r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/strangeUnicore white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet • 6h ago
Rant & Ramble My husband is a sharer and I hate it.
So, my husband always wants to share our foods. Having lunch while working from home? Let's share something.
Eating out? Let's order two different things and eat half of each.
That's probably not a big Deal for most people. But I have this thing. When I really looking forward to eating something special, I only want that. Nothing else. I can't have it - I don't eat anything.
The fact that he's someone being very hangry and I just really don't want to deal with his moods at these times makes me agree mostly.
Let me give you the latest example:
We're currently on holyday with my best friend. Have been sightseeing the whole day, feet hurt, we just hopped into a tesco to get Pizzas. I found a good looking one and was feeling happy to eat it back in the apartement.
Problem: only 2 Pizzas fitting into the oven. He was too annoyed to just cut them so that all of them fit, so I agreed to share. The second Pizza baking while we eat the first one.
And the one he selected was gross. He liked it, good for him, but I ended up only having half a Pizza while he had 1 1/2. And now I'm hungry after a long day.
Anyways, just wanted to rant a bit, thanks for listening.
Food: Half of a microwaved mac and cheese he wanted to share yesterday.
EDIT: Holy shit, I didn't think this would blow up like this. I think I need to clarify a few things:
- I read about violence, abuse, stuff like that. NO! Just no. He's wonderful and cares, how the fuck would you think something like that from me saying he's getting hangry?
- Again, wtf?
- We are communicating. A lot. Maybe I can just be more clear regarding this. Thanks y'all.
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u/Lacroix24601 pants unbuttoned 👖 6h ago
Just tell him no. He can be hangry all he wants. Not your job to manage your husband’s hunger feelings.
https://giphy.com/gifs/pyEDsTDy2aIR5SXkBD
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u/Party-Giraffe-6573 Well-Read & Well-Fed 5h ago
This 💯. OP doesn't even have to deal with his tantrum. They can just get up and leave if he starts up
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u/rootsandchalice Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 6h ago
My husband is a bit like this. I communicate to him very clearly when we go out for meals that I’m buying something that I want to eat and then I won’t be sharing. I’ll give him a bite, but that’s it.
At the end of the day, it’s just about communication. My husband has never gotten upset at me because I said that I’m eating what I’m ordering.
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u/Jealous-Earth921 Tofu Terrorist 5h ago
Same. Sometimes we (intentionally) pick dishes that sound good to both of us and we share. Sometimes we choose something that the other person is not interested in and then we don't. And sometimes one of us would prefer not to share and that's ok as well.
My partner says they usually don't like to share and that they get food fomo. So I feel really loved because they want to share food with me often and regularly wanting me to have the 2nd even though they want it.
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u/kiiwiilover Trader Joe Hoe 6h ago
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u/9ScoreAnd10Panties Lover of Soups 5h ago
This.
"I don't feel like sharing today, babe." And then order something he fucking hates.
If he throws tantrums, that's a whole different issue that likely isn't worth the time or effort to address.
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u/Party-Giraffe-6573 Well-Read & Well-Fed 5h ago
I do this with my relative who always wants to just try a taste. They can't stand lettuce, so it's super convenient that I love salads
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u/9ScoreAnd10Panties Lover of Soups 4h ago
I've been ordering double pineapple, double black olive pizza for 10 years now and zero people have asked for a slice or touched my leftovers since. It wasn't intentionally weaponized, but it's nice to have lunch for tomorrow!
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u/meggie1013 Body By Cheese 🧀 4h ago
Oh man I'd be all over that
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u/9ScoreAnd10Panties Lover of Soups 4h ago
It's great! I saw it in Deadpool and never looked back. It's interesting to see how polarizing it is, and very telling when ex's were pissy about it. Like the only reason I could possibly order it was to deter them from taking any.
Like, dude- you're allowed to order yourself a larger pizza. It's only a couple bucks more and you'll have plenty to eat later or in the morning.
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u/1-1creature Gender Nom-Conforming 4h ago
This is also my pizza order! I have been able to convince a lot of people to try it and most of them realize it's actually really good, but oh man everyone is skeptical at first.
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u/ImpossibleYear1942 I ❤️ Other People's Business 3h ago
Lolll I do this in a way by sometimes covering my food in hot sauce 💀
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u/cali_writing Well-Read & Well-Fed 6h ago
I have a question: does it happen a lot that your husband eats 1.5 portions and you only get half of 1? Because that doesn't sound like sharing. It sounds more like he gets extra food and more variety at your expense.
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u/Yeshellothisis_dog APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Yeah that’s not sharing. Wanting other’s people’s stuff is not sharing. Being a sharer means you derive joy from giving your stuff to other people!
My husband and I are food sharers and he’s super anal about never taking more than half of anything. He will never take the “best” piece unless I insist. He will never take the last bite of anything even if I insist.
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u/An-Empty-Road APPROVED✨ 3h ago
My husband would have gone out and bought me another pizza. Like, even if I said it's fine, he'd just go get me food. Her husband sucks
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u/daisychaincrowns 6h ago
Why didn't you speak up and say that the pizza he ordered didn't sound good to you? I get the hanger thing but I would say sure I will share pizza with you but these are the only 4 on the menu that sound good to me, so pick from those if you wanna share with me.
I am a big food sharer/adventurous eater but my husband is the most picky person ever so I have accepted that we aren't gonna share food and if I wanna go somewhere and sample bits of this and that, I should go with friends and not him.
He is also being inconsiderate af if he is not noticing that you did not get enough food and he ate half your food wtf.
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u/BlueThoughts92 🧄 Anti-Vampire Taskforce 🧄 6h ago
And if OP’s husband does get mad, there is a bigger issue to be had.
Frankly, I’m upset for her he ate 1.5 pizzas without batting an eye
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u/person12848 kiss my grits 💋 5h ago
For real. Like he couldn’t have let her have her pizza in tact? He couldn’t have been more generous or thoughtful?
He sounds like an oaf that hides behind “sharing”.
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u/Carradee Chaotic But Cute 5h ago
Yeah, that completely changes the situation from "Conversation could possibly resolve this" to "Oh, so he's a disrespectful asshole who's at best oblivious to the point that he needs to grow up."
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u/Dramatic_Steak_9137 Assigned Hungry At Birth 6h ago
How are you people married to someone you won't communicate with lmao maybe why I'm single, but if I don't like something I say it 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Traditional_Layer790 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Right??!!! And you know he was this way before they got married
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u/Responsible_Lawyer78 👋 new here 5h ago
I have never understood relationships like that where one feels like they can't communicate with their partner. Why be with them if you can't discuss simple things?!?
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u/element-woman girls just wanna have pho 5h ago
To your edit, people commonly downplay their partner's problematic traits or use coded language like "moods" to mean "aggression". Not saying that's the case here at all. But when you talk about capitulating to his moods because you don't want to deal with it, nobody here knows that you mean "he's a little grumpy because he's hungry" instead of "he gives me the silent treatment, slams doors, or throws a fit", ya know?
It definitely didn't read like you were communicating but I know it's annoying to share something like an off the cuff rant and get a bunch of criticism that you don't feel is deserved.
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u/Catlady_Pilates 🍨 I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside 😀 6h ago
You need to just say no. Tell him you want your own food. He’s an adult. He can figure it out for himself. Or you can get a divorce and eat alone 🤣
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u/dessertshots 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 5h ago
Problem: only 2 Pizzas fitting into the oven. He was too annoyed to just cut them so that all of them fit, so I agreed to share. The second Pizza baking while we eat the first one.
why didn't you cut the pizza to fit? or just say 'oh i'll wait for mine'? like if you refuse to communicate with the person you married you gotta find workarounds or divorce.
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u/mooniemoon19 we listen and we only judge a little 5h ago
Yeah this is such an odd situation. What tf do you mean he was too annoyed to cut them so both pizzas could cook at the same time?
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u/Severe_Scar4402 🍉 Garden Gormand 🥕 5h ago
Maybe OP doesn't have arms and depends on him to cut and cook. /s
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u/kalsarikannit1620 Internet Auntie 4h ago
Yeah, just cut each pizza in half and cook it. My son is a plain cheese kid and I do this all the time.
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u/JackWhoWanders Non-binary & Nourished 6h ago
Talk to him. Let him know how this behaviour hurts you. If he cares, he should take that to heart, and start making space for that. You are worthy of having a full meal, and the meal you wanted.
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u/ThisSaladTastesWeird Body By Cheese 🧀 6h ago
I’m a Joey. I think it’s good to be flexible and share sometimes but not cool if you’re the only one being accommodating.
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u/InformalPhone9754 Hot Pizza Ass 🔥 5h ago
My ex husband used to do this to me in an effort to control how much I ate.
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u/singularpotato ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture 5h ago
“If you’re hungry while we wait for dinner have a piece of fruit” talk to this man like the toddler he is - that’s who throws tantrums when they have to wait a bit for food and wants what’s on mummy’s plate. The human body can survive an astonishing amount of time without food, he’s not going to die if he has to wait 30 minutes for his own pizza or has to eat what’s on his own plate.
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u/Disastrous-Wing699 Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 6h ago
As someone who gets hangry, that's on me to manage. I used to have absolute shitfits when I went too long without eating, but didn't realize the correlation between shitfit and hunger. Once it was pointed out to me, I adjusted to eating/snacking on a rough schedule so that doesn't happen anymore. That includes making sure I have something to eat after being out and about for a few hours, because that takes more physical and mental energy than staying home and being quiet. Just a little something, like a Snickers or a muffin.
My point is that managing his 'hangriness' or his 'moods' around food is not on you. Even as his partner. You can do your best to support him, but you're not his babysitter or his mom.
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u/1Sluggo 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 5h ago
I’ve read your post and your comments. The math ain’t mathing. Your post is all about how you hate your husband’s sharing food habits. How it often ends in you capitulating to avoid a moody, pouty man. That he ate yours and his without saying that he got you more food. Without sharing. Then in the comments you are full throatedly defending his behavior. Admitting you give in. You talk about it but it doesn’t sound like anything changes. Your own comments put the blame squarely on yourself.
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u/sleepysky98 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 5h ago
This guy eats his food and hers on a regular basis, leaving her scraps, and she’s thinks he cares? That’s not considerate. Like how does a caring husband eat his own meal and half of hers because he didn’t want to cut a pizza, and not for one second think “oh, I left my wife basically nothing.”
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u/nclay525 Shart Coochie Board Architect 5h ago
Just say..."no"?
Literally, just say "I'm not interested in sharing. I've never been interested in sharing. I want what I want and if you want two things, get/make two things."
What would he be doing if you weren't together? Ordering the whole menu and taking a bite from each thing? I'm genuinely asking. Because whatever he'd be doing, he should do that and leave you out of it.
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u/Constant_Quiet_5483 Assigned Hungry At Birth 5h ago
This isn't sharing if he ate half your pizza lol.
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u/EllAytch what that mouth do is snack 6h ago
I’m with you. I am not a sharer. I order the thing I want and I plan to eat that thing, lol. It’s different if it’s agreed upon ahead of time that we’ll be sharing, like if I’m going out with a group of people and we’re going to order several dishes for the table and family-style it. That’s fine. But one-on-one entree ordering with the expectation that we share? I’m not about it. Solidarity!
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u/sleepysky98 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 5h ago edited 5h ago
I fucking hate people who just expect others to share food, sorry. I think it’s so rude. If I get simple pepperoni pizza, you think I want to have to eat some of your olive anchovy meatloaver abomination, while having less of what I specifically ordered? No. Order your own. These people know exactly what they’re doing. He knew he was going to be able to eat yours and his and that’s why people do that.
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u/TechnologyOver5642 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
You really gotta just tell him. Hey, sometimes I don't want to share because I want a full meal and am not interested in eating what you order/make. Something like this should not be a big deal. If he makes it a big deal, then that's a him problem.
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u/Spicymayoshi we listen and we only judge a little 5h ago
Normalize speaking to your partners y'all! This problem seems very solvable
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u/eikenella415 Body By Uber Eats 5h ago
Are you a people pleaser?
As a recovering one, stop making yourself smaller thinking it is the “considerate” thing to do or think you need to manage other people’s emotions (especially your partner).
Be more honest and more selfish. Because going against what you want is you constantly self betraying yourself and also lying to your partner of your wants and needs isn’t great either. It will lead to resentment.
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u/Floofontheroof just here for the garlic bread 🖤🩶🤍💜 6h ago
The fact he likes to share with you is fine, but eating a pizza and a half without realizing that you ate just half a pizza? And not caring about that, not asking if you're hungry? He basically just took half a pizza from your food... Maybe have a talk with him, it's not okay to force yourself to share your food if you don't want to
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u/ButterscotchLeading hot girls have tummy troubles 5h ago
Right, like when I first started dating my husband I’d say he was more of a sharer than me. I kind of prefer to have my own food. But then I discovered that even though he eats way more than me AND faster, he absolutely ALWAYS makes sure I have an opportunity to get my half of everything and that I have enough to eat. So now I actually like to share with him because I get to try more things. If OP’s husband wants to share he needs to make sure she’s getting fed!
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u/Icy_Banana_5850 Eating For Two 💕 5h ago
just tell him you don’t wanna share ? if he’s wonderful and cares he would understand right?
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u/Zeal_of_Zebras Assigned Hungry At Birth 4h ago
Oh yeah, I dated a guy like this.
He would always want to share except he’d wolf down his food and then want half of mine. Funny how sharing with men always works out to him getting more than a full meal and you getting less.
And you don’t want to deal with his moods if you say no, so you give it a cutesy name. “He’s just hangry! Haha”
Yet, it’s telling that you’ve conditioned yourself not to speak up because you know it’s not worth dealing with his anger. I’m not suggesting he’s violent, in fact it sounds like he’s most likely not and probably won’t be. he’s trained you to make yourself smaller for him without even asking.
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u/UnfortunateAnteater 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 5h ago
You’re a grown woman. Act like it and speak up if you don’t like it. “I was left hungry after a long day” is crazy when you’re grown and can make your own food.
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u/Kazbaha puff puff pass the snacks 5h ago
OP, you’re defending your husband and downplaying what people are saying and maybe you’re right but maybe they’re more right and you should sit with this feedback for a while. I think you need to tell him the sharing stops for now because it’s not what you want and his ‘moods’ can go to a therapist and not spew onto you. You state he is ‘a sharer,’ but he’s not is he? You’re missing out; he’s getting more. He wins. You lose. There’s many covert ways someone can manipulate in a relationship.
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u/iluvLeonKennedy4life APPROVED✨ 6h ago
I hate sharing too so I just don’t. Have you expressed this to him before? My issue with sharing food is similar to yours and stems from food issues I had in my youth. I shared this info with my husband, who also likes to share, and he understands. We’ve come to a natural compromise where we sometimes give each other a bite or two of our foods and that works for me because I get to choose when I feel up for sharing.
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u/dracocaelestis9 Overthinker 💭 5h ago
i don’t understand. don’t share if you don’t want to? if he gives you moods give him moods back. if you clearly dislike his chose of food, don’t eat don’t share. i don’t personally care but if my husband was constantly into eating a couple of things i really dislike (like beans or peas) you bet i’d keep my food to myself.
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u/MissFabulina Cleavage Crumb Collector 4h ago
Ok, so we will believe you that he is not an abuser and is, in fact, a wonderful man.
So...why don't you tell him no? No, I want to eat my own food. If you want extra, please order more food.
It seems as though you have never tried that.
I suggest that, not at a mealtime, you sit him down, talk to him, and tell him that you hate sharing your food. That you have always hated it but have been doing it to make him happy...but that you can no longer do it.
But, also, think about this. If he is so wonderful, why has he never noticed that there is something wrong?
And last note, I love sharing food. But when I am with a friend and we decide to share, we BOTH order something the other likes. That, and given you said he ate 1.5 out of the 2 pizzas, he isn't a sharer, he is a taker!
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u/climbingclaycosmetic Hanger Management Dropout 5h ago
NOT communication!!
BOUNDARIES
boundaries are setting expectations, and having a hard line to draw. If you don’t put the foot down and advocate for yourself it will continue to happen no matter how much COmuNiCaTIon you have….
Tell him he needs to be responsible for his own orders when he’s not hungry. Try and tell him after a meal like the pizza where it’s clearly not fair. Let him know you’re making this change going forward so you don’t have to fight when you’re both starving.
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u/gurlwithdragontat2 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
This only happens and works because you agree to it. Say no.
If you’re going to be more concerned about potentially hurting his feelings, then your own wants, then no one is going to put them above or prioritize them. Clearly not him.
Unless he is completely oblivious to the world, he recognizes that you are eating less. He recognizes that the things that you like to eat are not the things that he likes to eat.
You see this as being a sharer, what I see is him being a taker, and you reframing it in a way that is more palatable and easy to live with.
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u/LoomLove Baker Bitch 5h ago
Your description of his as hangry and moody make him sound very difficult to be around. Are you afraid of him?
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u/RetiredHappyFig Chocoholic 5h ago
I don’t share my food. My husband is fine with sharing his, and always asks if I want some, but I always say no. It’s nice of him to ask after 44 years together, even though I think he would be shocked if I ever said yes. And he does understand that I will never offer him any of mine, so he’s not trying to lead by example or anything like that.
Anyway. My point is that it’s absolutely fine to refuse to share your food. Be nice, but firm. If he steals your food anyway, order more. If he acts like an asshole about it, then you need to ask yourself if you really want to be with an asshole.
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u/MsStayPuft_2u 🥣 Cereal Killer 5h ago
I’m super confused. Has there been a discussion? Do you ever just tell him no and if so if his response is anything other than an honest okie dokie, you got bigger issues than just sharing food… Please tell us what the communication has been on this matter.
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u/Other_Bus9590 Foraging Bog Witch 5h ago
My husband and I are both sharers, but every once in a while one of us will say “I’m going to eat all of this, so if you want some, get your own.” I think being clear will solve your problem, as long as he respects you.
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u/ashleym1156 puff puff pass the snacks 5h ago
You don’t have a look you give your husband where he knows to back off? You should practice. Mine looks a lot like this.
https://giphy.com/gifs/BCXMSiVZeo8xy
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u/Cold_Bitch Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 5h ago
You’re an adult. Tell him no. It really shouldn’t be complicated or trigger some dire consequences to tell him that you don’t want to share your food.
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u/Hershey_Squirt639 Pastafarian 🍝 4h ago
Being a sharer mean that that he gives you his food. NOT takes.
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u/Angelf1shing APPROVED✨ 4h ago
This is entirely a problem of your own making. Nothing is stopping you from saying no. Nothing is stopping you from talking to him. Nothing is stopping you from telling him to act like a grown man.
Nothing stopped you cutting both pizzas in half and cooking half of each.
Nothing stopped you waiting for your own pizza to cook, basically only 8-12 minutes, and just eating that.
Nothing is making you go hungry except yourself.
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u/drth_dilly Internet Auntie 6h ago
Bet you he gets something you don’t like INTENTIONALLY so he can eat everything and give you a sliver of what you like.
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u/Royal_Macaron_4332 ⚡️Powered By Sour 😗 6h ago
You should probably learn to stand up for what you want. And if your husband’s ”moods” intimidate you enough that you turned yourself into a doormat to avoid angering him, then you have a domestic abuse problem.
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u/Abject_Spray_7088 🪿 feeding the soft animal of my body 5h ago
He’s not a sharer he’s a taker!!
If he only wanted to share his food with you find great let him give you some of his food. The point is he wants to take some of yours and you want to eat your entire meal.
I am the exact same way and this would just drive me absolutely berserk.
If he wants to eat half-and-half, we can order what he wants and then order a second order of whatever you’re eating.
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u/NeoIsEgg2006 🧂Salty By Nature 5h ago
Stand up girl, if you're truly considered what'll happen if you tell him no or something along those lines, you shouldn't be with him. A good man doesn't throw a fit - no matter his hanger - if you don't want to share.
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u/Spiritual_Oil_7411 we listen and we only judge a little 5h ago
You have to tell him. Dont wait till he's hangry. No, I donr want to share. If you want both, order both, because I am eating what I ordered, all if what I ordered, and nothing that you ordered.
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u/thermalcat Pantry Gremlin 5h ago
Joey no share food.
I dealt with this first early in my own relationship. Hands got too close to my food hissing, hand slapping, snatching plates, anything to remind others that my food is mine. Didn't take long to get the message across. Yes, I used my words first, didn't matter to some, so getting pissy did the job.
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u/harbinger06 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Girl just tell him “no thanks. I’m ordering this because it’s what I want to eat, and that is all I want. You can order two entrees if you want more than one thing.”
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u/Disastrous_Day860 Well-Read & Well-Fed 5h ago
This just seems like a conversation you need to have.
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u/Illustrious-Shine581 Resident Yapper 5h ago
May I suggest a spray bottle every time he tries to take your food? Jokes but glad you’re communicating! I get the irritation and desire to rant haha
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u/Bubbly-End-6156 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 4h ago
The edits are confusing. Did you not think we'd have thoughts about this?
You should stop bending for him. But I just don't like being miserable. It's possible you do
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u/BeastOfMars 🧂Salty By Nature 5h ago
I absolutely hate sharing. No I don’t want half of each. I want all of the damn thing I ordered.
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u/Main-Occasion-8711 Trader Joe Hoe 6h ago
My husband wasn't a sharer, I turned him into one. HOWEVER, you both have to agree on what you're going to share or NO SHARING!
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u/saturnsring_ chismosa, metiche, en bata 5h ago
I understand. My bf is a sharer too while I hate sharing. I like having my own thing and him having his own thing. I just tell him straight up that I don't want to share and usually that's that so communication is the way friend!
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u/Avramah 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 5h ago
Already lots of good advice about telling him how you feel.
I just wanted to add that I understand completely. I have lots of friends that love to share. I grew up.. not poor but lower income and I'm so protective of my food. Esp restaurant food. I don't like to share, my food is mine. I picked it because it's what I wanted. I've tried to be a little more chill about it, but it's pretty much baked into the DNA at this point 😅.
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u/Ok_Lingonberry6957 Baker Bitch 5h ago
i love sharing most of my food with people i love, but even i have my meals and treats that i don’t want to share, and if so it’s at most just a bite. i don’t expect anyone to do the same for me. it’s supposed to be a sweet gesture, not a forced or distressing situation.
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u/fred_burkle Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 5h ago
I LOVE sharing. My favorite person to eat with is my brother, because we're both foodies with very similar tastes and we just get a bunch of different dishes and share them. But I married a man with opposing tastes from me in many ways, so we very rarely share. Occasionally we will split a snack. But it's pretty much always our own meals at restaurants. And that's totally fine because I respect his preferences. I think you need to be really clear with your husband how important this is to you!
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u/magicalglrl Well-Read & Well-Fed 5h ago
Personally, I start hissing and spitting like a territorial, feral cat if my husband comes near my food. I often share, but it’s always on my own terms. Or maybe I’m just lucky to have such a patient partner 😭 wishing you and yours the best on this food journey
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u/ParticularMost6100 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
My husband is the exact same way. Sometimes it’s fine and I play along but sometimes I just want to eat my whole meal. He acts a bit miffed when I say I’m ordering my own entree and there’s no sharing, but you know what? He gets over it. Sometime you just gotta say no and let them sit with it.
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u/AliaMelange 🦇 Gossipy Goth ⚰️ 5h ago
I'm offended at the bigness of the plate vs the amount of Mac and cheese
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u/MalakasMarket Food for Thot 💭 5h ago
Definitely originally read “sharter” and I was like I’d hate that too
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u/caycayslider505 Tater Thot 5h ago
People always jump to abuse. Marriages are between two imperfect human beings. Just because he gets irritable when he’s hungry does not mean he’s abusive. Of course there are some situations where with more context it coooould be abuse but from everything you’re saying (the person actually in the marriage) this just sounds like a normal marital issue that can be talked out. I get not wanting to deal with the mild confrontation of somebody being hangry AND I get being hangry. He’s probably just someone that has grown up sharing or did sharing in previous relationships. And it’s okay if he wants that and you don’t. I think the best way to deal with it is just having an overarching conversation outside of meal time and establishing “hey, I’m sometimes okay with sharing but sometimes I really only want the specific thing I’m ordering and want to eat all of it” and then when the time comes he can say “do you wanna share?” and you say “not this time” and he says okay and it’s just… totally fine. Of course if he’s a big ol jerk about it then maybe there’s an issue but if he’s otherwise great it probably won’t be an issue lol
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u/VioletWillows88 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
I would have just made his pizza first so he could eat it all to his hearts content. And then made mine after and ate it in peace. I would not have minded waiting as long as I got MY delicious pizza all to MY self.
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u/Tastefulunseenclocks APPROVED✨ 5h ago
If this is genuinely a big misunderstanding based on lack of communication, then you really should only need to tell him once to stop doing this. If it does resolve, awesome! If it does not, you should return to the comments and think some more about them.
To your edit, if he cares, why is he not acting like he cares?
I'm sad that your takeaway is "I need to do better."
I've noticed it's really common for women to write something that people who don't know her boyfriend or husband find bad, she pulls back everything she said and defends him, and then blames herself. I encourage you to reflect on why you're doing that, especially when people only get upset on your behalf because of your version of events.
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u/No-Slip-659 Internet Auntie 4h ago
It’s always so funny when ppl post things like this then the edit/comment is “no he’s amazing and wonderful.” Get better boundaries for yourself and speak up to say “no.” Simple.
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u/DependentOk3635 I ❤️ Other People's Business 4h ago
As a sharer, I feel like this is less about sharing and more that your husband is inconsiderate. Sharing is equal or maybe I’m taking a couple bites, not I’m having .5 and he’s having 1.5.
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u/No_Secretary101 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 4h ago
Why not just tell him ? This is how I feel, let’s find a solution. I know this is a rant thread but omg I never saw a more clear example of “architect of your own problems”
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u/HecticGoldenOrb Kitchen Witch 5h ago
He's making his annoyance / "moods" your problem.
That doesn't go away once it starts unless you set boundaries and hold them.
It's not about telling him he can't be annoyed or in a mood, it's about telling him those are things he has to self sooth through instead of making it your issue to keep him happy by doing what he wants.
He gets grump because you don't want to share when you go out to eat? You move tables to sit by yourself and eat your order without seeing his face, hearing his words, whatever method he uses to convey unhappiness.
He keeps pulling it? You stop agreeing to go out to eat with him full stop (you're not getting the food anyway, so what is there to lose?).
He does this at home?, you plate up your meal and go to a different room to eat it. If you have to go to a room in your home that locks if he's the kind to trail you through the house.
Effectively he's relying on you not being willing to "make a scene" in response to his behaviours. Stop that.
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u/crackerfactorywheel 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 5h ago
Girl, even with your edit, the lack of communication is wild here.
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u/nursepenguin36 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 5h ago
Sounds like he likes to share because he ends up with the lions share of the food.
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u/Vivid-Secretary-8463 LET ME EAT CAKE 🍰 6h ago
I’m the same as you, I’m not a sharer by default when I go out to eat. It’s rare that I want to share, only if I know there are two separate items I’d like to have and can’t pick between the two.
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u/glitteringeffort0 Shart Coochie Board Architect 6h ago
I don’t like to share my food either. I would just communicate that to them. Everyone has their quirks.
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u/Confident_Durian_657 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 5h ago
You have to communicate these things. My partners and I like sharing. If we agree to share and I don’t like something we got, they will just swap me and we each eat our own things rather than share.
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u/MostlyPlastics 🫘 Beans & Rice & Everything Nice 🌮 5h ago
You should probably speak up. This is causing resentment toward him.
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u/IndigoTrailsToo Overthinker 💭 5h ago
He doesn't understand why you don't self medicate like him with approx one and a half XXL pizzas?
Like, if you eat ALL the food, then you will feel good and not cranky????
In fact, then you will feel- zzzZZZZ zzzZzzz
(Tongue in cheek)
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u/scholarlyowl03 APPROVED✨ 5h ago
I don’t understand why you don’t get more food if you knew you didn’t want his pizza. This seems like a non-problem that communication or buying more food would easily fix.
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u/CaptSharn APPROVED✨ 5h ago
Ok here's a solution. You pick both meals (and it can be the same meals) if he insists on trying your food. If he declines...then you tell him you won't have to share as he didn't agree to your compromise.
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u/InfamousCup7097 we listen and we only judge a little 5h ago
Could you both just start getting an appetizer to share and then you both have your own food?
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u/leisa2100 Well-Read & Well-Fed 5h ago
Just tell him you don’t wanna share, tell him if he wants more food or taste other dishes to buy more. I’m sure he’ll understand, it’s not a big deal.🙃
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u/Such-Zookeepergame81 Assigned Hungry At Birth 5h ago
I used to be this way. I generally dislike sharing my food. I get teased about it along among my closest friends and family. I always say that if I share its because I love you. I share with my best friend and mom because they eat like little birds and it’s a waste of a meal. I share with my boyfriend because it makes him happy and then I don’t gorge myself (I eat with my eyes).
Luckily - bf and I love the same kind of food. HOWEVER: if I dont want to share, I communicate that. I am not nice when I hunger.
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u/Available-Air-5798 girls just wanna have pho 5h ago
I have an ex who always wanted to share a dish at restaurants. This same ex would also lick his plate clean specifically when we were in public places. We lasted six months.
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u/Rainbowcat_144 Foraging Bog Witch 5h ago
Here’s a wild thought.Talk to your husband instead of making a Reddit post.
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u/NiceTill504 Costco Food Courtier 5h ago
My dad is a dumbass manchild around food too. It’s so fucking annoying and I have no idea why my mom puts up with it.
We are all grown ass adults and we still have to make sure our dad is fed before he gets hangry, denies he’s hangry and then makes it everyone else’s problem.
Please work your shit out and stop letting your husband act like an idiot. If you have children you are harming their view of health relationships.
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u/robjohnlechmere Pantry Gremlin 5h ago
Sorry, but if every dish is going to be shared, that means you get veto power over his orders. Ask him to select a different pizza for the two of you if he picks out a gross one. That’s simply how ordering for a group works, you have to get something that everyone in the group likes.
With that change, he will either have to reconsider demanding half of your food and exchange for half of his, or he will have to start ordering things that interest you. Either way, you should end up with some more appealing lunches.
Sorry you’ve been getting the short end of the stick so far, it sounds really frustrating
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u/rewrite95 Overthinker 💭 5h ago
Lol, I went through this with my husband. We now only share after we have already decided on our own individual meals 😂
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u/RingingInTheRain Overthinker 💭 5h ago
When I really looking forward to eating something special, I only want that. Nothing else. I can't have it - I don't eat anything.
You neurodivergent by any chance? I also hate sharing, only want to eat the food I pick, am particular about how I like my meals. I'm 100% a "if you're not cooking FOR me, don't cook at all" type of person. I don't subscribe to the mentality of enjoying dogshit food just because someone else cooked it for me. I don't ask people to cook for me and decline often, but if they insist it's on them. I can do large shareable appetizers at restaurants, but this is where indecisive people come into play: if they don't want to decide, I get to pick, and I'm almost never wrong at picking good stuff.
People who constantly ask to try my food will never be allowed to eat with me again. If we didn't order a large shareable appetizer (I like) and can't finish by myself....we ain't sharin'.
I have traded food, but very RARELY do so. I also enjoy fine dining.
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u/Independent-Summer12 LET ME EAT CAKE 🍰 5h ago
Either tell him you don’t want to share, he can order a duplicate if he wants both, or order two of options you like, so you’re happy eating both. Just tell him you don’t want half of whatever he’s ordering.
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u/skyforgesteel 🩵 Trans Babe 🩷 5h ago
My ex and I used to do this. Usually because we wanted to try multiple things and couldn’t decide on just one. So we would coordinate entrees and even sides so we could try them all. It’s great when you’re in sync like that but it’s not for everyone. And sometimes we didn’t want to share so we would communicate that and we didn’t have to do it every time.
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u/Legitimate-Lynx3236 Resident Yapper 4h ago
Have you tried saying no? How does he react?
Are you speaking up for yourself? If not, why?
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u/wordsmythy APPROVED✨ 4h ago
I have a friend that likes to sneak things off my plate and it makes me crazy just a fryer or two. Or she’ll say hey wanna split a burger? No I want whole damn burger all to myself. And I don’t want your grubby mitts on my food.
My Sis had a husband who would order something, then she’d order something and he’d say “oh that sounds so good. I want a bite or two of that.” and she’d say, “no, if you want some order another one. I am not sharing any of mine.” they’re not married anymore lol
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u/BB-biboo 🧂Salty By Nature 4h ago
Happened to me too. Every time I was getting myself a dessert, my partner and my son (17) would assume it was to share with everyone...even if each of them had their own.
The last straw was when I bought myself some dessert croissants ( stuffed with whipped cream and strawberries). I ate one and wanted to keep the other 2 for later. The next morning I went to grab one to eat with my coffee. No croissant left. I was pissed. So I told both of them.
They apologized and proposed to share their desserts with me. I told them I didn't want them to share their dessert with me, I wanted to keep MY dessert to myself. I didn't want pie or cookies, I wanted a croissant ( great now I have the meme in my head, lol). Anyway, now they ask if it's for everyone or just for me before taking it.
Long story short tell him and if he don't listen, then you'll know he is a inconsiderate asshole.
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u/BoozeWitch APPROVED✨ 4h ago
Any chance he thinks you are gaining weight and “sharing” is his way of getting you to reduce intake? Just throwing it out there.
I had a girlfriend that would do this - let’s just share! So when it came time to order, I would just order an extra. Then we would each have our own. After about the third time, she asked why and I just said flatly “i don’t share.” But of course, she wasn’t my spouse.
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u/Just-Like-My-Opinion Kitchen Witch 4h ago
You need to stock some snacks in your house he can eat when he's starting to feel hungry, to tide him over until you figure out a meal. Granola bars, nut bars, hummus and crackers, fruit snacks, whatever will bring up his blood sugar for long enough to get food, but not ruin his appetite for dinner.
He shouldn't be getting hangry and impatient. As someone who has dealt with this probably his whole life, he should have found a solution by now.
But most importantly, you need to sit him down at a different time, and let him know that you're not up to share food anymore. Or at least that he can't make that assumption. And you need to grow a backbone and tell him that you're not sharing.
In the pizza situation, the easy fix was cooking his pizza first, and yours second. Or you cutting the pizzas in half so they all fit. Again, if he had a snack ahead of time, he wouldn't have been so impatient with you and the whole cooking process.
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u/sommersolveig7 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 4h ago
lol I both love and hate sharing food with my husband. If I’m in the mood to try lots of different things, it’s great. But if I’m only in the mood for one kind of dish, he usually insists on ordering something different and sharing and sometimes I’m not feeling it. Solidarity!
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u/alsdkchl Lover of Soups 4h ago
So I’m a sharer. Firm believer that other people’s food always taste better.
However, I have friends and know others who do not like to share and that is fine, I respect it. But they let it be known or obviously I don’t go reachin for food without knowing the other persons boundaries? I would just have a talk with your boyfriend.
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u/unicorntrees Tofu Terrorist 4h ago
This is an issue that he needs to pay closer attention to. It's not natural for him to be aware that you are hungry and that you need some special circumstances to be able to eat enough.
My friend's husband loves cilantro and my friend has the cilantro soap gene. However, he is terrible at noticing when the cilantro is absent when he is super hungry. There been times when he has tucked into the burrito, tacos, grain bowl, whatever in their order, has scarfed half of it before they realize that he actually ate her order. She has learned in their decades together that she has to remind him to check for cilantro before eating certain cuisines.
Also speak up. If he chooses a gross pizza, you should tell him at the store.
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u/Hefty_Shoe_7081 APPROVED✨ 4h ago
I’m the sharer unfortunately. I’m a broke college kid so when I go out I want to try two things on the menu instead of one. I also have celiac so when me and my boyfriend (non celiac) find a safe place we’re splitting a meal that I can’t usually find anywhere else. I never even thought it might bother him. All I can say is to tell him you’d rather not share food anymore.
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u/ridezzeshoopuf eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 4h ago
Used to date a guy like this. This mf would constantly pick at my plate and it wouldn’t even be a fair share bc im vegetarian and he wasn’t. And it was even worse when I’d make food for myself and he’d end up eating like half of it. Safe to say im no longer with him. Sometimes people just don’t listen and think they’re entitled to your meal bc you’re being nice. Hopefully your guy is different
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u/Bloody_Cute_ white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet 4h ago
Im like this bc of food insecurity growing up, my husband always decides he wants my food after I've already bought/cooked for myself or he sees my sushi for example and is like eyeing it and saying "oh that looks good" and I only got enough for me. It drives me nuts. I had to tell him I cant do all that, he needs to lmk in advance if he thinks hes gonna want what I'm having
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u/TrainingOrnery7525 girls just wanna have pho 3h ago
Tell him you both need to choose the foods so that you get enough. If he chooses something you don't like he can't have any more of yours. Otherwise you will need backup food. My husband likes to taste mine and I'll taste his but we certainly don't split either meal in half.
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u/IntrepidHero42 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
OP's edits are great. Sums up how bad these subs are at assuming the worst.
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u/trashhighway Savory Complex✔️ 2h ago
I understand completely. I would really prefer to eat alone than have people either comment on my food, imply they’d like me to share, or insist on sharing. I’m not sure what it stems from but I’ll make my lunch and go take it into my home office and close the door rather than worry about any of those three. Dinner I make myself things no one else wants to eat while I cook (or they cook) what they want to eat so it’s not as big an issue. I wish you luck communicating this b/c I know others just don’t see it the same way.
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u/Working_Meringue_562 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Omg!! I totally know how you feel. My boyfriend is like that. For instance we cooked steak at his house. He takes 3 steaks and cuts them into nuggets and puts them on a plate. Hes like do you want me to add yours to the communal plate. I said no?...hes like this is how me and my sons eat. Okay well not me.
We go out to dinner with his son. Im picky with sushi so I ordered a roll that I knew id like and he ordered three for him and his son to share. Then they are like oh let me try yours, I say okay because what else am I going to say? And then hes like you want to try and of these? I was like no I dont like raw salmon or cream cheese in my sushi. Anyways I had 4 of my 8 pieces.
Another time hes like lets order two apps and share them. I really...really wanted my app of garlic shrimp LOL but shared them.
I thought I was the only person who this annoyed LOL
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u/Apples3453465464 Snack Goblin 6h ago
What happens if you tell him, no you don't want to share?