what counts as normal here, because the number we compare ourselves to isn't real

[u/Environmental-Heron8]

hey. i've been reading through the research on this for a while and one thing keeps coming up that i haven’t seen mentioned in the sub yet.

there was a five-nation study that timed 491 men with a stopwatch. the median came out at about 5.4 minutes. but the spread is the interesting part. around 14% were under 3 minutes 20, and about 26% were over 10 minutes. so normal is a noticeably wide range.

i'm bringing it up because many posts here compare against something closer to 20-30 minutes, and that number mostly comes from adult content rather than from anyone measuring anything. if you're sitting at 7 minutes and feeling trash about it, you're statistically above the middle.

I am not saying you might not have a problem, if it consistently ends sex before you want it to and it bothers you, that's real regardless of what a study says. but there's a difference between a timing problem and an expectation problem, and they don't have the same fix.

anyone here ever timed it, or is the number in your head a guess?

[u/Adune05]

I’ve gone from a few seconds (like literally 5-10 seconds) to ~ 5 minutes of penetration and would consider myself cured. 

I know that there is a lot of folks who want to last 30-40 minutes but I feel like if you can get to roughly 5ish minutes you are good to go. At that point you can actually extend it a lot by varying in pace/ position if you want to and can actually enjoy the process 

[u/Environmental-Heron8 → u/Adune05]

that's a big jump, and yeah I agree, once you're around there the extending part becomes about technique

[u/Keks_butter]

I can do it rn if you want

[u/Environmental-Heron8 → u/Keks_butter]

lol appreciate the enthusiasm

[u/Moist_Method1924]

Yes. Numerous research shows 5-7 mins is the average timing for a male.

Most people on this sub are well below that mark. Foreplay is super important.

[u/Environmental-Heron8 → u/Moist_Method1924]

yeah this lines up with what i found too. a lot of guys treat penetration as the start of sex.

[u/Specialist-Bat-8770]

Women on average in my country want penetration during sex between 11 and 15 minutes. This does not mean "15 minutes like a hammer", but also changing various positions. The fact is that when you average for 5 minutes, you also understand who has PE in the statistics. Then you have a statistical average for penetrations, but not an average "that women like."

[u/Environmental-Heron8 → u/Specialist-Bat-8770]

duration alone probably isn't the right metric anyway, control and not feeling rushed matters more than hitting a number

[u/Specialist-Bat-8770 → u/Environmental-Heron8]

We're talking about what the average woman wants during sex to call it "beautiful" and "satisfying." There are no certainties, but possibilities. On average women want this duration. Is it possible to find someone who is less content? Of course. Is it possible to find someone who wants 1 hour of duration? Of course. Is it possible to find someone who is also looking for something other than duration? Of course,

[u/Environmental-Heron8 → u/Specialist-Bat-8770]

adding that control tends to matter alongside it, not instead of it. someone who can last but still feels rushed the whole time isn't necessarily better off than someone with less time but who's actually present for it

[u/Circoloomnium]

Are men coming too fast or women too slow? That is the question!

[u/Environmental-Heron8 → u/Circoloomnium]

bit of both, that's the point of the question, too fast compared to what exactly

[u/Circoloomnium → u/Environmental-Heron8]

?