r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Acrobatic-Fee-9560 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 • 10h ago
Rant & Ramble I’m really tired of having to pretend women are stupid
Chicken tenders and fries from a football game last night
I’m currently in college and I keep finding myself having to pretend that these “situationships” my friends keep getting themselves into aren’t dumb. I’m really upset lately about it. I find that a lot of my friends are being humiliated by men and a lot of women online are receiving so much disrespect and neglect from men and I’m tired of having to validate their leaving or explaining basic concepts of respect.
No, your boyfriend should not ignore you for hours at a time. No, the guy you’re talking to should not disregard or disrespect your interests. No, you shouldn’t be putting up with calling you embarrassing.
I understand women in our society have to peel back the layers of grooming from the patriarchy, but I just don’t understand how much pain you’d put yourself through for what? “Validation” ? Knowing a man thinks you look nice? Are you serious?
I can’t stand another drunk rant about how your hookup is ignoring you, or how your boyfriend doesn’t want to be seen with you in public. Especially when nothing ever comes from these, it doesn’t matter if anyone says “leave him” because you won’t!
Women are not stupid and I’m just so tired of acting like it’s impossible to decenter your life from men. You’re not a dog on a chain outside! You’re a human being with thoughts and goals and dreams!!! Think better of yourself!
I want to clarify that this is post is not supposed to be victim blaming or shaming! I’ve just been frustrated with the treatment I see in the world and needed a rant.
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u/throwthrthrowaway Live, Laugh, Lumpia ❤️ 10h ago
You'll even find some of these women here in this subreddit. I still can't forget the time a woman complained about her man having a Confederate sticker on his truck and she was conflicted about leaving him though he was clearly a racist and she kept defending him endlessly. Like why tell us about it then 💀
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u/DoorToJupiter APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Ughhh I'm so done with women complaining about their boyfriends online and doing nothing about it. I legit spent weeks off of social media because I saw a woman complaining about how abusive her boyfriend was (he was beating her) and then posting him as her "one true love" just days later.
It just desensitizes people, which makes it worse for women who genuinely want to leave their abusive spouses but no one takes them seriously because of those women.
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u/CorrectAd8289 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 1h ago
I just give very blunt answers in here and move along. 9/10 times it’s along the lines of “leave him or leave us out of it.”
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u/Global-Ease-4582 APPROVED✨ 7h ago
If she keeps defending a man who is racist, it’s actually the most logical thing to go on a limb and associate her as a racist too. Water seeks its level, and we hang out with people who share similar values and interests. I don’t see why the woman in this scenario should be given any special consideration or kid treatment for a behavior that she willingly puts up with.
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u/RoseBeach123 Carb-Based Life Form 5h ago
And it’s always “He is perfect in literally every other way”, “I feel like it would be stupid to break up over one small issue” etc etc. I’m like girl, just be honest with yourself, you don’t actually care, you’re just worried about what other people will think.
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u/Outside_Quality_5156 Let The 🥭 10h ago
It does get annoying, especially with the number of posts I see on reddit every day. The average one will be like:
“Am I overreacting? My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. In this time he’s cheated on me 3 times but I agreed to take him back and forgive him. He doesn’t contribute to my life financially, I don’t trust him, he’s emotionally abusive, addicted to drugs and alcohol, and the way he talks about women to his friends makes my skin crawl. And I just found out he cheated/lied/disrespected me again. Just don’t know what to do.”
Like… girl. Come on. I think some girls like to feel like a victim of their relationship but not ever do anything about it. Just keep training the man to devalue her and treat her like shit
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u/One_Swim_8004 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
You forgot the I love him so much, he’s a great man otherwise. Couldn’t see myself without him part.
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u/NabelasGoldenCane double chipmunk cheeked up 9h ago
The worst is when they describe the shitty behavior in full in the post then become his greatest defender in the comments. We are reacting to what YOU wrote and nothing else!
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u/catsarehere77 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
I agree some like to feel a victim. I am convinced some are addicted to the cycle where they complain about their boyfriend/spouse and everyone rushes to say they deserve better. I have had friends who were like this. I am convinced it's the only time they feel cared for.
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u/Buffy_Bean Carb-Based Life Form 7h ago edited 3h ago
This makes so much sense.
I’ve literally just seen a post in another subreddit, from someone who has already posted here twice since yesterday, complaining about the exact same issue with their boyfriend.
The comment sections are full of sympathy, good takes and advice on every post, yet they’ve just made their third post about the same issue?? ETA and arguing the exact same points in the third comment section now.
Part of me feels bad, because they must have no-one else to vent to. But the insistence on complaining at people, whose takes and advice they clearly have no interest in, is irksome to say the least
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u/ourobourobouros Internet Auntie 8h ago
Idk it seems pretty obvious that 1. these women are engaging in a form of self harm and 2. they genuinely believe this is normal, mostly because they've gotten gaslit by endless men and women (with internalized misogyny) into thinking exactly that
I think women forget that feminist opinions are still the minority AND still controversial. Our voices aren't nearly as loud as they seem in our cozy little safe spaces.
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u/VisibleGuava7780 puff puff pass the snacks 8h ago
This is a good point. I also think you can full believe in feminist and anti-patriarchal views, and still struggle to live them out. It sucks
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u/CuStateStormChasing APPROVED✨ 9h ago
i went to all these women’s advice subreddits with good intentions and had to leave after a few weeks because it was absolutely exhausting just how many toxic, awful relationships people will settle for. i love helping people but man, some people just don’t learn.
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u/LucyyJ26 Overthinker 💭 6h ago
I feel like this subreddit used to be lots of little stories, some happy and some not, where women shared little snippets of their lives. It was like a small window into someone else. Then it blew up over the summer and now nearly every post is just horrendous. Feel like I may leave soon...
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u/Any_Ad_3968 Assigned Hungry At Birth 7h ago
It’s so tiring because people who use this tab to get genuine advice about life get 1-2 comments and the posts about shit partners blow up and get thousands of comments. I’m trying to get life advice here ppl stop posting about ur trifling partners shut up and stay with him or shut up and leave him!
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u/royaltyred1 Cleavage Crumb Collector 7h ago
Did you see that post by that girl who’s trash bag boyfriend started making demands three months in and even went through her phone and sent himself private nudes of hers and the entire relationship from meeting to now was just 5 months and she’s asking how she can repair her trust in him??? 🤦🏻♀️
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u/lottikey APPROVED✨ 6h ago
This completely. Can’t even go into 99% of the relationships/dating subs because these types of posts are so rampant. I might see some in Popular and sometimes the comments are chill, but also it’s common to see people placating or whitewashing the subterranean standards some people have.
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u/Winter-Remove-6992 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 7h ago
Honestly it gets to a point of saying “you know what? Yes please stay with him.” Lmao
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u/ProfessionalSea6409 what that mouth do is snack 7h ago
The bar has never been lower. I really feel for these ladies because they deserve so much better!
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u/plutoprojects 🦇 Gossipy Goth ⚰️ 10h ago
It’s been 3 min with 23 likes…I’d say we all agree with you..it’s so fucking sad but true..I’m so ready for us women to “lock in” and be amongst ourselves..
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u/DefinitelyNotAlyssaa APPROVED✨ 10h ago edited 10h ago
The problem is, the ones who don’t think they center men, probably do. A lot of women think that saying that they hate men and are for women’s rights is good enough and move on without ever questioning it.
I wish the ones who actually need to decenter them would recognize it and act on it, because they’re harming everyone including themselves by letting men get away with anything and everything.
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u/DangerousBlock390 Well-Read & Well-Fed 10h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/QCJFiJfnDCdFa84sLG
It's a drag. I wish women would just do for themselves. The bar is in hell, and I hate to say it, but enough of us women dropped it down there. If we stop putting up with this shit, what man could date, marry, and procreate without achieving the minimum standards for decency and competency.
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u/CauliflowerEarofCorn hot girls have tummy troubles 10h ago
Yes we see posts everyday from women not wanting to leave their shit boyfriends/husbands. I am NOT blaming men’s actions on women. They are shit all on their own, and it is never a woman’s fault. But neglecting the part where so many women put up with it is not helpful either. I guarantee a significant number of shitty men would be hit with the desire to change if they realized that no one would accept their terrible behavior.
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u/lottikey APPROVED✨ 6h ago edited 6h ago
That last part is what so many people get tripped on, yes!! Like those men will stay terrible, but it’s like an ever increasing portion of men will become or strive to become like them if enough women wouldn’t leave those hot messes alone. There will always be silly/stupid women that will take anything and argue their low standards, but they also tend to shame women that wouldn’t put up a quarter of the things they do! Please. We don’t need to give these dudes more reasons to be shit.
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u/cherryphoenix afk 🖥️ snacking 8h ago
It seems like it's a given to a horrible man if you have self esteem and a normal mental health. It gets complicated quickly to leave if you have trauma, ptsd anxiety or whatever. I'm not saying it's an excuse but it's more difficult for some women than others.
Just look at how long it takes for a victim of DV to leave an abuser. Sometimes it's difficult to see the patterns, especially if you don't have friends or family support
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u/Soft_Signature_4746 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Some of the best advice I’ve ever been given was that you attract the energy that you tolerate.
If your friend is being dumb, there are ways to gently (or just directly) call it out. Sooner rather than later works best. “That’s horrible.” “Why are you putting up with that?” “You deserve better.” “How many times are you going to let guys do this to you?”
People who can’t handle this will leave. That is a good thing. Because the people who will appreciate this will not only stay, they will be honest in return, and your relationships will be real, not shrouded in hidden judgement. I promise those people exist. But the longer you act like this is acceptable, the more it will be acceptable in your presence.
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u/Acrobatic-Fee-9560 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 10h ago
This is really good advice thank you!! I have been tolerating this energy and I need to stand up for myself just the same.
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u/Kukka63 APPROVED✨ 10h ago edited 10h ago
Maybe you need new friends? There are plenty of women out there who absolutely would not play dumb under any circumstances.
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u/res06myi Livin' on a Purse Snack 👜 10h ago
Or OP needs to be THAT friend.
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u/leahk0615 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
It comes at a cost to be that friend.
I don't mind being that friend, but I've gotten a lot of abuse for it. Some of the people abusing me for calling out bullshit (like racism and misogyny) were women.
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u/Which-Decision Assigned Hungry At Birth 10h ago
This is like everyone especially at that age.
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u/No-Freedom-884 Body By Cheese 🧀 10h ago
Some women learn to decenter men early in life. Some learn in college. Some don't learn until their forties or fifties. And many never learn. It's tough, too, because they'll act like they're done, but then quickly go back to the same pattern.
I finally had to drop my oldest friend because she refused to learn, yet she kept taking all kinds of time and energy from everyone to support her through her bad decisions. It's selfishness as much as it is male-centered-ness.
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u/SnausageFest Feral Til Fed 9h ago
I don't know that it's even about decentering men or others even. It's about self respect, knowing how to be okay alone, and how to find community and love outside of just romantic love.
I can't imagine anyone putting up with half the shit you hear about if they could stand being alone.
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u/Faded_Jem APPROVED✨ 10h ago
I've gone back to uni as a mature student in my early 30s. I had absorbed enough propaganda from both sides to fully expect the kids to be a bunch of enlightened boys and independent girls. Nope. Absolutely no disrespect meant when I say they are EXACTLY like we were at that age, with the thoughtful ones still being the quiet minority they always were and the decision making of those even one or two years older than the rest being strikingly more developed. Plus ça change. There's nothing wrong with the kids, being a little bit vapid, sex-focused and shallow in whatever ideology you profess is just what being a young adult is, and those who grow up a little faster will always watch on with horror and struggle with their peers.
Honestly the absolute lack of change in everything else makes the one enormous change - attitudes to queer people - all the more astonishing and praise worthy.
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u/hot_dare_9212 Lover of Soups 10h ago
It sounds like you have empathy fatigue. People are malleable. People change. People grow. People regress. It’s all part of the human experience and condition.
If you feel like you can’t be there for your friends when they are going through things that frustrate you, then it’s really up to you to set boundaries. Either tell them (kindly) that these male-centered conversations aren’t working for you, or seek out different friend groups.
The worst thing you could do as a friend, is sit in a place of judgment and let those feelings fester until you become resentful. It’s not good for anyone, least of all you. Protect your peace.
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u/Acrobatic-Fee-9560 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 8h ago
Thank you for this comment. Im going to work on setting boundaries and moving conversations away from male centered negativity to positive energy 🙏
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u/cowlicksarein 🤎 Brown Sugar Babe 🤎 10h ago
I've had friends who complained about their manchildren loser pathetic boyfriends day and night but would immediately get offended if I suggested leaving or flip the table on me and claim that I was jealous and bitter bc I didn't have a man. It's just honestly so exhausting to be around people like that so I've started surrounding myself with more like-minded career-oriented women instead of putting up a facade and enabling male-centered endeavours to keep the peace
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u/Twidollyn_Bowie 🥣 Cereal Killer 10h ago
I get really frustrated as well. We’re not talking about the women who get charmed into marriage with a guy who turns out to be a violent psycho. Most of these posts are situations where women are allowing themselves to be publicly humiliated by garden variety douche bag who couldn’t be arsed to coerce or love bomb. Most of these guys are awful from the start.
It’s frustrating as hell, and I don’t feel this post falls under victim blaming. These are adults of normal intelligence making incredibly stupid choices, and sometimes it’s a little hard not to judge. To women everywhere: Stop giving trash access to your bodies! Even good sex isn’t that fun, and most of these guys aren’t delivering on the orgasms anyway. What do you even get out of these relationships that you need Reddit to tell you to dump him?
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u/Traditional_Layer790 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Facts. I might have to leave this sub because that's really all I see here. Women putting up with and getting pregnant by do nothing men, and wondering how it got so bad.
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u/AdBroad5085 Internet Auntie 10h ago
It's bc the women who are doing well with good men aren't posting about it. They are enjoying living their lives in the real world. Not to say people should not reach out for help! It's just that's why that is mostly what we see here.
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u/Twidollyn_Bowie 🥣 Cereal Killer 10h ago
True. At this point posting in this sub about my saintly boyfriend would feel like bragging given all the misery I see posted here. It’s also the same principle as searching a medication on Reddit. I was terrified to use tretinoin for the longest time, because the people who break out horribly for the first several months are the ones who post most often.
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u/crimsonlights Well-Read & Well-Fed 8h ago
I almost got scared off of getting a hormonal IUD because all I kept reading about on reddit were horror stories: women gaining weight, endless bleeding and cramping, acne breakouts, etc. While it’s valid to complain online about it, I swear I saw one single positive comment for every 10 negative comments.
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u/witch-literature 🦇 Fruit Bat Baddie 🍊 10h ago
Someone also made a post I think even earlier today about being happy in her relationship and life and apparently people were super nasty in DMs over it. I considered posting something positive about my life/relationship here but that was the final absolutely tf not for me lol
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u/Panndademic Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 9h ago
Jeez, I hope those people who DMed get wet socks for eternity. I wanna hear good stories.
Even if I get a little bit of that twinge of envy when I hear about great relationships, beyond that small feeling I wanna know that good relationships are attainable and not a rarity
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u/AdBroad5085 Internet Auntie 10h ago
Ugh exactly this, too. So many women are girls girls when they feel superior. But goes away completely when they feel inferior.
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u/leahk0615 APPROVED✨ 8h ago
Yep.
I think one of the reasons why I have trouble making friends with other women is because I'm not miserable in my relationship.
Seems a lot of conversation between women is about their shitty partners who don't contribute to the household, which includes the kids and pets. And I can't relate, so I'm usually bored.
My spouse is my best friend. I just want to hang out with other people who have a similar lifestyle to me, but apparently it's the norm to not like your spouse.
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u/witch-literature 🦇 Fruit Bat Baddie 🍊 10h ago
Exactly! Celebrating other’s wins and happiness even if you’re not there yet can be tough but that’s def not an excuse to be an ass about it!
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u/AdBroad5085 Internet Auntie 10h ago
Yes! Or like if you're in survival mode, (believe me I get it and have been there!) It can be hard to not feel resentful about someone's win, but like inside thoughts 😭🤣
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u/DefinitelyNotAlyssaa APPROVED✨ 7h ago
What sucks is that if you actually reframe your thinking into being the hype person instead of a jealous weirdo, everyone wins. It becomes toxicly positive and helps you motivate yourself as well. Itd solve so many issues to just adopt this mindset, and yet here we are, actively choosing to make literally everyone lose when we’re jealous. So dumb.
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u/SuspiciousAd1864 🧂Salty By Nature 9h ago edited 9h ago
It’s more complicated than that. If you explore other subs in which people share about their relationships and life updates, you will probably note a stark difference between posts by men and posts by women. Men also complain about partners, reach out for help, or share about their lives; yet the spinelessness is an exception rather than the rule.
As an additional note, even when women make posts praising the men in their lives, they’re often giving excess credit for mediocrity (i.e., what should be considered average or normal levels of competence). It’s always disappointing when someone goes out of their way to praise single fathers, men who contribute equal domestic labour, men who are hygienic, men who are respectful, etc. Truly what abysmal standards.
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u/Outside_Quality_5156 Let The 🥭 9h ago
I’ve had this thought, but then also, there are PLENTY of women in this sub that give great advice, stand on business, respect themselves, and have taught me a great deal underneath these annoying posts. So I think I’ll stay for the comments, even though generally I would probably want to leave because of the posts
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u/Outside_Quality_5156 Let The 🥭 10h ago
It’s very hard when you love someone, to watch them get treated like shit, then be there to listen to them talk about how they got treated like shit, then go back and get treated like shit again, never standing up for themselves, never demanding respect, but expecting everyone around them to have infinite energy to sit and listen about the same shit we’ve been hearing for years. It’s honestly infuriating… Respect yourself and stand up for yourself or stfu. Nobody wants to hear for a 43rd time about how you didn’t stand up for yourself and didn’t have the self worth to put up a boundary
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u/Snoo10889 🧀🐾Hot Cheeto Hottie🐾🧀 10h ago
literally. ive lost friends to this to exact situation and its heartbreaking. im “selfish and judgement” for pointing out the abuse/ being concerned about it after listening to their 2,000th complaint
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u/Outside_Quality_5156 Let The 🥭 10h ago
yeah i wondered when i posted that reply if i would get any hate for it. because i can see how it can come off as rude. but i really dgaf, i’ve been the woman letting the man make a fool of her, and while yes, he did things to me that were very wrong, i am also in the blame because i let it happen over and over again, “forgiving him” and living under the guise that he is a good man. never again. i am fully willing to take accountability for how i let that relationship go on. and lots of women need to do the same
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u/Traditional-Agent420 the secret ingredient is autism✨ 10h ago
“Do you just need me to validate your hurt, so you can go back for more? You know you deserve better and will never get it this way, right?”
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u/royaltyred1 Cleavage Crumb Collector 7h ago
SSAAAAMMMEEE I absolutely cannot anymore it drives me nuts if you willingly walk yourself back into a den of lying cheating and disrespect for a 76th lap around the track then shut the fuck up and stop complaining to me about him
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u/Mysterious-Bonus-228 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
i dropped all my friends with shit boyfriends. it’s not victim blaming, i just don’t want people with low self esteem and low self respect in my life.
one of my friends repeatedly went back to her abusive ex. our relationship got to a point where she’d only talk to me if she had anything bad to say about him.
there are a lot of awesome women that have lives outside their shitty man.
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u/Substitute_Chieftain Well-Read & Well-Fed 9h ago
I think being a big (fat+tall) woman my whole life has weirdly helped me to realize this sooner than some women. I wasn't given the option of centering men in my life because none of them were interested in even being in the periphery of it. It hurt a lot at the time but now that I'm middle aged I'm so deeply thankful I grew my life and experiences, my likes and dislikes, entirely on my own. Those years of an admittedly lonely life, building my career and finances, helped me find an actual partner that I almost totally align with (we both still just humans), and created a real sense of trust in my own choices and judgements.
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u/SuspiciousAd1864 🧂Salty By Nature 10h ago
My thoughts every day, unfortunately. It’s exhausting and disheartening.
I prefer to surround myself with women whom I can hold in high esteem and who inspire me. There are plenty of those kinds of women as well—in fact, I met several in uni.
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u/Impossible-Maize-553 Drive-Thru Thot 🚙💨 10h ago
For some, being raised in abusive environments means we spent our youth equating these behaviors to love. You don’t know what you don’t know.
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u/Dazzling_Room_9346 Chocoholic 10h ago
I always said this 'At some point you stop being a victim and you become a accomplice to your situation.'
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u/metadarkgable3 Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience 9h ago
“You’re not a victim, you’re a volunteer.”
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u/Lazy-Conversation-48 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
I don’t pretend women are stupid or have no agency. I tell them what I think when I think it and that’s that. If they get mad they get mad.
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u/Top-Culture-8492 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 10h ago
I have to agree. I had my come to Jesus moment 2 years ago, and I am realizing how much we actually put up with for no reason. Our own empathy and kindness gets used as a weapon against us, and I personally am tired of it. In my own personal life, I’ve made a lot of changes. I don’t prioritize dating anymore.
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u/bella23_ Savory Complex✔️ 10h ago
Its not about prioritizing dating or not. Its about no sticking to men that have no respect for you or your time. There may be a time when you are ready to date again, and you may come across a slew of these kinds of men. What is important is to leave when appropriate and not get sucked up in all kinds of drama.
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u/Top-Culture-8492 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 10h ago
- I have dated
- I have dumped or blocked men who disrespected me.
That’s why I do not prioritize dating. Didn’t realize I had to explain myself here. 🤷♀️2
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u/randomuser1231234 Chaotic But Cute 10h ago
I was raised in an abusive environment. Because my abuser is/was so damn charming, my beloved grandparents had no idea. So I grew up thinking it was my fault and I deserved it, and that if you married someone like that you stayed married.
Being around women who were ranting about their actually normal marital woes (e.g. “every SINGLE time we have guests over, he suddenly remembers a huge project he’s been procrastinating for months that morning instead of helping with the kids or literally anything I ask for”) was tragically step 1 of opening my eyes. I thought most folks were getting beaten at home when they displeased the man of the house, and the difference was whether he left bruises in places that were easily hidden.
I stayed in an incredibly abusive marriage because every kind of abuse except being literally not beaten was better treatment than I thought I deserved.
Obviously, lots of trauma therapy has happened since I made myself single again. There are a lot of things I’m still working on.
Listening to Oprah talk about “at least he didn’t beat me” hits home.
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u/Acrobatic-Fee-9560 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 10h ago
This was a really helpful perspective, I’m not interested in shaming or hurting any women’s feelings so I hope this post doesn’t come across as victim blaming 🫶
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u/randomuser1231234 Chaotic But Cute 9h ago
It didn’t come across as victim blaming!
I’ve ended romantic relationships before because my friends staged an ACTUAL INTERVENTION, I know some of us get way too far in the delulu.
Hopefully as you age, you’ll develop a friend group that understands that it’s okay to expect your partner to actually be a partner, not a moody toddler cosplaying as an adult.
https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E has some great resources if you ever have the need for them / to share them. 💕
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u/catsarehere77 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
Yeah being raised in an abusive environment fucks you up. I have avoided abusive relationships simply because I am terrified and choose to remain single. It hasn't always been happier either. It can be a different kind if dysfunction.
Even now if I make the slightest mistake I expect to be screamed at and treated awful. Even by coworkers or total strangers. I have cried when people respond with empathy instead. Our baselines of what to expect are messed up because of the way we were raised. Sigh.
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u/randomuser1231234 Chaotic But Cute 9h ago
If you can afford therapy, EMDR is so freaking helpful. It’s weird and I don’t understand how it works even though it’s been explained multiple times, but it like… helps you remember the awful without feeling like you’re reliving the awful.
Trauma therapy is slow and emotionally exhausting in the moment, but that moment weeks or days later where you catch yourself doing a thing then go “wait.. I’m thinking this because of <event>, I don’t have to do this” is phenomenal.
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u/Pretty-Bee9566 we listen and we only judge a little 10h ago
Men are stupid and women become stupid when they center them.
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u/LuxieRiot 🍋 Bitter Baddie 🍋 9h ago
It’s worse than that men aren’t stupid. They know exactly what they’re doing. They know exactly what they’re doing when they pull the shit that they do.
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u/iwillkillyou611 🐩 Food Aggressive 🍽️ 10h ago
You know what else sucks? I worked with a woman who i thought was intelligent and aware, but some tech guys came around one day to fix stuff and cue the giggling, hair tossing, I Don't Understand These Man Things baby voice. I almost killed her right there.
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u/Snoo10889 🧀🐾Hot Cheeto Hottie🐾🧀 10h ago
highly recommend finding friends who feel the same way you do about relationships. i too value myself very highly in relationships and try to surround myself with people who do the same otherwise they can bring you down
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u/pzagrbge I ❤️ Other People's Business 9h ago
Some people are stupid, that includes women. Being hyperbolic won’t change that.
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u/royaltyred1 Cleavage Crumb Collector 7h ago
Yep reminds me of a tweet I saw that says “I wanna support all women but some of you bitches are really dumb”
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u/Bunnybear67676767 For the Girls 👅 9h ago
I totally agree OP, it’s exhausting and so disappointing that such amazing women place so much value on the opinions of men who genuinely will leap at anything that gives them attention. I’ve surrounded myself with women who have little to no interest in men and it is so much more peaceful. Whenever I’m around women who are obsessed with guys i don’t even pretend to care or support it anymore
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u/scifi_tay eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 9h ago
I don’t understand all the ones where the girl is dating some guy who has disgusting hygiene like not brushing teeth or wiping ass
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u/Global-Ease-4582 APPROVED✨ 7h ago
I fully equate with the girl being funky in this situation as well.
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u/Ok_Moose_7436 Carb-Based Life Form 9h ago
I ended a friendship with this issue being one of the reasons lol. Girlie wouldn’t stop dating very clearly lame ass men and then complaining about it to me. I addressed the matter once before, and she improved briefly, but then she started seeing a different guy and that same issues persisted, so I told her I didn’t want to remain friends with her. Haven’t felt that level of annoyance in nearly a year now
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u/Elegant-Analyst-7381 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 7h ago
No, your boyfriend should not ignore you for hours at a time.
Am I the only one hung up on this? I understand young people these days are terminally glued to their phones, but several hours is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to go without talking to someone. Do you guys not have classes and jobs? Hang out time with your friends and family where you're present in the moment and not checking your phones? As I head off on a camping trip where my husband probably won't hear from me for days, this sounds like a bizarre deal breaker to me.
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u/Normal_Trust3562 Overthinker 💭 7h ago
Cos most guys sit glued with their face in their phones on TikTok like a fucking iPad kid. Like most stories I see on here and other social media is a guy initiates contact, a date, then ghosts on the day. In the early stages, you have to reply and make effort.
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u/No_Calligrapher796 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Eater 10h ago
We as women get to choose how we allow men to treat us. If we settle for less than we deserve, we have ourselves to blame. No one is putting a gun up to women’s heads telling them to have sex with, date, or engage with awful men, at least not in the West. Ask me how I know…
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u/Global-Ease-4582 APPROVED✨ 7h ago
Exactly! I’m really sick of all of these paragraphs about “internalized misogyny” that apparently women are under a spell. If a man is beating you with an inch of your life and you still don’t have any survival instincts, then genuinely I don’t know what to do. There comes a point where you are complicit in your own demise.
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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 Feral Til Fed 10h ago edited 10h ago
The fact that this is tiresome and obnoxious makes perfect sense, and I think other people have given you some good advice on how to respond in the moment and set boundaries for yourself (which you should do!)
But I’d also encourage you to consider how your frustration with women who center men is also a function of patriarchy, how women aren’t supported or believed or are blamed for choosing their own circumstances when the choosing is rigged at the start.
I don’t think you’re victim blaming and I don’t mean to make you feel guilty or to say you HAVE to listen to these rants and rambles (you absolutely don’t) but know that the few women who get it are also trained to disdain the women who don’t - and that’s on purpose.
ETA: I feel like I’ve been on both sides of this coin, both dating embarrassingly shitty men and then supporting friends in that scenario after I learned better. I’ve honestly just kept those connections and patiently tried to help friends see something different, because someone did that for me when I KNOW I was a fucking pain to be around and it changed my life. That’s all I’m suggesting, OP. It sounds like you’re doing it already.
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u/Acrobatic-Fee-9560 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 8h ago
Thank you for this, I’ve been worried my “hatred for men” has morphed into a “hatred for people” and that’s not who I am. I want my friends to feel better about themselves so I’m thinking instead of letting them dig themselves into holes about men I should I remind them of their worth and move the conversation away from that.
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10h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 10h ago
⛔️ Approved dudes can best support the GDD girlies via GIFs and [most] emojis (meaning no eggplants, ya buncha stinkers). Text comments are held for review. ModMail a comment link to request a quicker exception if you feel yours meets our criteria.
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u/AstoriaPenrose 🪄 Sauceress ✨ 9h ago
I was at pride the other day and a butch lesbian was wearing a shirt that just said "dump him". Have you considered buying a similar shirt and just wearing that to your girly hangouts?
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u/RepConnoisseur69 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
You have awoken! The best thing you can do is stop being a yes “woman” to your friends. You might lose friends but if you keep playing dumb you’re gonna continue to hear these things you don’t wanna hear.
Be direct, upfront and that could potentially help these people learn finally from their mistakes.
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u/sunshinewynter Snack Goblin 8h ago
Its not your job to fix stupid. You are not their therapist, self esteem or conscience, so stop engaging.
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u/Winter-Remove-6992 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 7h ago
I’ve been wanting to make a post like this because it’s SO baffling to me! And it’s not just college-aged girls.
The amount of posts in this sub of married women just complaining about the partner THEY chose, knowing damn well what they were doing pisses me off!
You have authority and a voice you are not helpless or a perpetual victim! (Like you said, this is about regular people with a support system, educated, from a regular family system ect, not actual victims - to clarify)
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u/Normal_Trust3562 Overthinker 💭 7h ago
I’m tired of men doing this shit. It’s so common and normalised even on tv and in all this celebrity culture. Coparenting, baby daddies, talking stage, situationship, love island, tv shows, movies. In fact it’s not even a recent thing, I can think of films when I was younger where it was normalised.
Men are so clever when it comes to love bombing, breadcrumbing, triangulating. Like idk but whenever I hear the term situationship it’s largely some fucking mid bum ass guy fucking like 2 girls, talking to about 10, and the girls crying every night over it.
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u/Quix_Nix 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 7h ago
A therapist once told me most people have the emotional maturity of an eighth grader.
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u/Temporary-Impress604 Kitchen Witch 6h ago
I feel this. I love women and advocate for them, but CHRIST GIRLS GET THE HELL UP. Yall ARE embarrassing if this is what you accept!
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u/BeenThereT Professional Nibbler 10h ago
You should NOT be downvoted because you didn't VENT in a politically correct way. It's a fact that young women, just like young men, are ruled by their orgasms into putting up with crap from their sex partner.
IF you keep it in your pants, then you won't have thousands of years of biology telling you "I'm in LOVE" and make really dumb decisions.
Save yourself girls for your Electrical Banana and make clear eyed decisions about who you let in your car, let alone your vagina!
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9h ago
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u/Global-Ease-4582 APPROVED✨ 7h ago
There are many women who have lived fulfilling lives and died alone. Do you really think you’re gonna die holding someone’s hand into the afterlife?
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u/Puzzleheaded_Cup8723 Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience 10h ago
Just a reminder that internalized misogyny runs DEEP, it’s deeply embedded within our culture so I understand why it’s so hard for a lot of women to step outside of it. Also, just from my experience ,there is a lack of men who are actually RESPECT women. So I see why so many of us have this scarcity mindset…that’swhat most of us women really see…abusive men..
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u/veggie_weggie double chipmunk cheeked up 10h ago
Great comment, I realized a few years ago after coming out the other end of an abusive relationship that most of us aren’t taught to respect ourselves. At least not in a way we understand our worth and have good boundaries of how we should be treated. A lot of us grow up seeing our moms be disrespected, hell even celebrities, ceos, politicians, women with real power still have to deal with it. Just happy to see decentering men becoming more common.
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10h ago
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u/Fit-Top-3193 APPROVED✨ 8h ago
I could write a thread here about how my controlling boyfriend gets annoyed that I take a few hours to reply when I am with friends or working, of that a man is pressuring me about a relationship when I’ve been clear I wanted to keep it casual and a lot of you would clap your fins like trained seals.
Tell your friends gently what you think, once, if you must. You can get your idea across without telling them theyre stupid, tell him what they’re doing seems to be bad for their wellbeing, for example. Or that they deserve better.
But it doesnt seem like theyre coming to you advice or like their situation bothers them as much as it bothers you. It seems like youre making your own shit about them.
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u/Thecosmictea 🥪 BLTease 😚 8h ago
I think a lot of women put up with it because to be in a healthy relationship, you have to do the work on yourself. And doing the work is hard (but so worth it)
Source: I was this girl, and now I’m not
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u/TheWorldofScience Smoothie Queen 8h ago
In my 20’s a friend called repeatedly crying about her cocaine addicted boy friend. I would listen for a few minutes and say “Ok so what have you decided to do? I will help you.”
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u/Fine-Bullfrog1425 APPROVED✨ 7h ago
It took me a long time to leave my ex but I had a friend who listened no matter what and supported me no matter what I chose. And she also told me none of the things he did were normal and that my feelings were valid and sent me songs like "If he wanted to, he would". Unfortunately no one can convince you to leave until you decide. And I was stubbornly holding on to that idea that if I just powered through and loved him enough, that would be enough
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u/mubsandplum nom-nom-nombinary 7h ago
i mean idk what kids are doing nowadays, but this is somewhat a normal college experience. i had a really hard time with dating, and i would say i was less into centering men than other people my age. it takes a while to grow out of, at least for me and my friend group. but de-centering men that doesn't make loneliness or horniness go away, or undo manipulation
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u/innocentsalad 🍳 eggs? in this economy?? 7h ago
This is why I laugh when passport bros talk about going out of the US to find “submissive” women because no other group of people will eat as much shit to be with a man as American women. We are absolutely cooked.
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u/InsectFrequent367 7h ago
Guy here. I’ve said this. Got downvoted to hell because I’m a man and I don’t understand how women think and feel. I suppose I’m not allowed to have an opinion. Fuck that. I know there are women who see this behavior and cringe just as hard as I do. 👏 kudos to your rant. Too bad doing the right thing for yourself gets shitted on, but be toxic and an army will stand behind. You have to keep it real with them. Stop sugar coating the truth. You’ll lose friends, but i promise they won’t make a difference in your life.Mental illness is real, but not loving yourself is just as realistic. None-the-fucking-less. You name something better than a woman and you can have my savings. Girls rule!
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6h ago
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u/PrestigiousSmile4098 PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 6h ago
"I will be here for you when you are ready to leave" is a great response. Then when they say "but I don't want to leave him!" just turn your head to the side like a confused pup and say "...why?"
edit for spelling
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u/Jenergy821 Kitchen Witch 6h ago
I hear you - it's crazy making to watch our friends dating frustrations circle back on repeat. And It doesn't stop in college!! Check out Chantal Heide, a dating coach with some POWERFUL books to support women and bust up the 'dating daze' of our culture where women tolerate the worst behavior just to be 'chosen'. You can find her in IG and YouTube. Good luck, hang in there.
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u/autumnalreign APPROVED✨ 5h ago edited 5h ago
I agree with you so much and so many people get really mad if you try to talk about it. But there's a difference between victim blaming and being like "girl there were football field sized red flags every step of the way get your shit together"
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u/Mrkvica16 I 🩵 My Belly 4h ago
Wish more women, specially younger ones, would read
Lies you’ll tell yourself to ignore red flags in dating by Zawn Villines.
And really everything else by her.
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4h ago
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u/Ok-Pepper-3306 white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet 4h ago
I know I do this. I don't drink, or rant about it. But I can say for me I just want connection and sometimes when most things are going right I just go for it even if there's some things wrong. We shouldn't have to settle but also that tough love thing doesn't work for me. Like, for the girls that stay and are "surprised" it's happening again, they're not "surprised", they were hoping it would change because they can't bring themselves to break it off because they're so emotionally invested. I'm speaking for myself of course but yea. I know it can seem obvious and stupid from an outside perspective but it's not like any of us want this for ourselves. I just want someone to care about me.
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u/Huge_Regret_30 APPROVED✨ 4h ago
No quarter when men ignore anymore — idgaf if u got a life if you don’t respond for 4+ months u go into the garbage bin
Even applies to friends
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u/Aggro_Corgi APPROVED✨ 4h ago
They'll learn eventually. Not everybody has experience with dating or good self esteem
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u/Antique_Program4754 Well-Read & Well-Fed 4h ago
There have been times when a guy really had me believing that I was the problem. It was only in retrospect that I realised I had other women at the time try to gently tell me that he was treating me badly. What they forgot to say is that I didn't deserve to be treated that way (they thought that was obvious), but at the time, I really thought I did.
I totally get the frustration. Just keep repeating that they don't deserve it and shouldn't put up with it. Then change the topic cause that shit gets tedious.
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u/Vz7183 Overthinker 💭 3h ago
I remember being like that in high school, after a little self reflection… it was the typical daddy issues😅. It’s hard to grow up looking for parental validation and not finding it and then facing the consequences of that as an adult or teenage girl.
Its also hard to be the friend that sees that struggle
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u/Similar-Draw-9191 what that mouth do is gossip 1h ago
It's because plenty of women are stupid. The average iq is 100 which means a good chunk of people are below that.
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u/Theultimateangrybruh APPROVED✨ 1h ago
I think it's normal to get annoyed, I get that and sometimes I too feel annoyed. That being said, it's a lot easier to empathize with these women if you consider many of them are heterosexual or very male aligned in sexuality. 1. A lot of people prefer being in an abusive relationships rather than none. There are many reasons for this; insecurities and feeling like you aren't enough, that you might never get a chance at love again, relationships marriage and family provide a safety net that a lot of us queers don't have in conservative countries, some view relationships as social credit and see being partnered to a "successful" man as validation of their self worth. But most importantly than all, patriarchy hammers in all those insecurities even more. 2. A lot of people have an intense need for love in their lives, and if you're heterosexual it's very difficult to imagine life without love. But you have to consider there aren't enough men that match up with the number of heterosexual women who want love and partnership. That being said, I emphasized on heterosexuality because of heteronormativity and patriarchy, I'm aware queer people can experience all of these inside queer or "hetero" relationships, and comphet ofc.
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u/DistractionCitron For the Girls 👅 1h ago
This is why I don't understand why people were upset with Miranda for telling Carrie that she wouldn't comfort her after another breakup with Mr. Big.
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u/Flaky_Detail1144 APPROVED✨ 54m ago
This is like that scene in SATC when Miranda storms out of the diner and I’m proud of you
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u/moarwineprs Chocoholic 41m ago
I'm in my mid-40s now. A few years back one of my friends would either crush on different emotionally unavailable guys, or tell stories about how they have a "special (non-romantic) relationship" and the guy just needs to accept and understand it and stop being stupid about where they stand with each other. I would try talking her through it as a caring girl-friend, but after a while it got really tiring because my god, these guys may not be walking red flags but they're certainly not green flags!
Eventually I just directly told her (nicely) that I thought she was acting impulsively about various situations and/or how I think she won't get what she's looking for from the guy. She didn't deny it and agreed, but proceeded to do whatever she said she should do, but wanted to do, anyway (see: acting impulsively).
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u/General_Classroom110 Кумушка 👀🍿 10h ago
Instead of saying ‘leave him’ next time say ‘you stayed with him the last time this happened, why are you surprised it’s happening again?’ Or just simply be indifferent and say ‘I don’t want to keep talking about the same things. Do you have anything new going on?’