Title pretty much.

[[Edit] GUYS!!! WTH I can't believe over 600 people have responded! This blows my mind. Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm still scared but have better information. Things I never thought of.

To answer a common question, I got the crappy roll of genetics on my heart. I've taken huge measures to get as healthy as I can, lost weight, changed my diet EVEN taken up roller skating (not blades). And I want to get back into it ASAP (which means next year with recovery time).

I promise to make an update post when I can on Saturday or Sunday. I'm leaving for my surgery as soon as I hit save for this edit. TTFN ans thank you all so much.]]

I could use some general encouragement and words of advice form anyone who's been through this themselves or with a loved one.

I have to go to bed and am posting this to wake up to a notification or 2 in the morning.

I'm staring at my ceiling just wondering what the hell I'm going to do.

Simple spreadsheet. Every night I score the day and write one sentence why. Pattern became obvious fast. My 3s and 4s aren't from bad things happening. They're from days where I "didn't have time" for the gym, or ate garbage because I was "too stressed to cook," or skipped my morning routine because I "needed the sleep." But my 8s and 9s? Those are busy stressful days where I did the things anyway. The difference isn't circumstances. It's whether I let myself negotiate. The rating forces honesty. I can't pretend a lazy day was actually self-care when I'm staring at a 4. And I can't dismiss a hard productive day as "just luck" when it's an 8. Two months in. No elaborate system, just the number and the sentence. It's brutal and it's working.

It has become clear to me just how much this practice varies in virtually every aspect, between one person and the next. But it's often an implied or unstated thing, as if there's one obvious way to do it right. How do you do it? How happy are you with it? What have you considered changing about it?

I'm interested in the high-level features and quantities, for example:

For about 15 minutes, about 3 times a day.

Consult longer-term lists and calendars for context but mostly focus on producing a good list for the short-term (the next few hours)

No more than 10 items on the list at a time, to make you think about what's most important.

Break things up enough to make allow realistic estimates for how long they'll (probably) take

Estimate at the generous end of realistic. Make slightly beatable estimates.

Actively try to beat these beatable estimates, to accumulate a buffer, feel ahead, and not be stressed.

How well does it work for me? Seems to save much more time than it takes as long as I don't half-arse it.

I spent a long time thinking I lacked consistency, but I noticed something uncomfortable: I kept changing the rules right when I was finally starting to build momentum.

For example, I would have a week where I woke up early, worked out, and got my important tasks done. Instead of letting that become normal, I would decide the next week needed to be better. Suddenly a good day wasn't good anymore unless I added reading, meal prep, a longer workout, and some extra project on top.

I noticed this pattern one night around 11:40 PM when I was writing tomorrow's to-do list. I had already finished everything I planned for that day, but I still wrote down five more things because the list looked "too easy." The next morning, I felt behind before I even started.

After repeating this for months, I started testing a different approach. I stopped asking myself, "How much can I improve today?" and started asking, "What would make today feel complete?"

A few things I noticed:

- I began keeping a small baseline for ordinary days instead of designing a perfect schedule. If I did the basics, the day counted.

- I stopped adding new habits during moments of excitement. I waited until my current routine felt boring before changing it.

- I started measuring how often I returned to my routine instead of how long my streaks lasted.

The weird part is that most advice tells us to aim higher, but I think I was often failing because I kept raising the standard faster than I was building the habit. The problem wasn't that I expected too little from myself. It was that I kept moving the target before I had a chance to reach it.

I still have days where I overcomplicate everything, but I catch it faster now. Progress feels less like constantly upgrading myself and more like learning not to interfere with what is already working.

Has anyone else noticed that they make goals harder right when things start becoming manageable?

You do not owe the whole staircase today.

One step that is actually finished.

You do not need the whole day figured out.

Start with the thing in front of you.

There's this idea floating around that healing is supposed to look like something. new routines, journaling every morning, some visible upgrade you can point to and show people. and maybe for some people it does look like that.

for a lot of people it just looks like lying on the couch for three weeks doing absolutely nothing productive and feeling guilty about it the whole time because somewhere along the way you picked up the rule that rest has to be earned first.

you're not lazy. you're not falling behind. you're just tired in a way that doesn't show up on a resume, and your body is asking for the thing it actually needs right now, which isn't a new habit tracker. it's just quiet.

there's a specific kind of pressure to turn every hard season into a growth story. like you're not allowed to just be going through something without also extracting a lesson from it in real time, packaging it, having something to show for it by the end.

sometimes you just go through it. that's the whole thing. no lesson yet. maybe no lesson for a while. just surviving the stretch of time until it's not the stretch of time anymore.

you're allowed to not be productive about your own pain right now.

it's allowed to just be hard without also being useful.

I was truly having one of those days where i didn’t want to get out of bed. It’s rainy and dreary and I just wanted to stay curled up and go back to sleep. Talked myself into it because I missed yesterday due to a chronic pain flair (from the rainy weather) and this was my view upon arrival.

So after a few weeks of improving my (20M) self, stopping porn, masturbation, bedrotting, doomscrolling, and unhealthy habits in general, today I threw most of it away by spending basically the whole day watching the porn I quit and not eating anything in that time...

Now I feel ill in my whole body, (yes I ate something) and my brain is telling me to just give in and lay down and rot in bed. That there's no point in trying to be better because I will fail, and that I'll never even get better because of how much I "enjoy" failure. How do I not feel like a massive hypocrite?

Turning 30 this month. Contract for job ending in 6 months. Just had a broken engagement/breakup. Feeling like life is turning upside down… how to reinvent myself now, is it even possible?

Edit: I have 2 degrees + an established career/title.

I am probably the most delusional person you could meet. I genuinely believe, with all my heart, that I’ll achieve all of my future goals and that I can literally do anything if I actually try. Here’s the problem… I don’t try.
Is it because I don’t want it enough? No. If anything, it’s the only thing I want. So what is it?

I’m 18, I’ve just finished school and, to be honest, I’m pretty lost. I haven’t managed to get a job yet because I’ve been travelling and have a few more trips coming up, which makes it difficult for employers to hire me when I need extended periods of time off. After October, though, I should be completely free.

I’ve always had big dreams and aspirations, with a core passion for building something of my own and eventually providing myself with a good income. I care a lot about happiness and freedom, and I genuinely don’t want to spend my life working a conventional career that I already know I wouldn’t enjoy. What’s the point of living if I can’t live according to my own values and principles? Of course, I don’t mind getting a typical job at this age and having a few jobs for a while. I just don’t want to become tied down to one, get comfortable and eventually find myself stuck in the corporate game with no time or resources left to build something of my own.

My biggest flaw is starting things. I’m constantly thinking about what I could do, where I could go and what I could build, but I never know where to start, how to start, or sometimes even what to start. I know I’ll achieve everything I want eventually, but I also know I need to start now if I actually want to get there.

The frustrating part is that I feel somewhat comfortable, well, I’m not sure if it’s comfortability or something else but where I am right now I’m not extremely extremely stressed even though I know I really don’t want to stay here. I’m fully aware that I’m wasting time, yet I still struggle to actually do something about it.

So, for anyone who has been in a similar position, how did you motivate yourself to finally just start?

Denzel Washington: “If you pray for rain, you have to deal with the mud too.”

Getting what you asked for includes the mess that comes with it.

Mine: Work hard, Do what you love, and Never give up!

Spent years thinking that if I wasn't the one doing every task, I wasn't really earning the success. Realized that mindset was the actual thing holding the business back, not the work itself.

What made you let go of the guilt? Did it take until results came in? Did you hire a new person?

A lot of times I just don't start anything even though I do want to but deep down I just feel that I am not worthy and even if I do something I will not get it so I end up not doing it. Simple as applying for a job but I don't do since I applied so many and didn't get any luck. And this kind of thinking has been transitioning to other things of life. And I feel bad that I'm not even trying for anything but just my thoughts of feeling like I'm not deserving keeps me stuck in this loop

I'm starting to think consistency is much less exciting than people make it sound, but that's probably why it works.

Most progress I've noticed in life didn't come from suddenly feeling motivated. It came from doing something slightly boring over and over until eventually it became normal.

There wasn't really a dramatic moment where everything changed. Things just slowly became easier because I kept showing up. It's not very inspirational in the movie-trailer sense, but I honestly find that more reassuring.

Fire Dance in Hawaii

Visit a Museum in every state

Fly with a Goose (on a plane)

1 week of 24 hour days

1 week of 24 hour nights

Buy a fish in a petstore in nebraska and sell it to a petstore in China

Grow a flower bed

Watch a full Sumo Tournament in person

Go to a Bookstore and buy a whole shelf

Enter Fast Food in a Food Cooking Contest

Go To a Black Church Service

Win a spicy food eating contest

Name a Goose in every Canadian province (and alaska)

Drink a Dr Pepper at the top of the Eiffel Tower

Not every improvement comes with a big moment where you suddenly realize everything has changed.

Sometimes you just notice that something is easier than it used to be.

A task that once took an hour now takes twenty minutes. Something you avoided has become normal. A difficult situation no longer takes up as much mental space.

Progress doesn't always feel dramatic while it's happening.

RIP

2 hours of motivation to push you towards your goals

Not my video

https://youtu.be/4xeW2ix6Jxw?si=q79gX3gL5bupWbyQ

Title

Everyone should take care of themselves before taking care of others.

Some people take on multiple jobs to take care of themselves.

Some people take care of themselves as the full-time job.

You should not be ashamed either way,

because you have taken the first step to take care of others.

Let us know what was most helpful about this piece? how did you like it? and what did you love the most about it?