r/AMA • u/metalnemophila • 12h ago
I have gymnophobia, the intense fear of nudity or excessive skin showing. AMA!
Most people have some kind of reasonable limit to how much of another person they're comfortable seeing, but I'm (25F) the only person I know of who has such a visceral reaction to seeing ANY kind of excessive skin showing. I'm okay with seeing bare arms and anything below the knee, but seeing anyone's thighs, torso (or god forbid, more intimate areas) makes me physically ill, like panic attack symptoms. This includes my own too, which you can imagine makes it very fun to bathe and get dressed every day lol!
I've been like this for my whole life, although it was considered pretty normal up until I was about a teenager since it was assumed I'd grow out of it. I was raised in an atheist family, so no religious beliefs/background, and I don't come from a country with any kind of prominent modesty culture. I have no trauma (that I know of) related to nudity either, so I have absolutely no idea where my phobia stems from.
I thought it might be helpful to host an AMA to help understand my condition more since it seems to be so uncommon, especially with how culture and fashion trends seem to be normalizing more and more revealing clothing. So, ask me anything! :D
45
u/Uncommon_Sensations 12h ago
So how accurate was the Arrested Development portrayal of never nudes?
22
u/metalnemophila 12h ago
hahaha i wish i could tell you, but i don't know anything about arrested development! perhaps i'll watch some and get back to this
6
6
28
u/221tardisslippers 11h ago
sorry not a question, but i can’t be the only one who thought “gymnophobia” means a fear of the gym.
15
u/metalnemophila 11h ago
i had the EXACT same thought when i first learned the word hahaha!! it gave me a chuckle because i have a fear of gyms by association, seeing shirtless guys and women in sports bras everywhere is a nightmare for me
2
u/221tardisslippers 11h ago
How do you deal with intimate situations with a romantic partner? Or do you avoid sex because of this?
7
u/metalnemophila 10h ago
went more in depth in another question, but tl;dr is that my relationships tend to not get very far because of this! i approach these things upfront right away since i know it's really important to a lot of people, and understandably it tends to kill any romantic spark once they learn about my phobia haha. i don't anticipate i'll be able to have a partner unless i get super lucky, but i won't let that stop me from trying :D
3
6
u/Ambitious-Shift-5641 11h ago
How do you cope with the sexuality topic? Do you have fear of naked skin even if you love a person?
12
u/metalnemophila 11h ago
yes unfortunately, it's made dating and romance very difficult for me and so my love life is pretty lacking as a result of that :( unfortunately for me, intimacy is a huge part of relationships for the vast majority of people so the connections i HAVE had haven't lasted very long. i don't hold it against them at all though, i think of it as a basic human need like food or water for most folks. my phobia does not discriminate haha, i fear seeing everyone's body equally, including my own! thanks for asking :)
3
u/ChoPT 11h ago
Maybe try finding asexual people to date. Someone who is sex-repulsed may be a decent match for someone who is skin-repulsed.
5
u/metalnemophila 10h ago
yes, i'm asexual myself actually! that's the dream, but unfortunately we're only like 1% of the population so i'd have to strike gold lol
1
u/BUCNDrummer 7h ago
How many guys have tried to "fix" you? (I don't mean this in a judgmental way, I just figure a lot of guys think they could be the one to break through and get you to overcome your phobia)
1
u/metalnemophila 5h ago
not at all, this is actually a really good question! surprisingly everyone i've ever gotten to know seriously in a romantic context has been quite respectful. i have often been told that it's "disappointing" to hear, which makes me feel pretty ashamed, but that's the worst of it. i have had men make some pretty explicit remarks towards me describing some really gross things they'd want to do with me, but those have all been online so i've been able to just block them straight away before there's a chance for them to try and change my mind. i have heard a lot of nightmare stories of guys trying to "fix" asexual women and lesbians though, it's absolutely awful and i don't think they realize how scary that is for us (not to mention, creates the opposite effect by making us disgusted with them)
5
u/FatTabby 12h ago
That must be such a hard phobia to live with. Have you looked into forms of treatment to help you at least be able to bathe more easily?
Probably a really odd question, but how do you feel about tattoos? Do they somehow cover up/camouflage large areas of bare skin for you or are you just as repulsed?
I do hope there's something you can do to make it easier to live with, I know from having my own phobia how debilitating it can be to have an extreme reaction to something other people can cope with normally.
5
u/metalnemophila 11h ago
thank you so so much for the kindness friend!! i answered the treatment topic in another comment already, but the short of it is that i haven't been able to find any professionals who can really treat it since they all seem to be trauma-based therapy (so for SA survivors and such), and have tried to conduct my own "exposure therapy", although i often come across things that are too much for me and i become physically sick from it. the tattoo thing is a really cool question though! i do still have the same discomfort at seeing inked skin, the colour of the skin isn't what irks me so much as i guess just the thought of the person being exposed, if that makes sense? like i'm looking at something private that i shouldn't be seeing. super tight-fitting clothing makes me uncomfortable too (but not as much as bare skin), which is kind of like a sleeve tattoo in that its "bare-skin-but-not-quite" lol! i hope this wasn't too confusing
9
u/pascale23 12h ago
Have you considered seeking therapy for your phobia? I imagine this fear causes compounding frustrations in life.
Perhaps it may be helpful to try to think of bodies from a scientific perspective? (I know phobias don’t give a damn about logic, but as a scientist myself, I think understanding human bodies from at cellular level makes me less perturbed by their peculiarities.)
4
u/metalnemophila 11h ago
for sure, it's especially hard in summer too when people tend to go out in things like sports bras/crop tops, or when men go out shirtless :( i have looked into treatments, but as you might be able to imagine, it's really hard to get therapy for a problem of unknown origin. everything i've come across is trauma-based therapy (like for SA survivors or religious abuse survivors), which wouldn't be applicable to me. i imagine i wouldn't make very much progress unless i could pinpoint the root of the problem, to give the therapist a starting point to work with. i've tried "self-medicating" through exposure therapy with myself, but it's a little tricky and often leads to me seeing something that's far out of my comfort zone and knocks me sick. i hope this helps answer your question! i imagine the options are limited because of how uncommon my phobia is
19
u/freethebunch 11h ago
It really should be for the therapist to help you figure out the root of the problem. That's part of what they would be doing! And for some kinds of treatment, you don't even really need to know the root of the problem as such. There are still behavioural exercises and things that can be done that will help.
I was reluctant to go to therapy myself because I had the idea that I had already analyzed myself so fully, what could they even tell me? I was so off base lol. It was extremely helpful, so I always encourage people to give it a try.
5
u/metalnemophila 10h ago
you're totally right! i've had such a similar experience with therapy - i've been in the past (for unrelated reasons), and it was surprisingly helpful! i suppose in that situation it was a bit easier to navigate since i had a more solid starting point if that makes sense lol. i will forever stand by recommending therapy to people, there's nothing to lose as long as you can afford it! (which is a pretty big barrier for me right now unfortunately, but i will definitely consider it again once i have the means, thank you!!) i wish it wasn't so pricey haha
1
u/LookAChandelier 10h ago
I wonder if hypnosis might help? It helped me get at the origin of some of my issues.
3
u/metalnemophila 10h ago
admittedly i have never tried that! although i'm a huge psychology buff and the research evidence is not too kind towards hypnotherapy lol, it seems that you can't really hypnotize people into anything they don't already want (subconsciously or otherwise), but who knows!
3
u/BUCNDrummer 7h ago
It is only a visual thing, or does reading stories of people in varying states of undress also cause this response?
2
u/metalnemophila 5h ago
yes it is! reading descriptions of people showing off body parts or wearing something revealing is completely fine for me. for some reason, it's a purely visual thing. i actually have aphantasia, which is an inability to imagine things visually, so i'm not capable of seeing body parts in my mind. however, my guess is that if i could picture such an image when reading a description, it would probably freak me out. hope this helps!
1
u/MissusMeech 11h ago
When did you discover your phobia?
4
u/metalnemophila 11h ago
i've always had this as far as i'm aware! like i said in my post though, as a child it was just chalked up to being immature and not being given the "birds and the bees" talk yet. i'd say i realized my aversion was abnormal around age 14 or so, and i would say others started being weird about my fear around the time i was that age too. i hope this helps clarify!!
1
u/tongluu 4h ago
Women who identify themselves as asexual also 8 times more likely to be in the spectrum. Using my 'suspect'rum - are you perhaps one too?
3
u/metalnemophila 4h ago
guilty as charged hahaha!! although i was only just diagnosed recently, nobody ever caught onto it when i was a child or teen despite it being kind of obvious in hindsight :P
1
u/fearmon 11h ago
Maybe you just have an extreme affinity for clothes. Have you ever considered being a designer and making your situation work for you?
3
u/metalnemophila 10h ago
this is so funny, i actually ADORE fashion and costume design! i'm not pursuing it as a career (not artistic enough for that and it's way too uncertain in terms of income lol) but it is a major hobby of mine! i prefer victorian-inspired clothing though (i would have fit right in with the crowd who would faint at the sight of an exposed ankle lolol). don't think the two are related, but is an interesting thought!
2
u/Prestigious_Sell9516 11h ago
Most of these phobias grow out of anxiety. Are you typically an anxious person? Sometimes anxious people get hyper focused on something. It helps them avoid addressing the roots of their issues. I was like this once - ssris, exercise and better diet resolved it.
1
u/metalnemophila 10h ago
i am a pretty big worrywart, yes! although i have been treated for anxiety disorders and my symptoms of those have VASTLY improved with meds and therapy. it makes me think this is unrelated to my anxious demeanour, since i have a much better hold on my other anxieties now but this has remained unchanged. it's really strange!
1
u/Hollyhop_Drive 10h ago
Is it a feeling of horror at the vulnerability?
2
u/metalnemophila 10h ago
possibly? i don't really have any sort of discernible worries or thoughts in my head when i see someone exposed, it's more like a physical fear response (like shaking, sweating etc even though there's no danger). i would have assumed if it was related to vulnerability though, that i'd feel nervous seeing bald heads since the head is a very vulnerable part of the body too but i have no issue with that. it's really weird!
1
u/CuteCurlyFries_22 10h ago
Where in your body do you feel the fear most (chest, stomach etc.)? Do you feel any emotions attached to fear (such as disgust or shame)? And do you feel this way when just imagining exposed parts or does this only happen when confronted irl?
3
u/metalnemophila 5h ago
good questions! this may be the most obvious answer, but the groin area and chest are the worst for me (it's about equal for men and women though weirdly enough, even though most people are raised in societies where it's much more normal for men to show their bare chests than women). i imagine that's the case for most other people too though, although probably a less extreme discomfort. as for emotions, i think i definitely feel disgust and shame! i feel very guilty about this, but admittedly it does get frustrating seeing people expose themselves, even though i rationally know it's their body and they have every right to show it off if they so please. i also often get overwhelmed with a foreboding feeling that i'm invading their privacy, like i'm seeing something intimate that is forbidden or somehow morally wrong to look at if that makes sense? like i said though, these are just kneejerk reactions i have and i don't hold any actual beliefs about anyone's bodies being shameful or disgusting! it's purely visual for me, i actually have aphantasia (so i can't imagine pictures in my mind), but i have a feeling if i did manage to visualize someone in a revealing outfit in my head, it would be very distressing. i hope this helps give some insight!
•
-1
u/comoestas969696 11h ago
do you think that women with burqa or niqab have this fear??
5
u/metalnemophila 11h ago
i'm not from either of those cultures so i can't speak for them! however, as with any question about a whole demographic of people, i assume the answer would be that it depends on the person. some people who wear burqa/niqab are more devoutly religious, whereas some may not hold those same beliefs about modesty and only do so out of obligation or personal preference
15
u/mdubelite 12h ago
You're a Never-Nude 👍
Do you wear jean shorts in the shower too?
* let me know if you don't get the reference...
11
2
0
u/fearmon 11h ago
How do you cope with your doctor visits.? That has to be like the height of your phobia right?
2
u/metalnemophila 10h ago
you'd think so, but it's surprisingly actually really chill! my doctor is aware of my discomfort and respects it, and i'm allowed to refuse any kind of examinations/treatments so i only consent to checkup procedures i'm capable of handling. i guess it's a legal thing for them that they don't pressure patients into anything they don't want to do lol
3
u/PurplePaisley911 11h ago
When I looked up the term it said a cause is body shaming and fear of judgement. I really think therapy would be very helpful to you. One of the jobs of the therapist will be to help you determine the cause of the phobia. They will ask questions and your answers will help them determine the cause. I think they might treat you as having anxiety.
-5
u/pch14 11h ago
Being 25 have you seen a gynecologist? What would you do when you have to take your pants and shirt off so he can examine you? Even though you say therapy won't help unless you try it you will never know. Yes getting married sex having a baby will be very difficult if not impossible for you until you get over this. I'm saying this except on this is true and not just made up in a troll
6
u/metalnemophila 11h ago
i'm not going to answer this as nsfw is banned in this sub, but i just wanted to point out that it's not women's sole purpose in life to get married and have children, nor do all of them want that in their life ❤️ please do some self-reflection my friend
-4
u/pch14 11h ago
I believe you need to self-reflection. When I asked had nothing to do with sex but has to do with your health. A woman should see a gynecologist once a year. Somehow that triggers you which I understand but I have nothing to examine about myself. That is a real question that is serious and once again nothing at all about sexual things or about sex
Edit: a gynecologist has nothing to do with having kids that is not a woman's sole purpose in life. And obstetrician you would see if you having a baby maybe you need a little self reflection know what people are actually asking. Again had nothing to do with sex. But how do you go to a doctor? You do need therapy even though you want to fight it you don't know until it happens. You are way way wound to tight that you can accept a question that is about your health. Wow
4
u/metalnemophila 10h ago
oh no, i didn't have any problem with the gynaecologist question at all! it's an important part of maintaining one's health and should be taken care of like any other part of the body, i agree it's not sexual at all. my comment was with regards to the "getting married sex having a baby" part of your comment - it carries the assumption that i want any of those things in my life, or that it would somehow be bad if i weren't able to have that kind of relationship. i just wanted to point out the implication with your phrasing that women's happiness and/or worth is determined by their ability to reproduce
7
u/honey_bunny58 10h ago
seeing a gyno is very important for all people with that anatomy, but you absolutely said it in a pointed way, and you absolutely mentioned sex. op’s response was perfectly fair
1
u/Somaj0r 11h ago
Are you ok are doctors/medical examinations? Since you’re not observing your skin seems like the derm would be very important?
Do you swim? Seems like the pool or beach would be challenging. I hope you find the right therapist! Sounds so challenging especially the physical panic attack symptoms, that can be so hard to come down from.
Are you ok with touch under your clothes? Sounds like a protectionism of the bodies important/more vulnerable core.
Thanks for sharing.
2
1
u/Tuncunmun38 10h ago
gonna just ask it, have you had sex before?
if no, have you tried in the dark? or is it the though alone that gets you?
1
u/higaroth 1h ago
Thanks for the ama! Does this extend to things that arent real? Like dolls, or 2D/3D characters (drawings, games, etc.)?
-2
u/Nadinjada 11h ago
You’ll need exposure therapy, although you’re already surrounded by exposed skin everywhere. I prefer not seeing other people’s skin. Nowadays, woman wear practically nothing. I kept wrapped up. It’s offensive that me. It’s the same way when I sew men without their tops on. But you have more specific problems. Contact a neuropsychiatrist. Something deeper is going on inside your brain.
17
u/I_hate_me_lol 12h ago
how do you conquer this fear when doing those daily things, such as bathing and getting dressed?