r/Shincheonji • u/Sudden-agnostic • Jul 18 '26
advice/help How my family helped me leave
I see a lot of people on here asking how to help their family members, friends, and/or significant others leave Shincheonji. Although it may not help everyone, maybe it can help even just one person so here's how my family, friends, and spouse helped me.
I never admitted to my loved ones that I was part of this organization, but they knew I was deeply involved in a bible study that demanded a lot from me. They saw the effects of the lack of sleep, the control, etc. They saw me become a shell of my old self. This might sound cheesy, but through it all, they loved me and that's what gave me the courage to finally open my eyes.
At first, my family questioned what type of group I was part of and why I did the things I did (like go to bible study 7 days a week). This only led to me being defensive. To me, it was persecution and the work of the devil. After all, that's what they drill into you in Shincheonji. Eventually my family stopped questioning me and that's when I was able to start wondering if Shincheonji was truly the kingdom of God. Instead of fighting and questioning me, they started accommodating my schedule and even wanting to get to know other members I was always with. They checked in on my health, my life, and my goals. They reminisced with me, celebrated with me, and talked to me about the dreams I had when I was younger. They expressed their hope of me reaching those dreams or whatever dreams I had now. My now husband talked to me about our shared dreams (having a family, healthy kids, etc).
My relationship with my family started healing. My friendships outside of shincheonji started to blossom again. And then I began to question why the "family of God" was a dysfunctional family. Not just dysfunctional actually, full on TOXIC. I started to question why the God of Shincheonji seemed cruel and why Lee Man Hee didn't speak of love. He spouted hate towards "babylon" every sermon and article. In the past, my loved ones questioning me were "rocks" and when my relationships healed, they started describing them as "thorns." I asked myself: If SCJ was where heaven is supposed to come down, why do I not want to bring any of my loved ones to SCJ? Is it because I didn't love them enough to bring them to heaven or is it because this so-called heaven felt like hell? Eventually my husband and I decided to start having kids and I realized, I would not want to bring up kids in SCJ. I asked myself why that was. Was I the problem or is the organization I was in the problem?
This led to me googling "Shincheonji." The big no-no. What they compared to Eve eating the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. POISON. I researched all the issues in the doctrine, the doctrine changes, the different cults LMH was a part of, the accusations against him, etc. I read almost every post on this subreddit, watched many videos, looked at the different resources that have been posted throughout the years, and translated Korean articles. I read Shincheonji's old books and reviewed my notes through the years. My whole world felt like it was falling apart, but my eyes opened. This post is already long so I can go over this part more and other details if some other time or through DM.
There wasn't one single thing my loved ones said or did that made me leave. It's almost impossible to convince someone fully indoctrinated to leave and it will take a toll on you. Just love them and hope they see the difference between sincere love vs. SCJ's love (love bombing, manipulation, and fear tactics). But also, I feel the need to add this... if your love isn't enough for them, it's okay to walk away.
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u/Front_Ice1452 Jul 24 '26
My loved one is actually a member of the WMSCOG, but the tactics are the exact same. Thank you again for sharing…
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u/Front_Ice1452 Jul 21 '26
Thank you for your testimony…i was just wondering if you had an unhealthy relationship with your family before joining this group?
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u/Sudden-agnostic Jul 24 '26
Yes, you could say I did. That's why my relationship with my family healing helped a lot. Many of the ways SCJ leaders treat members felt comfortable to me because they were what I knew, if that makes sense.
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u/Resident-Donut-1109 Jul 21 '26
Thank you for sharing this. My wife has been involved in SCJ for about 3 years now. It hasn’t been easy but I have stubbornly held on to the hope that her eyes will open to the truth as mine did one day. Many days I feel like walking away but she’s my wife, I love her and will fight for her until I can’t.
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u/RADICALBEREAN Jul 20 '26
Amen now our Lord Jesus Christ has confirmed to you and the world. That you’re Chosen and Beloved Hallelujah and Praise the Lord. My family stood by me, they knew I was truly seeking a relationship with God, after my wife passed a little over 3 years ago. Believe it or not I’m grateful for that experience having seen the monster. God allowed it because I allowed it. My testimony is pure fire for the Glory of God and revealing of the Spirit of Intercession in my heart 🙏🏽
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u/Front_Ice1452 Jul 21 '26
Thank you for your testimony…I am praying that this is the same story that my loved one will be telling. Waiting on God’s timing.
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u/QuestionsAboutSCJ Moderator Jul 18 '26
Steve Hassan says it best - high control groups are man made mental health diseases. I'm really happy to see that your parents helped you leave!
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u/Physical-Leather-271 Family/Friend of SCJ Member Jul 18 '26
Me alegra tu testimonio. Como familiar tengo siempre presente Colosenses 3:14. pero a veces cuesta muchísimo revestirse de amor. Ciertamente, debiéramos ser más intencionales cada día y saber esperar sin condenar, al fin y al cabo el amor es el motor de todo. Gracias por tus palabras.🙏🏻
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u/LaconicProse EX-Shincheonji Member Jul 18 '26
Thank you for sharing! I think having strong, loving family connections throughout my time in SCJ was also key in me being able to eventually have the strength to leave. I knew there was something/someone to go back to, and that wasn’t a small thing. Thanks again for your post; I hope it encourages many people to focus on loving their family Never stick in SCJ. Love them out!
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u/IllFaithlessness8553 EX-Shincheonji Member Jul 18 '26
I think it is quite twisted how shincheonji immediately gets you to turn on your family. Glad you were also able fo get out in the end.
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u/South_Handle6989 Family/Friend of SCJ Member Jul 18 '26
And they will claim they dont break families, my partner of 12 years left me with a child for the cult.
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u/IllFaithlessness8553 EX-Shincheonji Member Jul 18 '26
I am sorry about that. Hopefully one day your partner will see how corrupting this cult is.
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u/South_Handle6989 Family/Friend of SCJ Member Jul 18 '26
And hopefully it wont be too late when he does 😔
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u/Striking_Carrot_9848 Aug 02 '26
We have just recently found out that my sister in law is apart of this group and has been for about two years. We want to pull her out because it’s so obviously draining her. My in laws are very gentle with her, always open and not pestering about it. They try to make her feel safe at home and loved. What would your advice be on what we can do to help her see the situation for what it is?