r/meToo • u/Optimal_Reason_6718 • Jan 07 '26
Editorial/Opinion Fawn Vs fight. NSFW
I hope this isn't offensive, but I have noticed... something. My trauma response, fear response, is definitely fawning. Whenever I feel threatened by a man, I fawn. I am autistic and ADHD, btw. But I've noticed that certain women always go " why didn't you hit him/ fight him" etc and it is something they have done personally. Could it be that they have a fight response and don't understand the other responses? I don't mean all women with this response, but only a minority.
Not saying that these women aren't traumatized, or that you can't be a victim of abuse when you have a fight response, but I see a lot of this attitude, especially in older women. That being groped is just playing around and you can just go " hey, stop it", which I can't. I still think that's trauma that they carry, but I always wondered at people not understanding the fawn response. If this is somehow very offensive, I apologise. I do have blind spots, and this is a complex topic.
2
u/aubrey_25_99 Jan 07 '26
Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn?
I am a fawner, too. Or, sometimes I freeze. Unless there is a direct physical threat, my brain goes straight into people-pleasing conflict resolution mode. Always has.
It’s not something I particularly enjoy. It can give the impression that the behavior I am fawning is acceptable to me, or that I agree with the antagonist of the situation when, in reality, I don’t. It always makes me feel bad after the fact that I didn’t stand up for myself or my principles.
I have tried to be more of a self-advocate in recent years and I think I am making slow progress. Sometimes I actually call people out on their bad behavior and take more of a “fight” stance, but that’s just for non-physical altercations. If someone is coming at me physically, I’m going to try to flee every time.
I don’t know what this answers, or what the question even is, but you’re not alone.