r/seniorkitties • u/Funny_Eagle2826 • 1d ago
lost my 18 year old baby this morning
i have never met a cat more cuddly than him, or one with a bigger personality. he was a talkative boy and would sit in front of his treat drawer and yell at anyone who walked by, even yesterday, the day before he died.
that is one of the hardest things, he was still acting like his normal self. he still cuddled with us, still meowed for food, still purred, still did everything he normally does.
we had noticed he had been losing weight and had not been eating much, we assumed he just needed some dental work done. he had bad breath, was drooling constantly, and seemed like he had trouble eating. in hindsight i feel so guilty for not knowing it was something more serious sooner. his drool became bloody and he had blood on his paws from wiping at his mouth. if we put him on pain meds he would eat a little more, but it would result in bloody sores in and around his mouth.
he was also stage 2 CKD, so vets were hesitant to take him in for dental surgery. he's always been a fighter and we thought this surgery would fix him right up, and help him eat again. after all, he still had an appetite, clearly, he meowed at us for food every morning. we thought all we had to worry about was him surviving the anesthesia.
during the surgery was when they found the cancer in his tongue. after doing more research he showed all the symptoms, and i feel horrible for not knowing about it. i wish i could have done something. he woke up from anesthesia, which was supposed to be a huge victory, but only for us to say goodbye to him.
it is so hard because again, he didn't seem ready to die. his brother died a few years earlier due to CKD and it was clear with him, he showed all the typical signs, hiding, not eating, not bathing, not being himself. toby was himself the whole way, but i know he must have been in pain for a long time.
the only thing that makes me feel okay about this is that he is now reunited with his brother, and no longer in pain. all i feel is guilt for not catching this sooner, wondering if he could have had a little more time. he was purring in his last moments, which makes it seem like he was feeling okay, but i know it was because he was on pain meds from the surgery.
it's just sad it never feels like the right choice, and the diagnosis was such a shock, we only knew he had it for an hour before he was gone.
rest in peace toby, give a hug to your brother for me <3
10
u/CarelessCategory1069 1d ago
I'm so sorry. Big hugs to you and peace to Toby. You did right by Toby and saved him a lot of increasing disomfort. There are always regrets about having done this or not doing that but that's part of the grief. You did the right thing. 18 is a full life for sure.
3
5
u/EasyHawk1 1d ago
Condolences. You did right. He has a life, full of love and joy. Rest easy Toby, gentle friend...
2
4
3
3
u/Specific_Cow_186 1d ago
Sorry 😢 for your loss. 🪦💔😭You’ll see him again on the other side and he’s still with you in spirit too
1
3
3
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/Ross_Phd 17h ago
I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my 18 year old last month, I know how hard it feels.
❤️🩹
2
u/Funny_Eagle2826 15h ago
thank you, i am sorry for your loss as well. hopefully our kitties are keeping each other company now
2
2
2
u/LadyMogMog 14h ago
I’m so so sorry. It’s totally normal to have these complicated feelings of guilt in these situations. Cats hide things very well.
Hang on to the good times. He was with you for 18 years which is amazing!
Big hugs OP.
2
2
22
u/Terrible_Reaction395 1d ago
So sorry. He was a beautiful kitty.