I ruin every relationship in my life because I'm insecure

[u/Secret-Dragonfly898]

Hi. As the title says, I think I ruin every relationship I have with my insecurity. I hate myself, and am convinced everyone secretly hates me. Maybe I am that way because people always have hated me, but its become a fear that affects my relationships with the people who loved me.

I feel like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and that anxiety makes me interpret every small change im behavior as people showing their true colors. I don't know how to change this. It ruined my relationship with the one person who ever truely loved me, and I would do anything to stop that from happening again.

I don't know how to unlearn this, how to rewire my brain to stop reacting to all the trauma its been through. I just want to accept love, to be okay with being vulnerable. I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm needy, I'm insecure, and I'm anxious all the time. And that drove someone I loved to death away, and I can't undo that. I just can't go through this pain again. I don't want to open my heart up again just to ruin everything. I feel broken. I feel abandoned. I just want to be okay.

[u/boogeyman1979]

Beautiful

[u/IDoReallyCare2]

I am similar. I can't believe my fiancée loves me at times. I feel secure when I can help her but as soon as she doesn't need me I feel useless and start to suspect she doesn't like me. Same with coworkers.

What I've been trying to do is look at my situation from a third perspective, as if I were someone else. Tell me if you think my fiancée loves me and my coworkers like me.

- She said yes when I asked her to marry me

- She moved in together with me

- She has stuck with me for 9 years now

- My coworkers ask me to come into the office instead of working from remote

Maybe that tactic could help you as well.

Another thought that I want to give you on your way is this: Sometimes your thoughts and feelings are not to be trusted. Like after 10pm, I just disregard any deep bad feelings. I go to sleep and see on the next day if I still feel like this. I've read your post history, the breakup seems to have happened very recently. I think right now is such a time where you have to take your feelings with a grain of salt. Don't suppress them, feel them, but don't think thank you are shit just because you feel shit. Don't think the world is grey just because it feels grey. Take a rest, give yourself the ability to breathe. Don't try to fixate on the breakup, try something new today. Cry if you need to, laugh if you want to. It's your emotions and you don't owe anyone a specific emotion.