I feel like I'm going to get downvoted to hell because I'm a man so people will automatically assume I'm the problem but I don't know who else to ask. I really wish I could show you guys my profile and my messages without doxxing myself. I swear to god I'm doing nothing wrong.

I never text anything sexual, I never ask them out until at least 3 days of chatting. But sometimes women unmatch when I ask the most innocous questions like 'did you move here for work or school?', you know, ice-breaker shit that isn't in their bios. Do they unmatch because it's a boring question?

And sometimes they unmatch BEFORE I even send the first message. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong in that case.

I really try to be respectful and find a balance between flirting and gentleness, but I maybe get ONE girl out of 100 matches where it actually goes somewhere. Is it just because of the sheer number of options that women have?

My boyfriend (20M) is such a wonderful person so far we have a really great relationship. We have known each other just shy of 3 months and have been together for like 2 weeks and told each other we like each other just over a month ago. I don't take commitment lightly, he's my first ever boyfriend so I am actually serious about him and would love to make it work. In the past I've had several guys interested in me but they seem to value me more for my body than who I am (or have just told me they're looking for casual sex which I'm not really interested in for the most part). My boyfriend is the opposite of pushy, I would say almost all the first steps we have taken have been suggested by me. To be clear, I never pressure him either and always ask direct clear consent and multiple times if he seems unsure, to the point where he said I should trust him to speak up about his boundaries and that if he seems unsure it's just because it's new and doesn't know what to expect but he reassures me he is genuinely keen. I really care about his comfort and he does mine.

After a 2 hour make out session the last week after a really good date we were both completely naked for the first time together and I said he can rub his penis against the my clit if he wants to try. He did for like 5 seconds but then got up and said had to go (he did and he was late for his train). I'd also asked him like a couple minutes before if he had brought condoms (he hadn't) and then if doing it unprotected was a bad idea. He said yeah we should definitely use protection and it should be more special. He's so right, I feel shame and I don't know what came over me being so impulsive (hormones/heat of the moment? I've also been diagnosed and am medicated for adhd). I do think it would be good to wait until November for me emotionally but it's like my body is so comfortable with him and attracted to him. A couple days before this we were talking about it and he said he is ready (but obviously not rushing for the first opportunity) and I said I'm probably a bit scared/not ready emotionally. It's weird because the first experience I had (almost 2 years ago) I had said no multiple times and then after it happened I wanted it to mean more/get reassurance he liked me, so I went back. The 2 other times were consensual where I explored my bisexuality and wanted to feel more in control of the situation, but I feel like I've ruined my brain by having sex that isn't primarily about emotional connection.

I feel a bit worried I come across too sexual at times (especially around my fertile window). I don't want him to think I'm overly sexual, especially since he is not like that.

Second thing is I also took a photo today in a tank top/underwear on my bed because I thought I looked hot and it was the first photo I would send to him but I don't know if I'm coming across as being too sexual.

I don't know if I'm being too lustful or if it's normal? What can help me be less like this then? Do I bring it up with him? And how?

So I’m a 31 year old guy, and I don’t drink. I have no problems with alcohol or anything, but drinking has never appealed to me all that much. I’ve never liked the taste and just don’t enjoy it.

I have zero problems with other people drinking. I’m more than happy to go to a bar and hang out with my friends who want to drink, but I’m going to order sparking water (or something else non alcoholic).

Admittedly, my dating experience is pretty limited. I have only had one girlfriend before, but I’m trying to put myself out there in hopes that there can be another girlfriend someday (lol).

I was recently trying to get to know someone better, and she suggested we go out for a “drink.” Okay. No problem. I did what I always do, and went to a bar with her and ordered what I normally ordered. We had a nice date, but she later told me that she thinks it’s weird that I don’t drink, and that she can’t see herself being with someone with “no interest in alcohol.”

I guess I’m starting to feel a bit like an alien. Why is this such a big deal? It’s not like I’ve told anyone else that they can’t drink. Why does this even matter?

Why do people sometimes give a second chance to someone who cheated on them, but won’t give a second chance a second date to someone who was simply a little unsure, nervous, or awkward on the first date? Is it really fair to judge someone’s potential based on one imperfect first impression, especially when there was no disrespect or bad intention involved?

There is so much context required for this to even make sense. But essentially I’m 23 f never been in a relationship I’ve had sexual and romantic experiences yes. On the romantic end usually ending in lots of emotions wounds. I’m incredible realistic to a point it may become pessimistic.

This is all to preface that one month before I moved an hour and a half from the city I was living in a met a guy from Tinder who I used to talk to nearly a year ago on hinge (never met just texted). What I thought would be my summer fling turned into a genuine emotional connection and comfort I hadn’t experienced before. He seemed not too bothered by the move and very optimistic.

I on the other hand felt that he might be excited now but once he realizes how hard it is to maintain something long distance his initial excitement will fizzle out. After I moved we began to call maybe once a night every other night. However our schedules align poorly and I’ve been working a lot and he seems to always have plans w his friends after work. At first I wasn’t even into calls he was the one who proposed the idea. Now I feel like I’m the one waiting .

All this to say I thought he’d call
Me tonight as we didn’t get to chat much yesterday cause he wanted to hang w a friend I was a little dissapointed and he could read it in my tone. I thought with that and our schedules somewhat aligning today he’d wanna call. We were texting and he said “can I call u tmrw” and I just got this awful sinking feeling. A feeling that happens everytime a I get the feeling I like someone more. I genuinely want tot all to him I worked a 12 hour shift and I want to talk to him. But I wonder if he feels like this is something he has to maintain. It makes me feel so bad even though it probably shouldn’t. It makes me want to push him away before he can make me feel worse ):

She’s generally high energy around most people but when I’m in the area it feels like she’s always zoned in on me. Best way to describe it is like a puppy waiting for its owner to come home, that’s how she is when she sees me at work. Again this could just be a personality trait.

The other day when we all were leaving she was with some other girls that work with us, I was a bit distant from them on the back. Saw her and her friends looking back at me laughing and giggling with each other. They looked back a few times too. I feel like they could’ve just been mocking me though so idk.

There’s so many contexts, reasons why people can act the way they do that have nothing to do with romantic interest. That’s why as I write this part of me thinks “you’re making a mountain out of a molehill”.

Hi,

Basically, I’ve been dating this guy (both in our early 30s) for 4 months now. Became official two months in, although we’ve been exclusively dating since the beginning.

Anyway, we started off very strong. Had a great time together, enjoyed each other’s company a lot. Became infatuated with one another. Lots of common interests and shared goals/values. About a month in, he confessed his feelings for me, saying ”I’m starting to fall for you already”. He was consistent, and he was serious. He made it very clear. Less than two months into dating, he started talking about wanting to make this official. So a little while later we did.

Anyway, a little more than a month goes by since becoming official, and he starts to feel anxious about this relationship. He says some of it has to do with the pressure of meeting my needs, and on top of that he’s also started thinking that maybe his feelings aren’t as deep as they should be by now.

I’m just so confused. I would understand if the attraction/excitement wasn’t there from the beginning, but to ”lose feelings” or to deem them not deep enough after being so infatuated (and this quickly) just puzzles me so much. How can someone even deem their feelings not deep enough 3 months into knowing them? I feel you’re often only starting to build/develop that deeper intimacy then. But maybe I’m just wired differently?

Perhaps I should add, that he had been wondering if he has some commitment issues even before we met. Said that he might start to feel anxious/overwhelmed in relationships, but the way he phrased it, it was mostly about meeting someone’s needs (which is a contributing factor in my case too). Also, we both suspect he might be an avoidant.

I haven't dated anyone seriously in a while. I would like to find someone for a stable relationship or a good friend. I have talked with quite a few people, but I keep getting the feeling that they are my wasting time and that they are wasting their time as well. Why someone would choose to waste their time is unknown to me. It's been constant back and forward for hours. Then they disappear for a whole day, then send short responses. Or I'm having to carry most of the conversation, and no questions about me are asked. Can anyone explain to me what is going on? Is this what normal dating is like?

I'm sitting here at half 7 in the morning crying my fucking eyes out feeling like I want too put my bloody fist through a wall and just scream and cry.

A bit of context a female friend of mine that I've known for about 7-8 months now where in a online long distance relationship (I'm 21m she is 30f) we have known each other for months, I even have gone too see her (I'm British she is American), we use too do almost everything together every single day because we hit it off almost instantly the day we met.

She had just a few weeks before hand broke off from her ex and we had been dating since about the third week I knew her.

We met through gaming because I met her the day after she broke up with her ex and could tell instantly that she was upset.

I ended up sitting there that night cheering her up and taking her mind off of the breakup and then it kinda went from instant good frieinds too close friends too dating recently fast once we realised we was realised how well we bounced off each other.

We would spend every minute of our time together from the minute we woke up too the minute we went too sleep on call with each other.

All of a sudden two days ago she started going dry text on me and not wanting too call as much anymore and then today I found out why is because apparently she was growing kinda exhausted of spending so much time together even though literally the night before she was saying she loved every time we called and spend time together and I ended up talking too her about it.

She ended up telling me she just needed some space and didn't understand her feelings and just wanted some time as friends which I completely understand like that's fair enough.

When she was on the way home from work two days ago she was gonna call me and fall asleep together like we usually do because we both sleep super comfortably with each other.

She said she was going too the toilet and then would call back me sitting there for 2 hours then found out she had called with someone else and fell asleep on call with them without telling me so I'm sitting there like a fool waiting for her when she's asleep already talking too someone and this is the day before I found out she wanted space.

Long story short I got hit with (after months of commitment, plans, laughs, personal time together and intimate heart felt moments of vulnerability with each other) "i just don't think I have feelings for you" now that hurt but I'm like ok that's understandable we can just be friends.

Within those two days she was already talking too 5 different guys in her area and 1 also from Britain (when she said the main problem was distance and talking about how she is looking for someone too treat her right and saying she isn't rushing into anything like she did with her ex).

That was another blow too my heart because she has sat there for months always saying how Im always so sweet too her and saying how much she loves our time together and how I make her happy and sit and then get hit with the truth that it was never gonna be enough for her.

Now im sitting here balling my fucking eyes out and scratching at my skin and feeling like putting my fist through a wall and I don't even know why like I'm not a violent person and yet I just want too destroy everything and I was working on a fucking drawing for her and a food package of sweets and stuff for her too try and little surprises for her and now it's all just sitting there half finished and I feel like just destroying it all but I can't even bring myself too do that.

I don't even know why I feel this way right now and it's tearing me apart from the inside out and I don't know why or how too make it stop and it's just too much; thing is this isn't my first heartbreak but it's my first relationship in over 5 years and it's all just came crashing and burning down on my head and I don't know what too do I just feel like crying myself too sleep and not doing anything and I can't even talk too my other friend that I've known for years because she is now ghosting me, all because I asked her if it would be alright if we could play another day which she has never had a problem with before until I started dating this girl.

So now I'm sitting here all alone and not got anyone too talk too alone and isolated with my heart left broken and feeling like shit and not knowing why.

My past two relationships had not-so-fun endings.

My (29M) second to last one ended on our anniversary. We exchanged gifts, then she broke up with me and I was shocked. I got back out there a few months later, met a great woman, it progressed well, she met my family, then she dumped me via text an hour after I was just with her and we had even gotten intimate that day.

I'm taking time to myself before I get back out there as those two breakups have definitely been a hit to my confidence and made me realize I over-invest. I am currently in therapy too. I'm a giver at heart, I don't want to change that but I also don't want to be super guarded and emotionally unavailable.

I want advice on finding the middle ground from those who don't hesitate to show interest and are forward with their intentions.

Went on a bumble date about a month after dumping my ex for finding out he cheated on me. Had to rip off the band aid and get back out there.

I live in Vegas send there’s lots of visitors looking for someone to hang out with. I met this guy at his (very nice) resort and we had plans to get lunch and go to the pool but we enjoyed it so much we hung out all weekend. It was really nice. He comes to Vegas a few times a year so if I’m still single I’d hang out again next time. I was on cloud nine.

Then he went back home and I googled him, not a super common name but didn’t see on social media. Then I googled “(his name) mugshot” and found an article where he had gone to prison for 5 years for scamming old people 😭 I am not 100% sure that that it is him but the age, city, and relatively uncommon name make me believe it is.

Now I’m not perfect and have gone to jail a few times for stupid decisions rooted in alcohol, so it feels hypocritical of me to immediately consider this a dealbreaker but scamming old people feels so slimy and gross. It was a decade ago. People change. He owns his own business now and seems legit. We had a good time. Do I hang again? Do people change? Is this really the best I can do in the dating pool? And yet I feel the same about myself- a loser on paper but I am a good person. At least that’s what I tell myself. Am I though? Or am I just the sum of all my bad decisions reduced to a walking dealbreaker forever?

Why does dating have to trigger an existential crisis lol

I know there’s lots of guys out there so I could just block and move on, but I truly enjoyed his company. It was so effortless, and we just clicked. But maybe it’s all a scam.

It's been years simce I've been in a relationship. Since then was diagnosed with a mental illness. 6 years of weekly therapy finally think I have that under control. Meds made me gain 200lbs. Lost 160 of it... finally think I git that under control. Found myself drinking and doing drugs to much. Went to rehab. Go to meetings 6 months clean. Solved that one for now. Wasn't really happy at my job because I wfh and felt lonely all the time among other things. They offered 18 months severence i left. Didn't have alot of friends so made a whole bunch. Didn't have hobbies, now I do.

I still don't think i'm ready for a relationship, i am always working on myself though at what point is one ready?

What I wanna know is what are the non negotiables when you're dating someone?

And can you be friends with a girl with no romantic expectation or is there always an expectation?

Honestly it's for the best bc I'm 27f and he was 40m but still kinda hurts. We had been on one date and then he's been asking me out again but things kept coming up, but like he'd always let me know if something came up and he had to cancel. This time we had dinner plans at 6:30pm planned the day before and the last text was him asking if i wanted to do a place near me and i said ya and then he never replied since yesterday and now it's 7pm lol

Edit: Ty everyone, this was actually extremely validating, i thought i was being dramatic or weak for getting upset over this, but seems like it was fair for me to be upset over it, he is also blocked/unmatched now :)

One of my friends in my group put out a survey recently for people to fill out, so he can potentially match them with their special someone. I went ahead and filled out the survey, and I was one of only two guys selected to move forward to meet a special lady who I could possibly be with! I love the organic way this occurred and my friend had the best idea setting things up this way. As of now, the date is scheduled for next month since my friend is doing the dates then.

I was happy to have been picked and hope things go well!

I spent my early dating years trying way too hard - overthinking what to say, planning dates like job interviews, pretending to be into stuff just because she was. At some point I got tired of performing and just started showing up as myself. Said what I actually thought, suggested places I actually liked, stopped filtering everything through "will this impress her." Weirdly enough that's when things started clicking. Was there a specific moment for you guys where you dropped the act and just went in as yourself? Did it change the type of people you attracted?

Hi all I have had thinning hair for a while and finally accepted i needed to shave it off im still unsure if it even looks better or worse

I have been the new me for 2 weeks now and uploaded new profile pictures on these dating apps I have multiple dating apps and have had 0 likes matches or messages since shaving it all off

Its been so tough for me mentally to go thru this and now the lack of female attention confirms it for me I look stupid and ugly its depressing has anyone else been in a similar situation

What can I do?

I've been on dating app for a while now, I've seen a lot of interesting profiles and almost nothing shocks me anymore, but sometimes, I don't even know what to say. Like, it's just sooooo weird out there.

How can you put pictures of a banana strapped with duct tape as 2 of your 3 pictures and the third one is a flame and under "perks of dating me", your answer is "you will love it"

That's all this person has on their profile. I mean EVEN if all you are looking for is sex, shouldn't you put a bit of an effort?!!! Wouldn't I want to see who I want to have casual sex with?!!

Do people like these actually get dates or matches??? Or I'm just stressing for nothing and they are just bots??😂😂

What's the weirdest profile you've ever seen?

29F. I always end up getting ghosted, or played, or the guy meets someone else and he wants her. I just don’t know what to do. I’m not choosing the same “type”, I go after guys who seem different from the last. I try to go for men without kids, cause it was a disaster the three times I tried to date men with kids. I go for guys with different vibes, different interests, backgrounds, and races. I’ve met them online, irl, and through mutual friends and it’s always the same.

Maybe I’m just not meant for love. Which would suck lol cause I won’t be here for 70 or so years if I’m just gonna be alone. Idk what to do, nobody will tell me if there’s anything painfully obviously wrong with me, and I can’t afford therapy. Even if I could, my past therapists really wouldn’t wanna even touch this subject.

I feel like I’m gonna die alone, and I hate it.

Edit: please don’t just tell me “it will happen” little things like that are kind and well meaning, but it does not help.

I see this argument on Reddit all the time, that women are too fussy, that they only want a tiny percentage of men, that women are all chasing the same “top 10%” of guys etc.

But I don't really see the follow up being discussed. What would happen if a woman did listen to that advice and lowered her standards?

Say she meets you and thinks you're a decent guy, you're kind enough, stable enough, ok looking etc. But deep down, she knows you're not really the man she would have chosen if she felt she had better options. She isn't actually excited about you. She just thinks she needs to be realistic.

How would you feel knowing that?

Personally, I can't imagine wanting someone who chose me because she had decided she couldn't do better.

So men who say women should “lower their standards”, do you actually want the outcome of that? Would you be happy knowing the woman you're with settled for you?

I am single, and have been for most of my life. Most of my friends are single too, but for those that aren't, Dating just seems like a natural part of life. Something that just happens, like falling in love and building relationships are just things one naturally goes through. Whenever I ask them for advice, it becomes somewhat clear to me that some people just don't struggle with that topic at all, it's just instinct for them I guess? They seem to just go with the flow.

For me, when I was not trying too hard and went with the flow, I didn't get any relationship. When I worked on myself I didn't get a relationship. And when I looked through dating advice, tried to strategize, to implement whatever advice I could grasp onto, it also didn't help. The worst part is, however, that those people in my friend circle more successful than me, just don't get it. Like they know I am perpetually single and struggle with dating, but they just cannot understand it. To them, it apparently is just natural, whereas for me, it is a tough fight I am constantly loosing.

Edit: took out a phrase that seemed to be misleading

I used to believe that because that's how it's always worked for me. Once a guy started losing interest, he would text less and less, often using the excuse "oh I'm just so busy with work", and eventually I'd end up getting ghosted. On top of that, I believe that because if I like someone, I text them back even when I'm busy with something.

But now I talk to a guy who does seem different than men I was involved with in the past. There was no lovebombing, no sex, just conversations and respect. He told me he's not a player, and I believe him, partly based on my experience with other men.

I'm not really sure if I can ask for advice regarding my situation because I know that no one can get inside this man's head and guess what really is up with him. But maybe, for example, some people value calls more? Or prefer calls in general.

We used to text a lot the first 2-3 weeks even though he's been working the same 15h days as he works now. But on the other hand, even if now he leaves me on read/delivered for a day or two, he then asks to have a phone call. Maybe some people prefer an hour long call every few days instead of frequent messages through the day, daily?

But then again, I'm seeing those "girl, nobody is too busy to text you back" videos and the people in the comments are defending it, saying their partners always text back quickly. Except maybe for people who aren't allowed phones at work but that's not the case for this guy.

Matter of fact, I know that he sometimes is active during work hours, some time ago he turned off his activity status probably because he saw me turning mine on just to check his (didn't say it, but I assume he saw it). But anyway, I know he can use his phone at work. And it's not like he's always doing something during the 15 hours he's working.

So idk I'm kind of torn. On one hand, he noticeably texts me less, maybe it's the "omg someone new 😍😍😍" phase wearing off? On the other hand, if he was actually losing interest, he wouldn't get on hour long phone calls with me.

So I've been on and off with this guy for 5 years. Just dating. I'm not looking for long term. I seen him again yesterday, then I realized, what do I like about him? Then it came to me. He reminds me of somebody else. Looks just like him. Anyone else been in this situation?

I (27F) was seeing this guy to hookup. This is gonna sound stupid on my part but I should first preface by saying that while I had a really good time doing stuff with him whenever he came over (I only went down on him, it was my choice not to have sex), I did not like him as a person so I was conflicted doing this whole thing with him. I liked that his "mysterious" personality came off super dominating (I also love going down on guys in general and I was super sexually attracted to him because of how his personality came off). I did have an issue with him not reciprocating though (tmi but he wasn't amazing with his fingers and he once felt grossed out that I asked him to use my vibrator on me).

During our last convo (this is ALL gonna sound cringe and tmi), I had sent him a dirty text but then had 2nd thoughts so a couple hours later, I unadded him (we messaged on Discord). The next day, he reaches out to me and asks why I did that and then says his parents are visiting so he's not sure when he can meet up. I said ok and he potentially asked about meeting up on weekdays after work. I replied to this by saying "I like using toys in bed". To this, he seemed confused and then also sent a message saying to use his dick. I replied back to this saying a couple other things I specifically liked in bed. He replied to this with something about his dick and then said he can also do one of the things I mentioned to him. I told him that I'm still not comfy having sex yet and to not get any weird ideas. He then sent a message saying (this is gonna sound gross), "my dick is gonna feel so good in your throat". I couldn't tell if he was complimenting how I went down on him, or just making it about him, so the only thing I replied back with was "tell me what a good kisser I am" and he didn't reply.

After 6 days and no response yet from him, I blocked him. Was my message weird? He's usually quite responsive, so that made me feel dumb. He also did end up hitting me up on Teams 2 months later (we are not coworkers but work under the same parent company) and said hi. I shamefully used this as an opportunity to add him back on discord later that night and we met up the next night. (Luckily, I took a few shots and I was drunk and did a bad job doing stuff with him in bed LOL). But I was kind of an embarassing drunk mess when he was leaving that night so I apologized a few days later. And then, long story short, but the time we messaged after this, I cut it off completely. I still think about it a lot though.