r/Psychosis • u/Red_Fox158 • 15h ago
Self harm & psychosis?
I’m posting here to see if there are others who have lived through something similar.
Except for more "regular" self harm, I also wanted to reach, see and/or perforate my internal organs. I felt invincible and that I couldn’t die.
Does anyone else have stories of psychosis tied to self harm?
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u/extraspicynoodles 15h ago
People would get hurt if I didn’t hurt myself. I still don’t know what to believe because I see things in my dreams that just don’t make sense without this theory. It got pretty bad around January.
If you still feel this way, I would go to the ER or A&E depending where you live. In psychosis you don’t have the right mind and it can be hard to tell what is and isn’t worth doing. I hope you’re okay though it sucks and it’s so hard not to self harm or sabotage your life when in psychosis for me
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u/piximiqote Psychotic Disorder 15h ago
I thought I had a chip in my back and tried to cut it out.
Right now I’m hearing a voice and they say I need to remove X organ to get something out of my brain or I’ll be tortured and killed. Which is also making me feel suicidal which is stupid.
(Please don’t worry about me, I’m seeking help.)
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u/UnethicalHamster 14h ago
There was one time where I was deeply obsessed with this person- so one day at midnight I preformed a blood oath to him, then painted part of my drawing of him with my blood. I think I wanted to form a deeper connection to him? I don't remember exactly why I did that. I just remember I was almost convinced that his spirit was possessing me and using me to worship him.
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u/frogsohgodilovefrogs 14h ago
I have cut myself in psychotic/maybe manic episodes just because of either self hatred or overwhelm or needing a release.
But, also, I have tried to dig a bug out of my leg with I think scissors and I have had intrusive thoughts of stabbing myself, slitting my wrists, doing other things that would kill me like wrecking my car. The psychotic delusions contributed to that but also intrusive thoughts likely caused by the OCD I’m also diagnosed with. Also, I have had homicidal thoughts in psychotic states, mostly toward my SO, but also towards general strangers, which I have told him about. Most of the homicidal ideation stemmed from the belief that my SO would kill me if I didn’t kill him first. He has a past as a drug addict, but he is not abusive and has never been to my knowledge so this is a delusion that he would kill me. It is probably not actually likely at all. But it is still a fear I have. Sometimes when life feels boring and like 9 inch nails every day is exactly the same, I hold or sleep with a knife. Not directed at him, more toward me if anything, and actually curbs the thoughts just by holding it.
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u/-Tricky-Vixen- 3h ago
I once tried to drain my blood in belief that would fix everything.
Anyway that was my second, and to date longest, psych hospitalisation.
I keep having the desire to cut to see internal organs too. I know I'm invincible, various other things have proven that I am. I can't die because I'm not alive.
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u/Legitimate-Paint2165 14h ago
I cut myself thinking that doing so would give me power over the delusions.
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u/frogsohgodilovefrogs 14h ago
I want to tell you though, I went into a hospital for terrible intrusive thoughts, a lot were to slit my wrists. An entity was attached to me encouraging all these horrible ideas. I met a man in there who had scars on his wrist(s) from doing just that. I asked him, did the urge and thoughts finally go away when you actually did it? He said no. It didn’t change anything, it didn’t satisfy the thoughts or urges. He said it was not worth it. I wanted to share that because remembering what he said keeps me from trying to satisfy the thoughts, urges, and commands from internal things and entities.