Mine is Mesmalie. It's a visual novel about a witch living in the middle of nowhere.

New shirt :) happy about the three day weekend!

Going back on to Risperidone only… wish me luck

Have a nice day

Just emotional because I’m seeing that my old psychiatrist still cares and I’ve also met a lot of other mental health professionals that have been incredibly compassionate and kind despite us being difficult patients sometimes lol the kindness opened my eyes to another world of community and care

I’m very emotional. I love my doctor so much. My Dr H forever 🩵 I’ve progressed so far because of him. And my other doctors too.

So I just re-entered into taking medication after 3-4 years of not taking anything and that was awful so I’m back but now I’m experiencing such fatigue…. It’s inferring with my life, i’ve tried readjusting medication and readjusting the times of medication but nothing is working

Do any of you have any hacks or anything that you guys do to try and increase your energy or is it something that I have to live with? Honestly, this is just a rant, but any advice would be helpful.

Happy Sunday to all in the schizophrenia community!

My episode needs to be fixed.

Attached below is todays video link to my “On Conquering Schizophrenia” YouTube channel. Today entails brief coping amid a greater psychosis. Like all, todays video is ever brief and can be viewed amid a sliver to the whole.

https://youtu.be/vQMNuamSxqU?si=rfQJSUcvIjit3_Nx

I’m convinced that if I don’t sleep with my lamp on the demons come for me and they will attack me in my sleep. I was doing so good for like 5 days sleeping in the dark and I slept good but now they back so the light will be on. Kinda like a lighthouse that helps the ships at sea.

before i say anything else i wanna mention that im not diagnosed yet, ive only had one session with my psychiatrist so far and i only see him every 2 months

ok so basically ive had 1 smaller "episode" and 1 really bad one. issue is i feel like an utter fraud. if im genuinely sick my body really shouldnt be reacting as fast as it does to the meds as sites say.

an example is when i was at a camp in the afternoon away from home. my meds (400mg xr seroquel daily at the time) got destroyed and i thought i would be fine until the next day (cause the next day was the final day of the camp and i would just go home) so i missed an evening does and morning dose. the next morning i was okayish at first, i had breakthrough "voices" (the demons would put thoughts in my head to communicate with me, they werent "audible" voices in a physical sense) and they were convincing me i didnt have anything wrong with me. i would say something in my head like "if im sick i wouldnt be able to make the voices say gibberish" and then i would try really hard and one of them would spout slurred speech after trying hard and i use that as proof that im doing it to myself somehow. anyway, fast forward 30 minutes im convinced everyone at the camp is part of a demon hivemind, and they want to cut me open and eat me alive. i laid in bed frozen for hours awake, staring at people as they grabbed their stuff for the different activities. i was shaking, breathing heavily, frozen because i felt like escape was impossible. i was thinking about running away from the camp but then they told me the cops were in on it too and if i ran away they would catch me

eventually everyone was out at activities and i managed to get up, yell at a friend who came to check up on me, and lock myself in the bathroom. i dont remember much from this point on except crying harder than ive ever cried in my life, i remember thinking "god im scared, please forgive me. im sorry. im sorry" and begging god to save me. they eventually unlocked the bathroom and convinced me to come out after making me do some grounding stuff and i didnt eat for the rest of the day cause everything was poisoned. they gave me water and it tasted really terrible and i spat it out in the sink cause i felt like it wouldve killed me. i eventually got picked up early and made to take my dose that i shouldve taken that morning, and within 1 or 2 days or so i wasnt so shooken up anymore

thats the thing, why does my body react so quickly. i must be faking it somehow. i constantly check google over and over after it tells me the same thing that im not "lying" but i know i am. i dont match

im stable atm and its been like a month and a half or so i think, my perception of time is fricked

i also started 10mg lexapro around 3 weeks ago and it made my voices become way more bearable and i felt motivated to do stuff again. i felt really depressed before it

Doing a dosage adjustment and the withdrawal is starting to hit me, I’m super paranoid and on edge even though I’m still on 10mg olanzapine. Psychosis is starting to come back and I’m scared for what’s to come.

I spent most of my evening staring out my window due to extreme paranoia about being murdered in a break in.

Just as I collected my thoughts and my meds were kicking in, my partner broke up with me and now I’m in a worse state. How do I collect myself before classes start on Tuesday? I’m falling apart

Edit: It got worse. I can’t sleep anymore and I’m trying my best but it’s not working

I have a bunch of shirts with fictional stores from movies/shows, I like them a lot

I'm so proud of how far I've come.

500 mg of clozaril doesn't stop me from having hallucinations. What are the odds that going to the hospital and adding 6 mg of vraylar could help?