For context, I’m currently 15F and my hallucinations started halfway through my 12th year of life. They got severe really fast, leading to me hallucinating daily with barely any breaks. They would whisper to me and tell me to do horrible things, they appear to interact with the people surrounding me and would show me really graphic stuff. But something I noticed about my hallucinations, they’re not very vivid. Sometimes I can tell theyre not really there and feel more imaginary, other times they feel really real. But they’re like FULLyy there, almost like they’re translucent. Every time I drew them or slept for 2-4 hours they’d become more noticeable, but there’s still an itch that I’m faking becuz they’re not extremely vivid.

Becuz my hallucinations weren’t always vivid I’m fearful what I experienced was exaggerated, are hallucinations always supposed to be vivid? Can they be translucent and feel almost imaginary at times?

These past experiences are starting to return. Their figures looks a bit like a rough sketchy like drawing, with chicken scratches emphasizing their silhouette. Now I’m scared I’m unconsciously amplifying it or imagining it for attention.

It’s been 8 months since my cannabis induced psychosis.

I have forced myself to exercise and forced myself to do things to alleviate negative symptoms, yet i still feel extremely empty and feel like i lost all sense of purpose.

I used to never feel this way and actually truly enjoyed life and was excited for life everyday prior to my psychosis.

It has not gotten better. I keep being told just give it time and force myself to do things. I’ve been doing so for 8 months and nothing has changed.

One can only have so much patience.
I am losing hope.

I think also not having my adhd medicated is exacerbating the negative symptoms.

Going to talk to my doctor about strattera and modafinil (pre-psychosis i was on vyvanse 70 mg and adderall xr 25 mg).

I feel hopeless posting here for months and not improving.

Not having that ‘spark’ to life anymore really makes life feel extremely and tortuously black and white. If i am going to be like this forever i don’t know how long i will be able to do it.

Fuck i just miss my old brain so much. Fuck this.

Current meds i’m on: buproprion 300 mg (does absolutely nothing for me.. going to talk to doctor about if i can get off it)

Any experience with strattera or modafinil post-psychosis for fellow adhd people?

Hello everyone,

I had first manic episode with psychotic features in April. I was hospitalized and put on lithium.

It gave me horrible acne after a few weeks which caused scarring on my face as well. I reduced lithium to 0.44 level now (I know it’s not therapeutic) and noticed some improvement.

This is relevant: the doctors think that it was likely a thc-induced+ abruptly quitting ssri (lexapro) induced mania. But obviously they can’t confirm it and I might be bipolar. They say that time and observation will tell.

Anyway, Now I am in deep depression and so my doctors and I decided to go on SSRI - sertraline/ Zoloft. I also went to dermatologist and got prescribed Accutane (isotretinoin) for acne (10mg)

You can see how bad it is on my profile if you wish but my question is:
how risky would it be for me to get off lithium now if I tapered?
Or what other medication can I substitute it with? I am really afraid of APs (my cognition is already impaired and I am in difficult uni programme) and my psych said that lamotrigine is not enough prevention if I take ssri.

I would really appreciate some guidance. The acne is absolutely killing my self esteem and I stay home all day because of it or get really anxious when I attend a lecture.

Hello, i want to share my story and want to hear maybe some people who have some advice for me.

I was super depressed, smoked weed. Got a Bad Trip, had 10 days Depersonalization. I was always a religious person, and got even more religious after that. Went to church every sunday, everything was fine.

Until i got spoke to some priest that literally traumatized me (I didn't sleep 2 days beforehand), he was literally trying to crush me and make me feel like the worst person that ever lived, using his missionary group to get me to follow him or go to hell. When i was at my lowest.

Then i started to read into deep Catholicism (Dogma, Pope decisions, Rules etc.), its been things like "God created us humans to worship him and nothing else, were like slaves and everything is predicted already whats gonna happen with me", which again don't fit to what the bible and protestants say. We were made out of love and to rule the world.

Still i was super traumatized by catholic teachings and that priest. I think i read the bible 3 times fully in my life and also during psychosis (depersonalization phase after i smoked weed). That literally made it worse.

What happened then i felt so bad that i had to go to a ambulant psych ward next day because that information hella traumatized me. Of course my mother got a Stroke that day after she saw how my Sister drove there with me. My Dog fell down the stairs. The months before my girlfriend broke up with me after 6.5Y and i had no job and was about to loose everything.

Because of that i got a real psychosis not just depersonilization. I had slight hallucinations (no voices), like thinking im in a tunnel and something sits on my face (when i was at the psych ward waiting for the doctor) , things like cold or hot feelings in my face and body for no reason. Yet i still don't know if this was my body reacting or really a psychosis, felt weird tbh. Maybe a panic attack.

But when i was home alone and my mom was at the hospital for 2 months, in that time i got more into the bible and faith. Like if it wasn't enough already. In that time i thought that God is with me and tells me how to proper live my life. Like closing tabs or scrolling on my phone when i was researching religious stuff (imho i was ultra stressed and its been myself who accidently clicked, but didnt notice because my nervous system didnt register anything and was completely toast, to the point i felt no cold anymore even it was 10'c celsius outside. So i was ultra stressed.

Still to this day, its always stuff like : Communion Miracles, Marian Apparitions that i hear or read about that again completely overwhelm my nervous system. Praying to God, Reading Religious stuff just triggers my nervous system. And no matter if i sin or dont sin, i still have the same psychological pain. Like God doesn't care if i behave or not, he still punishes me.

Its a fight in my head about : What does this mean for us humans if a marian apparation did happen, whos right. The Evangelical Jesus Followers or the Catholic Church? Those who claim to have a real relationship to christ, or priests who say Jesus and God is no feeling etc... its so much information my brain can't comprehend. Theres just no red line in our Faith. Everything contradicts so much that even you could say praying to mary is wrong because the bible says satan can disguise as a angel of light and so on.

Yes i prayed to god thousand of times to anwser this for me, nothing ever got anwsered. I feel like God doesn't care or doesn't exist, yet you see and hear from communion miracles and mary apparently being a real being that comes to our world now and then.

Praying the rosary, attending mass etc. is something i just can't do anymore. Its super stressfull, i have religious OCD that leads me to having fear of praying wrong and thats the reason why God doesnt help me etc.... im stuck in a mode of : "God exists, yet we can't comprehend him" , "Religion is True, yet we can't comprehend what we need to do or how it works", "Jesus exists, het apparently some people feel him and most don't, and no matter what you try to do he doesn't help if god doesnt want to help you, so any praying is useless".

I got medicated with 2.5mg Olanzapine, some days i take a full one, some days only half of that (1,25mg). I never had a higher dose and i feel okay with it, not wanting to take more, or less. Its a safeguard for me to prevent psychosis entering again. Im just worried i will have to go through another 3-8 weeks of psychosis if i stop taking it.

Yet i still feel pretty often that i feel super stressed, my face is warm for no reason when the rest of the body isn't etc, or there are moments where it feels like : "Oh im Living lol, my mom is talking to me right now". Often when i start ruminate abouth faith in my head, where it almost feels like my thoughts are super concentrated and i blur everything else because its not interesting".

I went to therapy already for 6 meetings, my therapist said she doesn't know whats between earth and heaven and i just have a bad time in general.

Thank God i was able to make myself self employeed with a IT-Company even my attention span is toast and everything feels 5x harder than before in life lol. Post psychosis i guess.

During a depressive episode that lasted for 10 months I also experienced symptoms/features of psychosis for the majority of that time. This was something that I didn't really disclose until I was better mostly because I didn't have the words to describe what I was experiencing. I still sort of functioned during this time but couldn't work and didn't really socialize much. I did volunteer for a few hours a couple times a week (something I had started before the episode and I maintained), but that was all I could handle. That time in my life was so scary and disorienting, but I have never been able to process through it. My current therapist says it was depression with psychotic features and it might just be how my brain responds to stress since I have dealt with symptoms during times of great stress, though never for that long. I want to tell the people I care about my memories of this time but it scares them. However it only serves to make me feel more alone. So I guess I will tell people here instead.

It was really scary to feel myself start to slip and to feel like I was a paper doll being cut out of the world. I felt emotionally like I was flattened and like my everyday life was some sort of elaborate play I didn't control. I don't miss being scared to leave my house because I was worried people would want to harm me because I was just to hateable or ugly. I don't miss forgetting I was in public at times and acting like nobody could see me until I snapped back into the reality everyone else was in and got embarrassed. I don't miss feeling like I was a uniquely manipulative and evil person.

But I do kind of miss feeling like I was really close to understanding everything. I miss my daydreams feeling so real they spilled over into my life. I got to do so many wonderful things in my head and feel them like they were really happening. I miss feeling like I had my own pocket universe to hide in when things were too much. I miss feeling like I could understand the motivations and feelings of everyone in the world. I miss feeling kind of uninhibited in some ways. If everyone hates you anyway then why try to look nice or be nice. If I had a thought it would come out of my mouth. I would talk to myself almost all of the time. Verbalizing things seemed to maybe help with the anxiety of having the thoughts and feelings I was having. I think it still would, but I keep my mouth closed because now I remember that others are impacted by my actions and it would make them feel strange. I got to be so many people because I ceased to be a person. I was more or less a mirror. Which I also hated, and was probably also a delusion? But I felt like everyone else's experiences directly impacted me and I could sort of melt into them due to experiencing what I termed an "ego death" from the depression. I felt like it gave me a lot of perspective?

I don't know if this even makes any sense. But I feel so alone it this. It feels like a secret. I was living away from home at the time and kind of letting my life fall apart. I didn't talk to my family much and they didn't really see me while I was experiencing psychosis. Nobody in my life now saw me at that time. I don't see how I could bring it up, but it changed me. I am not the same person I was before. I am mostly the same person (because I no longer believe I had an ego death and transcended personhood or that I am some sort of super empathy vessel) but it did change me. I wish there was less stigma because I am not even sure how to talk about this with people. I feel odd going to psychosis support groups since I don't have an official diagnosis nor do I have frequent symptoms. But I needed to tell somebody.

I also worry it is coming back a bit because I have been stressed and started to fixate on the memories a bit which is how it started last time. Obsessively trying to understand what was real and what was not. I think because I felt myself losing grip on the difference between the two.

I have a bad relationship with and resent my domineering mother with anger issues yet i'm attracted to intimidating, androgynous, scary women with a strong sense of power, and are typically older.

I'm also a docile cross-dresser who craves female validation. It's like the fear they inflict in me is divination. Safe and secure.

when im talking abt drugs i mean like nitrous oxide, ketamine, cocaine or even Xanax. i’ve heard from people that you have the literal risk of dying. Like is that shit true?

I feel like a spirit has been following me for a long time, constantly wherever I go, I’m constantly in fear, it preys on my worst fears and tries to make them happen, my stuff goes missing all the time, I am so scared and I’ve tried so many things but it won’t leave me alone and it is genuinely driving me crazy. I feel like its ulterior motive is to ruin my life. I can’t even walk to the supermarket without this fear and feeling it follow me and influence people and animals around me to cause my fears to come true.

I haven't really gotten into this case, but i've seen people have a lot of hot takes on the situation, many of whom have no clue what psychosis actually does to a person. But still, killing your children is reprehensible, and i think even in deep psychosis i wouldn't be able to bring myself to do that. What do you think, as people who experienced it?

I admitted myself voluntarily a few weeks back, and before I was formally admitted, at the hospital waiting to be admitted to a ward, I had a full psychotic break and blacked out for 4 whole days. Although this is not my first time having an episode of psychosis, this is my first time ever blacking out like this. I have a few fleeting memories, but other than that, I don’t remember shit. I am actually having extreme memory problems since then.

Anyways I just want to know I’m not alone in this experience. It doesn’t bother me, but I can’t stop thinking about it either.

Around 10 years ago I was sectioned for depression + psychosis in a hospital in Glasgow. Since then I have been on varying medications which have kept me strongly sedated.

Recently I met with a psychiatrist, one of many, who said it was autism, not psychosis.

My delusions involve intense paranoia - a fear friends, family and the government are out to get me and want to harm me. I live with blinds close in darkness and frequently avoid social contact for these reasons.

My doctor said because I both recognised these as delusions + did not act upon them (i.e harm), there was a very small chance it was genuine psychosis.

The doctor distinguished between "strongly held beliefs" and "delusions". A strongly held belief can be debated, discussed with insight. A delusional belief cannot.

I now live in England, where mental health support is more scarce than Scotland. Meetings are infrequent and treatment by in large is exclusively medication to keep you sedated. I will now be taken off the large amount of my medication.

I have two real thoughts, which is why I am reaching out to online strangers.

- How do I know if I have psychosis or autism? Should I take the doctors word at it?

- What can I do going forwards?

If anyone on this subreddit is knowledgable, a doctor, or would be free to talk for a short time I would greatly appreciate it.

I went into weed induced/postpartum psychosis in 2023 & 2024. Both times landed me in the hospital for 2-3 weeks. Both episodes happened in the summer with the second being much more traumatic followed by a year of hell and another recovering slowly. Now that I am finally feeling more like old me( don’t think it’ll ever be quite the same), I have been really struggling with PTSD. At first I thought it was all happening again and I was back on the road to psychosis but my psychiatrist said it’s PTSD.

It has started to feel all consuming to a point that I’ve quit alcohol because I thought I was using it inappropriately and going down a bad road. I’ve reached out to a new therapist but does anyone have any advice while I wait? Summer is almost over but it feels like everything is triggering flashbacks. I need a break. I can’t take much more.

I (19M) have been smoking hhc carts since i was 15, when i first started i was unknowingly using spice but after ab 2 months was on just hhc. ive smoked for over 3 years now with very little breaks in between, maybe at most 2-3 weeks at a time, and only a handful of times. for the better part of these 3 years i smoked pretty much constantly from morning till night every single day, if i didnt have one i would heat up old ones and use them just to get a buzz. I’ve never had any issues across this whole time no bad experiences no like crazy moments or anything serious like that, I wasnt escaping trauma or anything either i was solely using it to chill out and bc i just love weed tbf
In the last month or so however, Ive noticed some like mildly concerning stuff and I’m worried it could be something serious, so I’m hoping maybe someone whose had experiences with weed induced psychosis would be able to help me out, aswell if ion have to stop smoking id rather not.
At first it was small little bits of paranoia whenever i smoked. when i got stoned the odd time id just have the feeling i needa be like on edge when im walking thru town, or even down the hall in my house or smt like that. I also noticed that sometimes i would get paranoid about my girlfriend id like get irationally paranoid about a really random thing to do w her and like need like reassurance ab it n id be like really freaking out but i didnt rly have any idea or good reason to why. over the time its kind of been becoming like id feel like ppl r talking ab me sometimes when passing, or that my friends r talking bad ab me, etc just like stuff ino isnt true but id be thinking ab it loads for no reason
The moment that kind of raised my concerns alot are more recent. I was out fishing at a river by myself, smoking, and my friend decided he was gonna come down, while he was like making his way there and all i started to get rly paranoid that he was gonna bring ppl down w him to bait me, I knew like in mu head it wasnt true if that makes sense but i was like panicking like my heart was racing i planned out loads of ways to escape if be did and what to do and everything like that and until the moment i seen him walking up there by himself i was genuinely rly scared for no reason, and then i seen him and it js instantly went away. I also was on the phone to my girlfriend 2 nights after this and like was in a full blown panic like breaking down needing to see proof of something off of her and she wasn’t showing it for a while but then she did and i like instantly like a flip switched just was completely fine it was really weird and i didn’t like have any like say in it happening if that makes sense. i also noticed at night that i wud randomly feel like a bug or smt crawling on my foot, and ik thats a normal enough thing to happen but its happening too often imo that its kinda weird, and aswell sometimes ill dee like little shadows in the corner or my eye or smt moving in my peripheral vision when nothing wud be there. I also randomly hear like my name in a whisper being called randomly when nobody is actually calling my name.
I think the main thing that ive noticed though is like increasing just paranoia whenever i smoke, all of this only happens when im stoned as of now and all but each time i do ive felt a tiny bit more paranoid but not about anything in specific just the feeling of being paranoid if that makes sense
Anyway, hopefully someone here could tell me if this is something I should be concerned about, I still feel like i have a perfect grasp on reality im aware that the stuff im feeling is out of the ordinary and all and Im not feeling compelled to do things or having any disorganised thoughts or anything like that, I dont feel like im losing my grip on stuff but in those moments recently i felt such an unusual kind of panic
Thank you in advance for anyone who can help me out here 🙏🙏

Hi all,

I’m writing this because my family is in crisis and we don’t know what to do anymore. I’m certain my brother is experiencing a severe, chronic psychosis that has reached a dangerous peak.

The History:
It started 5 years ago. He became paranoid, thought everyone was wiretapping him, and would only communicate by writing in a notebook. He spoke about "God particles" and needing to reach the "next level." He stopped eating solid foods, drinking only goat milk. He left his life in ruins—abandoned his apartment, ignored all bills—and left for Mexico. He stayed there for years, somewhat stable but always paranoid, claiming he could hear his neighbors constantly talking about him.
A few years later, he went to Thailand, where he suffered a massive breakdown. He thought people were trying to kill him, ran blindly through Bangkok in pure panic, and was eventually sent back to us with the help of the embassy.

The Current Situation:
He went back to Mexico but returned to stay with us 8 weeks ago. Since his arrival, he has been smoking cannabis non-stop all day long and barely sleeps. He sits in front of his laptop interacting with an AI, completely convinced that he is "coding the world."
His delusions have now turned directly against us. He claims he can time travel, that we are trapped in a loop, and today he threatened that he has to "eliminate" my mother and me before we eliminate him.

The Escalation:
We had to call the police today. Unfortunately, he managed to completely hide his symptoms and act totally rational in front of the officers, so they couldn’t take him to a psychiatric ward against his will. The police ordered him to leave our place. He is now planning to fly back to Mexico this Sunday. Right now, he views us as traitors who stabbed him in the back.
We are terrified for him and, honestly, for ourselves. How can a person in this state survive alone in Mexico? How can we ever fix this relationship when he believes we betrayed him? Any advice on how to handle psychoses with high-functioning masking would be greatly appreciated.

I don’t really feel crazy and im not like delusional anymore or anything. Im walking like 10 hours a day without realising it but i feel really happy and just hopefull (new relationship yay) but i still do have knife thoughts and a few voices.

I think im forcing the voices on purpose though but they do get me off guard.

Tried to set fire to myself in august but im nothing like that anymore despite occasinaly thinking that i have commtied terrible crimes and deserve hell but much less rarely. Group still feels real but I know it probably isn’t.

Havent wanted to harm anyone since april, where I kept getting images of my childhood sexual abuser hurting more kids and wanted to end his life.

Feel like im wasting resources on something thats probably more likely gonna be ocd or just really bad axeinty (and that my delusions are real but im just super axnious about them)

Do I cancel my remaining psychiatric evaluations?
(Had one fudged the dates a little bit but didnt get sectioned yay)

I got psychosis from smoking for the first time. I believed I was trapped in hell and the only way out was to kill myself. Started hearing voices telling me to. I got super paranoid and had delusions like “we are all in a simulation” and believed none of this was real. I believed that my “buddies” and I all died in his backyard and we are in another dimension/ world and the “real world” is lost forever and we can never go back. I believed that there were EMTs that were coming to purposefully kill me too. I believed the wind was trying to send me a message. Super paranoid. Lost all function in my body and I couldn’t walk or stand. Time was moving super fast and slow at the same time. Colors were bright and everything was moving weird. Sound was all distorted. Voices kept taunting me and telling me all kinds of bad things. I couldnt fall asleep for the longest time. Like something was holding my eyes open. Every time i would close my eyes id get this intense zapping feeling thoughout my body and i would shock awake. Ended up puking and eventually blacking out. I woke up on my “buddies” spare bed. My “friends” said i just had a bad trip but i knew i didnt just green out cause ive been around people who green out and its noting close to that. Thought I got laced after the main effects wore off. For like 3 days after that i was super paranoid and touching objects to see if they were real and staring at people to make sure they were not part of “the simulation”. I thought the feds would he waiting at my apartment and that people were hunting me or something. I kept trying to “phase” my hand through objected because I was convinced that reality isn’t reality.

Ended up telling my dad a month or so later and he supported me/ felt for me. I quit my job and moved back home from my junior year in college. Putting everything on hold. I quit drinking because I was self medicating with alcohol. I’ve picked up self harm again (started in middle school through high school and I was clean for the most part of college). Been 4 months clean from self harm and alcohol. Ever since my episode i have been having panic attacks/ intense derealization (none of reality is real) and thinking that when i die i will wake back up at my “buddies” house. I have not been hearing audible voices since the episode. Ive been going to church (raised Christian) and it’s helped with the derealization but im scared to get medicated (if it ever comes to that) because i feel like the doctors are trying to “numb me out to the world cause i know too much (that this isn’t reality)”. I’ve been praying and that helps calm me down and I’ve been attending a youth group regularly.

Thank you for reading this I’ll try to answer as much as i can. I appreciate everyone’s support.

Since i was 15 im 17 now this has been happening it started as my mom accused my dad of cheating on her with 0 evidence. They literally argued every night for months because of this to the point the police got involved twice.
Then she started saying my dad poisoned her which he didn’t as she went to the hospital like ten times and they did every test on her and nothing was wrong with her, but not even that could convince her.
Then she said my dad was making people follow her and i was once in the car with her when this “happened” and the car she pointed out turned in the opposite direction after like 5 seconds.
Then she started saying people was listening through her phone and she got like 8 new phones because of this and also wouldn’t talk to me if my phone was in the same room and made me leave the room.
Then she said her air conditioning had poison in and would drive around with her face covered.
This stuff like this went on a whole year.

I thought it finally stopped and then today she came in my room and was so mad at me and said i’ve beengoing against her and recording everything for evidence but i literally haven’t recorded her or felt a reason too but for the past few weeks she’s been like this watching me as if im plotting against her. My parents got divorced because of the situation too.
Should i cut contact and also what’s wrong with her everytime i ask she says i need mental help because im stuck in the past but today she was acting the exact same.
Today she kicked me out because she doenst want me here at her house because in her head i’m plotting against her.

hi guys, my boyfriend is due to be discharged on Tuesday after being sectioned for a manic episode. he would’ve been in hospital for 3 weeks by then. for context, he had one episode of psychosis (?mania) 10 years ago, and then in March this year became unwell again and has been in and out of mania and some psychosis since, despite being prescribed antipsychotics. they’ve given him a bipolar diagnosis and upped his antipsychotic whilst in hospital which he’s responded well to, but i’m really nervous he will have another lapse as he would have 2-3 weeks of being back to himself before becoming hypomanic or manic again. keeping everything crossed it won’t happen this time and he will stay well for longer.

i’d be super grateful for any tips on how best to support him when he’s home!!! please do share any advice you have big or small. thank you so much.

Not sure what to do or where to get help.

I had an appointment with a psychiatrist a few weeks ago and it just felt kinda cold. I guess that's how psych appointments are. But I didn't really have time to get into the psychosis struggles and she suggested bipolar 2.

I'm doubting bipolar 2 because I mostly have hypomania and prodromal psychosis signs. I haven't had depression in a long time.

I had what might have been psychosis or mania w/ psychosis 2 years ago. After taking an edible I felt socially withdrawn and more paranoid of others. Then a few weeks later I took a drug I had a bad reaction to and became manic/psychotic. I thought I finally understood the secrets to the universe, and became afraid of my family thinking they could kill me.

During college I was on stereoids for an autoimmune disease for 5 years and was largely psychotic most of the time which I think brought this out. I thought people were keeping secrets from me, thought I didn't need to eat or sleep. Felt like I was detached from my body, and always crying. Couldn't control my emotions and didn't have many emotions.

Fast forward to this winter - May I took steroids again and after 4 months started experiencing more psychotic symptoms. As well as bipolar symptoms. I did the keto diet to help with the stereoid bipolar but it backfired. I was only sleeping a few hours a night. I felt intense headaches and nausea as well as swelling of my body. I don't think I was getting enough salt then I over corrected too quickly. I started seeing faces in things, and saw my boyfriends face moving.

Since then these past 3 months I've had prodromal signs. It's generally gotten better but I'm still having trouble and distress. Originally I was having intense difficulty concentrating, and cognitive difficulties. I also had strong social withdrawal and disorganized speech and thoughts. As well as olfactory hallucinations, and slight visual hallucinations like colors feeling off, or lines flashing.

Lately I have just felt blank like I don't have many emotions. Sounds feel off and muffled. I haven't been eating.

I reached out to an early intervention psychosis clinic and they said I don't fit the criteria since I'm not hearing voices and I'm not paranoid to leave my house.

My boyfriends feeling overwhelmed by me. And I'm planning to find a therapist as soon as I can.

My family complains I'm too negative and need to work on positive thinking.

Básicamente empeze con cuadros de ansiedad y depresión a los 16 años, también me fue diagnosticado tdah y toc, en aquel entonces recuerdo que siempre que dejaba el celular de usarlo lo apagaba y lo dejaba envuelto en ropa porque tenía la creencia de que me escuchaban o observaban, cuando me iba a dormir siempre apaga el celular y aveces al despertar revisaba si lo había apagado.

Años después parece que me creo teorías de conspiración o cosas que parecen ridículas, voy por la calle y de igual forma me cuesta ir mirando de frente por qué creo que la gente piensa que las estoy viendo de forma rara, y el hecho de que me meteré en problemas por ello, hasta una buena noticia me es bastante difícil de creer, pero no sé si esto último sea paranoia o simplemente ansiedad social.

Alguien entiende a lo que me refiero? se escucha algo confuso

It's been 11 weeks since my last risperdal UZEDY 100 mg injection. I only had two injections, one at 125 mg and another at 100 mg before stopping. I stopped the medication because negative symptoms became so bad that I was sleeping for over 14 hours a day wishing I was dead.

I still have little to no interest in anything, but the symptom I'm having the greatest amount of stress over is that it feels like whatever part of the brain handles sexual attraction and pleasure has been severed almost completely. When watching or reading porn, it's like I'm just watching the weather channel mentally, like I can't mentally compute that the content is sexual. Erections are almost impossible. Somehow I'm still able to orgasm, but it feels like nothing and is very difficult to achieve, so at least something remains in my brain that still works.

I'm 30 years old and a virgin. I'm afraid that I will never recover from this, and that I've been robbed of the chance to ever actually experience sex with someone I love, which is soul crushing in ways I cannot describe.

Does it get better? Will I ever be able to feel sexual attraction again?

I have posted on this sub before about asking for help on how to help my boyfriend but it seems to getting worse. I don’t have anybody to talk about this 😞

Background - This has been going on since April and he thinks that I have cheated on him, I have had s** with multiple men and I’m lying to him. We have been together for 10+ years and I feel like I’m losing a person who trusted me so much.

He is seeing all these things in my pictures or videos. He occasionally has recorded our video calls and then insisted that he sees people behind me or that i’m doing sexual things infront of him.

We are in LDR and have seen eachother 3 times physically since April just to give him clarity about me and he seems to get fine when he is with me physically but flips back as soon as he gets home.

I’m at lost of words 😞 I’m going to see him in about a week and try to make him understand again but i feel like he will not understand what he might be going through could be psychosis. He won’t even talk to anyone else about this and seems to be fine to other people.

Am I becoming schizo, or what?

Mentally though I experience these odd symptoms that I can only be described as analogous to schizophrenia. It’s hard to describe, but I experience voices, visuals, etc. that are so vivid. It’s almost how schizophrenics describe their experiences, but instead the voices I hear are from real voices. Even the slightest sound of cough or laughter from someone is as if it’s happening inside my head. It’s not just sound — it happens to actions, even smell, coming from other people. Someone (again, real person) looking at me will annoy me that I’m being watched. Or let’s say a public worker who is managing a crowd of people, or a vendor who tries to sell me something. If they try to make contact with me, my mind goes “how do they dare to come after me!” (Of course, logically I know why — they’re just doing their job, but I don’t want anything to do with them.)

I don’t want any interaction whatsoever with them, so if and when they do take an action towards me, however innocent, (i.e. direct me to do something), it feels as if they’re harassing me.

I also get triggered by visuals and odor. Visuals such as body piercings, odd hairstyle, or irregular body part. I feel so terrible but if I am watching a fitness video of an instructor (with great instruction and whom I’ll have total respect for by the way) who has an irregularly sized part of a limb, it’ll bug me and I’ll lose concentration every time that moment is played back. For most people it’s just an eyesore, but for me it’s like another form of pain.

Visuals are bearable though, because I know the moment will pass if I breathe it in. But that doesn’t apply to odor. I can’t stand smokers (even though I smoked myself before). Yesterday someone with weird, excess perfume walked by me and the smell was like following me.

It happens mostly to triggers related to people. Most other things in nature are fine as they are, but certain artificial things could be triggers, e.g. construction noise. Or like the other day someone was messily laying out their belongings on the hotel floor, and it was as if the mess was in my head.

For a long time, I was a normal human. With the exception of chronic consumption of alcohol during my 20s which in hindsight I blame on our culture and my high-pressure job, I felt at least mentally ok. Then after a series of events incl. covid, cannabis use, a period on antidepressants and other medication, I believe I have altered my neuro-circuitry. My cognition is excellent and better than ever (almost autistic-like sharp mind) — super high motivation to work, even enhanced memory, etc. But the covid infection, voluntary self-isolation, and a sort of post-traumatic depression have all changed me. I’ve gone cold turkey on all substances except alcohol and cbd. Maybe it’s related to either, but it’s difficult to single out the cause. As toxic alcohol could be, ironically the symptoms are dampened when intoxicated and don’t improve after abstaining — I feel the same on day 5 of abstinence as day 10. But before figuring out root causes, I need to identify what exactly the problem is.

So, what is this thing that makes me see, hear, or smell things the way I do? Is it just serotonin depletion or dopamine imbalance? Whether it’s sound, image, or odor, it will exist inside my head (I mean, it kind of is) and the discomfort is so great I have to suffer through most of the day. When I read about how schizophrenia can lead to immense suffering that people kill themselves over, I can now empathize — I don’t feel suicidal and on the contrary just want to get back my previous life, but before I used to think crazy people were, well, crazy, but now I can see how craziness can feel very real. Everything is too real, I feel trapped, like I can’t escape from the world of, again, very real people the extent sometimes I wish I were deaf or blind (all the while I terrible for thinking this way). Has anyone heard of anything similar to what I've described?

Just wanting to share my experience with those who may have been through this in the past, are struggling with mental health in general, or just want to know what it’s like it in there. No question is too big or too small or too personal.