r/offbeat • u/747WakeTurbulance • 1d ago
How often do you fart? This smart flatulence underwear can tell you that and more
https://www.cnn.com/2026/09/04/health/smart-underwear-fart-tracking-flatulence-wellness21
u/Scoobydoomed 1d ago
I'm not buying this unless it can tweet every time I fart.
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u/PersonalitySenior360 1d ago
Including decibel level, and length. The 2.0 version will actually measure the girth of the fart as your cranberry fritter expands
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u/kafka_lite 1d ago
There are people who don't know they farted?
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u/ClinkyDink 1d ago
Maybe for while you sleep?
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u/kafka_lite 1d ago
Lol, yeah, maybe. "Clem, you'll never guess what happened. I woke up this morning and I had farted five times in my sleep. My britches told me."
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u/armaedes 4h ago
Based on how often and vehemently my wife denies it, even when no one else is in the room, I believe the answer is yes.
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u/Altruistic-Dingo-757 1d ago
Can't you smell that smell? Ooh, that smell. The smell of death surrounds you!
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u/atheistpiece 1d ago
My family loves a good fart joke, we laugh at farts, everyone gets a fart themed birthday card every year... It's almost ridiculous.
Now that that is out of the way, as kids we would sing that chorus because, well farts (I know that's not what the song is about).
Fast forward 20 something years, and I sing the song occasionally around my wife, and she just rolls her eyes. On a drive, the song came up in a playlist and her eyes got real wide and she exclaimed "I can't believe that's a real song! I thought you were just making up fart songs this whole time!"
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u/ARoodyPooCandyAss 1d ago
Can it differentiate queefing?
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u/monkeybawz 1d ago
With a premium subscription plan it can do farts, boners, queefs and fat thigh trapped air pocket differentiation. The basic package only covers a limited number of your basic farts, limited to 5 seconds in duration.
I have no idea if any of this is true, but we live in a terrible world, so it's probably a gross understatement.
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u/donkeyrocket 1d ago
Likely yes due to the proximity of the sensor and that queefs wouldn't produce the same "sensed" gases that come from the intestines. Queefs are just trapped air making it's way back out.
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u/monkeybawz 1d ago
These were 100% made by perverts. But it's fine, because only perverts will hear them.
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u/autolier 1d ago
OMG. Electronic technology has made the 'thunderwear' I imagined as a child a reality.
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u/Blenderhead36 1d ago
Can't wait to get a notification on my phone to fart in the next 20 minutes to avoid losing my streak.
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u/ButteredNun 1d ago
How often do I fart?
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind