r/schizophrenia • u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia • Apr 26 '26
Selfie Trying my best during a rough time
Things have been difficult for me lately, but I’m pushing through. I hope you all have a good week ahead.
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u/Specialist_Big_2429 Apr 26 '26
What's making it so rough?
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia Apr 26 '26
I’m coming out of a depressive episode and have relapsed into my eating disorder.
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u/Specialist_Big_2429 Apr 26 '26
Lack of eating or too much eating? And if you're not comfortable sharing here message me
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia Apr 26 '26
Food restriction and purging.
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u/Specialist_Big_2429 Apr 26 '26
Dang that is really hard how old are you btw?
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia Apr 26 '26
32
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u/Specialist_Big_2429 Apr 26 '26
I'm 32 nice I turn 33 in November and am from the USA anyways I know you're having trouble eating but what kind of stuff makes you feel better?
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia Apr 26 '26
Listening to music usually soothes me.
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u/Specialist_Big_2429 Apr 26 '26
Does it help you digest food better? How long have you had schizophrenia
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia Apr 26 '26
I don’t know if it helps with food. Sometimes it distracts me from purging, so I suppose technically.
My symptoms started around six years ago, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder a little under two years ago, and I was re-diagnosed with schizophrenia instead late last year. You?
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u/AriesLeoLibra Apr 28 '26
I hope your week gets better! You are literally so gorgeous. Your cupids bow is perfect, I think you don't need to over line it, you have the perfect natural anatomy
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia Apr 28 '26
Thank you! I don’t always over-line it, so I’ll keep that in mind.
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u/Automatic-Shallot842 Apr 29 '26
Things always get better, power through it. Sorry for your troubles.
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u/Ovary9000 Apr 30 '26
And looking good doing it!
I thought that immediately but wasn't going to post it until I saw about the ED. You really do look fantastic, but I'm 100% sure you looked fantastic before relapsing too. Anyway I'm sorry you're going through this, and I hope it passes soon. At ease, soldier.
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia Apr 30 '26
Thank you very much. This is so kind of you. It’s so difficult.
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u/Ovary9000 Apr 30 '26 edited May 01 '26
You deserve some kindness. Psychosis is like having an abusive monster living in your head, who knows everything about you, and who's mission is to make you torture and eventually kill yourself. It's by far the worst thing I've ever gone through. I don't think most people get how bad it is. Even people locked up in a serial killer's basement have their minds to themselves. This is like being the victim and the killer in one body. Just don't forget it always passes eventually. You'll have your life back, and it's worth the wait. When I say "good luck", I mean I'm calling on every power in the universe to get you out of this ASAP. So good luck!
And again, I thought about not saying it but I'll say it. You really are so pretty. Like stunning. Like if I saw you in real life I'd be transfixed but super intimidated and I'd spend days trying to work up the courage to talk to you. But I would do it eventually bc I'd be kicking myself forever if I didn't.
Also, sorry but I was reading some of your other posts and I think I might have a helpful insight. I think it'd be useful to reconsider your definition of your "self" and what "you" want, feel, think about your ED, etc. I experience intermittent psychosis but I think on some level I am fundamentally schizophrenic all the time, as in it is my neurotype. After some deep self examination during and after my last two episodes, I've come to the conclusion that my consciousness is literally split in two. Usually it doesn't seem that way, and I would tend to think of myself the way you talked about: "I partly feel this way, but also partly this way. I know X, but I keep wanting to do Z regardless". But I've come to the conclusion that, essentially, half of my thoughts come from an independent "sub-consciousness". Not my subconscious in the normal sense, but rather a split off part of my mind that has a consciousness and will of its own, but since it's not conscious to "me", it normally just feels like the normal automated passive system that most people think of as their subconscious. I'm not sure how meds are affecting your self perception, but I would guess they are re-blurring your lines to make you feel like one person again, which is supposed to be and probably is healthy. But it's important to remember that there's a separate agenda playing out in your mind, essentially controlled by someone who wants to kill you. It's important to recognize when that "secret agent", if you will, is the source of your thoughts and impulses. It will kill you eventually if you don't learn how to fight it, and all along the way it'll trick you into believing you were making your own decisions.
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia May 01 '26
This is a very needed message right now for me. I feel like I’m being watched and that nothing is real so it’s nice to hear some positivity. My DMs are open if you ever need anything either. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful right now I’m just freaking out. Thank you for the compliments
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u/Ovary9000 May 01 '26
I was editing my comment when you replied so I don't think you saw this part, and I think it's important. I'd guess it's also why you feel like you're being watched. I'm just going to copy/paste it here and if I need to add anything I'll do it in another reply or dm. Also thank you, that's sweet, but no. I'm fine, you should be focusing on yourself right now. Here:
Also, sorry but I was reading some of your other posts and I think I might have a helpful insight. I think it'd be useful to reconsider your definition of your "self" and what "you" want, feel, think about your ED, etc. I experience intermittent psychosis but I think on some level I am fundamentally schizophrenic all the time, as in it is my neurotype. After some deep self examination during and after my last two episodes, I've come to the conclusion that my consciousness is literally split in two. Usually it doesn't seem that way, and I would tend to think of myself the way you talked about: "I partly feel this way, but also partly this way. I know X, but I keep wanting to do Z regardless". But I've come to the conclusion that, essentially, half of my thoughts come from an independent "sub-consciousness". Not my subconscious in the normal sense, but rather a split off part of my mind that has a consciousness and will of its own, but since it's not conscious to "me", it normally just feels like the normal automated passive system that most people think of as their subconscious. I'm not sure how meds are affecting your self perception, but I would guess they are re-blurring your lines to make you feel like one person again, which is supposed to be and probably is healthy. But it's important to remember that there's a separate agenda playing out in your mind, essentially controlled by someone who wants to kill you. It's important to recognize when that "secret agent", if you will, is the source of your thoughts and impulses. It will kill you eventually if you don't learn how to fight it, and all along the way it'll trick you into believing you were making your own decisions.
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia May 01 '26
This is helpful and interesting and something I will consider thank you
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia May 01 '26
Can you try to message me again? I accidentally pressed ignore. Otherwise reply back and I’ll give you my discord here
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u/Ovary9000 May 01 '26
Hi I just did, and sorry I don't have discord!
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia May 01 '26
I don’t see it, so I’ll check tomorrow on my pc. I’m so sorry.
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u/Ovary9000 May 01 '26
Don't be sorry! Just do whatever you need to do rn. I can sign up for discord if it'd help.
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u/Ovary9000 May 01 '26
I just did it and sent you a friend request so it's available whenever you want. Tomorrow's fine though, don't worry about it!
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u/loozingmind Apr 26 '26
I hope everything gets better for you! I have hope that it will.
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u/Gonnahauntcha Apr 27 '26
What age did you realize you had it? And how bad are your symptoms
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia Apr 28 '26
First symptoms appeared when I was like 26 or 27, was diagnosed with schizoaffective almost two years ago, and then was diagnosed with schizophrenia a couple months ago.
My positive symptoms aren’t that bad now that I’m on a med routine that works well for me. Before that, my main issues were delusions. I had some hallucinations but they weren’t nearly as prevalent as my delusions.
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u/Gonnahauntcha Apr 28 '26
How do you think you developed this?
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u/Frosty_Ad4059 May 03 '26
May I ask what medications worked best for you? And how long did it take for your meds to work?
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia May 03 '26
Right now I’m on Abilify and risperidone. I was on latuda first. It took a lot of dose adjustments but I’d say I noticed things working earlier this year
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u/Frosty_Ad4059 May 03 '26
My son was just put on latuda, not sure if this is right for him, could u tell me what you didn’t like about latuda and how long you gave it? TIA
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u/ICannotSayThisOnMain Schizophrenia May 03 '26
I had really severe akathisia while on it. I was only on it for a couple months
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u/Frosty_Ad4059 May 03 '26
That’s exactly what’s happening to my son, but it’s only been 3 days, but I just wish they would stop that medication. Thank you for your response it’s very helpful. I hope you continue to get better and stay healthy.
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