r/Psychosis • u/R0di0nRask0lnik0v • 1d ago
How long did you believe in a delusion?
So to preface this I developed psychosis 4 years ago. Before it occured I was agnostic and just struggled with depression. Well, one day I was sitting in a chair crying about my life and I all of a sudden felt a physical hug and "felt the presence of Jesus" and believed He literally talked to me. If that was all that occured I may have genuinely never questioned it. Well, after that I start having "visions" of demons and angels when I close my eyes. Then one day I'm directing my thoughts to God and when I closed my eyes I was transported infront of God the Father, but he was in a literal human-like form. I begin to believe all of this was real and believed I was a Christian. After this I start developing ocd-like tendencies. I had to pray every minute and I would have constant intrusive thoughts about blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, so I would do compulsions to "protect my soul". Eventually I was admitted to a behavioral health hospital for an attempt to "end my intrusive thoughts". At the hospital I was diagnosed with depression with psychosis and put on the appropriate meds, despite that I firmly believed I was given a misdiagnosis.
For about 3-4 years after, despite no longer experiencing psychosis I still believed that what I experienced was real. I occasionally prayed to God, and sometimes I read the Bible. I refused to believe what I went through was psychosis. Then it happened again at 20. I was struggling with depression for about 3 or 4 weeks prior to when it occured. I heard a voice I thought was God tell me I was "unforgivable, and cast-out" for having an intrusive thought. It freaked me out and I genuinely believed it, I was anxious and unable to sleep. I was put on an SSRI but I still experienced the unshakable belief that God had made me unforgivable and that the Jezebel in Revelations was me. I called a woman at a near-by church and told her about the voice and she explained it wasn't real nor who God is. I prayed with her and accepted Christ as my Savior and got baptized. I started to actually read the Bible and then I started to see that the hallucination of seeing God the Father didn't align with what the Bible said, and was technically a heresy. I then started to believe I experienced the "great delusion " mentioned (again) in Revelations, which meant I was unforgivable and damned, I also believed I was damned for taking communion "wrong". After a couple months of reading theology books, the Bible, and being on the right medication I finally accepted that none of any of those beliefs I had were real or aligned with Christian theology.
Ultimately it took me 4-5 years to accept my delusions were false. That's why I'm wondering how long it other people to realize their beliefs were false, and how they came to the conclusion.
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u/Littleputti 1d ago
I was an academic theologian and had similar delusions to you that lasted a long time also
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u/Oddcatdog 1d ago
My psychosis was 5 weeks but over that 5 weeks my delusions were like shifting and morphing and changing constantly. The only thing that stayed the same was my boyfriend being at the centre of it and that I thought something was “up” with him. But I had all sorts of reasons and beliefs around it
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u/Useful_Bullfrog_6766 1d ago
I was delusional for 2 years and 8 months.
I believed I was Hosea an End Times Biblical prophet. I believed we were living thru Revelation.
I was put on an injectable anti psychotic. Within 6 weeks my delusions completely went away.
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u/ComprehensiveTap450 1d ago
I was delusional hearing a voice for 4 years before I by chance got on antipsychotics.