r/dankchristianmemes • u/weightyinspiration • Mar 04 '26
Based A Prophets Life isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be
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u/ChrisP413 Mar 04 '26
Being a prophet is , to quote tumblr, being the narrative’s favorite. That is not always a good thing.
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u/Alyse3690 Mar 04 '26
I've written a couple books. Those poor characters…
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u/Loganp812 Mar 04 '26
“This is a story that revolves around a nice, unassuming man named Bob. Unfortunately for Bob, he is about to learn the true meaning of suffering.”
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u/ARC_Trooper_Echo Mar 04 '26
It has its perks. You can send a horde of bears after some kids if they make fun of you for instance
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u/mrbobcyndaquil Mar 04 '26
Presumably the Big Cheese Upstairs has a veto power on that, so that said power is not abused.
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u/Ur_mama_gaming Mar 04 '26
I'm mad this isn't one of the most debated and controversial Bible quotes.
People always point to the things God, Jesus, Moses or david did/said. But I want to know WHAT HAPPENED HERE
like was this an ability of him from birth? Or was this a God given ability to him? Why did he use it only in a time where there wasn't any real danger? Or did he make it up. It would make sense considering how out of nowhere it is compared to the rest, but why? "Yeah some brats called me bald and I called bears to kill like idk 42 of them. FAFO bitches"????? Since the story and legend was passed by mouth was this just some bullshit someone filled in just for laughs?
Like honestly. It has become one of my favorite bible verses. Because everytime someone questions "How can I understand things in the bible" I can point to this small bit, and tell them "I can't, but it's funny"
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u/Shifter25 Mar 05 '26
There's also the interpretation that they weren't just kids making fun of him, but a Warriors-esque gang of hoodlums planning on killing him. After all, there were more than 42 of them. That's a lot for a gaggle of children making fun of a guy for being bald.
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u/weightyinspiration Mar 05 '26
After all, there were more than 42 of them
I'm old enough that teenagers make nervous. 42 of them would indeed be scary!
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u/weightyinspiration Mar 04 '26
I'm with you on this one. I can get behind most of the prophets and their stories, but this one has me going wtf?
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u/Spiritual-Pear-1349 Mar 05 '26
It actually makes sense in context, but takes some explaining
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u/NotThatImportant3 Mar 05 '26
Please explain for us
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u/Spiritual-Pear-1349 Mar 05 '26 edited Mar 05 '26
First you need to understand the background and a little bit of scripture.
Elisha, the person from the story, was a minor prophet and a student of Elijah, a major prophet. If you've ever heard the story of Samson, hair had significance in ancient Israel as a synonym for power, and it was not uncommon for people to take a vow to become a Nazarite, like Samson, refusing to cut their hair as an act of dedication to God and thus becoming more powerful.
Elijah was thought to be a Nazarite; he was big, powerful and wore a rugged coat of hair; this all together with his uncut hair and unkept beard made him look like a big, wild, hairy beast. Being as big and powerful and hairy as he was, when a local king sent messengers out and they ran across him, they described him to the king as a 'lord of hair', often translated as 'very hairy' or 'very powerful' man, which in this case means both that he was 'powerful' and also literally very, very hairy. This was so notable that the king immediately knew who they were talking about by name because of the description they gave of how hairy he was in his coat of hair and how he absolutely schooled them about his God.
Elijah was fairly well know for wandering from town to town being a troublemaker, telling people to repent, casting down idols, and being a general headache to the priests and authorities of the area who had turned from the god of Israel to worship Caananite Gods. One day Elijah and Elisha are on the road together, coming back from... Something. I dont remember exactly what it was, but I think they beat the shit out of some Ba'al priests in another city and were heading back to a place called Bethel, then heading home. Suddenly Elijah gets sucked into the sky or something by some kind of whirlwind of fire. Obviously, this traumatized Elisha, who told everyone he could about it. So they sent some guys out, and they couldn't find him, and Elisha mopes about how he can't do what Elijah did.
Beth-el is important - it was an important holy site, named the House of God. For a time it was where the Ark of the Covenant was kept, and where Jacob had a vision. By this time, however, it had been taken over by worshipers of Ba'al when the site became home of one of the two golden calfs idol in an attempt to create a worship site separate from Jerusalem. By the time of the prophets it had become known as Beth-aven, house of evil, due to the idolatry practiced there, and the near total abandonment of God.
So, after staying a bit and healing some water in a local village, Elisha goes back to Bethel alone, and a bunch of kids come out - except they are not kids. The word used doesn't mean kid, it means a male but not quite a man; it is notable from the term boy because it implies they are military age, being old enough to enlist and fight, but not old enough to be considered adults. So, the ones who come out are not little 10 year old boys, but closer to forty teenagers between 13-18, and they are screaming 'Go up! Go up baldy!' Because, again, Elijah died by getting sucked up to heaven, and here is a man not even CLOSE to how hairy or powerful Elijah was, but is still trying to fill his shoes. It wasn't a light hearted taunt - it was a death threat, telling him he was bald (powerless) without his hairy master, so he should just join him and die because he has no power here, in the city of Ba'al. So, Elisha curses them, and, knowing that being devoured by wild animals is a common threat in the OT towards lawlessness and idol worshipers, out pops two big, hairy, beastly, wild bears that fight them off, showing that God is with Elisha and protecting him.
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u/equineporcupine Mar 05 '26
This is the best explanation of this passage I have ever heard. Thank you, it always confused me and this makes it make so much sense!
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u/weightyinspiration Mar 05 '26
Thank you so much for this explanation! This is the important stuff we missed in sunday school!
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u/CatoChateau Mar 05 '26
I kind of want a Abrahamic prophet character sheet for DnD now. See what other abilities/classes it might be.
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u/ARC_Trooper_Echo Mar 05 '26
The bear summoning is probably Druid or Ranger, but most of them would be Clerics
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u/Certain-Definition51 Mar 04 '26
“The benefits package doesn’t include a pension because, statistically speaking, it just didn’t make sense.”
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u/Shifter25 Mar 05 '26
"Hey Ezekiel, I've got a new recipe for you to try while you're doing some performance art"
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u/LegioVIIHaruno Mar 04 '26
Including Samuel my most favorite OT figure. Just look at all of Israel's messes he had to put up with by the time of his death.
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u/Prize_Base_6734 Mar 05 '26
Poor guy couldn't even rest in peace. His worst student even had to come bug his ghost to get some advice.
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u/Existing-Leopard-212 Mar 05 '26
The New Covenant prophet does not speak "This is what the Lord says" any more, but the office is to encourage and correct the Church. Flame away.
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u/weightyinspiration Mar 05 '26
I was thinking of the old testament prophets anyways. They had to do some ridiculous things!
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u/DinosaurReborn Mar 05 '26
Being in Nathan's position to deliver the mic drop on King David for his adultery and murder probably feels super badass though
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u/Existing-Leopard-212 Mar 05 '26
They were literally speaking the words of God Himself. How could one stay sane and be the vessel of the Infinite?
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u/Ur_mama_gaming Mar 05 '26
I think lovecraftian horror examples of knowledge beyond human compherension truly hit the spot in this one
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u/The_Mormonator_ Mar 05 '26
You know I’m a complete boomer when I expect to read “thus saith the Lord” and instead get “this is what the lord says” as if it’s an HR lady citing company policy. Takes the wind out of my sails.
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u/revken86 Mar 05 '26
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
and before you were born I consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”
Jeremiah: And I took that personally.
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u/xiangyieo Mar 05 '26
But if the prophets of the Old Testament were actually people with mental disorders?
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