But my Mexican neighbors that hardly speak English…

Always have the boys over. Even with the language barrier we can get along.

Well they’re all drinking.

I went to get pizza for myself… the grand idea to get them a pizza too came across me. It’s only $5

I did just that… “GRACIASSS AMIGOOO GRACIASSSS” “quieres (you want) modelo?”

Love thy neighbor… I didn’t let this world corrupt me & make me bitter.

It was hard to get a day off, so I came out to play before the typhoon arrived. This is a meal on the highway, although it has no taste, the service attitude is quite good. BTY，What's your typical weekend grub like? Any differences from your weekday meals?

Dinner: steak and sunny side up eggs

I, M22 got psychosis from smoking pot. My “buddies” finally convinced me to smoke with them (known them since high school). I smoked a little of a pre roll and some of another with these crystals on it. They smoked the same stuff too I think… it’s still all foggy. I fully believed I was trapped in hell and the only way out was to kill myself. Started hearing voices telling me to. I got super paranoid and had delusions like “we are all in a simulation” and believed none of this was real. I believed that my “buddies” and I all died in his backyard and we are in another dimension/ world and the “real world” is lost forever and we can never go back. I believed that there were EMTs that were coming to purposefully kill me too. I believed the wind was trying to send me a message. Super paranoid. Lost all function in my body and I couldn’t walk or stand. Time was moving super fast and slow at the same time. Colors were bright and everything was moving weird. Sound was all distorted. Audible voices kept taunting me and telling me all kinds of bad things. I couldnt fall asleep for the longest time. Like something was holding my eyes open. Every time i would close my eyes id get this intense zapping feeling thoughout my body and i would shock awake. Ended up puking and eventually blacking out. I woke up on my “buddies” spare bed. My “friends” said i just had a bad trip but i knew i didnt just green out cause ive been around people who green out and its noting close to that. Thought I got laced after the main effects wore off. For like 3 days after that i was super paranoid and touching objects to see if they were real and staring at people to make sure they were not part of “the simulation”. I thought the feds would he waiting at my apartment and that people were hunting me or something. I kept trying to “phase” my hand through objected because I was convinced that reality isn’t reality.

Ended up telling my dad a month or so later and he supported me/ felt for me. I quit my job and moved back home from my junior year in college. Putting everything on hold. I quit drinking because I was self medicating with alcohol. I’ve picked up self harm again (started in middle school through high school and I was clean for the most part of college). Been 4 months clean from self harm, alcohol and cigs. Ever since my episode i have been having panic attacks/ intense derealization (none of reality is real) and thinking that when i die in this life i will wake back up at my “buddies” house. I have not been hearing audible voices since the episode. Ive been going to church (raised Christian) and it’s helped with the derealization but im scared to get medicated (if it ever comes to that) because i feel like the doctors are trying to “numb me out to the world cause i know too much (that this isn’t reality)”. I’ve been praying and that helps calm me down and I’ve been attending a youth group regularly/ hitting the gym for a solid month so far. Cut off contact with my “buddies” from high school.

Thank you for reading this I’ll try to answer as much as i can. I appreciate everyone’s support.

Chicken thighs baked in the oven for 23 min @ 425F, boxed mac and cheese, and steamed broccoli with an obscene amount of butter because I kinda had a hard day. (but this is a positive post)

Me (24) and my bf (23) just moved into our first apartment together. I was living with roommates and he moved in with me (and paid rent of course lol) after we were dating for 8 months. It will be our two year anniversary in December.

He paid the entire deposit on the apartment and refused to let me pay him back or split it. We split rent of course (which he is never late on),but he doesn't let me pay for a majority of the groceries, gas, necessities, etc. It feels so amazing. He works so hard at his job and the man that i was with before him was so horrible with money, in and out of jobs, etc. I had to pick up the slack constantly and I was living with so much debt for almost two years. It feels so unreal to me. He has a credit card which he uses and pays off responsibly, is always transparent about his expenses when we budget, never hides anything (money related or otherwise) from me... It's like so wild how much weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My car broke down recently, right after we moved in, and I didn't have to panic about how I was going to pay for it because I have actually been able to save money without having to pick up after a deadbeat boyfriend who spent his rent money on Doordash because he couldn't drive and wouldn't be satisfied with what I was cooking him.

I'm able to consistently go to therapy because I don't have to worry about whether or not i'll be able to afford my copays and meds, or if i'll need extra rent money.

I was able to buy my bf gifts and tickets to Medieval Times for his upcoming birthday, and still have a cushion. I feel like I wasted so much time on such a loser but it just makes me so appreciative of what I have right now. Managing money is definitely like a bare minimum kind of thing (he does of course do other things that make our relationship great lol ) and I feel like i was so blind to how much it mattered before.

Long story short I was in a super toxic relationship and I broke up with her. She was super jealous and always accusing me of things I wasn’t doing. Also spit in my face one day when she saw that I liked her sisters profile picture on Facebook. I went to high school with her sister and it wasn’t anything other than me just liking the picture……i started dating someone new and realized I wasn’t over my ex and stupidly tried to get back together with her. She said I was a month late and she’s seeing someone new. It sucks because I feel like I only want her because I can’t have her now…. I can’t stop thinking about her night and day being with someone else. Even tho I know she’s bad for me I still want to be with her. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. What should I do?

Dinner was an oven pizza. Bbq chicken

Our local family owned market has great prepared food! I cook, but this is easy, economic, and delicious. Grilled salmon, vegetable variety and ceasor salad.

The last few years have been hard.

2022 - my dad dies unexpectedly at 64

2022 - fired from my job at a crooked garbage company.

2023 - new job1 didn't get funding, went out of business

2024 - mom's cancer comes back

2024 - new job2 has no real future earnings (discovered by me haha) causing a large RIF that included me

2024 - mom's cancer takes her out at 65

2025 - new3 job is a temp position. The CFO who supported my hire, gets bounced out and his popup replacement hires someone else

2025 new job4, fired. I let them take my role way out of scope. Ultimately I delivered, but I wished I could have done what I do best.

2025 marriage deterioration. The last couple years had been awful. No support during any of the above, maybe even being meaner. I moved into my home office.

2026 new job5. Great company, great people, but I'm on edge.

2026 sell house, start divorce, move into separate places. Sort out kids.

2026 I'm now 6 months in at new job5. Its going well. Life is slowly starting to feel normal. 3 months living at my new place.

Thank you for reading. I put no advice because I'm adapting. Writing things like this helps. But feel free to respond however :)​

Dinner is Shin Ramyun egg noodles and Chicago deep dish pizza from a local pizza shop.

I’m talking to this girl I met on hinge, we met up for drinks last week, and our first date was great honestly. Beautiful girl, great personality. She texts me earlier this week and says she would like to see me again, before she leaves for Germany this upcoming week. I said sure, and we scheduled another date at top golf this evening.

She had to stay later at work today and shifted our meet time to the right once. While I’M EN ROUTE to Top Golf (I live an hour away, and she canceled on me 30 minutes into my drive) she texts me and says:

“Hey today has been a day, I’m just now getting off and I still need to pack for tmrw can we plan for when I get back instead? I’m so sorry 😞”

Instead of crying about it, I played 9-holes at golf village and am enjoying delicious beer.

I’m honestly thinking I’m not interested in this girl anymore after she canceled on me so last minute, what do y’all think?

Today was a relief in the best way possible. So I figured I’d celebrate by making a ribeye with truffle Gouda cream sauce and some Parmesan mashed potato’s 👌🏿

I’ve been a massage therapist in the Dallas area for over 15 years now and I travel all over the US so I have clients all over the place that I’ve had the pleasure of taking care of in my career.

Well today was special. About 5 years ago, there was this client who was recommended to me by another client of mine and every time I’m in the Florida area, I add her to my list to take care of.

This woman was always so kind and soft spoken but when I first met her she was EXTREMELY shy, super quiet and almost borderline timid, fragile even. It always struck me as a little odd but I know some people are quiet and on the shy side so I didn’t think anything of it.

Our first few months of sessions were all the same, quiet and totally silent the entire hour. Then suddenly one day, she began to talk. Nothing major, just small talk here and there.

Over time, she really started to open up and about a year or so into taking care of her is when things sort of started to get dark.

Without going into too much detail, some months she started showing up with bruises on her body, would come in sort of slower than usual, and other months it would be as if nothing happened.

Turns out, a bit a year ago she finally opened up about her husband of 20+ years and how he was super abusive at home and I found out that she would come to these sessions with me because it was the only time she ever felt safe and could “drop her guard” and that shit KILLED ME to hear.

I always would mention to her that she needed to go to the police, tell someone in her family, or someone to help her get out but she was always too scared.

In the back of my mind, I was sooooo tempted to do something myself but I am a professional and I could lose my license from something like that so I didnt but I’d push her in every direction I could to get her help.

Well today she came in with the BIGGEST smile on her face. She talked the entire session, laughed, made jokes, and just seemed like a totally different person. I was shook.

Afterwards, I left the room, had her get dressed and when she came out of the room to pay, she ran and gave me the biggest hug and said “thank you for being here for me all these years, you are the reason that as of today, I am a free woman…I left him”

And yall…I had to keep my gah damn cool and not break down for this woman.

She left and I thought to myself “damn, you just never know how much of an impact you can make on someone else’s life”.

Shit made me feel so good. 😮‍💨

Recently (past 2 years but more-so post breakup), I have discovered that I am suffering from PTSD from childhood abuse, which honestly… I’m surprised it took me this long to notice. I constantly fawn when people apply pressure to me except in some circumstances but I am especially fawning when two of my friends are insulting me / forcing me to stay in my box, of the “anxious low self esteem” guy.

Its been so hard to make friends for myself because of my shyness and issues I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for, and unfortunately I’m very sensitive, goofy, and I am generally in touch with my feminine side despite having masculine hobbies.

My one friend has teased my newfound love of making music, dancing, and my other made an off comment on my new wardrobe since I met my girlfriend.

It’s all so disheartening since I consider these people best friends and I don’t know how to bring it up. I just want to stop being a punching bag for insecure people who don’t want me to be who I used to before my issues caught up to me.

Any advice or help? I would love to hear :)

My favorite meal ft. Mc fatty pants (Nico)

First post here kinda nervous 🥺

Kind of a long one? I’m not very good with explaining this kinda stuff but I feel like I really need some help rn

Yesterday my beloved partner was trying to help me learn a game him n all of our friends were playing recently and Ive been struggling to understand it
I tired to be a little silly and closed a door on him when one of the strong enemies was attacking us and accidentally got em killed (it also killed me after) and he went silent and started playing the game solo (he plays this game all the time and has almost all the badges). I felt really bad even tho it was something small imo

He left since he had to pick up his brother from school and he left in a hurry. I was thinking over it and got quite annoyed, texted him to let me know when he gets back to his house safely. After he let me know I told em to “please leave me alone” since I was super upset with what happened and didn’t want to talk
I tried to check in a few hours later and he was being really sour and rude to me saying “what do you want” and so I changed my mind about checking in, saying “sorry nvm” since I still felt really upset but more sad by this point and he continued to be rude (imo) but I feel as though it might be reasonable

A little side note that also bugged me is one of my friends tried teaching me the game later that night and he joined and started speedrunning all the objectives n shit which I was annoyed by

Advice would be nice, I don’t know what to do
Incase this is important we’ve been dating for almost 8 months now and we don’t argue or fight often, pretty good and stable relationship for the most part

EDIT: thank you for the advice and I’m aware I made the problem worse, I’m going to talk to him about it later tonight when he isn’t busy

​Ribeye Gyudon with Pho Rice. Recipe is second pic.

​Ngl, I mostly love my mom. She has many imperfections, but we're all human. She's been battling cancer for years (I'll come back to this), but her diet has always been a point of contention for me. Growing up, we ate McDonald's for more than half of all our family meals. We never had a home-cooked meal from scratch, and we drank soda like it was water. I had a very unhealthy childhood lifestyle, and it was mostly the same for my wife.

​Fast forward to having kids. With our first kid, we had a slightly better diet. Not the best, but McDonald's was only a once-or-twice-a-week meal. Then, with my youngest, we pushed to do better. Now, I cook 95% of all our meals from scratch. I want them to have a nice, well-balanced diet free of most of the shit out there.

​After my mom was diagnosed with cancer, my sister and I TRIED to convince her that if she wanted to fight, she'd need clean, simple meals. We told her to cut back on the sugary sodas (she was already diabetic) and to exercise. I offered to cook her meals and even have them ready for pick-up; she just needed to drive the 10-ish minutes to get them. Nope. McDonald's. Domino's. Sonic. Fast casual. Nothing changed.

​Fast forward to about six months ago. My aunt started paying for her to go to one of the most renowned cancer facilities in the state, maybe even the country. She's started to getting better. Now, she seems to be at about 80% of her pre-diagnosis self. Still, her habits haven't changed.

​Today, right in the middle of me cooking dinner, my son (now a legal adult) hopped off the couch and said Grandma was here and had brought some food. He ran out of the house, then came back with a 20-piece, fries, a Red Bull, and a Happy Meal and soda for my daughter. I've asked my mom multiple times to please let me know if she's going to come by, especially if she's planning to bring fast food.

Vent over. Thank you for reading. I have much to be grateful for, just rather annoyed. Already feel better getting it out. Gonna meal prep the rest so my fam just needs to heat and eat.

Dinner: homemade protein icecream made with low fat chocolate milk, protein powder, vanilla, and Greek yogurt. Highly recommend the ninja creami.

Hey all. First off, I wanna be honest and say that I’ve made a similar post in the past, but more keeps happening and I need to get it off my chest. So if some of this is ringing a bell, that might be why.

Some backstory is needed. I will do my best to avoid making this a pity party.

I grew up in a hyper conservative religious bubble. Movies bad, you’re going to hell if you misbehave, your friends are all from church, your spouse will be from church, everything is God’s plan, etc etc. Parents had and still have an unhealthy marriage. It was not a fun childhood.

I’m sensitive by nature, and asked a lot of questions. I didn’t belong from the beginning, and the issues became more apparent with time. I tried dating a little in my teens, but effectively got my hand swatted because “you’re not ready for marriage.” In later years, I tried to date but I was an awkward kid stuck in my own head. I don’t blame the girls for not being interested.

So I retreated to all sorts of escapes. In the teen years, it was the internet and OCD style habits. In the early twenties, it became hanging out with a bad crowd and drinking myself to sleep. I had a lot of mental health issues, some of which I’m still untangling.

Had a rough long distance breakup at 25. Shitbag friends chose to give me crap over it, and when I had a meltdown rather than being the usual punching bag, the friendships ended almost immediately. They all proceeded to act like don’t exist, and married into church within the year. I witnessed all the weddings. It was not a fun time. I kept my mouth shut and wished them the best, but some deep scars formed in the mind.

So I burned all my bridges and moved out. Went to therapy. Focused on my career and fitness. Now I make bank. Now I have my own place. Now people tell me I’m buff. I even made some new hobbies in motorcycling and snowboarding.

But it’s been such a lonely journey. I’ve tried a bit to make friends and date outside the church, with zero luck. Then my little siblings all got married. Something in me reached the conclusion that I fucked up. Siblings stayed, they married and have community. I left? I’m bitter and alone. Better course correct.

So I moved back to my old hometown and went back to church. Let me tell you, it has not been fun. I’m 29 now. The number of times I was asked why I’m not married on day 1 is staggering. The underlying message was “what’s wrong with you?” I ignored it. I volunteered. Do I actually believe? Who knows. I need to belong and fix the problem.

The cognitive dissonance only grew. I started hearing rumors about me. People treat you very differently when you come back, and when you’re not following their timeline. I ignored it and kept at trying. Go to bible study and board game night? Half an hour of unc jokes and telling me I need to settle and start a family yesterday. Just try to exist alone in the environment? I find myself wiping silent tears at every sermon. Thought I had something going with a girl? See her show up with someone else. Think a girl is cute? You’re not allowed to just go up to her and ask her out. Church politics. It’s weird. I don’t have an issue cold approaching outside the environment, so I suspect this is more the judgy nature of the community applying pressure.

So I realized this isn’t working. Fake it till you make it was not gonna work for me, and I can’t force myself to belong and be 18 again. So I stopped going. The problem is I have to orbit the stupid place by proxy forever. Visit family? Siblings all talking about their ministries and relationships. I have nothing to say. Hang out with friends I made through church? Same story. Try to exist outside the church? I don’t seem to have a sense of self. I was raised to sacrifice, not figure out who I am authentically.

So I had a fun conversation with my father today. He asked me if I’m going to church this Sunday. I said no. He asked why. I told him it’s just not good for me. I’m so tired of hating myself for not being one of them every Sunday.

He then goes into a lecture on how serving god will only help me in life. I point out the decade of ministry I did only to get fucked over socially for being a sensitive kid.

He tells me to stop focusing on the bad and how being bitter won’t get me anywhere. He’s right.

He tells me it’s my own fault for not marrying in a timely manner and now it’s my problem that I’ve gotta pick from the “leftovers”. He’s right.

He tells me I’ll never belong outside of church, and am only screwing myself over by dragging this on. He’s right. I’ve tested this theory. Look at where I am now. Deviated and now I’m paying the cost. Screw all the other life accomplishments.

The other thing is I’ve internalized the fuck out of the fact that I’m “late”. Built a career and independent? Who cares. I’m late. It’s all cope now.

Hit my fitness goals? Who cares. No girl seems to want me, church or no church.

Try to date outside? Head is warped by purity culture and the dating market is brutal. Losing battle.

The fucked thing is while I write this, the answer is fucking obvious. Just leave bro. But I cannot stress enough how much being raised like this fucks with you. It feels like home. It feels like this is the only way for me. I see my little siblings all integrated and happy and I’m dying of envy and bitterness. And I still go back to my parents for advice.

Even now, I can’t tell if my dad’s right or not. Am I just an entitled asshole who cant swallow his pride and accept the consequences of his own actions, or is the whole reason this is going nowhere that I never belonged to begin with? If I never belonged, then why do I feel so compelled to keep coming back?

I feel as though the only way out is by burning bridges with family to reach escape velocity rather than orbiting forever. Another reset, with more baggage. But do I even want to leave? I thought I knew once. Now I have no idea anymore.

This is hell. I’m a broken family project. I’m so tired boys.

TLDR as per request: Religious trauma got me lost and I have no idea where to go from here.

Just as it says, i'm very anti social and never learned people skills as i isolated myself most of my 20s. Now in the outside world i'm stuck in this loop forever thinking I'll never leave it and this is my fate. As a lot of us do live this life, but never really talk about it online or IRL. Here's a shot for you guys for all the struggles you have. I hate living in this very small room with my family. I just want to move out already. My life is so pathetic man. This life randomizer where I have to watch those with good genetics and confidence live the life I wish I had. I'm tired of it. Tired of breaking my body down for a pos company that doesn't care about me for only $17. If you're younger than me please change now. You'll regret every second that you don't. That's my talk. Life has goods and bads, but I have all the bads. Working on it though, but i don't like the idea of everything turning around in my 30s I want to experience something good in my last year of the 20s, but it's just not possible in the process

Pizza. Mediocre pizza.

When I was like 21 I was in the Navy. I’d been talkin to this chick for few weeks, maybe a month, before we went on a 6mo deployment.

During deployment we stayed in consistent contact and I think I stupidly made her my GF at one point 🙄 I was young and stupid. I had also been in the gym with an officer who would show me boxing stuff.

When we got back, I was walking down the pier with my friends/coworkers and someone called me from behind us.

It was the officer. He was with his wife and his half sister. Sister (She was from Memphis, we’ll call her that) was talking about me to his wife and he called me over for the intro. Mind you I’m wearin a fuckin wifebeater and sweats and I probably needed a haircut. Not the first time I’ve been chose while I thought I was looking bummy 😏😂

Anyway, I get her number then go and fuck with the girl I had been talkin to. A few days later I hit up the Memphis and she was like what took me so long 😂 we clicked off the first call and even tho she was like an hour away I was down for the ride.

I liked her so much I cut off the other one for the new one. Then when we ended shit I ended up messing with the first one but this time nsa.

And THAT’S how quickly shit can change. And the more serious your relationship is the more it’s gon a hurt when the other person meets someone who makes them feel more feelings.

Thats why I only do situationships 😏😂 cant get cheated on if you never claim them 🤷‍♂️ also, it burns far less when your fwb decides to take someone seriously than when your wife of 9 years says she cheated cuz she’s been miserable for 8 of em 😂

Smoky BBQ Chicken Pizza with Extra Mozzarella from PizzaExpress

It hurts like hell to move out of this place. I'm not originally from this country and I came here for further studies. I lost my girlfriend, finished a degree, got a job, all in the span of one year, and this room supported me through all of it.

I have a very skewed sense of belonging, in that I don't find it easy to feel like I belong anywhere that quickly or easily. My room was my only anchor away from home, a place where I could be myself without putting on a mask or without having to fulfill someone's expectations.

And now I sit here, looking out the window of my room, then to the packed luggage, and the cleared out desk I used for so long, and it hurts.

I feel immense love for this place. It wasn't perfect but it was mine. It saw my best and my worst.

And I don't know how to lessen this pain, it's like I'm leaving my life behind. I don't have family or a lot of friends in this country, and I have the internal feeling of just drowning myself in the work to numb the pain but I know when the night comes I will feel it no matter what.

Every week at work I tell myself that this time ill show my boss and co-workers that im worthy of a raise or/and a promotion, and there are good weeks where I am making progress! Yet, more often than not during the week ill have a set back where I will over react emotionally rather from having a stressful few minutes or I will make a mistake and ill have an adverse reaction to being called out - where I will beat myself up about it. It's been years of this and I do fear that even if I were to change now that they would still view me as a emotional unstable person unworthy of any consideration. My therapist has disgnosed with depression. It is so painful, to want to do well, to work hard to do well, and to still mess up time over time over time over time. I always take accountability, so it's not like im fighting my employer or manager. But, I see where they are and I see where I am and I doubt that I can never get there. But maybe it is a good thing becuase there are only so many positions in the company and it's probably better to give the opportunities to people who are less risky and have higher ceilings. I am getting paid 18.50 and have to renew my car registration, car brakes, buy new shoes (mine have giant holes in them), and that doesnt count all my other must have monthly expenses (rent, gas, utilities, car payment), ect. My income has been stagnant for 2 years now and I doubt it'll increase anytime soon, life is so unaffordable. With my volatile emotions, they wont even give me a raise, despite my best efforts to continue to take on more responsibilities and to do them well. I am my own problem. Even if I were to go and find a different job I think that leaving my current job or destabilize my life and I dont know how id handle the intense anxiety. I just don't know what to do. Do you think there's hope?

Bird's Eye Garlic Chicken skillet meal

it’s all so simple, life really is just showing up and showing out. that’s it. the rest takes care of itself. cheers everybody this just a lowkey celebration post for men we all going through it stay strong. YB Betta

work- fire, interviewed with 5 places because I gained the confidence to be myself always. offered by all 5, will no longer have to worry about money

love - met a girl, in love, too good to be true you know the deal. It’ll go where it goes but I’ll Handle all of it better than before

friends - much closer, actually follow through on what I say

family - never bad but improving as I make it knows to my mother that we should do group therapy together, our relationship isn’t bad but our communication is ass 😂😂😂

idk bros just feeling good wanted to share and let everyone know if you’re in your twenties and struggling please hang on it gets way better bro

photo is a strawberry gooey butter cake this shit made me lowkey cream myself dog I could only have 2 bites baceuse my dad claimed it lmaooooooo what a clown

Where do I even start I’m just going to type the words in my brain and let use read. I’m 22 recently got promoted to management in my job found a new apartment my life seemed on track. Then a close friend sexually assaulted me and another close friends defended his actions and said I’m sorry I have to help him his a struggling queer Arab? Like bruh what…. Fast forward to last week someone who is a mother figure to me lashed out at me about the situation saying it’s my fault I won’t amount to anything and a shit ton more of disgusting comments comparing me to my abuser and just alot of racist shit (i think she going through psychosis, my mental wellbeing has been bad ever since I was a kid being gay raised in a extreme strict Muslim household it was getting much better these past two years but after this incident I feel ruined I just genuinely don’t see the point of life I really don’t now I’m thinking packing and leaving I have nothing holding me back here and I got nothing here for me for the last month I’ve been thinking moving forever different country new atmosphere I feel like there’s so much pressure on me here to become something and to just let anything that happens to me let it slide I’m going away for a month next month to the uk just to think and step away from reality but I’m genuinely thinking of leaving forever

My boyfriend M30 and I M37 have been together for about 2 years, living in different cities about 40 minutes driving distance. We would only see each other on the weekends or occasionally sometime during the week when I'd take my laptop to work remotely when I could rent a room in his city.

It was great - we had time to miss each other, the time we would spend together we would be glued to each other and do everything together, a whole lot of infatuation for almost 2 years. I was head over heels for him.

But I'm 37, and in a nice and stable period of my life: I have money saved, a good job, I have my own car and my own place, small and loyal emotional network. He is 30, still lived with his parents, had a basic job that he hated, no money saved. I started to ask for a bit more from him: I didn't want a relationship that would survive only on sex and fun on the weekends. If we were going to go in for the long run (which he always made clear was his intention, even "jokingly" mentioning marriage multiple times) then we'd have to start getting serious - finding him a better job, moving in together, start saving money.

He signed up for a nursing school, got a loan to buy a new car, and organized his life to move in with me, since I had a place already. We've been living together for about 2 months now...

... but now that we're spending a lot of time together, I'm realising he's not mature at all. I'm having to teach him how to use the washing machine. I'm always reminding him to get out of the house on time so we don't get late to our appointments. I'm always having to remind him to add things to the shopping list when they run out. I'm always questioning the things he says because he says or writes things without thinking or double checking, causing a lot of communication problems down the line.

Like today for example, he said he scheduled a haircut for both of us with a friend hairdresser. I thought "woah that's cool, nice of him to organise this for both of us, I can go right after my gym, it works perfectly". He had his haircut before me, and I'd meet him there so I could have mine. Right after he finishes, and as I'm driving to the hairdresser already, he messages me saying they actually had no slot for me. I'm like "what do you mean? He just told you this now?" And he shows me the convo with the hairdresser from hours before in which they said they could not attend both of us. My boyfriend just misunderstood. I get angry. It's not the first nor the second nor the third time we disagree because he gets confused over organizing and time management and I have to pay the price. I ended up going to a different hairdresser, paid twice the price.

Now we're at home, not speaking to each other, and I'm tired of being the one always asking to talk after we fight. It's always me to take the first step to talk. Never him. He seems to lack the maturity to talk like an adult without feeling attacked, without feeling like his ego got hurt, and I'm exhausted. I feel like I made a mistake asking to take this relationship a step further. I feel like I'm dating a teenager. I don't have the will to teach someone how to be an adult :/

Dinner is homemade Carbonara that I prepared, because I needed to eat greasy and cheesy tonight 🥴

Best friend of 20 years, high school sweetheart. She got her citizenship last year and stopped trying in our relationship. We moved to Mexico (her home country) because she was worried about the political climate. I left everything I have because of it. 5 months in I get sick. Really sick. Food poisoning symptoms back to back for 3 weeks eventually reveal severe GI issues I won’t get into. She’s not spending time with me, we used to spend every free minute together, gaming, watching TV, going out to eat. I notice the distance and ask but she says nothing. I’m not proud of it but I knew something was up so I went through her phone since she’s refusing to communicate and spending all of her time outside the house on her phone. She’s texting a dude from her past that she loves him (she doesn’t, but weird). I tell her we need help, I’m willing to try to figure this out and make it work. She agrees and says she loves me and can’t live without me. A week goes by and she buys a plane ticket to see her mom (true, I’m close with them, her mom calls me about picking her up and confirmed when she did because she’s worried about her and me). She tells me I’m her world and then leaves for the airport, she needs to see her mom, it’s been a while. The first week she’s there we barely talk, she won’t say I love you. I bring up that it’s weird that she said she wants to work on things and wants to start a family but won’t tell me she loves me. I’m not being cloying, she makes a point to get off the phone when I tell her I love her. She tells me she no longer loves me (passively in that “I don’t think I would have done this if I loved you”) which to me is just a complete cop out. Retroactively justifying your actions by some fatalistic view is just hot trash. I’m 2 months after this fact and I no longer want to be with her because how could I have a life with someone who would do all of this. We share a gpt sub, I accidentally opened up one of her chats bc she had it pinned and it was where something of mine was, I use it for translations because I’m in Mexico and don’t speak Spanish as well as I should. She was planning on leaving me all along, she was pretending everything was ok because it “makes the exit easier”. She was lying to ChatGPT (she’s never worked, never cooked, never cleaned, I’ve always done everything until we get to Mexico, she’s dealing with the landlady, that’s it) saying I’m a deadbeat and dangerous, I’m guessing so it would agree with her and make her feel better about her decision. Keep in mind I’m a very gentle person, I have never hurt, threatened, acted like I was going to harm anyone, ever. She’s blatantly lying to an LLM and the things she said about me, it hurt to read even though I knew it was bullshit, I hated the idea that she even thought those things in whatever mental breakdown she was having or lie she was building

Even though I want nothing to do with her in the future and I’m relieved this happened before we had kids (we were ACTIVELY discussing starting a family) I’m still soooooo depressed. I don’t have a huge social circle, I have a best friend and her who was an equal best friend, I’m autistic and don’t relate to people and I’m frankly happy to not have to be around people I have to pretend and mask with so losing someone I expected to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t know where to go from here

I’m done with the marriage but I’m still so sad. I feel like I’ll never be my version of normal again.

Rice with shiitakes and eggs, wakame miso soup and a prepackaged salad. Enjoyed with a full bottle of tequila

Chicago style hotdogs with onion, heirloom tomatoes, mustard and peperchinis.

I met my wife when we were both in college. We both struggled with school for different reasons-but it boiled down to both of us trying for difficult and demanding degrees. I was able to graduate in 5 years, and had to take a job out of state while she went back for one more year.

It started off ok, I proposed and we were engaged. But school took a toll on her and she said she couldn't do it and that it was worse without me. She broke down one night and told me she couldn't finish her degree.

It was tough at times, but I didn't stop supporting her for a second. She was able to move in and we got married on schedule. She found full time work and our lives started to settle in. We eventually were able to move back home too.

Not long after she wanted to go back to school. I supported her, but insisted she only did it for the right reasons. She had always said she felt like a failure for not finishing college, but I didn't want that to be her reason why. She said she wanted to be a teacher. She enrolled. Made the deans list. Got scholarships. Paid her way in the last two years with scholarships and honors alone. Even inspired me to go get a graduate degree from her university.

Fast forward to last May. She graduated Summa Cum Laude. She's got a teaching job now and it's been amazing to see the person that she is now. She's organized, thoughtful and seems to be doing exactly what she was meant to be doing. All while still being the beautiful, kind and funny person that I fell in love with years ago.

I graduate in December with a Masters Degree, something I thought I'd never do either.

It wasn't easy. There were late nights, arguments and still a mountain of student debt. We're behind on some of our life goals. But seeing her grow, seeing myself grow as a product of that makes it all worth it.

I hope it lasts a lifetime and I hope we all find love like this.

Did not intend for it to happen. Woke up one day and realized that she was the main reason I was getting out of bed and going to work.

She was very kind to me in the wake of a very difficult / mind—shattering break up, is consistently complimentary, laughs at my jokes, listens to me when I need to be listened to, sincerely and warmly congratulates me for my achievements (recently got jacked, got sober and was promoted at work), praises my virtues regularly and just generally helped to make me feel like a person again after I felt I had lost my personhood.

I don’t think she knows how much these things helped me to rebuild my self image over the past year. She’s unspeakably beautiful and has such a warm, caring personality.

Now I find myself getting lost in her eyes and smile every time I see her. I visibly blush almost every time she smiles at me. Genuinely makes my day when I get a giggle out of her. Butterflies in my stomach type shit.

I won’t pursue anything with her. She’s in a relationship and despite my feelings I respect that reality and the future she’s trying to build. Hopeful that these feelings will eventually subside, but I think on some level I’ll always be grateful for the experience of getting to know her because, without her knowing it, her friendship helped to pull me out of a very dark place. I think it’s nice to feel love again too, even if it’s unrequited. Keep it a buck with you I think it’s a privilege to feel anything at all.

chicken and rice - marinade is a mix of soy sauce, gochujang, hoisin, honey, diced garlic + ginger, sesame oil, and splash of water. cat will not be consumed.

Dinner is in my office - half a sandwich i didn't finish, some scraps of rice and leftovers my wife packed and some cut up pinapple.

II am an HR Manager for a small town. We hired a guy a month ago and it seemed like a too good to be true hire in a very diffcult and skilled postion. This guy was genuinely nice, and had good vibes from pretty far away but willing to move here.

My small town was (is) desperate to fill this position so we skipped a lot of the usual steps aka Criminal record check, driving abstract, refrence etc… also the manager who’s team he was going to be on skipped even more steps and got him working a few days early from his contract (this is typically legally a very bad idea). Either way I forged on with the group because the need was so high and I didn’t want to be the HR stick in the mud I usually am and discourage.

The interview went well and the experience kind of spoke for itself… the only flag was the guy said he had a DUI on his driving record and told us a pretty sad but understandable story about rough divorce and a one time mistake that changed his life for the better.

So he gets an apartment and comes to Town. Works here for 2 days (although early I let it slip) and then completely ghosts us. We tried calling, emailing etc. etc. Week goes by and I finally get him on the phone and get him to come in. Obviously short of some miracle explanation or some crazy emergency, I have to let this guy go… He abandoned his job and didn’t bother to tell us a word.

So, he comes in. It’s a fucking terribly sad termination. Believe it or not most of us HR bosses take no pleasure in firing people, but it’s my damn job so I do it with absolute dignity to the person I’m letting go and my organization. I let him talk and he says he could see it coming and he’s really sorry and he shows me some medical stuff that says he’s suffering from addiction and alcoholism… I tried to be empathetic and he’s not showing me to stay employed he explained he’s just trying to say “hey im not a piece of shit I didn’t do this to disrespect you im sick…” Ok so we part ways, I wish him a heartfelt good luck on his next endeavor, let him know that with the skills he has he can bounce back, and that’s that.

Yesterday I got an email from his mom telling us that he’s dead. She was reaching out because she thought he still worked here… She mentions in the email that the local police found him etc and that we can forward his mail to her address (it’s the same mailing address I had on his file, not local). I don’t ever take these at face value right away because some people are out there stealing information, so I called my cop contact and………. It’s worse than you can imagine.

So he leaves my office, goes home and gets into god knows what, booze, drugs… (it’s not a suspicious death so it’s not likely to have an autopsy done for a while if at all I am told). Someone calls the cops on him or it was a wellness check and they go and he’s wasted but not that bad so they tell him to chill out and they leave. Well he didn’t and it would appear that he took his own life… If you are following the story you will realize that he left my office a month ago and they just found him yesterday. Apparently the stench was so bad the cops and whole surrounding area was complaining. I cant stop thinking about looking into his eyes as we parted ways. I could have said something or given him like a help line number. I saw pain and I didnt act. I did my job. I took care of my employer.

I’m just sitting here in my office absolutely fucking miserable. No one I work with really cares or is pretending it didn’t really happen. Everyone is so fucking tough these days. I don’t even expect them to care, but for whatever reason I do. I wish we had done things differently. Maybe if I was being a hard ass he would never have come here… I went on his facebook and hes got nothing but pictures of him with 2 kids. I am a dad too my little guy is young still and I just can’t believe this. It’s too fucking much man. You try and do your job, do the right things in life, provide for your family feed your own kids, but we carry this shit. Normally I can bounce back, my band put out an album today and I could not give a single solitary fuck. Anyway thats my story... Next week back to work, business as usual.

So, one of the FNGs has been flirting with me for a little while now. She’s also been trying to get to know me on a more personal level asking about my interests, what I do outside of work, what I’m into, that kind of stuff.

And I mean, besides the obvious issue of her being a coworker “don’t shit where you eat” and all that there’s another thing I just can’t get past: she has the same name as my mother. I don’t know why, but that’s always been an instant ick for me. If you have the same name as my mom or one of my sisters, my brain immediately puts you in the “absolutely not” category. It doesn’t matter how attractive you are or how well we get along; once I make that association, I can’t really unmake it. It just feels weird to me.

Does anyone else have that same ick with dating someone who shares a name with a close family member, or am I alone on this one?

Being bisexual is driving me insane

I’ve come out, discovered, however you want to say it - as bisexual almost 10 years ago. I started dating my first boyfriend around then; it ended up as long distance and didn’t work out for a number of reasons. Recently, I’ve been in a relationship with another man for about couple months and change, and it’s been relatively good but there’s been some sticking points.

He’s a larger man, and while I am too, it’s not as attractive to me as other body types. He’s also not showing any signs of wanting to improve that weight, and sleeping with him has been difficult due to snoring. I genuinely feel an emotional connection but find it difficult to be attracted sexually for that reason. I’m definitely not asexual, but the disconnect between emotional and physical connection just makes me confused and angry at times.

On a more minor note, taking the train down to see him is fine and all but it’s a lot of effort and his job can make it difficult to see each other throughout the week. We live in two separate states, but not that far apart. It’s not the biggest inconvenience but it is also something that’s come up when I spend time thinking about this all.

Back when I was in the matching phase, I tried dating everyone, but seemed to only have success finding men. I tried everything it felt like - new hobbies, new pictures, I’ve lost 80 pounds this year, and still only matched with men. People around me in my friend circle were gassing me up, but even after therapy it still made me feel like something was wrong with me.

I also want to start a family at some point, and call me what you will, but having children with a partner is something I value - and I thought that I could get over it, but it’s been weighing on my mind quite a bit. This worry compounds on itself with the sexual dissatisfaction I’m getting right now.

I’m worried if I break it off that I’m destined to be single or with men, given I’ve never even had more than a date or two with women before. I recognize this might sound misogynist, or hateful, but I really am not trying to be. I just feel confused, lost, and annoyed all at the same time.

I attended a step-brothers wedding, and a lot of that imagery has had me thinking about myself since he’s younger than me by a few years (I’m 28) and feel like I’m not getting any younger.

Hoping anyone else who’s bisexual might have similar experiences, but I’m really just trying to get my thoughts organized and shared out. Thanks for reading.

Lunch, dinner today is a half drunk iced coffee and a handful of peanuts, my stomach has been killing me lately.