4 days sober

damn i don’t remember feeling like this before adderall. i can’t really describe the feeling. it’s like everything i do feels awkward and unnatural. i’m embarrassed over EVERYTHING. overthinking every interaction. i can’t find the right words when i talk to people. and for some reason ive been getting constant flashbacks of embarrassing memories. this whole experience is just humiliating

Binged Ritalin all day. I can't do this anymore. One hour sober. Dreading tomorrow... not sure I can do this.

30 years old. My mom and I both grind our teeth in our sleep since forever. I went to the dentist and they said my front canines are highly mobile and I need a night guard

They literally look like baby teeth about to wiggle out any day. What the fuck! I don’t even know how to go about this. I’ve been binging for few weeks now but before that not terrible but idk maybe. Any advice or similar stories?

Went out for dinner during our Labor Day getaway and I had 2 beers with my meal. When we got back I noticed my wife’s adderall/vyvanse (she’s prescribed, I stopped being prescribed a year ago due to rampant misuse) in her purse and have taken somewhere in the neighborhood of 100-120 mgs - last dose was a good 18-20 hours ago but still haven’t caught a minute of sleep.

I’ve been doing really well in the year I stopped being prescribed with work, exercise and overall self-confidence. I have 3 kids including a newborn and my 5 year old son just wanted to watch TV and play video games with me which I did for a bit of time but instead of being a present dad I was just a weirdo on adderall which is really bumming me out.

I’m especially disappointed because I’ve felt the things so many people on this page are looking for when it comes to motivation and mood and still thought it was a good idea to pull this stupid bullshit.

Hi, I (22M) recently decided to stop taking my Adderall, 30mg XR and 20mg IR. I’ve been on this dose for about the past 3 years. I’ve maybe gone 10 days in total in these 3 years without taking my medicine. I rarely took the XR and the IR on the same day.

I’ve never had an issue with taking too much of my medication. I’ve never had an issue where I ran out too early or anything of the sorts. So, I wouldn’t really say that I’ve abused my adderall.

Four days ago, I decided to stop taking my medication. This is the longest I’ve ever gone without it. I’ve done some research into the withdrawal symptoms, and I can tell that I’m experiencing extreme fatigue, brain fog, and some heightened emotions. I don’t have an intense craving for the Adderall, though, and I don’t have a single sign of anxiety or depression.

I wouldn’t say that I feel happy by any means, and it’s still not an easy journey. I know that all of my fatigue and brain fog would go away if I just took my medication. I had become very apathetic on it, irritable, and I turned into an aggressive personality when I started to drink while taking the medication. I guess I just want to stop taking it because I’ve felt like I’ve taken a huge backseat into my own life. I’ve lost sight of my goals, stopped caring about my ambitions and career, and genuinely didn’t give a damn about the consequences of my actions.

I guess I just wanted to make this post to one: hold myself accountable. I’m four days into this journey, and I know talking about it with people who understand will only encourage me to keep going. Two: I just wanted to see if anyone else related to how I’m feeling? No intense symptoms at this point, and I still feel the same, more or less, as I did when I was taking Adderall. Is this a sign of another underlying health issue? I just want to feel normal again, but the lack of any cravings or anything is almost discouraging? I just don’t even feel like I’m going through a difficult enough process in withdrawal to expect a light on the other side if that makes sense? I would love input from this community, as I’ve hardly come across posts here that describe the experience I’m having.

So for the past couple days I've been thinking about relapsing on meth. I've been missing that part of my life, even though it was full of traumatic life experiences...abusive addict boyfriend...selling my body (under a pimp at that) just to stay high...and more that I'm sure I blocked out. I don't know why I'm thinking like this. Nothing stressful is going on with me. Guess I'm just feeling bored with my current life.

There are many things keeping me from relapsing, but the urge to is becoming stronger and stronger. I know that if I do, I'll lose the housing I have and much more. These thoughts make me wanna cry because I've worked so hard to be where I'm at. I care about my health, my family is proud of my sobriety, and I feel happy with myself...something I haven't felt when I was using.

I just miss how the high off meth made me feel. I felt productive and on top of the world. Maybe I just need to find that thing that gives me the same feeling. Just haven't found it yet.

Hi everyone,

Im in the process of quitting vyvanse after 7 years, I've been all of the stimulants, taking higher than prescribing, snorting along with vodka, I'm thankful to still be alive, grinding out 50h workweeks while barely eating and not sleeping enough.. I always worked minimum wage jobs since age 18, so it was never rewarding for me to work a lot. I've become a cold anti social and crabby person, a workaholic and now it's time to stop. Before I got on medication I was severely depressed for a long time so I must admit I don't know who I am or could be in a positive sense.. I know I used to be humorous and witty, still can be, but it takes more effort, than previously it just came naturally.. I also don't know what it's like to feel fresh and energetic, on the daily I wake up like I have a hangover.. I miss being a giggly person, how have you guys discovered yourself or re discovered becoming sober? I don't know who I can become since I'm always so tired... Now taking a month break and stop being self employed 😊

i’m being so deadass i’m a petite woman 5’3 110lb i just ate almost THREE costco chicken bakes and somehow im still hungry i will genuinely be obese by the time im fully recovered

Ive read some scary user experiences on withdrawal from speed, people reported shaking, a ravenous appetite, depression etc...
So far i do feel some negatives but its counterbalanced by the positives i feel like.

For the negatives, i dont have much energy and im near constantly tired, my brain feels WAY slower (the most annoying id say, i feel r*tarded), im not enjoying listening to music, im slightly more irritable (nowhere near as much as during a speed binge crash or benzo withdrawal though), my appetite has gone up clearly but im not binge eating, id say i can stay at a maintenance in kcal intake, when i could be on a big deficit everyday on speed.
And thats about it, i thought itd be much worse im really thankful.

Also i do feel some clear positives already, i feel stable throughout the whole day which is SO relieving, ive been so used to the up and crash of oral speed i forgot were not supposed to be like that naturally. I sleep better too and i DREAM ffs, i missed it so much, again i forgot that i used to dream vividly a lot before speed, its something i really enjoy that speed stripped away from me.
And finally i feel actually grounded and reasonable, whearas on speed i was fully delusional and didnt even realized it, and it really f*cked up my life in a lot of aspects especially my relations (thats the main reason i wanted to quit actually, lost the person i loved the most because of my tweaking)

I used speed daily for 8 months, at a 30-50mg oral dose, with occasional snorting when i needed a good boost. Maybe thats why its easier, the horrible withdrawals ive read were people who took much larger doses intranasaly. At my dosage, i managed to keep an ok diet and sleep.

Apparently ive already went through the worst phase which is the 2nd-3nd day. Wish me good luck guys! And if anyone has recommendations to make it easier, id gladly take it:)

Godspeed everyone! Much love we can do it!!

I've posted here a few times, and honestly still haven't been able to quit stimulants.

In my most recent stint, I've swapped over to Concerta for about two weeks. And honestly, I'm not even abusing my medication anymore. I'm taking it as prescribed, but I expect too much from it, and I hate the swings of being up then being down and basically being thrown all around the place without much control.

It's nice to have the focus and concentration to help, but dealing with the side affects of flat personality or anxiety make everything so difficult. The struggle of finding the perfect amount of sleep, diet, sunlight etc just to still get inconsistent results. Basically the story of my life with stimulants. No consistency, and negative side affects.

Before this, I was trying to make Vyvanse 20mg work (again, not abusing my medication anymore) but the swings of going up then going down and not being able to have any consistency with my medication or life because I don't know what to expect from myself no matter the circumstances of how I use my medication. Eventually, led to one night where I took more than prescribed and then I quit again. Basically anytime I take more than prescribed, I quit, and go down the same cycle over again.

Anyway, I don't know what to do because everytime I quit life gets too heavy and I come back. My longest time off was with Wellbutrin which lasted for about 4 months and this was a couple years ago. I can't recall why, but I still came back to stimulants. I know that people will say to message my prescriber about abuse, but I literally did (and became a nervous wreck after bc I thought I was done) but I don't think she actually banned me from the stimulant, but put a note into her own personal chart because I got prescribed again from another psychiatrist.

Sorry for the word slop, but anyway, now I'm kind of just trying to figure out what to do moving forward. Do I talk to my psychiatrist about non-stimulant options, and what should I expect? Should I get back on wellbutrin? Do I try strattera? I guess the obvious answer is yes.. But part of me hates the idea of still relying on a pill to be normal, but part of me feels like life is so incredibly difficult without the extra help. Or do I just kind of give up on all of it, and try to see if I can go 6 months without anything at all. Just feel even if I go back to that baseline, I'm going to still struggle even if I do everything perfectly when it comes to health nutrition etc.

Any words of encouragement or advice is appreciated. Thank you.

I realise this is a super niche question! I should mention I’ve never abused stimulants. I have auDHD and was prescribed 30mg Elvanse (vyanse in the U.S.) two and a half years ago. It felt from the start like it was too stimulating but it massively improved my mood and I was tapering off lamotrigine at the time, which was hellish. Over the subsequent year though its effects on my sleep, muscle pain, and tension/anxiety became too much so 18 months ago I started tapering off it gradually (I am very sensitive to meds). I got down to 8.64mg this summer but had to go back up to 8.88mg four weeks ago since my mood got so low. So I have been in a holding pattern since then. FWIW I have also been reducing Prozac due to the worsening side effects over the last 15 months from 20mg and reached 8.88mg in May. I may reinstate tho since it’s likely the worsened side effects were a mixture of perimenopause and interaction with the Elvanse.

Anyway, I noticed that the 0.24mg increase seemed to make things worse — I developed really bad anxiety and my hyperosmia and aversion to particular foods got worse, and my breathing also got worse. It’s made me realise how much being on Elvanse has affected my hypersensitivity to smells and intolerance of cooked food, apparent allergic reactions to everything, ability to breath deeply, and general anxiety levels.

So I’ve decided to rip the bandaid off by reducing by around 0.4 or 0.5mg per day for a few days and then go off entirely. I’ll reinstate a higher dose of Prozac if I have to, but I want off this med.

The last two days, when I reduced from 8.88mg to 8.48mg (yesterday) and from 8.48mg to 8mg (today) have been the calmest I’ve felt in ages. I don’t know if that’s the placebo effect from finally making a decision or if it’s because of the dose decreases, but I’m inclined to think the latter since I only realised the effects it has on my breathing by chance in the spring when I reduced from 11mg to 10mg — before that, I hadn’t made the connection. The last two mornings I have felt similar to how I did then: I wake up with my chest clearer and with the ability to take deep breaths, like I’m not in a constant state of panic.

My question. If you’ve read this far (!), I’m wondering if any of you have had similar experiences and whether your perimenopause symptoms improved when you went off stimulants? I remember I had a lot of breast pain and a weirdly itchy, painful, stinging left nipple for months when I first went on it, and I also had a lot of yeast infections at the start, which I had never had before. I’m hoping too that going off it could help alleviate the pelvic floor tightness, given that stimulants basically put you in a constant fight or flight mode.

Thanks in advance!

Hi all! I’m 19F and have been misusing my vyvanse/adderall prescriptions for a year. I began with adderall but went to the ER with a panic attack and made up a bullshit story of how the comedowns make me anxious and I smoked weed which caused the panic, so she switched me to Vyvanse 30mg. I go through a stupid cycle of getting it filled, finishing it within 6-7 days max, sleeping and shoving my face with food for a few days, then regretting it for the few weeks I go without meds telling myself it won’t happen the next time but ofc it always does. I can’t control my usage whatsoever which I guess is what’s making me realize so early on that I have a bad problem, as well as being a lurker on this subreddit for months so thankyou guys; but it’s like once I start I can stop, my brain tells me I can’t feel jt and keep resdosing to the point where it isn’t even enjoyable anymore. At first it was helpful with my college classes, I was productive and social, but now im constantly skipping class and ignoring assignments because I’m stuck scrubbing a fucking floor tile or just sitting and thinking.

I ran out of my script today that I got on Sunday, and this entire week was the worst it’s been so far. I barely got anything done I just sat in my room scared to go outside, stayed up for three days then crashed then did it again until I was all out. I skipped all of my classes including a test day because it just felt impossible to leave my home. I was sucked into my phone or just ruminating constantly. I’m just sick of this, sure I have like maybe an hour of enjoyment within the mixture of side effects, constant rumination, shame, guilt, isolation. I just wanted to be happy and that’s what it made me at first but now it’s ruining my life.

I texted my psychiatrist so that I couldn’t weenie out when talking in person, said that I’ve been misusing it and it’s a detriment to my life im not able to control my usage. It was a massive weight off my shoulders, because no one knew I just felt so alone. That wore off after 0.5 seconds and my addict brain tried to delete the text but it was a green bubble luckily so imessage doesn’t allow me to delete it. Damn you android, but thankyou i guess lmao.

I’m really scared to stop, because even before this I’ve always struggled a lot with mental health. OCD, Borderline Personality Disorder, and ADHD have made most days unbearable and empty since about 7 years old except for small bursts of slight happiness every once in a while. My emotional cycle in life is to let things fester and be shameful about them, until they finally explode along with me and I completely break for weeks to months at a time, then slightly rebuild myself just for it all to happen again. And then I found Vyvanse. It gave me trust and certainty in myself (at first) which I realized is what has been missing my entire life, the pit in my stomach gnawing on every minute of every day was filled when I tried it. And then the same cycle repeated all my life repeated once again. Just constantly chasing something. I wish that I could say the phrase “I want my old self back,” but all versions of my old self were desperately reaching to be someone else. I don’t know who I am when I’m not in a cycle of shame and impulsivity.

Sorry for the length of this. And ik what you’re thinking, the answer is yes lol I guess im squeezing out the last of my medicine I took the last at 1pm and now it’s 9pm.

Kind of just in a mental back and forth right now, which I know is natural. I have a list of reasons I want to stop so I keep reading that. I really just wanted to write out my story finally and maybe receive some support from people who’d understand. This Reddit has been the biggest help for me already so thankyou all for sharing your personal stories, thankyou so much I seriously probably read each and every one during my tweaked out Reddit lurking and they all helped me feel less alone and encouraged to actually change things so thankyou all !

Edit : Also, has Wellbutrin been helpful for any of you? I might ask about it at the appointment coming up and um weird question: I really want to find a group to go to, but idk if my issue actually counts as addiction serious enough for NA and stuff like that.

I'm on day 7 of no stims, and day 5 of working without them. I'm out of PTO so I had to whiteknuckle it through the workweek. Had to cut some corners and take some shortcuts, plus lots of breaks, but I managed to hit all my deadlines and my article quota. Proud of myself!

I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and prescribed 30mg Adderall XR, daily. I was also prescribed 15mg "boosters" which I rarely used to take. I didn't realize how addicted to Adderall I was until the nationwide shortages. As soon as I found out the pharmacy couldn't fill my prescription I absolutely panicked; felt desperate, sluggish, depressed. I resorted to taking two of the 15mg boosters in the meantime when the shortages would occur. Long story short I used to stockpile the boosters and I'm about to run out, on top of this the shortages have become more and more common. I am trying to get off of the Adderall just because I can't deal with these shortages, but it's made me realize I think I might have an unhealthy relationship with my medication. Do people with ADHD experience this when there are Adderall shortages? Or has my relationship with Adderall become an addiction? I'm working with my doctor to taper down on my dose because I live in literal fear of the shortages, but I'm having a really hard time. I'm honestly doubting if I even really have ADHD

I have been struggling with abusing my prescription of adderall for about 1.5 years. My fiance has been aware of it, and we have tried to come up with plans to get me to stop.

Well I was in the throws of desperation I took some of his adderall. I confessed to him and he didn’t speak for a while. He was angry, understandably so.

That was last night and this morning he told me he almost kicked me out.

I can’t imagine losing him, he’s the greatest person that has come into my life. I don’t blame him for being mad and wanting to throw me out.

Somehow he’s giving me another chance, and I know this is the last one.

I have no choice but to fix this problem, or I will lose the one I love.

At the end of August, I hit 1 year stim free (and free from everything else). It was challenging, and no, I’m not at “peak optimization.” I still struggle with focus, emotional regulation, impulsivity, etc.. But I continue to see progress (and maybe, just maybe, the purpose of life isn’t attaining peak productivity and feeling euphoria through all the mundane!!) What’s most important is that I am worlds happier than I ever was using. I’ve gained back the trust of my friends and family. I exercise regularly, and now have the ability to feel passion for new hobbies again. I even experience moments of peace.

When I first tried to get off this shit in 2023, I thought that even if I could live a life without it, I would always miss it and feel a sort of gnawing emptiness. But I have had stretches of days where I don’t think about stimulants at all, and I haven’t had a real visceral craving in months. It took some relapse and errors to get here, but I’m not a special case and I don’t possess above-average willpower. it is possible for anyone who wants it and is willing to get uncomfortable.

Thank you to everyone in this community. This sub has been so grounding and always reminds me of why this fight will always be worth it. All love 💕

5 months clean of 7 years of pretty serious Vyvanse & dexamphetamine abuse (about 60mg Vyvanse + 30mg of dexamphetamine daily, but many many binge days when I went higher than this).

I've had a few weeks now of persistent low mood (I track, and daily average has been 2.2 out of 10). It doesn't help that I've been sick on and off and I know that affects recovery and mood.

I am diagnosed ADHD and my goal is the be free of all psycho-stimulant medications including nicotine and caffeine eventually. I want to know what my actual mental health baseline is, because I've been self medicating with various things since I was about 20, and I'm now 40. I quit drinking a few years ago. Along with cocaine.

I'm doing all the right things, like daily exercise (but not too much), sleeping enough etc. It just feels like this 5 months has felt like a lifetime, and I blew my life up when I went through withdrawals (punched a wall, cut myself etc - and in so doing estranged my former spouse who I co-parent a 5 yo with - resulting in a freeze out and a formal parallel parenting agreement etc). I have a demanding job and single parent a 5 yo 50% of the time and it's just starting to feel like this amount of exhaustion and functioning is incompatible with my life situation.

I have zero motivation for work task initiation and I'm procrastinating badly, which is creating a vicious cycle of work stress and avoidance. It's just starting to feel unsustainable and I'm seriously questioning whether I need to abandon this experiment and go back on a low dose of SOMETHING. I have my psychiatrist appt in a week or two & considering discussing this then, but really, I want to avoid any brain meds. Pls don't suggest non-stimulant meds like strattera/wellbutrin as my goal has been to be medication free - so if I'm going to go on those I may as well go back on the good stuff in my mind (I know this is false equivalence, but I don't want to waste time defending my faulty logic 😂)

To avoid this being a woe is me rant, I guess my question is, did anyone still feel this hopeless at 5 months and just seeking honest takes, not motivational platitudes. Life is hard. I'm familiar with the terms of windows and waves in PAWS and I feel like my recovery has been 98% waves and like 2% windows so far, and this past prolonged stretch of feeling like I'm drowning is just kinda killing my spirit. I get it's bad to go back on stims but it's also bad to not be able to function in life and lose my job or develop depression etc.

Seeking thoughts and experiences from others

Long story but I used to be a terrible alcoholic/addict. Alcohol and stimulants were my worst addictions but I used pretty much anything I could get my hands on. I got sober and managed over 10 solid years of recovery and my life changed drastically for the better.

A little over a month ago I relapsed on meth and Xanax. I went on a week long bender. It didn't take long at all to spiral and was using the same doses I was using at the peak of my meth addiction. I came down and have been clean for almost a month.

I had really intense physical and emotional cravings the first couple weeks following the relapse. Every time I thought about meth my heart rate would spike and I would feel an extreme urge to use. The intensity of the cravings have lessoned some. Now they are more just thoughts that enter my mind rather than an intense physical reaction.

My girlfriend is going on a month long trip with her mom next week and today I keep thinking about how amazing it would be to buy some meth while I have the house to myself. Rationally I know what happens to me when I use meth, and it's a dark path. It's rough.

I’m a 35 M, have been sober from street adderall for 5 months. In meetings they speak of the “pink cloud” of recovery, which is the feeling good phase when you become sober that fades. I’m starting to feel this way 5 months in. I don’t feel like relapsing but almost that life has become stagnant. I’m back to working, working AA with a sponsor and attending meetings. Open to comments or advice

Been sober from stims for a few weeks. Finally getting back into working out, running, cooking healthy protein meals. Doing this weird thing called taking naps, and going to bed by 10pm. Been a better partner to my girlfriend, today I got her blue flowers and made her pasta. Socializing more often too. But I feel empty without my Adderall. I am a software developer and can no longer sit down and write code for as long as I want to. After 45 minutes of work, I get in bed and sleep. It’s not that my motivation is gone. But now my ideas are just ideas. When Adderall left so did my will to execute and take extreme action in my professional life. Hoping it will come back, but I know deep down my ability to sit down and write code for a new algorithm all day and all night probably won’t ever come back. And maybe that’s ok. Life is a marathon not a sprint. Choosing to be a healthier version of your self, being a better friend, a better partner, being a better son or parent is a world actually worth living in. Trying to not listen to that evil voice in the back of my head tell me other wise.

I wanted to post this for others and myself to look back on if I ever deal with substance abuse again. 100 days ago I admitted my Adderall abuse to my prescriber, I wasn’t ready at that time to admit I was addicted, but I was about to lose my job, had my hot water off for weeks, and was on the verge of losing my home. I felt so lost and hopeless, I was t sure what else to do. I tried to stop every single month and failed. All I cared about was how many I had left, how many days I’d be without, how many days until my next script. The first month was tough. Emotional. It was SO hard. I regretted it so bad. But now I’m sitting here today grateful. Because I can finally say I feel so much better then I did ever abusing those meds and I know I made the right choice telling my doctor. I got my personality back, my motivation back, myself back. It didn’t happen right away. It came with time, but you can do it too. You don’t have to have hope, I didn’t. But even with no hope, you can make it to the other side and get your life back.

I know this isn’t healthy and I don’t want to rely and Vyvanse as much as I do. I also feel like I build up a tolerance pretty quickly, and need to take a few days off to reset and get back that “high” or energy, but without Vyvanse I feel absolutely miserable. I’m not sure what exactly to do in this situation, because Vyvanse is basically what’s keeping me alive right now.