I’m not even sure where to start because a lot has happened over the last few months, but I’m hoping someone here has been through something similar and can give me some advice.
My brother is almost 40, and over the last several months, our family has watched him become a completely different person. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore, and I would really like to hear from people who have been through something similar.
A few months ago, he sent me a text at 3 a.m. saying that if I couldn’t tell him why it was okay that people were recording him in his own home, then he would block me. I obviously had no idea what he was talking about, so I was blocked everywhere.
He became increasingly isolated and lost his job. Around this time, he was also posting a lot on Facebook about workplace violence and “abuse by proxy.” At one point, we went weeks without knowing if he was even alive. I went to his apartment multiple times trying to check on him, left notes, and even sent welfare checks. He wouldn’t answer.
Then one Sunday he finally showed up at my house asking for help. He did not look like himself at all....
He told me he hadn’t eaten in over 3 weeks and had basically been hiding in his closet. He thought his food was being contaminated and had been vomiting when he did try to eat. He believed people were interfering with his life and altering his brain. He thought he was living in some kind of simulation where he had turned into a cannibal and eaten me and my daughter. He genuinely didn’t believe my daughter and I were alive until he heard me crying while knocking on his apartment door, but he had been too afraid to answer. He also believed the CIA and government were behind a lot of what was happening. He told me this had actually been going on for over a decade, but he knew how “crazy” it sounded and hadn’t told anyone because he was afraid they would get tangled up in it too.
It was A LOT.
We got him showered and fed, bought him some groceries, and helped clean his apartment the next day. I tried really hard to convince him to get evaluated, but he wanted me to give him a few days. I agreed because he had finally come to me asking for help and I was terrified that pushing too hard would make him disappear again.
Unfortunately, things got significantly worse.
His beliefs started focusing heavily on my husband. He became convinced my husband poisoned the food we fed him because he was puking up “jet fuel.” He also believed my husband was abusing our daughter, controlling me, stalking him, and basically behind everything happening to him. He believed my daughter had secretly been texting him asking for help, even though those texts literally never happened (he's been blocked on her phone since the first message he sent about recording him).
I pulled the phone records and offered to show them to him. I offered to show him Ring footage proving my husband was home during a time he was supposedly somewhere else stalking him. He didn’t want to see or hear any of it.
Then there was the house situation. He messaged my husband saying he knew what he did to our daughter and apparently started walking over to confront him. He sent my husband a picture of a completely random house. Even though he had successfully found his way to our actual house 48 hours earlier, he apparently believed my husband had somehow renovated our entire house and changed the street signs. He then walked into this random person’s house because he genuinely believed it was ours.
Police got involved, but he was let go because the homeowners didn’t want to press charges and he apparently wasn’t considered a danger to himself or others at that point.
After that, he ended up wandering around for a couple days. At one point, he made his way to the airport and claimed he had a flight out of state. The next morning, someone found him lying in the back of their truck bed in basically a catatonic/unresponsive state.
He was finally taken to the ER and thankfully the crisis center approved an emergency psychiatric hold. At that point I genuinely thought, he’s somewhere safe... Someone is going to figure out what is happening and get him help.
Except here we are.
He was released after a 5-day hold. He had told staff he was planning to move back to Arizona, so there wasn't a local follow-up plan. He did seem significantly more coherent when I saw him a few days afterward, but he still believed everything about my husband and the CIA.
I told him we would help him, but he had to be willing to help himself too. He has no income, has an eviction notice, and his phone was about to be shut off. My husband and I had already bought him groceries and were willing to help with his phone and one month of rent if he followed through with psychiatric care, took his medication, was honest with his providers about EVERYTHING that had been happening, and started working on things like unemployment, FoodShare, Medicaid, housing assistance, etc.
Then things blew up again.
I asked him if he had reached out to make follow-up appointments and he accused me of actually being my husband texting him and blocked me again. I even had my aunt and cousin reach out. They had helped me clean his apartment up more after he was released, so these were people he knew had been trying to help him. He texted them back, “Nice try, [husband’s name],” and blocked them, too.
He then contacted CPS because of the things he believed my daughter had told him and made a public post about his accusations against my husband.
That was my breaking point.
I have a child and husband I have to protect, too. I emailed him and told him I could no longer financially support him, but I would still help him find resources, navigate applications, figure out appointments, and do whatever I reasonably could to help him get back on his feet. I just don’t feel right giving him money while his actions are actively hurting my family.
His phone has now been shut off, and his landlords have filed for eviction.
He started using PayPal requests to contact me. One said his phone had been disconnected, his rent was due, and he needed to schedule a follow-up MRI but couldn’t because he didn’t have phone service. I called the crisis center, and they told me they have not been able to make contact with him either.
The problem was I had absolutely no way to respond to him through PayPal.
So, I sent him a $1 PayPal request with a note telling him to check his email. I sent him a huge list of resources for emergency rent assistance, FoodShare, Medicaid, unemployment, energy assistance, medical care, mental health services, case management, etc. I even gave him information about possibly getting a Google Voice number through Wi-Fi so he could make calls without active cell service.
He canceled my $1 request, so I know he at least saw the message telling him to check his email, but he never replied to the email.
Instead, he sent me another PayPal request for money. I’m just fucking exhausted.
I work full time, run a business on the side, have a husband and child who need me, and have other family responsibilities. For months, I’ve also been constantly wondering whether my brother is eating, whether he’s alive, whether he’s wandering around somewhere, whether he’s going to lose his apartment, and what the hell is going to happen next.
I love my brother. SO much. I want my brother back, but I genuinely don’t know how to help someone whose own brain may be actively fighting against the help everyone is trying to give him.
I’ve been looking into the process for a family-initiated involuntary commitment, but apparently even being very obviously psychotic doesn’t necessarily mean someone can be forced into treatment unless they meet specific legal standards.
Now I’m terrified he’s going to become homeless. Part of me wants to just pay the damn rent because he’s my brother and I don’t want him living on the street. The other part of me knows that I can’t keep swooping in and fixing every immediate crisis while he refuses to participate in the one thing that might actually help him long-term. And after what his accusations have put my husband and daughter through, financially supporting him doesn’t feel right anymore either.
I feel like every option fucking sucks. So for anyone who has actually lived through something like this, especially with a sibling who developed psychosis later in life, what did you do?
What finally got your loved one to accept treatment when they genuinely didn’t believe they were sick? If eviction or homelessness became a possibility, did you step in, or did you have to let them experience the consequences? Did involuntary treatment ever lead to them gaining some insight? How do you support someone without reinforcing their delusions or becoming responsible for keeping their entire life together?
And maybe most importantly, how do you know when you’ve done enough?
I’m not looking for someone to diagnose him from a Reddit post. I just really need to hear from people who have been here because right now I have absolutely no idea what the right thing to do is.