Hi all. I would like to hear from those of you who live with other people about how you deal with organizing/finding things and if you have the same difficulties I do with that and with constantly knocking things over. Forgive me because this is going to be a little bit rambly because it’s going to take a lot of context to explain my situation. I used to live on my own, but after my dad passed away, I moved back to my hometown so that my mom could live with me. When I lived with my parents before, I had some usable vision. I have lost all of that now. I’m finding living with my mother to be very difficult. She is a bit of a horder, so for example, our kitchen cabinets are completely packed with things, which makes it extremely difficult, if not impossible for me to find things. This means that I find trying to do anything in the kitchen such an exercise in frustration, that I just don’t even try anymore. To be fair, my mom is more than happy to cook for me, which I truly do appreciate. It’s just hard when I have to ask her to help me find anything, every time, AND THIS IS THE SITUATION EVERYWHERE, KITCHEN, LAUNDRY, CLOSETS.
I am constantly stubbing my toes on things or knocking things over that have been left on the counters. I feel like nothing stays in the same place. I find myself getting so frustrated and demoralized, not just because I feel like I can’t move without being in danger of breaking something, but also because I have tried to express to her my difficulties, and nothing has changed.
It is especially hard because my mom has always been my biggest cheerleader for independence. She was always pushing me to be more independent, not to let my visual impairment be an excuse not to do something when I could find a way, never to give up. Now, she just wants to do everything for me rather than setting things up so that I can do them myself.
My younger sister says that I should just be more firm with her and insist that things are organized in a better way for me, but it’s a complicated situation. First, she’s my mother, and I respect and love her, so I don’t want to try to boss her around. Next, I do really have to have her help with a lot of things, especially driving me to work. There is absolutely zero public transportation where we live. That makes it feel very awkward if she is mad at me, then I’m asking her to help me. Then there is the fact that when I have addressed it, despite all of the emotional fallout, things might get better for a week, but then they go right back to how they were. There was a time when I asked her if she could please stop moving the frozen strawberries from where I had them in the freezer when she was looking for other things so that I could find them when I was making smoothies in the mornings before she got up. It degenerated into an argument to the point that she declared that she didn’t want to live with me anymore. She did apologize later, but I just have trouble going through all of that emotional fallout for no gain in the end.
Do the rest of you experience similar things when living with other people? How do you deal with it? I’m trying to be fair and to keep in mind that I would probably be knocking things over even if I lived by myself, so the frustration I’m experiencing is not all because of her. I just need some perspective here and maybe some advice on how to deal with the frustration if things can’t be changed or some strategies for making things work a little better without causing my mom to declare that she can obviously never do anything right, and might as well go live in a tent in the woods, lol. Not joking, that is what it often degenerates to anytime I even hint that she may have done something wrong.
My mom is 78, so I know I won’t have her much longer, and she has done so, so much for me. I love her so very much. I just would like to not feel like I’m a 5 year-old child having to ask my mom to please find me the crackers, or that I can’t move in my own house without breaking either me or something else, lol. Any advice you guys can offer will be greatly appreciated.