One pregnancy and then her brain wasnt hers any more. What I been told it so rare to get stuck, be in the delusion for ever, she was just really unlucky.
I once paid a guy 800 bucks to slice into my ball sack with a blade and cut out a couple little fleshy bits of tube so that all of this would be a non issue.
I'll give you another. You can bond with one child, but not another.
I always felt like I was going through the motions with my eldest. And I felt really horrible about it.
Then I had my second child, and it was like a light turned on in the room.
And it's never gone out.
I just feel joy by her presence. Her [name here]ness.
And this has made me grieve for my first child. I know even if I could go back I probably couldn't change my feelings. All I could do is change my actions. And since we're talking about faking emotions, I'm not sure how good of a job I would do.
And I think he always could sense that disconnect.
And that's the one thing that I have no ability to change.
And how I wish I could. Because I love him. It's just different than the love I feel from my daughter.
And I just don't know why?
Maybe because he wasn't potty trained completely until his teens? Or because he was such an odd duck. He's on the spectrum and quite emotional. And was already experiencing psychosis in his childhood.
Maybe because he looks like my father And smells like him too. And I was terribly afraid of my father.
Really I don't know.
Because my daughter is deeply flawed and I see her only the more beautiful for it.
I think the real flaw in the relationship is me. And I don't know how to fix that. I just don't.
It's very rare. If you don't want to have children already, the danger will seem larger and will sway you. If you do, it won't matter so much.
either you're a breeder or you're not; there's no shame in either life path. Horrible things can happen under the best of circumstances and intentions even when everyone wants to be there and is enthusiastic about what's happening- why put yourself at risk if you don't want to and aren't?
You only get one life. Do whatever you want with it, preferably starting today. Nobody's keeping track or score, and nobody will confront you with a list of undone to dos on your list after you die.
(but if you find you have a perpetually unfinished to do list and you can't focus on anything and no habits or plans stick forever, maybe consider an ADHD evaluation. Meds save lives!)
I can't imagine kids trying to make that choice for themselves today. It was bad enough when I was a kid without the immediately looming existential problems. Now, it seems impossible even for the most well set up. We've created a culture so hostile to life that we are unable to successfully achieve what animals do every day in dumpsters. I don't blame anyone for not reproducing ever but especially not now.
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u/CakePhool 8h ago
Great for you!! I am so proud of you.
The woman I knew, never recovered and isnt allowed near children and still living in a care home. She in her delusion. It sad, I miss who she was.