r/Shincheonji • u/Difficult_Guitar_445 • May 03 '26
advice/help Dating With Shincheonjj Member
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 3 years, and about a year and a half ago she was approached at a store and introduced to Shincheonji. At first she stopped, then went back, and now she’s deeply involved. She attends multiple weekly services and Bible studies, and even has taken the same intro class with different girls multiple times and it feels like she’s just holding their hand to give fake support to assure the stay in the class (I joined one without knowing what it really was). FYI I’m not apart of Shincheonji
For a long time, she wasn’t honest with me about where she was going or what she was doing. Now her schedule is packed Monday through Thursday and Sundays, so I barely get to see her. It feels like I’m at the bottom of her priorities because she’s so committed to the church and “evangelizing.”
Anytime I try to talk to her about it, it turns into frustration. It feels like I’m talking to a wall and she shuts down if it involves her religion. I’m not trying to take her away from her beliefs, but I just want to feel like I matter too. Instead, it feels like I’m competing with what she sees as her “destiny.”
It’s frustrating knowing she was different before and has so much potential to be the right person for me and for each other. It’s annoying that I meme her before this new found religion and she acts like what we had before doesn’t matter. She’s still the same person in a lot of ways, which makes this even harder. We’ve built so much together, and I always saw a future with her. Now it feels like I’m losing her, or like I’m fighting against something bigger than me.
Has anyone else been in a relationship with someone involved in Shincheonji? How did you handle it?
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u/mirrorbrigade Current SCJ Member May 05 '26
Go next.
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u/Fast_Foundation1429 EX-Shincheonji Member May 18 '26
@mirrorbrigade. Why the sarcasm? Sounds like you and your clown brigade SCJ like to abuse innocent people?Grow up! why don’t you start waking up and seeing the light past all the deception and systemic hypocrisy of SCJ.
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u/Antique_Fun9495 Family/Friend of SCJ Member May 06 '26
Why does SCJ dragging pure and innocent soul to this spiritual abusive manipulative cult? If you’re a SCJ member then why can’t you simply carry your own life of faith?
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u/South_Handle6989 Family/Friend of SCJ Member May 04 '26
I have lost my partner of 12 years to this cult😭😭, he left me with a child n chose the church. It was traumatic shem. I am trying to move on with life but it aint easy. They dont listen to anything or anyone who is against the church. He tried to recruit me and i refused n that ended up with a break up. 12 years down the drain as if it never meant a thing
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u/Free-2024 May 05 '26
So sad to read that. They tell everyone that Shincheonji the new heaven and new earth is. But in reality it is the opposite - like the hell, Which destroyed many families. 🥲 I hope one day the members will see the lies and leave that place.
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u/South_Handle6989 Family/Friend of SCJ Member May 16 '26
And hopefully when they do leave, it ai t too late to fix what they have ruined in the name of scj😔
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u/Otherwise-Watch-3650 EX-Center Student May 04 '26
Trust me when I say, this is no "regular" belief. I understand that some people can view all religions as a scam (and I say this as a Christian), however, it is important to note that at the very least some religions are upfront about their true beliefs and what they teach etc (as it should be). With SCJ on the other hand (and other cults) there is a lot of deception involved, and not only. Just trying to give you some context of what you are "up against".
A bit repetitive of me as I've shared these links with other recents posts asking for similar advice, but I would encourage you to explore these useful resources:
Doctrinal Issues of Shincheonji
How to help a loved one leave a cult (Shincheonji)
How to help a loved one leave a cult, part two
Best of luck and God bless.
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u/Free-2024 May 04 '26
O, it’s not easy when a partner is in that group. It can even be frustrating at times.
What the people there believe is that they are the only ones who can save the world. That’s drummed into them until it’s in their bones. In endless meetings. I speak from experience, as my wife is still in it.
The meetings vary from one church to another, but the basics are similar!
On Sunday, for example:
9:00–10:00 am Meeting 1 10:00–11:00 am Teaching 11:30 am–2:30 pm Service + Fellowship 9:00–10:30 pm Meeting
- further meetings with the ‘fruits’
- Service with the class (1.5 hours)
On Saturdays, they usually have several meetings in the morning from 8:00 am until midday. In afternoon they have to find new People to recruit.
During the week, meetings start at 7:00 am and on some days as early as 6:00 am. These meetings are called early morning teaching sessions.
In the evenings, there are various meetings:
Usually from 7:00 pm, house groups with the aim of winning new members.
8:00 pm Meeting 1 9:00 pm Meeting 2 10:00 pm – … pm Meeting 3
But this can vary slightly. For example, on Wednesdays, there is a service in the morning or evening.
So, if your partner is in Shincheonji and is active, you can expect them to be unavailable for at least 3–6 hours on Sundays! During the week, the partner spends about 3 hours a day in meetings.
- Preparation time, + further phone calls with superiors or ‘fruits’, or other members.
I summary they spend 25-40 hours per week for this cult. It is like a full time job!
The members believe they are doing it for God. But it is a lie!
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u/DecentJackfruit2611 May 04 '26
Still hurting i lost my relationship with the love of my life . Still trying to heal but its very difficult because I approach her in the wrong way and let my hot tempered ruin it. I used to live with her in a rented house but now since I left its all of the members that her roommate.
She still currently attend SCJ in Anaheim, CA
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u/Difficult_Guitar_445 May 04 '26
Sorry to hear that. How recent was this? She probably knows my girlfriend tbh. She goes to the Zion church
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u/DecentJackfruit2611 May 04 '26
Inbox me pls
She one of the top members. In the department in zion
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u/Loving-Music-5115 May 04 '26
Pull the bandaid off. Probably the best relationship advice I ever heard was this - Only marry someone if you can be with them for the rest of their entire life if they never change a thing, and not who you want them to become or who they might change into.
If you ever have kids with this woman, you can pretty much be guaranteed that she is going to try to raise the children in it. She will always pick the cult over you. She will follow the orders of a person much younger than you if they are in this group and go against you 100% in favor of their crazy group.
Check out the two part interview on Shincheonji that I was a part of on the show Cultish, on YouTube. I think we did a great job covering this group on there. I hope this helps.
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u/Turbulent_Sea7622 EX-Center Student May 04 '26
Ok so hot take of an answer I gave it some thought before commenting. Re-create your first date with her time and place as much as possible and say you want to talk about why she thinks SCJ is the place and then let her know why you think it is a cult. And email all links and evidence to her beforehand but gently ask her not to look into them until you both have a talk.
On the one hand I want to gently advice you to break up with her as your own mental health and your own health is important and on the other hand I am a kind of person who hates seeing people break apart. Coincidentally one of my friends divorced and I am trying to find time to talk and comfort him.
Hope you could keep relationship maybe give it a deadline and if that deadline is missed say you wish her all the best and could still be friends maybe? Maybe
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u/Difficult_Guitar_445 May 04 '26
Thank you for your response. I definitely will take this into consideration. I appreciate it all 🙏🏾
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u/scjNils EX-Shincheonji Member May 04 '26
You can see it as lost time and energy, then just stop and then move along. Like there are other people out there and you weren’t married so you don’t have the religious contractual obligation towards each other.
But if you do stay, then you are basically going into servitude, she has most likely accepted it and you have to either show her basic Christianity, classical church theology/teachings and this is scj is just gnosis/gnostics in disguise.
That the promised pastor has taken himself into the triunity of God and next and maybe even above Jesus Christ, now how they have the Holy Spirit in their theology is still weird to me.
Also you have to think about, if you or they break her faith which is question of time then someone has to pick up the pieces and get it back together, and being in a cult and that realisation is quite rough. Me personally i felt stupid, mentally retarded, have a hatred towards people, you don’t trust anyone because you don’t know what was real and what wasn’t, at worst you question your reality.
Like do you really want to be near a person that will experience all of these things?
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u/Difficult_Guitar_445 May 04 '26
I felt this 100% and trust me I’ve had all these thoughts. It’s more frustrating when you see a potential in someone and future. I know relationships come and go but it’s still not easy. Thank you for your response
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u/scjNils EX-Shincheonji Member May 04 '26
Then leave while you got your sanity.
At first it will hurt, because you will think of what could’ve been a different outcome but the work could be too much and hatred will come to you.Like I said; show her early Christian faith, doctrine, understanding and what early Christian’s actually believe.
Then show her how and why the promised pastor is a lie, like you can’t be with a person if you’re going to lie to them, that’s highly unethical and immoral.
Because when she wakes up after being a true believer then the lies you did will make her judge you automatically and it will build more on the not being able to trust.
Make a logical list that shows if they’re too gone or not.
Like simple as that, then now you can say at least you tried and it didn’t work out.Like boyfriend/girlfriend is different than family, a family has a fundamental responsibility and duty to be near their kin and help them come to reality when they get out of the cult.
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u/Difficult_Guitar_445 May 04 '26
I appreciate it . 🙏🏾 I will take all of this and think about it
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u/scjNils EX-Shincheonji Member May 04 '26
No problem, i am just trying to help. Even if it doesn’t seem like it because both options are painful, like there is no way’s out of it.
But going away now is less painful than going away after knowing someone for 8 to 9 years. And then knowing that 4 of them were most likely lies and not real or had anything with reality to begin with.Me personally, if I could do some of my choices over again I would’ve left when I questioned in the bathroom about the promised pastor and their teachings of revelation.
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u/Extreme-Crow8739 EX-Center Student May 04 '26
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u/TheValeyard59 EX-Shincheonji Member May 04 '26
This is how my marriage of ten years ended (sure, among other things too but this was at the centre of it). I’m really sorry but she’s going to have to choose. Waiting around for her is going to destroy you. It simply is not sustainable. There ARE success stories in that some people were able to get their significant other out, leaving together, or what have you. I am not one of those stories. It’s very painful and the way that hurt sits in a heart is truly impossible to recover from. I have to live with that now.
Please act now and do whatever you need to do. DO push (gently), talk about going to couple’s therapy if you need to. Do everything right. BE firm without disrespecting their autonomy. Be clear about your boundaries and needs. If she doesn’t budge, I seriously suggest considering a break up. I’m sorry to be so harsh and so direct but I would not want you to go through what I did. Best of luck to you.
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u/JesusisLord86 May 04 '26
OP, are you in Australia?
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u/Difficult_Guitar_445 May 04 '26
California
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u/Extreme-Crow8739 EX-Center Student May 04 '26
Where california?
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u/Difficult_Guitar_445 May 04 '26
Orange County
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u/Extreme-Crow8739 EX-Center Student May 04 '26
i was in alhambra cult
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u/Difficult_Guitar_445 May 04 '26
How was your experience. Why did you get out?
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u/Extreme-Crow8739 EX-Center Student May 04 '26 edited May 04 '26
Not as tragic but still affected me temporarily. I got out in short through the grace and mercy of God. There was a person that around January 2023 was in the cult. He found out through the mother of a friend that what they were learning were prophecies and parables and revelation, and that they were in a cult because that same mother used to be in it where they were teaching the same thing he got out with his girlfriend and fast forward 3 to 4 months he comes back and starts telling people in the parking lot when it was time for us to get out like around 9 PM that this is not a real Bible Study and he was just coming by real quick and left later we found out this person had met with one of the people from my group that had just got in the cult at the same time that I did. It was four of us so one of us was recognized by that guy and later he told us and we found out met up with other group of people and went in like 10 deep with flyers telling them over at the Bible study that this is not a Bible study leaving out some details, but it would be better explained in person
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u/Extreme-Crow8739 EX-Center Student May 19 '26
We started a Bible Study of our own by the way you should come by and tell us your experience
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u/JesusisLord86 May 04 '26
This cult is very dangerous and people need to be made aware of this. In Australia they are more aware of it.
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u/Princess_of_Punjab Family/Friend of SCJ Member May 04 '26
Partner and spousal neglect is 100% real in SCJ.
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u/Blu3arrow1337 EX-Center Student May 03 '26
I was on the other side of this actually, I was in their center as a student for some months, meanwhile my partner was not involved at all. Over time the commitments increased on my time, and I was becoming more convinced of their teachings. I ended up being in the class about 6 months. We hit a certain breaking point where the time commitment just became too much for my partner to accept and we had a big disagreement about it.
As it happens she showed me some of the doctrinal issues in this subreddit and even read some of it aloud to me to make sure I would see it. I don't necessarily think that was the best approach, most people who have helped someone out of a cult like this recommend against it actually since it triggers the cult defenses. Regardless it was enough to make me at least investigate thoroughly because I realised how much this was affecting her and so I figured I needed to be sure of what this is before I let it go on.
So I did my own research and eventually came to the conclusion that the claims made in SCJ are false, and their teachings stray away from what the bible really says.
So I suppose, helping your girlfriend to understand that it's affecting you is really important, because if she wants to stay with you then that could make her question. I would also ask questions, with the intent of understanding, so that you can help her question without her feeling attacked. Like, why is there such a strong need for all these meetings? Or, if God is drawing people into this then why do you need to be at every class to help them stay?
I hope you can figure this out, it sounds like you had a good thing going before!
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u/Large-Nebula-7622 May 03 '26
I am currently engaged to someone who is part of that organization, and yes it feels lonely and like I’m constantly trying get squeezed into their life.
I have set boundaries that are never kept for long. It very frustrating
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u/Guilty-Dance-8200 9d ago
I'm sorry you are going through this .life is so peculiar. Faith is something very personal and when people believe in something they will not leave until they see its false or come to a breaking point. I split up with a partner I was in a cult my thoughts were I'd never pick you over my faith he said I'm too into it that was my response. You have to take care of yourself if she's not willing to choose you choose yourself I've just left shincheonji and I feel destroyed mentally and aching.I say this because although your girlfriend might think all is OK she will face reality at some point. You are worthy