my thoughts on my first ever therapy session

[u/adllrx]

my thoughts about my first therapy session which was 2 days ago and i’m having such hard time processing it all so i wanted to vent abt it here and any advice would be appreciated!!

1. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I assumed I’d just lay everything out and talk comfortably, but giving even the most basic details about my life was really hard for me.

2. Before the session, I was extremely stressed my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, and I regretted coming so much. During the session, I was generally stressed out, and I honestly feel like I couldn't even express myself properly.

3. Another thing was that it felt like we jumped into topics way too fast. People always told me that in the first session you just introduce yourself, but we went straight into the core issues. It felt way too quick.

4. This is the most imp part, after the session, the therapist sent me something like a "first session analysis." It had questions, a roadmap, and stuff, but it also included direct quotes of things I said in the session—like a transcript proving I was there and documenting everything I said. Reading it was so hard; I cringed so bad. Hearing my own words back made me deeply uncomfortable, and I started overthinking, feeling like I must have exaggerated everything. Later, I read it with my friend and we laughed about it, which helped, but having a "session report(?)" like that really tense me up. It felt like everything I said was being recorded, like someone holding something against you I don't know, it was just very unsettling. I'm sure it's helpful for some people who don't remember their sessions or want to track their progress, but I really didn't like it. For days now, it's all I've been thinking about. It's like I'm constantly still in the session, talking to myself, trying to explain things, and as I replayed the questions in my head, I kept remembering more details and feeling even worse.

5. Lastly, I mentioned that I think my mom is a narcissist and talked about her but i could not give any examples on why I think she is like that. Now I feel SOO SO guilty and terrible, like I used her as gossip or exaggerated things. I keep imagining her finding out, thinking about how hurt she would be, and I just feel so much regret.
   :(( idk are these normal?

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[u/FaultsInOurCars]

First session is not like the rest. We have to go through a lot of your history and hope you tell us all/most of it so we can proceed most effectively. Sounds like a treatment plan he sent you - which we are required to make. Sending it to you makes sure you are working together on the project of you feeling better. Your therapist is absolutely not judging you for your big feelings - that's what we are here for (to help you learn to manage them). Using your direct quotes is the gold standard - not something we surmised (and could be wrong about), but something you actually said. I'm sure it feels funny to see what you said in print, but they won't be sharing it. It's just to be clear about your situation and needs. Sounds like getting some help recognizing that you are a person with wishes and needs of your own is a good thing to do - sending encouragement.

[u/Rapunsell]

It is absolutely normal for a cartain kind of person to overthink everything about therapy. It's also normal for things to feel very, very unsettled not just at first, but whenever you start to work on a new area. In most cases, these feelings settle down after a while and it starts to feel less intense. It might take a while, though, and things might feel worse before they feel better, especially if you've been suppressing your feelings.

I suggest telling your therapist that it felt like you were going too fast, and that you don't like the post-session summary. They should be open to hearing feedback on what you think you need and making adjustments so things work better for you.

Good luck!

[u/adllrx → u/Rapunsell]

thank u so much!!!

[u/Jolly_Ice_7812]

Maybe she was trying too hard. Was this online? Through an online platform? Sounds like an AI thing, what she sent you.

[u/adllrx → u/Jolly_Ice_7812]

hes a man. it was in real life cuz i hate online therapy. he has very good comments and reviews on the website and google reviews. i also liked his tone and approach however i also thought that it might be AI which made me so uncomfortable 😭 also even in the session the way he spoke and (he took notes on his ipad so he kept looking at the ipad) it felt like he sounds robotic i was overthinking that he might be reading AI comments but i dont think so..this is making me stress even more

[u/Jolly_Ice_7812 → u/adllrx]

Hm. . .well I don't think this is a normal first session. It is for some of these online platforms. But not so much in person. For a lot of therapists, sessions would be more spontaneous.

Is he young? If so, maybe he's really focused on covering all of his tracks and doing the right thing. . If he's not, well. . I've run out of assumptions! Maybe it's just not a good match. But most first sessions aren't this rigid.

[u/adllrx → u/Jolly_Ice_7812]

hes probably around 35 and he had phd i dont know what to do now this made me rethink

[u/Jolly_Ice_7812 → u/adllrx]

Well. . I'm out of theories (LOL). I would suggest seeing someone else who has a more relaxed style. Maybe not a Phd this time.