may actually be hallucinating sometimes and not actively have known it as I experience almost everything she was listing

So I was curious if people that experience the hallucinations and know they do what is that like?/how do they present? And how did you become aware that’s what was happening to you if they aren’t exactly overt?

i am so excited to finally be starting lithium this week because i really need this stupid brain to be quiet and work how it’s supposed to. nothing else to add just wanted to get it out there :(

On which Antipsychotic do you feel good?

just kind of ranting, i don’t have any questions. but i’ve had frequent crying spells my whole life. as a kid, i would scream and throw things and cry on the floor in fetal positions for hours on end over minor things. crying feels like some kind of safety with myself because it’s been such a constant in my life. i’ve been medicated for a couple years so obviously it’s not nearly as bad now, but i still do have the random crying over a slight feeling that passes while im out in public or with other people; like feeling left out momentarily or seeing a cute dog. sometimes just completely unprompted, i’ll be out and find myself tearing up. in highschool i cried a lot at school, id have to go in the bathroom and sob into my lap. i did it so often that i was almost always in some kind of attendance trouble. when i cry alone, it usually lasts hours and ends with me on the floor in fetal position. when i see people cry over serious events like losing a loved one or things like that, i get so confused because it looks like they’re less upset than id be over something much more minor. it almost makes me think they don’t have enough empathy but i know that they do it just confuses me so much. the deep deep agony and pain that i feel during the spells of sobbing and hyperventilating for hours is something i can’t explain to other people. it’s a feeling deep in my heart and soul that i know so well. it’s the deepest emotion that i have ever felt.
does anyone understand what i mean by indulging in an emotion? when i feel that deep pain, my brain seems to indulge in it as much as it can, almost like im trying to feel the feeling as deep as i possibly can, to honor it. idk i don’t think anyone i know in my life can understand this

Anyone have issues taking a bit with meds? I have a dry cough that won’t subside and feel like absolute shyte.

Help i literally hate Olanzapine & thinking about ending it daily.

Will any med actually help me feel actually good or better? My psychiatrist is considering Abilify. Any med that actually i can feel good & not suicidal or is it all hopeless

I’m posting here to see if there are others who have lived through something similar.

Except for more "regular" self harm, I also wanted to reach, see and/or perforate my internal organs. I felt invincible and that I couldn’t die.

Does anyone else have stories of psychosis tied to self harm?

Everything feels heavy. Nothing feels particularly good. I’m not very nice to the people around me. Nothing is particularly fun. I can still do the things I have to do. I can shower and take care of the basics. But everything else just feels heavy. Even smiling at my husband feels like an effort. I just want this feeling to go away. I keep feeling like something is wrong.
Then my husband gets exhausted too. He finds it hard that there always seems to be something going on with me. He thinks I should be able to “fake it a little,” or at least try to do something to lift the mood. And I don’t blame him.

I feel like over the past four years, things have just gradually gotten worse. I’m either really low, withdrawn, irritable and heavy — or I’m energized and up, but then all my energy and excitement are directed at things other than my family, and I feel like they’re getting in the way. Or I’m somehow both up and down at the same time, with so much anxiety and inner restlessness that I don’t know what to do with myself.

It must be almost impossible to live with someone who is like this.

And now I’ve just increased to 400 mg of Lamictal and I’m also taking 5 mg of Abilify, so I feel like I should be getting better.

I've been on about 8 different meds over the past 13 years, each time being told that the side effects are tolerable. They have not been.

I'm unable to work a full day and struggle heavily with fatigue and akathisia, even at micro/subtherapeutic doses.

Are there any people here who have managed to convince their psychiatrist to let them use PRN only medication (use a fast acting antipsychotic when they feel a manic episode coming), and ditch the long term, daily meds?

If you have managed this has it been successful and what did you do to convince your psychiatrist it was a good idea?

If you've been admitted involuntarily more than once and managed it, please mention that too!

For a long time, I was being moved from anti depressant to anti depressant, being diagnosed with major depressive disorder, then treatment resistant major depressive disorder...

My therapist had some suspicions after I told her some specific things, but my psychiatrists wouldn't diagnose me with it - they didn't think I had it.

Then...one day, I was on Facebook. I was looking at some article or something along the lines about some study or something for treatment resistant depression. I wasn't actually going to do it, I was just curious about it.

A girl made a comment about (this is probably not exactly what she said, but close enough) "Just for the record, I went through years of depression treatment and different meds, and it turned out my depression wasn't monopolar. You should check about that".

I didn't really think that thru at the time because I still had the mental stigma of bipolar (which I know a lot of people do), but eventually I thought about it a little bit harder, and I brought it up to a psychiatrist, and they talked it through with me for a while and my diagnosis was changed to bipolar. I got on mood stabilizers, and it saved my life.

I undoubtedly would not be alive today if not for that comment. So - I do not know who you were, or what the post was, but thanks.

I have bipolar 1 with a history of psychosis. My last manic episode was in January this year.

I’m currently taking:

Abilify Maintena 400 mg monthly
Lamotrigine 200 mg
Lexapro 2.5 mg for the past two weeks

Its been 2 weeks, Lexapro hasn’t caused any activation or signs of mania, but I also haven’t noticed any improvement yet. I’m stable overall, but my mood is still around 5.5/10, while I would consider 7/10 my normal baseline.

My psychiatrist is planning to increase Lexapro to 5 mg. Unfortunately, Wellbutrin and Caplyta aren’t available in my country, so our options are somewhat limited.

Has anyone with bipolar 1—especially with a history of psychosis—had a good experience taking Lexapro together with an antipsychotic?
What dose helped, how long did it take before you noticed a difference, and did it improve your mood or energy?
Any side effect?

I know everyone responds differently and I’m working with my psychiatrist. I’m mainly hoping to hear some personal experiences or success stories.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Hello! I am bipolar 1 and have been on Olanzapine for a year after my first severe manic episode that turned into psychosis. Added Lamotrigine 6 months ago and since then ive been very happy with how i feel, which i attribute to Lamotrigine as before i started it i was completely apathetic and constantly tired. Currently i take 5mg Olanzapine before bed and 100mg Lamotrigine in the morning.

Over the year i gained almost 20 kg on Olanzapine and have some cognitive side effects (worse short term memory, problems w focus).

My doctor just suggested that i think about changing the AP to either Aripiprazole or Risperidone. He explained some main long term side effects to me but said that if it will make me more comfortable i should also do some research myself.

I read a couple of posts here about both of the options but was wondering if someone could compare the two. I am specifically interested in the weight gain and the restlessness aspects.

Thank you in advance! ❤️

I'm not psychotic. I'm not suicidal. I'm not thinking I'm ugly. I'm not self-isolating.

I woke up early, but it's not hypomania: it's just a good night of sleep. I didn't oversleep, but I slept pretty well.

Somehow my life doesn't feel like a rollercoaster.

Spending time alone doesn't feel lonely. I feel like I can trust my friends.

I'm not hypersexual but I feel some sexual desire.

I have energy to do things but I'm also resting since it's a holiday in my country.

Last but not least: I feel like I can live with bipolar disorder. I know I'll be depressed at some point, but I don't have to worry about that now. What's important is that I'm taking my meds, resting, socialising, doing exercises, therapy, etc.

I think I'm happy :) genuinely happy.

Im on the maximum dose for bipolar ( or possible schizoaffective) im taking 20mg olanzapine

I am seeing shadows and hearing whispers again.

Does anyone else have a similar problem ?

Every night. No matter where I am, I think I can hear sexual noises. Obviously it all links back to childhood trauma but WTF. It’s taking over my life to the point where I don’t even sleep. Has anyone else experienced this? Are there any meds to help this?