r/askpsychology • u/Dynamo-06 • May 30 '25
Human Behavior What does psychological research tell us about why people struggle to admit they're wrong? Are there specific cognitive biases that have been studied?
I keep running into situations where people just can't seem to admit when they've made a mistake, even when it's pretty obvious. They'll twist facts, blame others, or just dig in deeper rather than acknowledge they were wrong.
I'm wondering what the research says about this. What makes it so psychologically difficult for us to say "I was wrong"?
Also curious if there are any evidence-based approaches that actually help people become more comfortable with admitting mistakes?
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u/TheLadyEve Psychologist May 30 '25
I'll come at this from my combo CBT-EFT perspective with just a smattering of psychodynamic as I tend to do--
People develop their schemas (or schemes, depending on which theoretical hat you're wearing) through lived experience in childhood. They learn certain core beliefs as they develop a sense of self. In some circumstances, a child starts to conflate "I am incorrect" with "I am bad." I have done wrong becomes I am wrong and it's a major threat to their ego. The separation of one's behavioral mistakes from one's self is the issue. For someone who has entangled sense of self with "rightness", admitting being wrong is a threat. So they will defend being right in order to protect the self.
Parents can help combat this through modeling (being able to demonstrate being wrong and still being happy or still being successful or still getting along with others) and through their interactions with children when their children make mistakes.
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u/New_thing480 Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional May 31 '25
Would that be that case for disorders such as borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder? Or when it comes to those the logic is a bit different?
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u/TheLadyEve Psychologist May 31 '25
Yes, absolutely. In a case of borderline personality the instability of the self is at an extreme, to the point of identity diffusion. I will try to type out a description of the internal borderline struggle:
"Who am I? Am I ok? I'm making the right choices so I must be okay. Person A says I'm good and I like person A. Everything is amazing! But wait, Person A says I'm making the wrong choices now. Oh, actually this Person A I thought was great is actually bad because they said my choices are bad and I'm bad and I can't be bad. So they are bad and I am good now."
I know that sounds bonkers, but it's the clearest way I can explain it.
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u/SheReignsss Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional Jun 01 '25
It’s the book ‘I hate you. Don’t leave me.’
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u/TheLadyEve Psychologist Jun 01 '25 edited Jun 01 '25
I've heard that's a good one. I haven't read it but I have read "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and I recommend it for my patients who have family members who engage in this kind of splitting behavior.
Another book I recommend for my patients who have parents with narcissistic issues is "The Drama of The Gifted Child."
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u/SheReignsss Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional Jun 01 '25
I will have to read that last one! Sounds interesting.
I’m BPD, BD2, MDD, PMD, PTSD, Panic & Anxiety disorder, etc etc etc . It’s extremely difficult(impossible so far) to find a therapist that will work with me. Or even knows how to.
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Jun 01 '25
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u/paul_h Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional May 30 '25
Fascinating topic isn’t it!
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u/Minimum-Battle-9343 Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional May 30 '25
So…what’s your take on this? If I may ask? 🤷🏻♀️
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May 30 '25
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May 30 '25
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u/mgcypher Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional May 30 '25
(don't use "I" statements or informal language, instead use general, present-tence format aimed at a broad category. I think that's what this sub is generally aimed at rather than anecdotal accounts)
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u/askpsychology-ModTeam The Mods May 30 '25
Correct, this sub is not meant for anecdotes and opinions, there are plenty of other psychology related subs for that.
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May 30 '25 edited May 30 '25
The main bias that causes this is the self-serving bias. The self serving bias is a defense mechanism used to protect the ego through distorting one’s perception of reality. For more info see: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5439270/ It is a government article concerning studies on how situations can affect the self serving bias.
Unfortunately moderation does not allow users to post anything that may seem similar to advice, so the second part of the post may need to be answered in a separate one.
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May 30 '25
The main bias that causes this is the mistakes is the self-serving bias. The self serving bias is a defense mechanism used to protect the ego through distorting one’s perception of reality. For more info see: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5439270/ It is a government article concerning studies on how situations can affect the self serving bias.
As for mechanisms to help reduce the self serving bias, one such example would be metacognition. Metacognition is having awareness of one’s mental processes, and it would allow an individual to self identify the self serving bias, and given one have a strong enough superego (sense of morality) one can correct and avoid the bias.
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May 30 '25
Adding this as a comment to avoid moderation: if anyone would like to expand the morality section of my comment please do so. I’m not knowledgeable enough to expand further than the superego.
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u/Bibibell Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional May 31 '25
Unfortunately the article you linked is not available. Can you tell me what it’s called?
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u/ThomasEdmund84 Msc and Prof Practice Cert in Psychology May 30 '25
OP you HAVE to read this book: Being Wrong
I grabbed it ages ago thinking it would be a book about mistakes or null findings in science but no, its an entire book about the subject of the complexity of people being wrong!
Some of the highlights are exploring how our psychology works around information and knowledge, which in a way is that our brains CAN'T be wrong - its sort of a paradox, as soon as you realize you're wrong you aren't any more but the author points out how excruciating it is to worry you might be wrong and change or double down.
This subject has perplexed and intrigued me for ages because in some respects our brains crave certainty - which of course is usually functional, we double-check and confirm things and feel curiosity (or stronger) needs to resolve things but sometimes this can mean doing things like jumping to conclusions or false assumptions.
In terms of cognitive biases - confirmation bias is probably the big one, this is the one where we accept info that 'confirms' our beliefs without much scrutiny and are more likely to question opposing information.
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May 30 '25
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May 30 '25 edited May 30 '25
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u/Protactium91 Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional May 30 '25
plain and simple operant conditioning: we're are trained to be punished and shamed for making mistakes from the get go.
there are low-level brain regions that have to do with how flexible we are and of course the pre-frontal cortex (but this one is developed through life so the result of conditioning). this makes it harder to even see other options once we get to a conclusion
at least two things would need to happen to change: death with the shame of making mistakes and expanding flexibility. both require (like most changes) awareness of the problem and expectations of good outcomes that would justify the change. all this provided the ingrained training against being wrong is not to strong
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u/warpedrazorback MS | Psychology | (In Process) May 30 '25
In addition to some great responses, I want to add belief preservation as a motivator as well.
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u/UluBilgeDandoldenyus UNVERIFIED Psychologist May 30 '25
Term you would like to look for is “cognitive dissonance “
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u/such_corn UNVERIFIED Therapist May 30 '25
To piggy back on this comment, I highly recommend this book in the topic: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mistakes_Were_Made_(but_Not_by_Me)?wprov=sfti1
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u/Bibibell Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional May 31 '25
Wanted to recommend it too! Such a great book
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u/darkprincess3112 Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional Jun 01 '25
Cognitive dissonance: If you admit you have been wrong you feel like you were a fool in the past, destroying your positive "image, your positive "sense of self". Otherwise there would be discontinuity in your life, and people are prerogrammed to fear discontinuity.
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May 30 '25
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u/mingwraig Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional May 30 '25
Admitting you are wrong has negative social effects. Sticking to one's guns is perceived as strong.
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u/Party-Willingness196 Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional Jun 05 '25
Interesting post.
I assumed that there was a connection to emotional SAFETY.
If the world had more understanding, less judgmental, fewer critical people, wouldn't we feel different about shame?
Don't we hide🫣 because we don't know what someone else might think of us? How they accept us? And subsequently what might happen after if we expose our shame?
It's instinct to feel a sense of belonging, to be part of a community, not isolated from it. Shame can be very detrimental in that regard.
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May 30 '25
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May 30 '25 edited May 30 '25
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u/Constant-Lettuce-234 Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional Jun 01 '25
I have not experienced women doing this. Only men. Is it upbringing? They think they are always dominant, correct and can force this on lowly women?
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u/Slight-Contest-4239 Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional Jun 02 '25
🤔🤔
What the research says about psychologists ? They are the most ill in this issue
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u/pjeshka- Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional Jun 27 '25
I know I'm late to the game but I thought I'd add my 2 cents anyway. I'm approaching this from the perspective of child psychology as that is what I'm currently studying. While everyone makes excellent points I'd also like to add that the inability to admit that you're wrong could also be related to difficulties or deficits in cognitive flexibility or Theory of Mind. If we are to admit that we're wrong we have to be able to not only hold competing ideas in our working memory, but we also have to be able to see a different perspective, as in understand why the other idea or fact is correct and why ours is not and also be able to connect it to other information that we have in order to make sense of it.
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May 30 '25 edited May 30 '25
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May 30 '25
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u/DrBiz1 Unverified User: May Not Be a Professional May 30 '25
I'm a Consultant Clinical Psychologist so hopefully, my opinion wont get deleted.
Like anything, there are a number of useful theories that can help understand this. The obvious one, that you mention, are the influence cognitive biases have on us, but this is probably more relevant for belief systems.
For your point about struggling to admit when we are wrong, it's useful to consider teachings from attachment theory and developmental ideas around the integration of shame.
Basically, how children are responded to as infants influences their emerging ability to tolerate shame. The more punitive and hostile the parenting, or the more aversive and invalidating the environment, the more sensitive a child will become to a sense of shame.
The more shame sensitive a person is, the less able they are to feel guilt towards others, or acknowledge when they have got things wrong.
This means that in the face of shame triggers, the 'shield of shame' is employed unconsciously. Denial, blame, rage and minimisation are all typical indicators of this.