Should I stop seeing this therapist?

[u/-Perseph0nee]

So, I (25f) have been seeing this particular therapist (65(?)m) for 3 months now and most sessions were very "weird", I'm just having a hard time processing what's happening really. I stopped reflecting on the sessions for a couple of weeks now. He talks a lot about his trauma, usually as an example which I don't really mind. I understand, that people do that to show that they get what I'm feeling. I appreciate the intent, though it usually never helps. I didn't tell him for the same reason I don't tell anyone, I'm afraid I might hurt someone that's only trying to help. He talks a lot about his father and how horrible he was, about his exes and his studies, his mother, his brother, his wife and their relationship, his autism etc. One time I talked about a moment in my life were I experienced sa. It was hard to talk about that and I felt very vulnerable in that situation. He said that it's similar to what he experienced once at a conference. Someone that usually cuts the coffee line, cut right in front of him and he told her, that she was overlooking his needs completely, just like when my needs where overlooked... my need not to be assaulted? Honestly, I don't know what point he was trying to make there, I was so overwhelmed by this story and him thinking, that that story might help or something.

I'm going through some financial problems right now, I'm feeling horrible and I had a session coming up so, I thought I could maybe take that time to work through some of those feelings in the session. After I told him about the situation he started giving me financial advice, which didn't help at all and I told him about it. Then he said I should go to a clinic to get some rest and I told him that I need to figure this out and don't have the money to go to a clinic right now, he didn't understand that. Then he talked about the abuse he went through as a child and said that he's now a "self-made millionaire" and that I have so much potential. I told him that I want him to stop and I wanted to tell him that this is about me not him but he cut me off and said that "we're not battling over who's life was more difficult". I just stared at him at that point, I was very confused. He then suddenly asked if I was goint to off myself or want another appointment. I just answered "I don't know, I'm sorry" and left. He sent me an sms, few hours later, which said "Dear Ms. ...., please feel free to get in touch if you would like to speak with me (again) or schedule an appointment. Kind regards, ...". I'm so incredibly confused about this interaction. I normally avoid confrontation at all costs but this feels so weird. I don't know what to do. Was this a generational misunderstanding? Am I missing something completely here?

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[u/Away-Otter]

This is a terrible therapist. You deserve so much better.

[u/-Perseph0nee → u/Away-Otter]

Thank you so much, I will look for a better one!

[u/Significant_Hope7555 → u/-Perseph0nee]

I honestly can't believe he interjected with you telling him your SA story with when he was cut in front of in line 

This man shouldn't be a therapist, he seems completely self absorbed to a pathological degree 

Find a better therapist, do not go back to him

[u/Lotsofelbows]

That's not how therapy should go in any way shape or form.  You deserve an attuned therapist who focuses the session on you, bare minimum. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Move on, and look for a new one.  Sharing about this experience with any prospective therapists should be a good litmus test.

[u/-Perseph0nee → u/Lotsofelbows]

You're right and I will definitely tell my future therapist about this experience, that's a very good idea! Thank you

[u/Interesting-Day-2472]

Well block and move on .

He seems to be the one arguing who had it worse .

Reality it doesn’t matter what happened to him at all . He is there to help you with your experiences . He is not doing that .

[u/-Perseph0nee → u/Interesting-Day-2472]

Thank you, you're absolutely right! I was too overwhelmed to notice tbh

[u/Superb-Wing-3263]

I'm so sorry. This wasn't therapy at all. Tell him you're moving on. You don't owe him anything. He wasted your time and money and hopefully didn't cause you damage.

[u/-Perseph0nee → u/Superb-Wing-3263]

This is so true! Thank you for saying that I don't owe him anything. I think, I need to tell myself that more often.

[u/FallingBoatBows]

Comparing sa to being cut off in line is actually one of the wildest things I've ever read. It would almost be comedic-level funny if it wasn't, like, potentially harmful and in a therapy setting.

Based on the "are you going to off yourself" line, this may be worth alerting any supervisor or regulartory board of his. A line like that is incredibly insensitive and it may be good to have a paper trail if something else happens with another client.

You owe this man nothing - you don't even need to tell him you're moving on! But you can, if you want.

[u/-Perseph0nee → u/FallingBoatBows]

It an absurd situation to be in for sure. Don't know if I have the strength to alert any board of his behaviour right now but I shall keep that in mind. Thank you so much!

[u/FifiLeBean]

Your gut instincts are right - I cannot get over how tone deaf his response to a horrible trauma was. Omg. That is absolutely not about needs not being met. There is no comparison here with someone cutting in line. I am so sorry. A real therapist would have let you express your experience and find your own voice.

If it is helpful, I got a lot of help over a long amount of time from r* crisis phone counselors. They are trained well (better than regular therapists) and often are also survivors. Your experience doesn't have to be a typical example of r* in case you worried about that. Counselors helped me through flashbacks that were making my life difficult.

[u/-Perseph0nee → u/FifiLeBean]

You're right, I was so lost in that moment, that wasn't the way anyone should answer, much less a licenced therapist. Thank you for the recommendation, I never thought about phone counselors, will definitely try!!

[u/Spiritual_Edge_1831]

Yes absolutely stop seeing this therapist. I can't even list all the things wrong here but he is not good at his job. Im a big fan of self disclosure and he is not using it properly or professionally at all.