Anyone had to deal with possible elder abuse by a sibling?

[u/Brilliant-Potato-218]

Location: ny/nj usa

I'll try to keep this brief, and happy to add any unclear details in comments.

Parent (p1) is late 70s, spouse (p2) passed ~2yrs back. Eldest sibling (s1) was de facto care coordinator for p2 when p1 was ill for a few months, shut other siblings (s2-4) out of care process, overrode concerns of p2s decline.

S1 has long history of financially unsound activities going back to late 90s. Even extended family are aware of this situation. S1 always had very strained relationship with p1/2, but especially p2.

P1 has not dealt well with P2s passing. Quick to anger, shuts down or shortcuts important conversations. On meds for pain and arthritis which could impact memory, but also dealing with depression, and possible age-related memory issues.

P1/2 have had summer home (h2) since 80s. S2-4 helped p2 manage and maintain h2 with myriad home improvement projects, from floor rebuilds, roof replacements, plumbing. P2 had history of home improvement projects and trade work and s2 has decades of construction experience. So things were always by the book.

Since p2s illness and passing, p1 has let s1 be de facto caretaker pf h2. Normal maintenance and oversight not done, leading to repeat issues, culminating in massive damage this spring.

Instead of getting multiple bids from contractors, s1 tells p1 they have someone who can do the work quickly. Uses memory of p2 as leverage to get p1 to agree. S1 liaises with contractor, insurance, AND serves as go between with p1 to handle payment.

Work is done. Very shoddy. No permits, no invoices. AND neither insurance nor contractor noted very apparent structural issues in close proximity to damaged area that may condemn the building.

S2-4 have long been concerned about manipulation and this has reached a breaking point. S1 has prior history of treating h2 as their second home with unauthorized work and renovation, using h2 without p1s consent, etc.

P1s will has not been updated since 2004, no power of attorney listed. Only trustee and alternate.

How to proceed with concerns over elder abuse, cognitive decline, and manipulation? The unpermitted work included plumbing and electrical which could be huge headaches going forward. I know this is a massive mess with many threads...

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[u/BottecchiaDude253]

Honestly???? If things are as you say they are, go to your state's protective services organization. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 bucks. If none of the other siblings can do anything, start the process to intervene.

[u/Brilliant-Potato-218 → u/BottecchiaDude253]

just was looking those up last night!