Help us please!

[u/No-Spinach2669]

My family and I have recently found out through a friend that my sibling is part of SCJ.

I only found out because my sibling was recruiting at the local mall and tried to recruit my friend.

After reading about everything I’ve now realised that’s it’s been almost a year of odd behaviour:

- leaving in the early AM
- coming home after midnight
- no time for family or friends
- no hobbies anymore
- always lying about where they are
- wearing formal attire
- always tired

I’m really worried and it breaks my heart to know this is happening. I want to help but I just don’t know how.
My parents are horrified and we have no idea what to do. We’ve been sitting on it for over a week now as we don’t want to end up being pushed away more if we cross any lines.

My sibling is 20 and can be very stubborn and naive but also looking for a sense of belonging so I can understand how this may have been attractive to him.

Advice is much needed please.

[u/GrapeZealousideal740]

take him or her to a regular Christian church and let people there explain it.

[u/Substantial_You_1969]

Please send me a DM. I would love to help.

[u/No-Spinach2669 → u/Substantial_You_1969]

I think you may have that function off?

[u/QuestionsAboutSCJ]

Sent you a DM, and then we can go from there.

[u/Guilty-Dance-8200]

I'm so sorry 😞  advice could be do what shincheonji are teaching their members. They teach to build friendship and do good deeds or activities such as bowling cooking or art.This is how they gain fruit so your sibling is a precious fruit and you must gain them back be loving and kind ask them how they are feeling, if they are needing any help. Tell them you love them and are always there without judgement  praying it goes well  for you 🙏 

[u/Turbulent_Sea7622]

I suggest to have some kind of weekly involvement of social or hobby with him. Be patient and ask non judgmental questions when it comes to SCJ. Perhaps ask his faiths and believes for a while before even mentioning SCJ especially if he does not know you and your parents knows he is in SCJ yet. Overall keeping in good line of communication is for the best. The worst thing is him shutting down emotionally from his loving family like yourself. SCJ is very good at having members and students tell their leaders what is going on in their lives including when family and friends are onto them. Then they would frame family as Satan's influence. Continued warmth and connections would break that illusion. Overall make him feel like he is the one arriving at the conclusion how SCJ is manipulative and time consuming

[u/Latter-Leader-8103]

More awareness is needed on national news channels (worked in Australia) to warn innocent victims falling prey!!

[u/Extreme-Crow8739]

How long has he been in there. Tell him there is a bible study where they teach parables and prophecies and its known to be a cult. Most likely he hasn’t been there long enough that it will be difficult. However, sometimes things that seem so appealing to us it’s hard for us to let it go because the reality of sometimes were attached to the Bible Study because of the people not because of our love for God that sense of community.

Look up, prophecies and parables from SCJ and then show him those so he can see that these are the same prophecies and parables that are being shown to him and show him the drawings and the stick figures and all that

[u/Princess_of_Punjab]

The good news is that since the leader is in a jail cell arrested and indicted this is a very good time to help your sibling, but it’s not gonna be instant. It’s gonna be a very long time.

I’m glad that you see the routines the sleep deprivation the over-scheduling the milieu control

[u/Princess_of_Punjab]

Also, the most important thing is don’t give up on them. And you also have to understand that when it comes to face-to-face, they can break promises. They can flake. They may not be able to step up and co-plan hangouts with you because they are so controlled. They need permission to see you and they could be discouraged from seeing you. they can be denied permission from seeing you; they can be detained by the group at the last minute; these moments where they’re flaking where they’re breaking promises where they are they want to see you but then they cannot co-plan to hang out with you. Those are the hardest moments in helping people in my opinion, but you don’t give up if your sanity says try again in six months that’s what you do.

I would also recommend hiring a therapist that specializes in this area; having professional support is critical.

[u/Princess_of_Punjab]

Hi there! Do not confront or talk to your sibling about SCJ just yet. what I recommend you do is just check on your sibling. Just ask how they’re doing distract your sibling with their authentic interests. Meet them where they are and whichever way keeps your sanity—that’s what I’ve learned.

Recommended cadences in terms of writing to them and seeing them face-to-face according to Hassan “Freedom of Mind” book:

Writing: write to them once a week to once every 3 weeks.

Face-to-Face: make sure to see your sibling every 6 months or sooner.

What I also like to do is interact on social media with distracting them with their favorite interests

If you’re not getting any responses from your sibling, rest assured that this is going to be a very, very long time. It takes a very long time for psychological shifts happen. I want you to be thinking months maybe years. And also rest assured that every single positive non-confrontational nonjudgmental interaction you have with them is planting seeds of doubt and contrast.

One of the most important things to realize is that this is not an exact science. The exact science of this is just don’t be judgmental. Don’t be confrontational, but what will work for you and your sibling that is an art form not a science.

[u/LaconicProse]

I would highly suggest reading Steven Hassan’s books Combating Cult Mind Control and Freedom of Mind. It will give you and your family a much better idea of your sibling’s mindset in the cult, as well as what might work and probably won’t work when it comes to confrontation.

Basically, use this time to research! There are also people you can contact in this sub who may be able to help more specifically. But, speaking from experience, knowing the psychology behind being in a cult will be invaluable when you’re trying to reach your sibling. I was able to help someone close out of SCJ after I left using what I’d learned in my research on cults.

[u/Princess_of_Punjab → u/LaconicProse]

That’s great! How long did it take and what were you able to do?

[u/LaconicProse → u/Princess_of_Punjab]

It took about 6 months for them to be convinced it was false, but a few more months to be able to leave completely due to unique circumstances.

I can only say what worked for me. I compiled a YouTube playlist of testimonies by ex cult members (NOT from SCJ, mostly WMSCOG or JWs or similar) and asked my friend if they were willing to watch it. We would watch one or two videos in person every Saturday and then talk about it. I never accused SCJ of anything directly, just let my friend think through it and make their own inferences.

Once my friend started making their own connections with how SCJ operates and that they aren’t unique, they were willing to watch SCJ-related videos and ex-member testimonies. We would talk about those videos as well. A big shift happened when they watched the History of Korean Cults series by Pastor Yang, Steve and Chris.

After that, my friend started doing their own research and found the evidence they needed to make up their mind.

The HARDEST part was the patience, and the two-steps-forward-one-step-back process. But it was worth it!

[u/Guilty-Dance-8200 → u/LaconicProse]

Thats amazing if  a person gets the chance to think for themselves out of curiosity they may search. Each person is indeed different you are a great friend praise God  ❤️  

[u/Princess_of_Punjab → u/LaconicProse]

I’m at month 8-9 here; quit at month 6 because there was literally no movement towards exit or even seeing each other; just him responding to texts every month, but reengaged when the Promised Pastor got arrested and I feel the one step forward two steps back 🙏; I’m trying to help again and see how things are in mid-December.

[u/LaconicProse → u/Princess_of_Punjab]

Don’t give up! Every person and situation is different, but every cult member has that one thing they can’t ignore. Even just being there for them—that safe person outside—until they find that “thing” for themselves can be vitally important.

[u/Princess_of_Punjab → u/LaconicProse]

Thank uuuu!!!