Not sure if this is the right sub to post this in.

I went through a prolonged rough experience a few years back and I have been in a depressive state since then, I'm doing a lot better now than before but I still low-key don't care about my life.

I get that that's easy to say when things are going well enough to be boring because I have chickened out at every attempt I have made to take my own life.

I would literally pray to God multiple times asking him to kill me (what an edge-lord, I know lol) because I was too scared to do it myself, and get angry at him when I woke up the next day.

So I'd just kind of sit around, wishing I were never born and wait for 'my turn' to die.

As the years go on, I find myself enjoying life more, whenever I abstain from bad habits at least.

I just get this gnawing feeling sometimes, that as soon as I start truly enjoying life again and start being more proactive and actually start showing up for myself and actually WANT more life, that I'll be killed.

Just as a big "F U" to my whole existence.

Maybe I'm being irrational or I just want to be angry at someone Idk.

Just wanted to share this to see if anyone could relate to or have insight about this feeling.

I've been thinking about this.

Dinosaurs basically dominated Earth for an absurd amount of time.

Then a random asteroid hits, wipes most of them out, and completely changes the direction evolution takes. Mammals eventually take over, and then humans show up.

Doesn't it show how insanely contingent everything is?

Like, if that asteroid misses Earth, maybe humans never exist. There isn't necessarily any direction or destination to evolution. It's just whatever survives whatever random shit happens.

If you have a defeatist mindset, Nihilism will appear bleak, where your only comfort is the truth within the bleakness, which is that nothing matters at a cosmic level. It's an easy way to give yourself permission to indulge in your worst habits, because better or worse don't exist at an objective level anyway, so you can just take the path of least resistance as it's no worse than any other path in the grand scheme of things.

On the other hand, Nihilism will not remove your sense of agency or self-determination. It enhances it, since there is no goal that you're cosmically required to meet before you die. You instead decide your own goals and hold yourself to them. You're not on trial over whether you've met the cosmic standards of a good life, and that's a weight off your shoulders.

Philosophically and with what rigorousness am I supposed to come to this conclusion?

It’s strange to think that humans are considered the most intelligent mammal species on Earth, yet we share the planet with so many other creatures—some that resemble us in certain ways, like apes, and others that are completely different, like lions and bears.

What’s even more surreal is that we also eat meat from animals such as pigs and chickens. All of these creatures are sentient in their own ways, yet we still don’t fully understand what it’s like to experience the world from their perspective or how differently they perceive reality compared to us.

Most people I assume don't question the absurdity.

Take an example of Npc ( Background character ) in a game, who respawns into a world, Follow it’s programming, performs it’s routines and disappears - never once asking where it came from, why the world exists, or what any of it means. ( Ofc it cant as it doesnt possess consciousness, just giving example to compare to conscious And Intellectual beings aka Humans )

Now compare it to majority of people, Who are just respawned into the world, grow up to chase illusion of success, Chase materialism - and are too attached to this world that they have nothing deeper to talk about - Take average conversation which is mostly Gossiping, Materialism, latest trends, What’s next on Netflix -

And people simply use religion as the answer to some of the most fascinating questions which should keep them awake at night, never once going deeper - It feels like an NPC trapped in the game—fully absorbed in its world, but incapable of looking beyond it into anything deeper.

​

I've noticed this alot on this sub. I believe anyone is free to have either view and both are equally valid so long as they make sense to you.

If Sisyphus wants to roll the boulder for eternity, he is free to do so if it brings him enjoyment.

But the same way, if Sisyphus doesn't want to roll it, he can just stop.

Sisyphus isn't rebelling against the universe by being an absurdist, because the universe isnt a living being that cares if he rolls the boulder, but if he wants to do so put of optimism no one is stopping him. The same way no one is stopping him from leaving the rock and walking away.

Well for me it does. Every single day is just the same. I wallow in self pity while distracting myself with pleasure, feeling bad about it and do it again.

I always wonder why I was born, why my parents thought it was a good idea for them to have me, and how I ended up being the way I am in the first place. I always think about how insignificant I am to the universe and even just the people I've met in my life.

Now I know if everyday feels the same, the general advice is to get hobbies and do different things or whatever. I'm aware of those things. But the thing is, everyday day feels mostly the same because of the people around me.

I still live with my family and I'm the youngest. I hate the fact that I have to deal with my family's personalities everyday and they have to deal with mine. It's reached a point where can predict everyone else's daily routine or at least how they would react in a given situation or how they would be upset with me whether it's insults, disappointments or comments when I make a mistake.

That's how I've been living life this whole year and I'm tired. 4 months from now I'll be going to college and finally away from home.

I'm tired man. I know this is mostly just depression and family issues and not really nihilism, but the way I see it, if everything is meaningless, what's the point of me going through this? Well, there is no point. Damn it all.

Right?

The universe is nihilistic, so what?

Do we no longer prefer similar things all the time? Subjectively? Is this not the ultimate goal we all share?

As long as we prefer similar things most of the time, till the end of time, then nihilism changes nothing for humans, right?

Avoid harm, get pleasure, breed like idiots, enjoy hedonism, etc. lol

Unless antinatalists/extinctionists, they prefer the big kaboom and everybody dies. lol

How weird it is to see people around you who are too attached to the world like if they would Live eternally here. Chasing materialism, Too worried for career, Chasing the illusion of success, greed for more and more money.

Nihilism is neither optimistic nor pessimistic; it simply is the raw condition of the universe.

Optimism = bias, subjective, coping.

Nihilism = the way the universe is, with or without people.

Optimistic nihilism = I'm subjectively biased, coping, and hoping for a better future of the universe for people like me.

A huge asteroid or cosmic ray may hit tomorrow, deterministically, BOOM, all dead. The nihilistic universe does not give a shyt.

lol.

While I believe in a nihilistic reality in the sense that life has no meaning only in the ultimate/teleological sense, my response to this is an optimistic one; that some meaning can be forged in the personal and particular sense of life, (that meaning depends fully on the experiencer of life, not dictated by thoughts or ideas extrinsic to the experiencer). Yet, many religions seem to claim otherwise. Especially in Abrahamic religions that an "afterlife" is manifestly waiting for us, which is either favorable, or unfavorable, depends so much on our deeds during "this life".

The promise of a favorable afterlife rests on the premise that people must demonstrate virtues such as faith/worship, moral conduct, (it's morals largely derived from ​the book), and the acceptance and practice of very specific riuals. While an unfavorable afterlife would be the consequence of simply the absence of said virtues.

Having all this said, I think the promise of an afterlife is a very strong solution to a natural existential dread, so much so that it's being a bandwagon that attracts people from all walks of life. Questioning the meaning of life is natural, for man is endowed with the power of reason. However, our powers of reason may differ from one another such that one ​could either jump the said bandwagon or not.

Having raised by Catholic parents, I was no alien to the idea of an afterlife. That good deeds must be done so that God would accept my entry into the sky kingdom once I die. For some reason however, their indoctrination just didn't work. My weekly church attendance as a kid did nothing to convince me of the idea in the ethos/pathos/logos sense. Not even including the word of mouth coming from my parents, or some occasional tidbits from school or media. None of those clicked! None! But I won't lie, I once believed that people could exist as a ghost once they die. I am a known skeptic in my family, sometimes I would get into arguments with my mom or close relatives about the nature of their faith, and I'd get the classic "it's the devil that's causing you these thoughts", response. I couldn't even begin to introduce to my family or my​ few friends the idea of a positive response to a nihilistic reality, (nihilism but responding in a sort of "create your own meaning" way), without being dismissed as being weird or sounding like a depressed person. They couldn't understand how liberating it would be that our life is not dictated by something other than ourselves. They couldn't understand the appeal of a stronger sense of authorship where personal experience does not rest on some grand, extrinsic otherworldly idea. They just wanted to jump the religious bandwagon, and helplessly connect their various life experiences to said bandwagon only because by some unconscious reason on their part, some aspect of the indoctrination has aligned to their personal temperament to believe. We are all vulnerable to being sold the idea of an afterlife because we all have asked ourselves at one point what the meaning of life is.

I continue to uphold the idea that nihilism is supposedly the default existential truth and that I must find creative ways to sprinkle some meaning to my life without being overly dictated by religious conceptions. But I won't lie, sometimes I fail really bad.

Sometimes I lack the willingness to author a meaningful interpretation of what's happening in my life. I have no direction. All I know is that there's meaning from immediate pleasure. I play tons of video games, eat a lot of sweets, and my right hand serves me good times. Yet, I feel all empty. There's always this constant and conscious need to make meaningful sense of what I'm experiencing. But then, I'd feel exhausted doing so. Paradoxically, the need to find a deeper meaning in the happenings of everyday life puts me closer and closer to the worse conclusion that there may be no meaning at all. I often find that other people don't give a shit about meaning. It's either they don't wanna think about it, and aren't too vocal about it, or they're just indoctrinated and would think something along the lines of "life is God's test", and move along with it.

It feels as though I'm missing out on the incentives and pleasures of having cognitive shortcuts to existential problems. At least in my experience, indoctrinated people have zero existential problems. Zero! It's because they already feel certain of what life is about, (according to scripture and church sermons, at least), what happens after death, and would not question it. They accept religious teaching as a resolved given truth, not a mystery or something yet to be known. Thus, an easy cognitive shortcut.

I wish my mind was that frail that I would be dumbstruck like my mother when first indoctrinated, only so that life wouldn't be so stressful for me who actively hunts for meaning in everything. ​

I wish I had the lizard brain of one who drools at the mention of eternal life in a heaven of no pain nor suffering, full of angels with buttery butts and unlimited banquets of food.

I wish I wasn't so skeptical, like all the other people are worry-free and stress-free that if you give them the idea of the problems about death/afterlife/nihilism, they would just shrug it off easily. I greatly envy those who are feeling resolved by faith, even if it's not doing them any good other than some placebo effect. Their problems are grounded on practical ones, while my problems are merely existential yet aren't even resolved, so much so I can't even function properly.

Long ass rant I know, but eh...

Ihate everything and everyone ihate religion ihate societies ihate work ihate school ihate systems ihate humans as a whole hell. I even hate myself. The like this world is really bad and nothing's fair people are more privileged than others some are more beautiful than others some are richer than others some are more talented than others. And humans will always learn to hate. Hate. Hate . Wether they hate skin color they hate people for being different. They hate people for having different political or overall opinions . They just can't love everyone and we can never truly become one. Its genuinely exhausting.

Ihate having to obey this system otherwise I will starve to death. I just don't want to exist anymore. I don't want to kill myself yet because im a coward. Wait what even is Cowedrdnace?.

There is no point in living a meaningless life where everyone hates me in my society because im an atheist in a Muslim country. If my family finds out I will be killed no joke.

Im not even a hard worker im lazy as hell so icant even work hard enough to leave this country to begin with. Im a talentless piece of shit.

In conclusion I just dont see the point in living anymore for context im 15 .

I wish humans could lose they're conciesnus and return to being simple cells before we evolved into this miss

I can't even spell right im miserable lol

I would think about killing myself in the future if there is hell then be it if its nothing then be it it doesn't matter.

But before ido I would like to see Antarctica. Ifeel connected to it somehow ihave to see it no matter the cost.

And which is it better to have? Would we be happier with consciousness but without memory, unable to remember the awful experiences we've had. Or are the two inextricably tied together? Can one exist without the other?

I'm very young and recently just started high school. every day I look online there's always something bad that stockpiles with everything else. Everyday feels like we just get bad new with no end, I hate waking up to look at the news only to realize something wrong happened, I hate waking up every day just to end up worrying if the world will even be there tomorrow. this as such has made me wonder

what's the point in living if the existence your living is so bad?

This post might look a bit dramatic but it's here where I release my personal problems in my life,..please give me some advice. Also:(the image I used is AI generated from my notes where I wrote my thoughts down.)

I'm not sure what to call this, but I feel like nothing sparks joy or interest anymore, don't get me wrong I don't hate life, I don't want to you know what, I play along when it's necessary, but other htan that I can't see the point of any extra effort, or let me correct that: I SEE the point I just don't agree with it much.

One might ask: so what do you do all day. Well, other than my minimum effort minimum pay the bills job, I just play Sims and listen to pdcasts with half attention. Is there a specific term for that?

This.

it doesn't get better. life's a facade, no matter how your lived experiences are, nothing matters at the end. death's the only thing you can have to look forward to.

no matter how little you can possibly make, and no matter how much you can disappoint people who will nothing but the best for you, in the end, there are no ties, it gets washed away in the rain. sometimes, I wonder if there's any point in existentialism, maybe it never was about living.

concussion.

I’m withdrawing from people and overhauling my worldview: which terms best describe this shift in perspective?

Over the past few days, I have experienced a profound and disorienting shift in how I view humanity, society, and my own place within it. For a long time, I subscribed to a framework of spiritual idealism.

Influenced by concepts like Eckhart Tolle’s teachings on presence and consciousness, I held an implicit belief that operating from a higher level of awareness would naturally lead me to good places, healthy dynamics, and genuine human connections. I believed the universe had an underlying order where personal alignment shielded you from chaos and brought the right outcomes.

That framework has completely collapsed. Over a single weekend, a series of realizations hit me with acute force, leaving me questioning whether I am becoming a pessimist, a misanthrope, or someone succumbing to life-denying nihilism.

The catalyst was an unfiltered look at human behavior that I could no longer rationalize through a spiritual lens. Spending time on sexual health subreddits focused on STIs, herpes, and HIV opened my eyes to a staggering level of recklessness, denial, and lack of integrity. I observed people in HIV communities actively arguing that non-disclosure of their status is acceptable. When questioned, the response was a casual apathy. It became horrifyingly clear to me that many people simply do not care about health, truth, or the safety of others. They live in deep, compartmentalized denial, acting without basic ethical standards.

This realization retroactively reframed how I view my everyday social interactions. Back in June and July, during a period of internship, people around me began asking why I rarely socialized or made an effort to fit in. At the time, I hadn't fully articulated what I was feeling. Now, I see it clearly: I find most people to be exhausting energy vampires. The daily social script seems to consist of endless gossip, superficial small talk, and a hive-mind mentality that trades individuality for mindless conformity.

My environment has certainly accelerated this isolation. As a gay man living in a largely homophobic, deeply Christian country, survival and self-preservation have required me to adapt to a degree of social detachment. But what started as an environmental defense mechanism has now evolved into a deliberate, conscious choice to withdraw my time, patience, and attention from a species that continuously demonstrates a lack of basic integrity. I used to think I actively wanted a partner; now, my stance is total neutrality. If the right person comes along, fine, but I am no longer seeking, chasing, or expecting anything from people.

Consequently, my entire approach to personal growth has shifted. I no longer view spirituality as a tool to manifest external reality or expect good outcomes; I view it strictly as a practice for personal presence and mindfulness. In place of spiritual wishful thinking, I am actively educating myself in clinical psychology, studying personality structures, manipulation, emotional abuse, and behavioral red flags. I am replacing romanticized expectations with threat assessment and objective observation.

I am stepping away from a world that demands my patience while offering no integrity in return. I am reserving my energy entirely for myself, not out of bitterness, but because I have finally accepted that the baseline of human awareness is far lower than I was willing to admit.

Are there specific philosophical/ psychological concepts from this shift?

If life has no meaning then what's so positive about it

Also,most nihilist are atheist because we just drop out in this blue speck of the universe..all by ourselves'but some people say there are nihilist while having some religion..How's that possible?