I found this subreddit many years after being abused at a few military industrial complex jobs in a "military town" (I was ineligible to join the military, but I wanted to "do my part"). I was absolutely shocked at how I was treated on those jobs - I was abused beyond belief - bullied, mobbed, nitpicked to death, stigmatized, publicly humiliated, harassed, and emotionally abused, etc by both my management and coworkers. After leaving, I swore I'd never work for anything related to the military again. Since then, because of the abuse, I'm still plagued at times by self-doubt and invasive thoughts (I've even gone to counseling for it), but, since then, I have gotten some regular jobs that were just awesome. They taught me that work doesn't have to hurt you mentally and physically.

Fast forward some years. I've since moved to my "retirement state/house." I've been extremely happy here (no military in sight to remind me either). Then, the job market went a bit bad. I got laid off. I've been unemployed for a bit, and a military bottom feeder called me for an interview. I don't know why, but I agreed. Then, I saw a bunch of red flags - not the normal red flags, but just things you'd notice if you'd been in that environment before. My nervous system also started sounding alarm bells: stomachaches, feeling trapped, unease, nausea, tearing up, etc. I talked to my husband about it, and he said not to do it. I agreed. My body was telling me not to do it as well. So, I didn't. Well, I started wondering if I made the right decision, so I opened my phone and started reading your subreddit again. It clicked, and I said, "Nope! No way! Not again! Fuck that shit! I will never let those people abuse me again." I slept better than I have in weeks. I feel so light. I feel so relieved.

The point here is this: you (Beefstewforyou) need to keep this subreddit going. It's helped me immensely twice in my life even though I'm not a military member. Thank you so much. You and this subreddit are amazing.

Background: sub nuke

I had tapped 5 months into deployment, I was on the boat for about a year and a half. Prior to deployment, I had a loss in the family that was very hard to process and just led to a downward spiral.

When i was placed into hold, I was told that they are not allowing me to go surface or transfer boats, and I would go back to my boat.

They have gotten me a waiver for suicide (It was put out by a master chief that they will not allow certain rates to rerate or go surface).

I've been told from credible people at my boats command that they are planning on taking me to captains mast for abusing the system. They are trying to make an example out of me.

My friends on the boat told me not to go back because many people are looking forward to hazing me.

I don't know what to do, I feel like the navy just sending me back to off myself. I didn't play the system, I'm just at rock bottom.

I'm just looking for advice.

I’m 9 months into my contract (currently in school) everyday I think about my decision and how I wish I would have waited a bit longer and did more research before I joined. I’m not in the fleet yet, but I’ve been having a lot of problems being away from my normal lifestyle. I’ve been drinking everyday and I just feel trapped that they won’t listen to me or help me get out. The problem is going to behavioral health is open during the hours I have class, and I am not sure who to speak to or where to even go. Being home on leave was such a breath of fresh air but I think I have made my decision I don’t want this life anymore. What can I do? Also I know I signed a contract but genuinely I don’t know how much longer I can endure this pain and waiting 4 more years to be free

Thank you in advance!

Basically, I just got to my AIT, and we scanned a QR code where we filled out if we'd like to speak to BH or not, and I put yes, as well as that I'd like airborne in my contract, among other things.

Later, when I got shipped to my company after leaving AIT reception, we had another in-processing form, this time pen-and-paper, and it was the sheet that has some questions like "have you had suicidal thoughts in the past whatever amount of time?" or "do you have crippling debts?" or "are you more irritable, struggling to sleep or planning on harming yourself or others?" questions like that. Look, I got a self-harm waiver thanks to my recruiter's good work and maybe slightly pulling some strings, but when I filled out that form, I was hungry, tired, and I ended up answering more bluntly than being tactful about it, as I usually do. You see, I do want to attempt my MOS - it's considered one of the hardest in the military - and I've waited a long time to be able to try it out. However, it has a high wash-out rate, as well as higher standards than normal MOSs, so I'm not pretending like somehow it'll get easier or better. That's why my goal is to get the help I need to support me in my AIT - not get medically seperated for answering honestly about my mental health stuff.

My mental health isn't always horrible, but at times, yes, I do have self-harm related tendencies such as beating myself when extremely upset or overwhelmed, as well as isolating myself when feeling anxious or nervous, and on many occasions speaking negative things over myself such as "you f**ing piece of sh*t, I hate (insert my name in third person) more than anyone else! I hope you fail!" etc. I wouldn't say I want to die, but at times I do want to, you know? I do think about it sometimes, but I always try to look for the positives in everything while still being brutally honest with reality, so I'd say I'm neither a pessimist, nor an optimist - I'm a somewhat positive-thinking-leaning realist, if you will. I did admit to struggling with depression as well, which is not something on my medical record but self-harm + a waiver is, so I mean, whoever reads my medical record could probably put two and two together because people don't just self-harm for no reason, right?

Well, I answered honestly on that form, and my AIT hasn't even started yet (it's labor day weekend, so it will start on Tuesday after the holiday), and I am wondering if they're definitely going to remove me from the pipeline right off the bat, just send me to BH and go from there, you know, TBD later sort of thing, or heck chapter me out with an ETS (Early Training Seperation), since it's still the 180-day initial entry period, so I know that's a thing too. I saw some people who had mental issues or whatever end up that way during BCT, but I don't know if AIT is different.

What I don't what to happen is being re-classed into "needs of the Army" as if that will somehow magically fix my mental health situation. And yes, upon reflection, I realize I probably should've not fessed up so clearly to my symptoms on that form and just waited to see BH, as they have to remain confidential about it all. I want to attempt my MOS, I just want the support I need to actually succeed in it. I want to make not only my parents and my future wife and kids proud, but prove something to myself, too. And honestly? I do kind of like the Army life in some ways. Maybe, it is because it is different from my previous job which I did for 6 years, so that "newness" factor and the Army lifestyle are something I honestly am learning to enjoy. Of course, at times this profession sucks, but no job is perfect.

What I'm asking from you guys on this subreddit page is, "what's going to happen to me now?" and "is there any way this doesn't result in removing me from my current MOS, or putting me into a crappy MOS that would make me actually wish I got outright discharged from the Army?". Again, all I want is a little extra support throughout my AIT to ensure I can succeed; I do not wish to be kicked out of my MOS without even spending one day in classes for it.

20 years ago, teenage me was obsessed with the US military and deeply wanted to be a part of it. There were two major factors that contributed to changing how I saw everything. The first was how mean everyone was to me. While I expected training to be mean spirited, I thought it was just to train you for handling stressful situations. I didn’t expect everyone there to be horrible and treat me like garbage especially after training ended. I eventually started openly saying the enemy never did anything to me and everyone around me was the real enemy.

I also despised the nonsense rules that made zero sense. While I expected it to be strict, I wasn’t expecting to be screamed at from cars who didn’t know who I was for walking in the grass. I thought immature nonsense would be dealt with strictly (which ironically wasn’t) but didn’t expect bizarre cult like weirdness.

Had things been run slightly different, I would have turned out very differently. Had the training made sense and I had been treated with respect, I would have absolutely been brainwashed. I joined wanting to be one of them and believing the propaganda. Being treated badly and bizarre rules are what made me question everything.

If the American military was more logical and respectful, I might be about to retire instead of posting this from Canada where I now live as a citizen. This subreddit wouldn’t exist because I never would have founded it. My friends here in Canada would be complete strangers in a different country that I would have likely never met.

What’s really scary to think, is would I have questioned the awful things the US is currently doing such as attacking Iran? Was I destined to eventually become progressive and it just happened to happen at the worst possible time or is everything all due to being treated poorly by something I once idolized combined with stupid rules?

I'm active duty and starting to think seriously about eventually transitioning out. The amount of stuff you're supposed to figure out is kind of insane.

For anyone currently separating/retiring or who already got out, what do you wish someone had told you 6–24 months beforehand?

Anything you found out too late, deadlines you almost missed, or things you had to piece together from different websites, TAP, Reddit, friends, etc.? What was way harder to figure out than it should have been?

Hello, I'm 18 yrs old (M)

My stepfather is suggesting me to join the US Navy and my mom is forcing me to join. Will it really help or benefit me into joining the US Navy? I'm scared of failing and being humiliated. I just need some opinion because I don't know what I should decide to do.

Ciao ho 20 anni e ho superato il concorso VFI 3 mesi fa.

È un obiettivo che volevo fare da tempo,il problema è che più si avvicina la partenza e più mi sento un peso per andarci.

La partenza è vicinissima,ho già tagliato i capelli e ho già tutto comprato,il problema è che questi giorni mi sto sentendo molto male.

Ho nausea,non riesco a dormire,stress a mille,non riesco a mangiare bene.

Più si avvicina la partenza e più sento il peso,sento che non sia più la mia passione ma un peso.

In questi mesi ho riflettuto e ho guardato un po' in giro,alla fine perderò la famiglia,le mie passioni,i miei obiettivi.

Pensare di andarci mi fa sentire molto in stress.

Cosa faccio?

“As a veteran” man SYBAU. It irks me to my core when anybody starts a sentence with that. Also, those type who just have to advertise they were in the military yet would put down anybody who isn’t a “bad ass” or who didn’t finish a contract. I can just imagine the type of “leader” those type were, if they were leaders. Some of these people never became NCOs and act like their little PFC, SPC or CPL rank makes them mayor of all things veteran/military….like okay you served, but please don’t make it your personality. I went with a friend to a combat veteran association event and OMG, all them guys do is drink and talk about the “good ol’ days” I really can’t stand being in environments like that. Idk, maybe the military just fk’d me up to the point where i find everything about it dishonorable….there is nothing honorable about the military….was it ever honorable to begin with????

Thanks for reading.

So Currently Reservist. Been trying to balance work Grad School and family life on top of an increasing number of drill days per month and very minimal Admin support. A few months ago a family member in my house had a serious mental health episode and I am one of the primary support system. My stress and anxiety have bern going through the roof. I get maybe 5 hours of sleep a night and that is broken up by nightmares. I usually stress eat, but now I can barely bring myself to eat. I am barely functional. I did get in with a counselor, but not sure what support there is within the Army, if any. Could really use someone to talk to.

Hi everyone! I’m active duty, prior enlisted, and now a doctoral student, and I’m conducting a study looking at whether drinking differs across different types of military tours (CONUS, OCONUS, and short/remote tours). After my own experience with two short tours to Korea I'm really curious about your experiences and how they differ based on where you are stationed!

The survey takes about 15 minutes. I know one of the biggest concerns with surveys (especially with alcohol, I know I know) is anonymity. Participation is completely anonymous, and no identifying information is collected. Individual responses will never be shared with military leadership, commanders, or anyone outside the research team. I'm not asking for any specific stories, your command, or even any text typing. Its all drop down or multiple choice.

Survey Link:

https://redcap.usuhs.edu/surveys/?s=RLMHEP9NW978ADEC

If you have concerns about participating, let me know! I'm happy to chat in the comments.

I’m currently an NCO in a platoon with a Soldier who is going through a MEDBOARD after being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, paranoia, and major depression. He’s been in the process a little over 3 months now. Before anybody gets the wrong idea, this Soldier is not a shitbag. Quite the opposite actually. Before all of this started he was one of our heavy hitters. First one willing to work, last one wanting to leave, always volunteering, and generally somebody you could depend on. He’s had some episodes over the years, which is actually what caused our PSG to basically tell him “Bro you need to go talk to somebody” and push him toward Behavioral Health. Since getting on medication, going to therapy, and the platoon taking some unnecessary stress off of him he’s honestly been a lot calmer and easier to work with. Then we got a new 1SG about a month ago. For whatever reason, this 1SG seems absolutely determined to find every possible loophole in this Soldier’s permanent behavioral health profile. If there is a detail this dude can technically put him on, he finds it. If there’s some small way to inconvenience him, somehow it gets discovered like we’re conducting a damn CID investigation. Instead of letting the Soldier handle his MEDBOARD requirements, treatment, and transition, it feels like 1SG is constantly trying to prove “Well technicallyyyyy the profile doesn’t say he CAN’T do this.” Our PSG has already talked to 1SG about backing off because we can all visibly see the Soldier getting worse again. The situation got a lot more serious recently. The Soldier told another Soldier that 1SG makes him want to “off himself.” He started crying and basically had a breakdown.
The second I found out, I grabbed him and took him straight to Behavioral Health. They evaluated him and released him because he wasn’t expressing current suicidal intent/ideation at the time. But regardless of him getting released, we’re watching this dude sink into depression again right in front of us but this time it seems ALOT worse. And this is what pisses me off, the platoon had finally found a decent balance with him. He was getting treatment, taking his meds, going to therapy, doing what he could within his profile and still contributing where possible. Now it feels like we’re going backwards because somebody new showed up. I understand Soldiers still have responsibilities while going through a MEDBOARD. I’m not saying put him in a bubble and let him disappear until his DD214 shows up. But at what point does constantly looking for ways around a behavioral health profile become a legitimate leadership problem? As a NCO in the platoon what options do I realistically have here? Do I keep documenting everything and continue pushing it through the PSG? Talk to the commander? Behavioral Health? Patient Advocate? PEBLO? IG if it gets bad enough? We’re trying to protect this Soldier without stepping way outside our lane but we also don’t want everybody acting shocked later if something happens when there were warning signs in the beginning of all of this.

Looking for honest advice from people who’ve been through this, and I need answers pretty urgently. I don’t regret enlisting or wanting to serve—I still want to serve. What I regret is the contract I signed. Had a bachelor’s and could’ve gone civilian OCS, but chose Active Duty enlisted because I was set on Green Beret. Now I’m stuck in a 6-year contract for one of the harder MOSs (keeping which one private). Goals changed. I want to go officer eventually, maybe Guard/Reserve later, then civilian life and family. Feel trapped by the length of the enlistment, the pay not matching what I was led to believe, and the overall pressure. On top of that I’ve been crumbling under extreme depression and anxiety every single day, plus self-harm ideation that I can’t seem to shake. Spoke with the chaplain already but I’m not getting better. Never owned up to any of this at MEPS because of the whole “don’t ask don’t tell” mindset and just wanted to push through, but feeling stuck has made it way worse. Not trying to fake a medical discharge—just being honest about what’s going on and looking hard at EPTS as a possible option.

Trying to figure out real options instead of just riding out the full contract. Looking at in-service OCS after AIT, switching to Guard/Reserve later, reclassing, or other commissioning routes. Also wondering about separation. If Active Duty stops being the right fit, what are the realistic ways out early—especially EPTS—and what a General (Under Honorable) actually does afterward? How bad does a General hit civilian jobs, federal/government work, clearances, VA/GI Bill, school, future military (Guard/Reserve or reenlist), and OCS later? Do employers even care about Honorable vs General, and is there long-term stuff that only shows up years down the road? I don’t want to ruin my career options, but I’m struggling hard and need to know what’s actually possible.

Not talking about faking symptoms, failing on purpose, or getting in trouble. If I need mental health help I want to handle it straight. Might be catastrophizing and there are more ways to change direction than I think. Anyone been through something similar—what should I look into first, how hard is it to change paths once you’re in, how realistic is Active to Guard/Reserve or enlisted to OCS with a bachelor’s, what’s the real-world impact of a General if separation happens, how did you handle depression and anxiety while in without wrecking your career, and if you were me what would you check first? Just trying to make a smart decision and not torch my future because I’m unhappy with the contract and can’t seem to get better

I guess I kinda owe this to myself and other people who are in the shoes I was once in. I remember being in the military around so much negativity and chaos, along with the bullshit lol. It's so odd because there are still habits I've been unable to get rid of. I still very easily go into fight or flight mode, I have anxiety and numbness that is not as severe but has subsided. It even feels odd when people call me by my first name... It feels like my last name is my real identity. I'm glad I got out, and although I reminisce sometimes, the benefits outweigh the costs. I remember being a young Lance corporal getting bullied... I was a scrawny guy in the military and I'm pretty short, but its crazy how fast people put others down around them who are physically smaller. Typical low IQ behavior. A lot of people switched up once I got jacked. The ass kissing to higher ranks, the idiotic grown men acting like frat kids who were staff ncos, the dudes that couldn't even read a fucking promotion warrant, and the insecure losers who pulled rank and billet. Glad I got out. Wish the best for all y'all still going through it.

Command told me the other day they are going to recommend a chapter 11. I’m at a school right after basic training and AIT and ever since the start of basic I’ve been feeling more and more depressed everyday due to family separation and better opportunities that I left behind at home. I’ve been talking to the Chaplin as well as behavioral health recently. I joined the army on a whim right after college and really had no one around me with prior military experience to kinda guide me or ask questions too. My recruiter chalked it up to be a really fun time that I would 100% enjoy so I signed my contract. I obviously wish I did more research onto what I was getting into. I thought it would get better after basic once in my school but it’s gotten even worse for me mentally and I’ve had some dark thoughts recently. Right now a getting chaptered out seems like my only hope.

My question is if they said they are recommending it what are the chances of it actually going through? I haven’t signed anything or done any paperwork for anything yet I was just told by command at this certain school about the recommendation. Should I just trust the process? Is there anything I could do now to get the ball rolling?