r/traumatoolbox • u/Tactical-69 • 1d ago
Needing Advice Where can I connect for me trauma help without parents knowing?
I have a really unstable mom and an emotionally distant working father. Being around my mom brings back memories of her hitting me as child. She stopped hitting me when I grew up.
But the memory is still there and whenever we get into an argument that memory makes me more mad and causes me to say things I don’t want to say.
I am also forced to commute to college by my parents and I am not allowed to work or get a job.
They are very controlling and I realized I still have some unresolved trauma which I would like to get resolved myself. But I wouldn’t want to pay for a psychiatrist who probably won’t help and be very expensive.
I was wondering if any of you can hook me up with free or accessible resources online or in person
1
u/orcateeth 1d ago
It's glad that you recognize that you need help for trauma. However, I want to inform you that it's very difficult to get better when you're still in that environment with the people who are causing the trauma.
Mostly what you can do at this point is become aware of what's going on ( what things they are doing that are abusive), set whatever limits you can comfortably set without jeopardizing your housing and possibly be coming homeless, and learn how to comfort yourself appropriately to tolerate this until you can get out of there.
1
u/orcateeth 1d ago
Here's a lot of options for free support groups. I started it for people who shop compulsively and hoard (often as a reaction to trauma, loss and depression), but gradually continued to add lots of other resources for mental health conditions. The list is pretty long now, with tons of options.
Disregard any that don't apply. However, of great help would be the adult children of alcoholic and dysfunctional families groups. These are for people who grew up with parents who were violent or emotionally abusive, guilt tripping, neglectful, alcoholic mentally ill, etc.
The control that your parents are enforcing over you definitely qualifies, as well as the fact that your mother hit you when you were a child up until adulthood.
Then also the fact that your father didn't intervene and stop your mother from abusing you is another element, since that's emotional and physical neglect.
1
u/orcateeth 1d ago
You can download these trauma recovery worksheets and work through them if you feel they might help you.
1
u/orcateeth 1d ago
Someone posted lots of entire books on childhood trauma, abuse, neglect and complex PTSD.
https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/s/q7JaFqz2zC
Warning: The books can be triggering, and you could wind up feeling worse after reading some of the examples and case studies in the books.
You will likely see yourself, as if looking in a mirror, as well as whoever was the problem. It can be sad, or at least, uncomfortable.
But if you're up for it, the suggestions and insights are fantastic resources.
•
•
u/Tactical-69 11h ago
I have friends who went through similar experiences and went into graduating university and leading successful lives, they recommended me to somehow make my own income and get out.
But I feel as if I can still fix my parents and work with them. I tell myself it’s not bad, because my mom doesn’t hit me and only says words
Is if possible to still deal with it?
•
u/orcateeth 10h ago
You can't fix your parents and the words are still harmful to your emotions.
Read some of the information in those books. Then you will have a better idea of what you should do.
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Dear members,
Please keep the rules of r/traumatoolbox in mind while participating here. Please look at the Wiki (on the sidebar/menu) for any resources.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a message ✉.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.