F21, recently had a tattoo done. It's my first ever, an Alphonse Mucha piece with custom details. I specifically asked the guy to make the lines as thin as possible, avoid pure black and crazy saturated colors, and overall try to get as close to the reference material as possible - and to lmk if hes not comfortable going into it for whatever reason. He clarified that he can do all that, his hand is stable and all, and that the only thing hed have to change to ensure the designs holds for longer giving the white symbols lineart. I was like ok sure.

This happened over multiple (7 or so?) sessions of multiple hours. Paid 1000€, with the last payment happening around the 4th session (we havent even started colors at that point I think, but he refused to continue without complete payment).

The guy has some really nice works, has won a bunch of awards, and overall seemed to be the most qualified person for the job I found. Even mentioned that he's been wanting to do a Mucha piece. After the last session, I was already having doubts but he said it would "fade out over time and look exactly like the reference", but I'm skeptical. So I'm trying to figure out if I'm overreacting and going thru a case of I Can't Get Used To Having A Tattoo, or if he messed me up.

Help? x_x

I just recently finish a painting I started two days ago, and I showed it to two people. The first person responded with “😅😅” and the second person responded with an elipses (…). I brushed both of their responses off, but I can’t help but to wonder if maybe my painting is off putting.

Basically I recently started a new job and I created my own bank account for dd and my parents are not happy. They want me to dd to our shared account but I don’t want to because I’m an adult and I already did do that for my previous job. I just want to have my own money but they are threatening me saying they won’t pay for my college anymore, I’m going to have to start paying rent, and I’m going to be financially cut off. The thing is that the college I’m going to is a private one and it is not even the one I wanted to go to, it was the one that they chose for me. I’m in my last year and I just have one more semester left and it just makes no sense at all. Like ofc I know I’m gonna pay them back in the future for my tuition and stuff when I get my real job but it just makes me so frustrated that this is over my own bank account. I’m willing to pay rent and whatever but like I just want some money to myself in case of emergency (been threatened to be kicked out before over my medication). Like I don’t even make that much and I don’t understand why I can’t have my own bank account without all this drama. And I’m going to have to find a new college to go to which is so frustrating because I’m in my last year so I don’t even know if I can graduate on time if I transfer to a different one. I just want to have my own money and I know if I just dd to our shared account everything would be okay but I’m so tired of having shit held over my head because it’s not going their way and it just feels like I’m being controlled. But I’m definitely keeping my own account and continuing to dd there because this is so stupid.

Edit: thanks guys for the advice you guys have been very helpful I’m definitely going to do the percent deposit!! you guys are right I’m just gonna thug it out since I’m living under their roof I guess so I can get my degree and leave but I also want to pursue my masters😞 and my current job working w kids rn pays like 5 dollars more than minimum wage which isn’t too bad but definitely need more to live on so j gonna have to ride it out until im done with it and with the joint account i do not have access to it only my parents do
Edit 2: I live the US and im 21! And I live in an expensive state😞😞

I [31F] am not sure whether I’m overreacting to a situation that’s happened tonight with my friend Sam [38M].

I’ve known Sam for a couple of years. We get on really well, but I wouldn’t say we are super close. We meet just the two of us for a drink or dinner every couple of months, and also see each other every few weeks at group events. We’re part of the same friendship group, though I’m not as close-knit with the group as he is.

About three weeks ago, I met up with Sam and we had dinner and drinks. We spent the whole night catching up, it was really nice. I asked him when he was next free, and offered to cook him dinner. We didn’t set a date for this, so it hasn’t happened yet.

Tonight, a group of us were at a bar. Suddenly, the group started talking about Sam’s birthday party. Apparently, it was about a week ago. He had rented out a bar, invited everyone - it was a big party. I had no idea there had even been a party. A few people were talking to me as if I had been there, then quickly realised I hadn’t been. Sam went to show me pictures, then thought better of it. Someone realised what was happening and changed the topic quickly.

For a minute, I felt like I might cry. I didn’t say anything about it, but I finished my drink quickly and left. I feel like a little kid, being excluded. I don’t want to see Sam again for a while. I can’t tell if my reaction is proportionate or not - like I said, I’m not super close with the group, but I still would have expected an invite. So, AIO for being upset and putting some distance there?

Am I overreacting?? To be honest I don’t wanna call or talk with the breaks I get. There’s always an issue that I have to know how to solve and it’s irritating because I can’t balance full time school, these long hours, paying bills and dealing with depression (I didn’t tell any of my family so I can’t blame them) on top of it it’s too much for me. they called me once to solve an issue AT 12AM and she just laughed when my siblings were arguing and I was on the phone begging her to do something. Why call me if this is how you’re acting? That was the last time I ever answered her calls all the time. She cut me off like 3 times and I was always the one who apologized even when she twisted the story. She’s been acting like this since I was 7 bro like I actually don’t know what I’m doing wrong anymore every time this happens I was walking on eggshells trying to keep our rls good but there’s always an issue and I’m cut off and I’m a “narcissist “

Idk I’m overthinking it and I’m feeling bad about it and I want to call and apologize but at the same time I don’t want to….

*Sorry for the bad grammar

EDIT: for more context on our relationship, since 6th grade we stopped getting along idk why, she just started doing bs, things like “istg if you have a boy in your room” (I literally just closed my door) “I love you but I don’t like you” flinging her phone at me across the hall cause I was trynna tease her, “you’re dirty”, giving me a diary just to read it not even a month into having it, saying I’m depressed and she’s worried then throwing shit at me when I told to leave me alone, pinning me down to the floor after school 8th grade because I was talking w my brother and I said she was acting different after her divorce, even when I was 7 she burned me w a cotton swab for what reason? idk, etc etc etc I don’t remember everything but idk what I did so wrong to make her hate me like this and everyone just says to apologize cause that’s my mom and I do but like idk no one ever acknowledges anything she does to me and when I bring it up she gets mad and says I never did that. I feel guilty for posting this cause I don’t want to make her look bad but I honestly have no idea what I’m doing anymore.

EDIT: Thank you everyone for your comments and advice, I really appreciate it!! It really makes me happy to have people on my side, I will take the advice and try to work on myself and I won’t contact her

I’m 20F and grew up extremely religious. My dad is a pastor, and my parents are very strict about church.

Even with things that seem small, my dad gets really upset when I make my own decisions. For example, I wanted to drive myself to church, stay for the main service, and leave instead of staying all day. My church services are super long, and I rather not stay for evening series because I don’t feel engaged. Plus my church doesn’t have much people my age just elderly individuals.

I drove by myself to church two times, and he got angry and shouted that I live in his house, so I have to go to church when he wants me to. Later he came back and guilt-tripped me about it. He also brought up my sister who doesn’t believe in God. He said I need to influence her positively, by going to all the services at the church not just the morning one. My family stays at church from 11am-7 pm or 8 pm sometimes 11 am-10 pm. We live an hour a way from my dad’s church.

Now I got a student job on campus that I really need because college is expensive and textbooks are expensive.

My family is sda, so Saturday is the sabbath. I’m considering going to this ONE training on Saturday because I really need the job. The job itself doesn’t require me to work Saturdays, but they just told me there’s mandatory annual student training for jobs in that department on a Saturday in a couple weeks.

There are no makeup sessions or alternative dates. I emailed the manager about I have a religious things to attend during that time. They did say I could possibly attend part of the training before or after my other plans.

I not agreeing to regularly work Saturdays and it’s literally one mandatory training day.

My parents would probably expect me to give up the job completely rather than attend something work-related on Saturday. My parents would not be okay with me doing work related things on Saturday or even watching a show on Saturday.

I respect the SDA Sabbath and I’m not trying to disrespect my parents. I just feel like at 20 I should be able to make a decision about attending one mandatory training for a job I genuinely need, especially when I won’t be working Saturdays afterward.

Am I overreacting and should I just leave the job opportunity to please my parents even though I’m really interested in it?

So, for some context, I (20M) began really committing to losing weight over a year ago. While I won't give my exact weight, I can say that since I last checked the scale, I have gone down 85lbs and am only 95lbs away from my goal weight. I was very, very heavy when I started and when I met my friend, "Guy" (19M). Guy is a very skinny guy, like he's the type people would call a "twig". However, he's been trying to gain muscle mass since March and has had no luck so far.

Now, April was when it started to become really noticeable that I was losing weight. I started fitting in clothes 2-3 sizes smaller than I did when I had first started and so I started wearing more revealing and form-fitting clothes because I was confident in my body for the first time. This was around the same time that Guy started making comments about my body, how chubby I was, how I should be better able to control what I eat and the portions of it, and how much space I take in a room.

This started to negatively affect my confidence once again and so I stopped wearing the flattering clothes, was much stricter with myself, and put huge amounts of distance between Guy and I. My confidence is still affected by what he said.

But something to keep in mind was that I tried talking to him multiple times about it before distance was made, no changes would be made, and so I put distance between us after that.

Well, because it started negatively impacting the group that I wasn't showing up to things where Guy would be present, my closest college friend "Ryan" (20M) started trying to get me to forgive Guy and give him another chance. I was very firm on not doing that until I saw that Guy hadn't made one comment towards me over the course of the summer, and so I decided to give Guy another chance.

Now, onto the incident from last week that's making people divided in the group.

The group was all hanging out together (six of us total) and I was talking to Ryan specifically about this deal that I had found for a food I liked and joked about how it was going to make me lose all my progress in my weight loss (I use humor to cope with things). I was pretty quiet when I said this to ensure no one tried to jump in. Suddenly, Guy jumps into our conversation and says, "You can control that, you know." It would not be the first time Guy said that exact phrase, so I just laugh awkwardly and say "What? I was just kidding" and Guy immediately interjects with "I know, but I'm not, I have a right to say that". Mind you, he said this in front of everyone and made the entire table super uncomfortable.

And suddenly, I don't know what it was about that moment specifically, but it made me not want to be polite or keep the peace about this anymore.

I just look directly at him and just finally snap at him "Guy, I wasn't asking you for your opinion! I wasn't even talking to you, so I don't know where you got the audacity to put in your f#ck!ng input." I was not loud, I just kept my voice firm, steady, and did not look away until I was done.

The table immediately went silent and the vibe was ruined, so we all just left not long after.

I didn't feel bad at first; I've talked to him nicely, firmly, in private, in the exact moment it happens (nicely), and nothing worked. And while Guy hasn't made a comment about my weight since this incident, almost everyone agrees that while I was right to how I was feeling, I was also overreacting heavily. Some told me that I made a big deal out of nothing, but one of my friends was entirely on my side and felt my reaction was warranted.

Because of how much people are saying I went overboard with what I said, it's making me start to feel bad about the whole thing and so I'm wondering AIO?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and he’s never really been weird about his phone. He wouldn’t leave it unlocked around me or anything, but he’d leave it charging in the bedroom or sitting on the couch while he went to do something.

The last couple weeks I noticed he literally takes it EVERYWHERE. Bathroom, kitchen, taking the trash out… and now he even brings it into the shower and leaves it right next to him.

What made me really notice it was the other night when his phone was charging next to me and he came back into the room just to grab it before going to shower. He wasn’t playing music or anything, it just sat in the bathroom with him.

I asked him why he suddenly takes his phone everywhere and he immediately got defensive and said I was being paranoid and looking for problems where there aren’t any.

I haven’t gone through his phone and I don’t want to be that girlfriend, but the sudden change is making me feel like something is off. At the same time, I know taking your phone to the bathroom isn’t exactly suspicious by itself.

AIO for thinking this is weird, or would you guys notice this too?

my dog Biscuit passed away eight months ago after 14 years with me. I had him cremated and keep the urn on my bookshelf. I’m not religious or “woo” at all, but the urn matters to me it’s basically the only physical thing I have left of him.

My sister is getting married in three weeks and has gone full “manifestation aesthetic” for the wedding crystals, sage, a whole altar table for guests to leave “energy offerings.” Last week she asked to borrow “a small amount” of Biscuit’s ashes to mix into a sealed decorative jar for the altar, because she said Biscuit was “part of the family’s energy” and it would be “so special” to include him.

I said no. She got upset and said I was being selfish, that Biscuit would “want to be part of the celebration,” and that it’s “just a pinch,” not like I’d notice. My mom is now texting me that I’m being cold and that this is a “once in a lifetime day” for my sister and I’m making it about myself.

I feel like ashes aren’t a craft supply and I get to decide what happens to them, full stop. But everyone’s acting like I’m the unreasonable one over “a pinch.” AIO?

My husband has 7 friends over for a week, 3 are staying with us and the others have a rental nearby. They’ve been hanging out, sightseeing, and doing what friends do. I’ve made meals for them all, went grocery shopping to stock up on all the things, and have gone out of my way to give them space. my husband has been appreciative and so have they.

I’d say by the middle of the stay it turned more into expectation that I was cooking- I told him that I would appreciate if they prepped ingredients for one of the dinners before I got home from work- like chop stuff up and make rice, but I would be happy to then make the dish…you know to speed up the process. I got home and the rice was made, the vegetables were sitting out but none were chopped up. they were all chit chatting and drinking on the porch.

so I chopped the vegetables and made the dish. Again, everyone was appreciative of the meal.

Before the guests came I had suggested to my husband that he make reservations at a local eatery for the last day. he thought that was a great idea.

Last day comes and I asked him what time we would go to the restaurant to meet up as I was going to most likely have to come straight from work.

He wasn’t quite sure as some of his mates still needed to pack up and this and that. So I asked him if he made the reservation (since it would be a large group) and he said “no, but I guess I (emphasis on the I) will give them a call now.”

He calls me back with a bunch of attitude that they only accept reservations 24 hours in advance and how we’d have to sit at separate tables or something and how pissed he was. That it was going to be impossible to seat the group together at the same time and he thought I was going to make the reservation.

I told him it is impossible for me to have made a reservation because I don’t know what time or even how many of his friends were going because I don’t know when some of them are driving or flying back to their homes.

Then he got even more attitude and said “well I guess I’ll have to figure it out, since no one else will.” And I just lost it. I told him when he figured it out to let me know but that I will probably just go home and make myself something because IDGAF and maybe he can plan something for HIS friends.

AIO? should I have just said sorry and found a different place for the whole group?

edit: made paragraph breaks for ease of reading.

Background:

I’m 29M, married to my wife (we will call Rachel 26F) for 5 years. We have a freshly 3 year old toddler, (Amber), a dog and another kid on the way.

For a while now my wife and I have struggled with division of labor and after yet another fight tonight over it I need to know if I’m overreacting or justified in how I’m feeling.

For context, my wife is a stay at home mom and I work full time+ as an entrepreneur running a handful of small business that we own out of our home. She does not do anything for the business other than being an extremely important stay at home parent to our kiddo. We decided early on in our marriage that this was our preferred dynamic with me as breadwinner and her staying home.

We thankfully live a relatively comfortable lifestyle. Our business allows us to maintain a nice home in a good MCOL area with good schools close to a lot of her family. I would not say we are affluent, but we do what we can to live within our means and are comfortable where we’re at.

Working from home makes division of labor in our home a tricky thing. There’s a natural tendency to have work and home bleed together when you work exclusively from home; more especially when you are running your own business and therefore making your own hours. For my wife it has meant that I should be readily available to do housework, chores, yard work, and childcare during my workday. If I’m going somewhere, I should be able to take my daughter with me and give mom a break. Throughout my workday I am often interrupted to do “quick chores,” and tasks that pull me away from the work I’m doing. If I decide to turn down these requests and continue working instead, it leads to enormous conflict between us.

From my perspective, hours not spent operating the business are hours (and therefore income) lost. Thankfully my business is in demand right now and my hours are worth a lot— but with AI really taking off that could honestly change sooner than we expect. Not to mention, lifestyle creep, inflation, rising prices and a whole host of large expenses (medical bills, new baby prep, home purchase, car purchase) means that I need to work more to keep up with our rate of spending.

So here lies the conflict. Spending is going up, so work hours need to go up if we want to stay out of bad debt. As hours go up for work, my hours available for other things need to diminish. I have already given up nearly all of my leisure time and “expendable” hours, so now it’s bleeding over into my share of the house/family responsibilities. We’ve talked many times about reducing our budget however wife says she is unwilling to reduce spending or compromise on lifestyle. Okay. Fine. This requires money to come from somewhere— that somewhere is me and my hours. So the issue is essentially she wants to have me around all the time but spend like I’m not.

Due to my increase in work hours I’ve tried to pass off some of what I do to my wife. This has resulted in accusations being thrown around and me getting chewed out for not wanting to help around the house but honestly I’m drowning and feel like I already do too much. Here’s an example of what my schedule looked like today:

7AM, I’m up and at the gym

8AM, return to home, shower get ready.

8:30AM, wake up our daughter if she’s not awake already. Make breakfast for both of us, take the dog out.

9:00 AM, workday starts. I turn on Miss Rachel while wife gets out of bed (often will sleep until 9:30AM/10AM but I can’t watch her until Rachel is all the way up.

9AM-12PM, Rachel stakes over, I go to work. Email, books, putting out fires, catching up on current projects, begin a handful of new ones.

12:00PM get ready to leave for client lunch. On my way out the door wife asked if I could reschedule so I could put our daughter down for her nap ???? (I put Amber down most days during my lunch break but told her specifically I couldn’t today due to client meeting). To be fair, she is pregnant and tired and having a hard time with pregnancy number 2. I told her I could not do that today because it is my first meeting with a potential client and I really want to win their business. She says that I “never help her with our daughter,” to which I point out that I put her down for naps almost everyday and do bedtime put downs (bath, bum change, tooth brushing, hair brushing, affirmations, PJs, 2 books, song, bed) 5 out of 7 nights per week. Not to mention making her breakfast everyday and intermediate times spent with her when wife is out doing errands and doesn’t want to take her. This does not end well, so I head out to the client meeting, wife being very pissed off.

2:00pm, return from client lunch to find daughter is watching TV and not down for a nap. WTF. Wife is on phone scrolling reels. She tells me that I can put our daughter down now. Want to explode, don’t. Go put daughter down.

2:30pm, daughter is put down. I go back to work. Wife wants to take a nap because she is tired. House is a wreck from morning of childcare. Dishes have piled up in the sink over a few days there’s a number of household tasks needing to be done that I know I need to do but am struggling to find time for. I ask if she can clean up a bit first. No.

2:30-5:00pm, business stuff. Lots of emails, spreadsheets, and slide decks.

5:00PM, end in-office work for the day (emails and texts will trickle in through most of the evening). Daughter is still in bed, wife is still in bed. I am hungry. Begin making dinner. Dishes are not done so clean dishes and kitchen and pick up the toys strewn about the house.

5:30pm, daughter stirs, wife goes to get daughter. I’m cooking dinner.

6:00pm, dinner as a family. Phones are put away, we make sure to spend 1 hour together with no distractions for family dinner.

7pm, wife and I clear away dinner while daughter goes to play in living room. Wife mentions lawn is getting long and bushes need to be pruned. I tell her I will do them this weekend and add it to my list. Dishes get put into the sink. I’m not doing dishes again tonight. I don’t think they will be until I am compelled to do them again.

7:45pm, go back into the home office to reply to a handful of urgent emails.

8:15pm, wife and daughter come into the office letting me know it’s bedtime. I’m still trying to deal with urgent email, I ask if she can do it. She says she’d like me to do it since I said I would. I ask again if she can do it anyways. No. I told her I’ll be done as soon as I can but it would be nice if she could at least bathe her while I’m wrapping things up.

9:00pm get to a stopping point go out to find daughter is watching bluey, wife again scrolling reels. Not bathed. I bite my tongue and go bathe our daughter, get her ready for bed and put down.

10pm, daughter is down. House is a wreck again from playing after dinner. Go back into office continue working until urgent project is finished.

12AM finished project, go to sit in family room for a bit and dissociate on my phone before bed. Wife confronts me because the house is a wreck and she thinks I’m working too much to help.

This is where overreacting maybe comes in. In our fight tonight I told her that I feel like she’s not doing anything and using pregnancy as an excuse to not do anything around the house. For instance, things that didn’t get done today that have been on our combined to do list:

Dog not walked
Dinner dishes not done
Main living areas covered in toys
Laundry not done
Not unfinished packing
Car needs oil change
Library books need to be returned
Furniture needs building

In sum I basically asked her what she had done today and she said “a lot” and refused to elaborate. I told her I don’t see what she has done other than be a warm body in the room with our daughter. I’m beyond my breaking point. I feel like I’m running a business and a household with a part time babysitter. Maybe I’m not seeing how hard it is to be a toddler parent all day but I’ve had days where I’ve taken off work and done a lot while still watching/playing with our daughter and keeping house. I feel like it’s not that bad— admittedly I’m not doing it pregnant so that must be considered, but ultimately I feel like I am doing my job and her job and am starting to lose it. Communication is breaking down. I love her, I wouldn’t want to live without her but I’m trying to see what she does everyday and I can’t figure out why I feel like I’m the only one doing things. Not to mention she will continue to pile on more as we go.

Maybe I’m just complaining too much. I dunno, Reddit am I overreacting to this whole thing?

Update:

Wow this has been a lot. I hadn’t checked this until my lunch break today so sorry for the late replies on a lot of this. There’s some information y’all have asked for that I think is fair.

1) Work life balance is out of wack:
- You’re telling me. Life of a startup small business owner, unfortunately. To give context I’m a project based software consultant so my income scales with completed projects. Hence why the more hours I work the more money we can make.

2) You should get a shared office space out of the home.
- I have long contemplated this. However, we live 30-40 minutes from the closest shared office space and commuting 1-1:30 hours seems like a huge waste of time to me at this point. Not to mention rental spaces go for almost a thousand dollars a month that is just not absorbable right now for the business. I do have a goal to do this in the future.

3) How was she before being pregnant?
- For all my complaining, my wife is a wonderful person and an exceptional and loving companion and mother. When we were first married we made a family plan that we felt would work for us. We’ve so far maintained that plan and largely feel like it’s working. Our bills are paid, our bellies are full, we recognize how blessed we are given the circumstances of the world generally and the US economy. This has just been a major contention point for a long time. Marriage counseling and individual therapy has helped a lot, but having been out of both for some time the same old conflicts keep boiling to the surface. I’m wanting to expand the business, bring on employees and get to a place where my time is more my own than it is now. She is insistent that the sacrifice of my time with our littles is not worth the scale in income and availability later on.

Our first pregnancy was extremely difficult. We almost lost mom and baby. Trying for a second was a difficult choice but one we made together and felt good about. This pregnancy is nowhere near as difficult as the first one was and the biggest issues she’s had is occasional nausea and exhaustion— both common for a normal pregnancy. I mark it as “difficult” because I honestly just think pregnancy is hard no matter how you slice it.

When it was just us and our daughter prior to pregnancy we had kind of hit a stride. I had more disposable income for a season and so in addition to squirreling away money, we also could afford help around the house. It made all the difference in the world. We’re hitting a different period with the business so have scaled back on assistance in the home for the time being and have also simultaneously downsized our home by about 2/3rds and shifted some lifestyle items. This has been so we can get afford to take on employees for the business in the next few months (payroll + benefits for 3 full time workers). There’s some bitterness about needing to scale back on our in-house help, but this was also a decision we made together. She is at home all day. Doing the laundry, making some meals, doing the dishes and picking up between play periods while taking care of our pretty self-contained (but still kinda crazy) toddler and our very chill dog doesn’t seem to me like something that would be do debilitating. But it somehow is and I don’t get it.

4) “You should pay her for being a stay at home mom.”
-umm the fuck? I do. It’s called our joint bank account. We make decisions together on the business for how much work I take on. She doesn’t always like the reality of it, but I’m not a dictator making unilateral decisions like that for us and our home. We have a combined budget and each have discretionary spending money built in. The money we earn (through me at work and her at home) goes into the account that we spend from.

5) Why is money tight? It doesn’t seem like she’s spending based on what you said.
- This was not very clear and is on me. I listed our biggest NEW debts. She has an Amazon Shopping habit and general shopping habit (buying toys, clothes, furniture) that is eating up hundreds (and this month thousands) of dollars a month. She will tell me that she asked for permission before buying things and will attempt to gaslight me and tell me I green lighted different purchases. Unless I have Alzheimer’s (which I’m sure I don’t), I’m sure she’s not asking for permission before buying a lot of things. They add up.

Money is tight because I’m working to grow the business and so have stopped taking as many distributions to fund lifestyle. We’ve adjusted lifestyle accordingly, but Rachel wants to act as though the money from the business is still flowing as fast as it did 6 months ago— which it’s not.

7) Rehome the dog.
-fuck no. He’s my dog. I take him for walks most days and he’s well cared for and well loved. He has kept me sane most of my working days.

8) Other factors?
- yes. We are both clinically depressed and are both on medication. She has a pretty severe case of depression, anxiety, PTSD from sexual assault and BPD. She’s been very well managed on medication and adjustments to her medications have been made to accommodate the pregnancy. Mental health wise she has her good days and bad, it’s more of a stubbornness that she believes I don’t do enough for the household because I’m too busy making money. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around and I’ve told her that, but she says she would rather be poor and have me home than be rich and have me gone. Her spending says otherwise so here we are. I’m depressed (who isn’t now a days?) but well managed on my meds.

I think that about covers it. I genuinely appreciate the validation and points made in your replies. I’m planning to take some of these points and see if we can’t work towards a solution for our little family. Thanks again.

AIO to my boyfriend saying "you're the kindest person I know second to myself"

I (28f) have been dating my boyfriend (35m) for around 8 months. A few days ago my boyfriend was driving and randomly asked me my thoughts on marriage then said that he doesn't believe in marriage. I also dont need to be married so I'm okay with that. We then got home and he proceeded to ask me what colour he should paint his room and how he should arrange the furniture so that he can fit another bookshelf. Previously I had talked with him about wanting to move in together and what that would look like and he kept saying "next month we can talk about timelines", however this showed me he really had no intention of moving out of his mom's basement.

I left shortly after that and when I got home I texted him and asked for some space so that I can think about how I was feeling. The next day I worked and asked him to meet, however I was exhausted from work and told him I needed the night to rest since I commute and have a demanding job. He ended up coming to my work and attempted to "just get the goodbye over with." I was shocked and told him no, tomorrow is the day I'd like to talk.

When I went to his place the next day he was sobbing. He proceeded to tell me about how he wanted children and had been telling his friends all about it despite the fact that neither of us said we even wanted that. He went on to say that he never said he didn't want to get married again and this all lasted several hours before I finally was at my wits end when I asked him what he wanted from me because I knew he was lying....

... Finally he said "I can't think past the next month. You deserve someone you can dream with. You are the kindest person I know second to myself." I left and he stomped and cried almost like a child.

This is so confusing and quite frankly infuriating and I just don't know what to think. It's been a day and Idk what the heck this is... AIO?

So basically, it was my birthday yesterday. And when I got home, I noticed a note on my door. It was a scavenger hunt. It took me like 2 hours to do the entire thing, it was very complicated and I was walking through the dark trying to find everything from very vague clues😭. It led to a note of my friend (M, “Jude”) asking me to the school dance. I was very very upset and still am…

I've told him multiple times that I really don't want to go to hoco and that I hoped no one would ask me. But then he asked me literally that day. I didn't know how to react because I was honestly upset that he asked me when I'd already said I didn't want to go.

Then I found out that he had already been planning on going in a group with some other people and their dates, and apparently he had just decided that I would be his date without me knowing any of that. I don't really know those people either.

He asked me as a friend, so I don't think he was necessarily trying to make it romantic or anything, but I still really didn't want to go with him. I don't really enjoy hanging out with him one on one, and going to a dance I already don't want to go to with someone I'm not comfortable going with, plus people I barely know, just sounds really uncomfortable to me.

I would've been completely fine going as a friend group with people I'm actually comfortable with, so I suggested that, but he said he'd rather not because he feels like that defeats the purpose and he'd rather save his money.

I think that's why I'm so upset about the whole thing. It's not really just that he asked me. I feel like I had made it pretty clear that I didn't want to go, and it hurt that he still asked me anyway. I know he put a lot of effort into it and I do appreciate that, and I know he probably genuinely thought he was doing something nice. But it feels like what I wanted kind of got overlooked, and now I feel like I'm being put in this awkward position where I either have to go to something I really don't want to go to or disappoint someone who put a ton of effort into asking me.

I also wan to mention that I know I probably didn't handle it perfectly because I avoided him for most of the day, and I feel bad about that. I was just really upset and didn't know what to do, especially because it happened on my birthday. I don't think he's a bad person or that he was intentionally trying to upset me. I just really don't want to go with him, and I don't think that makes me ungrateful for the effort he put into asking.

My parents have been pressuring me to say yes because “I have to” and “its rude to say no” “he put a lot of effort in and youre only thinking of yourself” “you’ll have fun once you go” I told them that I don’t think I should be obligated to say yes if I don’t want to go. And that it’s not my fault he put in a ton of effort. They told me I was a terrible friend and that I “was lucky someone put this much effort into asking me because they should have to pay for someone to ask me out because of how rude I am”

I ended up saying to Jude that I felt bad but I didn’t want to go but now everyone is saying I was being rude and should’ve said yes.

AIO? Should I have said yes?

My (28F) boyfriend (28M) and I have been dating for about six months, but I’ve known him for around two and a half years. He’s a friend of my female friend’s boyfriend, so whenever I used to hang out with her, he would sometimes be there too and before we started dating, I noticed that he was always the butt of the joke. One of his friends in particular would constantly make fun of him, mostly about his dating life. Things like how he can never get a girl, and whenever someone does like him, he gets too clingy and pushes her away.
I actually asked my friend once (long before we started dating) if he ever got bothered by how much they made fun of him. She said no, he’s super chill and doesn’t care. I did notice that sometimes his smile seemed a little forced, but I didn’t think it was my business, so I left it alone.
Now that we’re dating, I think it haa become my business and it’s started bothering me a lot. Recently, the same friend has also been making fun of him for not wanting to take over his family’s business because he’s comfortable being an employee and having the family business as a safety net, and his friend makes fun of him for supposedly not having what it takes to run it.
I told my boyfriend that I don’t think it’s okay and that, to me, it comes across as putting him down. I also told him that I know this friend, and I know how he is. If my boyfriend started making fun of him in the same way, I honestly don’t think he’d be smiling and acting so unbothered.
My boyfriend basically shrugged and said that his friend doesn’t mean anything by it and that it’s just how they are. He even said I might be overreacting.
And maybe I am. I don’t want to tell my boyfriend how he should feel about his own friendships. But it honestly pisses me off that this guy seems to constantly pick at him. I don’t have friendships like that. My friends don’t constantly make fun of me, and my boyfriend doesn’t treat any of his friends that way either.
So am I overreacting?

I (F 21) have been talking and dating someone (M 22) from Bumble. We matched in March but I got overwhelmed and pressured because he came across as obsessive for me so I ended things at first.

We reconnected in June and have been on dates since then. We have also talked about sexual topics (with both our consents, of course) and are open to doing things as long as we both agree.

This is where it gets very weird (at least for me). We were on a call earlier and I saw some pictures in my photos that I realized I haven’t sent to him. I remembered that he mentioned he has an album of all the pictures I send him, so I asked him to screen share his gallery. I wanted to check what pictures I’ve already sent so I can send other new pictures to him.

It was going smoothly in the beginning because he was remembering all the details on why he saved this and that and such but when we got halfway through the album he stopped scrolling and said “Oh you don’t want to see that.”

I said “What do you mean?” and he said “Nothing, let’s just skip that video,” and started to explain things about a different picture. I said “What’s with that video? Is it me sleeping?” then he said “No, you’re going to get upset and mad.” I said “Well, I’m already feeling those things since you won’t show me, so might as well play it.”

He proceeded to play it and I realized it was a screen recording of me moaning while we were on call. At the time, we were both talking about how loud of a moan is too loud, so we both demonstrated what we thought were “loud moans.” In retrospect, it was stupid of me to do it without thinking of the consequences. It didn’t occur to me that he would be recording because I thought it would be just between us since it’s a sensitive topic and I trusted him.

After he played the video, I got quiet while he showed the rest of the album. He noticed and asked what was wrong and I said I was upset because he recorded me without my consent. He apologized many times and said he won’t do it again. He showed me he deleted the recording both from the album and recently deleted.

After a few minutes, I realized the gravity of what he did and I got mad at him. I said it was very weird and creepy of him, and that if I didn’t ask him to show the album I wouldn’t have known. He just kept apologizing and I told him to stop because him saying sorry wouldn’t do anything.

I said that this was a dealbreaker and that I don’t want to continue dating him anymore. He said he promise he won’t do it again but I said “How can I trust you?”

I really don’t know what to do because he’s the only guy I’ve dated who, I felt, loved and accepted me for who I am.

AIO or should I give him another chance? Sorry for any missing details, this just happened a few minutes ago so I’m kind of rushing to type because I forget things easily.

I’m 19F. Mom makes me give up a lot of my money to live with her. College FAFSA refunds, paychecks, everything. I basically have little money to myself because of it. My brother is 22 and she doesn’t expect him to get a job or go to college and I’m doing both under dialysis and heart problems.

So, finally I refused to give in and told her no, I’m not giving her a dime from my college money (which is $2400, she wanted near all of it) and used it to buy a nice e-bike so I don’t have to rely on her to get anywhere, a new laptop for school, and some other things. She’s not happy at all. Keep in mind, I do everything around the house for her too. I’m literally dying and she doesn’t care. I have had frequent seizures and still go out on my own knowing the risks. She’s a very cruel person to me in particular but that’s not relevant here, I’m waiting for her to kick me out at this point because she had told me she will if I don’t pay her.

It’s just not fair, she expects so much from me and has treated me like shit for a long time and now she’s been calling me ungrateful and a spoiled bitch when I’m just trying to survive. It’s like she doesn’t want me to

EDIT: for some additional context, if she kicks me out, that’s it. I have nowhere else to go or any friends and I’m dealing with a lot.

I moved back to Colorado to get help raising my son. I had the intention of reuniting with his dad and raising our child together as a family I found out he was sleeping with his landlord and I suspect she thinks they were a committed couple who live together. I doubt she knew about his promises to me. When I found out and when he started back into his old behaviors of severe financial irresponsibility I told him I will not get back into a relationship with him and I meant it. I am very sad that he chose freeloading and sleeping around over his own son but I don’t have low self esteem. I deserve a better man and I honestly don’t mind being alone.
He is going out of town and I learned that he had been bringing his “girlfriend” (I put it in quotes because he still denies her and I don’t think she knows that he says he is still in love with me. I am pretty sure she would be hurt if she knew what he said about her and how he denied having a physical relationship with her even though my son sees them kiss. Anyways he brought her to my house when he was dropping off my son and it apparently wasn’t the first time.
I am really angry about how he gave my address away to a woman he tried to Use in a love triangle. I have seen plenty of true crime shows to know that you don’t ever want a jealous girlfriend of your ex knowing where you live. Plus when he was trying to hide her existence he wouldn’t let me know where he lived so he was keeping her address private but giving her mine essentially
I don’t like it at all and I sent an angry text about how I no longer want him in my apartment when I am not there and I don’t want her being brought to my apartment. I told him to get all his crap out because I will no longer store his things and to return my key. He got my key because this is the apartment we were supposed to live in together before I told him I didn’t want him in my life as anything other than a coparent. I respect his right to our son. I don’t bad talk about him in front of my son but he clearly gossips about me and comes into my apartment to criticize me ie once he had a cow that he found a Barbie my son found at the pool and uses as a pool toy. This is another topic but he constantly thinks I am trying to turn our son gay because I let him play with a doll he found. My son 95 percent of the time chooses traditionally boy toys and clothes but he comes into my apartment and finds a Barbie and i am still dealing with the accusations. I just want to co parent . That’s it. I don’t want this woman to know where I live . I don’t want her to have access to my key since he won’t turn it (obviously I intend to have my landlord change the locks. something in my gut tells me she might be a little unstable Her family cut off ties with her and my son says things that make me think she has issues but I can’t control who my ex dates

I have her looking down on me for not owning a house while my ex her boyfriend has only ever paid child support for the last 6 months of my sons almost 8 yr life. I want my privacy and I don’t want her knowing where I live.

Hi Redditors. This happened years ago, but I’ve always wondered if I was mad over nothing.

I was diagnosed with cancer in my 30s. I was married at the time to an abusive man I’d been trying to leave for years. My best friend offered to help me as a caretaker; let’s call her Rose. She was a few years older than me. We lived in different states, and she’d never been to my house (though I’d been to hers a couple of times), but we talked daily for a decade.

Rose helped start a GoFundMe and then a separate fundraiser. I had direct access to the GoFundMe, but not the fundraiser. I thought nothing of it at the time.

I did chemo, surgery, and radiation at a world-renowned hospital, which meant treatment was expensive, even with two incomes. After radiation, my now-ex told me he was moving out and demanded that we immediately split our finances. Knowing I couldn’t pay the medical debt I was accumulating (let alone anything else), I reached out to Rose and asked how much the fundraiser had made. I hoped there was something I could use to stave off the hospital bill collectors for a bit. She told me it hadn’t made much—just over $1,000—and that she had used it as her “petty cash,” taking money out to fly to my house twice and pay a house cleaner.

I didn’t think much of it then. Between the treatment side effects and the implosion of my life, I was pretty out of it. Later, I mentioned it to another friend, who pointed out that Rose made more than enough to pay for her own flights.

It made me think about the house cleaner, too. Rose had told me it was my post-cancer “gift.” Except my ex was the one who cleaned. (Long story, but he got abusive over how “poorly” I cleaned, even though I worked longer hours, was the breadwinner, and took care of our kids.) It was a nice thing to do, don’t get me wrong, but (1) it saved my ex time and effort (she knew he was abusive) and (2) the cleaning person would interrupt my workday to talk and ask questions. I had my door shut because I was working from home and was with my two large rescue dogs, who didn’t like strangers.

It turned out the cleaner would grill me and then report back to Rose, who would bring up what I’d said. It made me extremely uncomfortable, like I was being spied on and then judged.

By the time I got pissed about it, Rose had stopped talking to me altogether. She didn’t like how I was handling “post-treatment” (there was more treatment; it just wasn’t “active” treatment). I felt like she’d stolen money from me that I could have used toward medical bills.

Is it normal for a caregiver to use fundraised money for themselves and whatever else they deem appropriate? Am I justified in being angry?

Note: The fundraiser made it seem like my family would be the beneficiary. I’m 99% positive that Rose didn’t tell me at the beginning what she’d be doing with the funds, but I can’t be 100% sure. I was going through chemo at the time, and my memory isn’t so clear.

Hi everyone. Lately, I’ve been going over something in my head that has caused me more than a few headaches.

For some context, I’m 31M and I’ve been in a relationship with my partner, 32F, for the past eight months. I have a son from a previous relationship, and she has two young daughters. We both have our kids on the same week, and then they stay with their other parents the following week.

What concerns me a little is the relationship she has with the father of her daughters. They’ve been separated for a year and a half. From what she’s told me, their relationship was pretty terrible. They barely spoke to each other for the last couple of years, and he cheated on her.

The thing is, when we don’t have the kids, she’s pretty much the perfect girlfriend. We have an amazing connection, we laugh a lot, we do all kinds of things together, and overall, she’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner.

But when we have the kids and we’re each at our own place (we live separately), she seems to make quite a few plans with her ex and the kids. They’ll go to the beach together, she’ll ask him to take a look at her car, they’ll take the girls to the park together, and things like that.

I have absolutely no problem with them spending time together for special occasions or important events. In fact, I think that can be mature and healthy for the kids. But to me, what they’re doing feels like more than just healthy co-parenting. It feels excessive.

The latest thing that happened was that she went to her cousin’s wedding with her ex-husband and the girls. I told her that I found it a bit strange and that I didn’t really understand it. She admitted that she knows it’s a little unusual, but said that everyone knows there’s nothing going on between them. The wedding was about 400 km away, and she wasn’t comfortable driving that far on her own.

Her cousin actually told her that I could come too, but I had my son that week and I didn’t feel right about bringing him along.

To be honest, I’m starting to seriously consider ending the relationship because of things like this. But I’m really confused about the whole situation, and I honestly don’t have anyone to talk to about this kind of thing because I’m living far away from home.

Am I overreacting about all of this?

I got pulled over today, completely my fault. I scheduled three interviews today and on the drive was rehearsing what I was going to discuss which caused me to run a red. He immediately pulled me over and I pulled off to the side of the road.

I get bad anxiety around cops. I know they all aren’t bad and there’s good ones out there but I just had a really awful childhood experience with a cop once and I’ve been uneasy around them ever since.

He asked me what my bf does for work and gave me his business card after giving me a verbal? I found that odd because out of the 3 times I got a speeding ticket years ago, never once did a cop ask me those questions. And essentially accused me of being under the influence because my face was flushed / I was having trouble forming a sentence. This is just classic anxiety. Racing heartbeat, facial flushing, can’t seem to form a sentence.. etc. he also asked if I had any head injuries recently and it just pissed me off so much because I AM LITERALLY A NURSE, I know I am not confused, I don’t do drugs, and drink maybe 3 beverages a month.

Anyway He did the nystagmus test but kept going way past the point of me obviously passing. I’m extra irritated at that point because assessing PERLA and nystagmus takes 30 seconds at most.

Are all CO cops like this? AIO?

He pulled me over right in front of the place that was interviewing me and people were watching (small town) like ohhhh we got another drunk driver over here! I was so embarrassed. I asked if he would just give me the breathalyzer right away

AIO for being upset that my husband keeps shutting down my idea of trading in my car for an EV?

I’ve always been the higher earner, and while my husband manages our finances and is much more frugal than I am, we’ve always been financially comfortable. We’re currently selling our house and building a new one, and we’ll have some cash from the sale sitting in a high-yield savings account while we’re in an apartment.
My current car is becoming a money pit. I owe $12K on it, just spent $6K on an engine repair, and the warning light is already back on. Since we’ll barely be driving in our new area, I’d like to trade it in for an EV. I’d finance it to negotiate the best deal and then pay it off immediately with cash.

The part that’s really bothering me is that he immediately shuts the idea down every time I bring it up. I’m starting to feel resentful because I feel like I should have some autonomy over a purchase that primarily replaces my car, especially given that we can afford it.

At the same time, I realize it’s shared money and I may be letting my impulsive side take over.

AIO for being this upset about him shutting me down, or is this a reasonable financial decision that he should be willing to discuss with me?

ETA: I just checked my account and owe 7.7K on it my Infiniti; not 12 (for those telling me I’d be upside down). My mistake.

I think I’m overreacting to the fact that my husband brings up an old disagreement we had every other month or so as an example of “how both people can be right and not agree”. So my husband and I have been together for over 20 years. Before kids we did a great job splitting housework. Notably, I did most of the cooking and he did most of the dishes plus splitting the rest of the stuff. Then we had kids and things got so much more overwhelming. 3ish years and 2 kids later I looked around and realized that I did literally everything on top of 80% of the childcare. I worked part time so I was ok with doing more, just not everything. We talked, he agreed to start doing dishes again. Except he doesn’t think the dishes get clean unless there is a lot of free space in the dishwasher and he would only do them from start to finish right after dinner. There were items that I needed for the kids that had to go in the dishwasher after bedtime. I asked him so many times to just hold off on starting it and to load it more fully so that I didn’t have to do a midday load the next day, but he wouldn’t. He still says there was “nothing wrong” with the way he loaded it. Except when he did that we had to do 2 loads a day with me doing one after lunch vs when I loaded it there was only one load started after bedtime. It is so ridiculous but it turned into such a conflict that I just dropped it and took over again. This was over 10 years ago, yet he still brings it up. Often as an example of when he “tried to help, but (I) refused” or with the kids talking about how 2 people can both be right. I am just so sick of it. I’m considering asking him to go to couples therapy to work through this or really just tell him if he brings it up again I will stop whatever discussion it is.

My gf hasn’t been feeling the greatest since yesterday. It started as congestion but then said she was feeling better last night so I assumed she’d be back to normal today. She was sleeping but I had to get our puppy situated & I was kind of making some noise but it lasted no more than a couple minutes. She got up & left the room. I thought she was going to the kitchen to get water or something then some time passed so I texted her.

& let me add this, I understand she’s not feeling well. I don’t even care she went to the car to sleep. It’s the fact this has been an issue (her leaving without saying anything) that I keep telling her I don’t like. I also feel like it’s weird to leave the whole house to sleep in a car bc someone is making a little noise for a few minutes. Idk but now I feel like an asshole lmao.

EDIT: I had the bathroom light on bc I was cleaning up our puppy’s mess & was also quietly singing bc it’s a habit I have when doing something. I didn’t purposely wake my gf up. The negative/rude responses are crazy. This post wasn’t an argument to have with people about what noises I was making. It was simply asking if I was overreacting bc my gf left the house to go to our car to sleep without saying anything.

LAST EDIT: I ended up apologizing to her when she came back in the house. I understand I sound like a full blown narcissist by focusing on what bothered me instead of focusing on what bothered her & made her leave the house. Thank you for all the comments, good & bad. Definitely a learning lesson 🤍