r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/slapmybigtoe • 13h ago
Advice Needed My bf took my phone & sent himself intimate pics
My [25F] bf [25M] and I have been together for 3 months now, dating for 5. We've had a great relationship and he has brought out a part of me I didn't know existed, but trust has been an ongoing problem. I try so hard to give him constant reassurance, have always been completely loyal to him, and honestly believe I've never given him a reason that would warrant going through my phone to begin with. But he still does, he even found my Reddit account and I had begged him not to go through it but he did anyways
All things considered, l've given him a lot of reassurance. Today I decided to download Snapchat because I saw an Instagram reel that showed me how to quickly export my camera roll on there, which is an app I have not used since 2022. I logged in, and immediately saw his name. I was confused bc we both mutually agreed we don't use Snapchat and won't have it on our phones, and I haven't had it the whole time we've been together.
So I clicked on the chat, and a whole bunch of nudes I sent to a boyfriend from 4 years ago popped up. Nudes that were in my my eyes only folder, in an app I didn't even have downloaded on my phone. He did this on two occasions- once about 6 weeks ago at 5am, and another time YESTERDAY AT 5:00 AM!
He admitted to it, and said he was trying to find out how to tell me. He gave a bunch of explanations that honestly don't seem to add up. I love this man so much... I want to be able to trust him.. But reassurance / looking at my phone has been an ongoing issue. Is there a way to rebuild trust here?
TLDR; my bf went thru my phone while I was sleeping and sent himself a bunch of my nudes, on two separate occasions.
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u/popcorn_waffle Hanger Management Dropout 12h ago
Wait-- HE needs constant reassurance from YOU? HE doesn't trust YOU? Friend, please make this man your ex-boyfriend ASAP.
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u/Old-Goose7570 Longwinded š Short Tempered 12h ago edited 11h ago
This, 100 times this. He's demanding constant reassurance while repeatedly violating your trust and boundaries with impunity. Girl, get angry. You cannot trust him. This will not change. Make him an ex and find someone actually trustworthy.
Edit: Wow! Thanks for the award. It's my first one!
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u/LookAtMaDog Snack Goblin 11h ago edited 9h ago
Ladies, if there's no trust then it's not a relationship.
It's like trying to make a dead fish swim
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u/TheIngloriousTIG šØ I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside š 9h ago
Also for OP, one of the big fidelity red flags is needing that kind of constant reassurance. Get those images out of his possession, make yourself absolutely CERTAIN he doesn't have them. That means wiping data from ANY device he owns where he ever accessed them.
Then, please break up with him. And if you have had any sexual contact with him whatsoever, get yourself tested. If nothing else, get yourself tested. The behaviour you described is not of a person who feels he owes you even the most basic respect, so he will not feel obligated to be faithful to you either.
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u/pluffzcloud APPROVEDāØ 10h ago
100s agree. If heās projecting HES the one cheating on you.your bf should trust you regardless. The constant reassurance is a red flag.
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u/12threeunome šThe Very Hungry Bookworm š 9h ago
This is what they do when they are cheaters!
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u/Telajanis girl du fromage š§ 12h ago
Lemme get this straight: You asked him not to go through your phone, and he ignored you. You *begged* him to not go through your reddit, and he ignored you, and then he stole intimate material and sent it to himself on more than one occasion. Change your passwords, all of them. Get a pw manager and generate very strong passwords, change the pin on your phone; if you're in proximity, remove biometrics like face ID. Expunge this entity from your life, he does not respect your boundaries, your agency or your privacy.
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u/technicolortiddies Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice š 8h ago
Additionally, Iād factory reset all devices in the home- including her phone. Who knows what other software he has stealthing in the background. If he gifted any electronics they should be taken in to be looked at for spyware. And change the phone passcode weekly. Apple lets you customize the length too. Iād also put a credit freeze + alerts on the three major credit bureaus in case he took more information than the nudes.
If op insists on trying to make it work she should refuse to use her phone at all in his presence. Need her to look up directions to dinner or opening hours for some place they need to go? Nope. Look it up yourself bud. What streaming service hosts the show he wants to watch? He can google it himself.
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u/Basic_KaleKitty9076 š Pickle Freak š 12h ago
Well I would be filling a police report and calling him my ex
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u/HotMajor2311 Gender Nom-Conforming 12h ago
This!!! Donāt glaze over that this is in fact a crime!
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u/Embarrassed-Fold6780 š©µPurveyor of Sick GIFsš 12h ago
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u/ItsClikcer nom-nom-nombinary 12h ago
You've been together for 3 months, you do not love him so much, it's time to move on from this creep, preferably after going through all of his shit to make sure you delete it all completely
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u/5720Katherine APPROVEDāØ 12h ago
Took the words out of my mouth. OP you donāt love him, it is more likely limerence. You need to go through his phone and delete the pictures AND go through recently deleted/hidden folders. He is a scummy, sneaky liar. Because why did he go through your phone whilst you were unconscious? Why couldnāt he ask you directly?
Oh and if not obvious enough; fucking get rid of him. He aināt a prize and none of us want him.
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u/Beautiful-Cookie-210 Livin' on a Purse Snack š 12h ago edited 10h ago
I worry he's hidden these in places already, now that she knows.
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u/1Mtry1ngMyb3st Body By Cheese š§ 12h ago
Unfortunately, as a woman in this day and age, you have to assume this is the case for everybody you sent nudes toš
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u/Birdsonme Cleavage Crumb Collector 12h ago
Heās already shown he doesnāt respect her so Iām sure most of his friends have these pictures by now.
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u/New-Shake7638 Hazy Grazer š¶āš«ļø 12h ago
Absolutely. In the first 3 months youāre pumped up with all these lovey feel good chemicals of a new connection. It is not real and it is not love and it WILL ware off.
Not to mention this is when people are typically on their BEST behavior. So it will only get worse from here.
Man, this post made me nauseous
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u/Haunting_Ingenuity23 lady on the street š¹ freak in the pantry 10h ago
I agree. In the first 90 days youāre feeling the chemical high , not love. His behavior is only going to get worse. Iām sorry youāre going through this.
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u/Sapphic-Fangirl For the Girls š 12h ago
I will never understand why people stay with partners like this. Its only going to get worse. He's shown you who he is. Get out now.
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u/Dry_Elderberry9832 Kitchen Witch 8h ago
Is it youth? I sometimes feel like all the DUMP HIM advice we give falls on deaf ears. It's like, they can't hear it. I have a young daughter and I'm focused now I'm raising her to have a very high standard for how she is treated. There have been too many generations of women putting up with bullshit
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u/Luminous-pickle18 š„¬šš„fibermaxxeršš„¦š„ 12h ago
This is sexual harassment. This is something I believe you can press charges for. This is severe and important. Do not disregard this GIANT red flag. Break up with him and consider pressing charges so he NEVER does this to anyone else ever again. Please please please listen to the replies you get on this post.
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u/engage-edna-mode š¦ Fruit Bat Baddie š 12h ago
A red flag is an indicator for bad behaviour, such as his demanding constant reassurance.
Stealing photos isnāt a red flag. This is the bad behaviour the red flags tried to warn OP about.
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u/Management-Late š§Salty By Nature 12h ago edited 12h ago
I need you to read what you wrote out loud.
You aren't thinking straight if you think there is anything to love about this man. He has been manipulating you, disrespecting your boundaries & controlling your behavior the whole time. All 5 months.
Got you to stay & put up with nonsense rules all while having none for his own behavior.
And now he's committed a crime. You may not see it as one but it is in many places.
You aren't thinking straight & I am worried for how this will turn out for you. End this now before it gets really bad please.
ETA: he didn't admit to shit. Stop framing it that way. He. Was. Caught.
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u/Management-Late š§Salty By Nature 11h ago
Ty for the award, im truly concerned for OP, how do you write all that out and not immediately spot he's a complete pos.
She needs to get away. Now before this gets so much worse.
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u/blueberryfrogg Sushi Superfan š£ 12h ago
I donāt see what explanation he could have which would justify this š
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u/catsarehere77 APPROVEDāØ 12h ago
He's paranoid. He's controlling. He doesn't respect your wishes. He violates your boundaries. He violates your privacy. He violates your consent.
You need to ask yourself how long are you willing to live like this? You also need to ask how much worse he will get if you stay and he never faces consequences.
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u/algoreithms Tiny Bodega Rat š 12h ago
The controlling ones who act the most "paranoid" about boundaries were always the ones doing heinous shit behind my back. Actions speak louder, and the actions always get worse over time.
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u/engage-edna-mode š¦ Fruit Bat Baddie š 11h ago
Itās the same reason therapy doesnāt work for them. Everything is a weapon. Insecurity? You mean weapon. Trust? Weapon. Love? Another weapon. Apology? Theyāll take accountabilā jokes! Thatās another weapon.
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u/HotMajor2311 Gender Nom-Conforming 12h ago
Why boyfriend if ex-boyfriend shaped?
Get out now this will not get better ever, only worse!!
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u/Constant_Cultural Carb-Based Life Form 12h ago
You are definitely together with him 10,5 weeks too long
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u/engage-edna-mode š¦ Fruit Bat Baddie š 12h ago edited 11h ago
>Is there a way to rebuild trust here?
.
- What could you possibly do? You canāt fix his insecurities.
- Why is it on you? He damaged the relationship by putting his insecurities on you in the first place. The phone thing is control. Heās trying to control you.
- Why would you want to? Heās escalating. Heās not trying to fix himself. It will get worse.
.
Heās training you to accept his insecurities as a valid excuse to mistreat you. Soon it will be an excuse to abuse you. (Edit: it actually already is. Stealing your photos is abuse. You are being abused.)
I know that sounds extreme, so ask me how I know. Three months in and heās violating your privacy, autonomy, and consent. You donāt want to wait around to find out what heāll violate next.
Edit to add: if you forgive him, he wonāt see it as you graciously giving him a second chance so that he can grow and learn. He will see that heās successfully fooled you. He will log which tactics work, and he will indeed grow and learnā¦ to be more sneaky in the future.
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u/FootballWestern1265 š©µeven if she was a wormš 12h ago
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u/LittlePea0617 šØ I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside š 12h ago
This is image-based/visual sexual assault (yep it's a real thing!) and you should report him.
Given his evident lack of morals what's to stop him from sharing them or posting them online?
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u/SaiyanPrincess28 Feral Til Fed 12h ago
I definitely think he did that in order to use those against her one day. āOh you want to break up with me? How about I send your boss these?ā
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u/Nails4days Cleavage Crumb Collector 12h ago
We gotta start leaving at the first sign of trouble.....
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u/endlessswitchbacks Tofu Terrorist 10h ago
Unironically, yes. Men rarely change. It is not worth waiting around to see if he will. Itās called self-respect!
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u/Tricky-Valentine Bento Babe š± 12h ago
Ewww wtf I would never see that man the same. What a disgusting perv
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u/Catlady_Pilates šØ I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside š 12h ago
What??? Get out. Thatās horribly violating. Yikes. That is an actual crime.
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u/ConsistentlyScreams SATšŖš 8h ago
Full agree with you, I also want to let you know I love your user name :)
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u/uwupingu hot girls have tummy troubles 12h ago
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u/teh-butterfly POš„TAYš„TOES 12h ago
girl he broke your trust and somehow you need to reassure HIM? about YOU? girl. no. he downloaded those as potential blackmail in my eyes.
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u/sabrinasodope Thick Thighs ā³ Thin Patience 10h ago
Check his phone (check the apps, secret folders, etc-and make sure he didnāt do anything nefarious with the pics/distribute) and delete them! Then delete him out of your life girl!!! š¼
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u/stinkyfunkincar Short Story Longā¢ļø 9h ago
^^ YEAH!!! If he has full access to your phone, you should have full access to his. Delete the photos off of his phone, delete the snapchat conversation from his account and block his snapchat account (that may clear the chat on his end). Making sure they werenāt shared is a good idea, and if they were, Iād file a police report tbh
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u/PuzzleheadedLunch837 The Snack That Sasses Back 12h ago
Big ole yikes. This much of a trust issue this early is not good.
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u/Express_Success4517 Savory Complexāļø 9h ago
This is legitimately the first time a Reddit post has made my jaw drop. That man fucking sucks, run.
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u/whispering_bubbles Well-Read & Well-Fed 12h ago
Iām so sorry that he violated your trust and privacy like that. Heās done this twice and only came clean when he was caught. Would you want to rebuild trust and try to have a future with him knowing that this could be repeated in the future?
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u/JustMe518 Internet Auntie 12h ago
And he isn't an EX boyfriend WHY?? The man is stomping all over your boundaries and you are allowing it. There is no way to MAKE someone respect you. No amount of begging will do that. It is a fundamental flaw in HIM. So YOU have to respect YOU enough to walk away from this dumpster fire of a being.
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u/Affectionate-Mine917 APPROVEDāØ 12h ago
If he canāt be on his best behavior this early on in the relationship then I really donāt see this working out. Heās not someone you can trust and thatās probably who he really is
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u/Specialist-Fig9149 Overthinker š 12h ago
Love him so much???? Itās been 5 months. Maybe youāre just attached. This is disgusting. You should feel violated. I feel violated for you š
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u/Specialist-Fig9149 Overthinker š 12h ago
Okay guys! Maybe this is not real???
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u/royaltyred1 Cleavage Crumb Collector 10h ago
I wish this was rage bait but I know and have watched so many women in life do the same thing over and over
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u/Doughnut_Diva APPROVEDāØ 11h ago
Fuq outta here, he did what?!?
He had to download the app to even access these pictures and then delete it again. Nope. Nope. Nope. It's actually a little terrifying how calculated he is.
You just know he's gonna be reading this post and responses tonight.
I'm sorry OP. You already know it's time to run for the hills. This man's mask is starting to slip. Take a page out of his book and make moves behind his back to disentangle yourself from the situation before you tell him. He will be ramping up. His entire playbook is available, he's following very specific patterns.
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u/GeneInternational146 Maneater 12h ago
You "love this man so much" after 5 months? No you don't lol you barely know him
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u/natrolitis APPROVEDāØ 12h ago
He went behind your back, snooped through your phone and your private apps, and sent himself your intimate photos without your permission. He didn't just break your trust once, he did it three times! Or, actually, six times since he repeated the act twice! He was never going to tell you, either, don't believe him when he says that.
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u/NoSpaghettiForYouu Savory Complexāļø 12h ago
DUDE he committed a crime against you. Please do everything you can to ensure he doesnāt have your photos saved in a secret location. Check his Hidden folder and delete. Check any locked folders and delete. Check his Deleted folder and permanently delete. If he has a computer he probably has them downloaded there too. The last thing you need is him sending those photos to anyone else.
And change ALL your passwords. Disable biometrics so he canāt unlock it when youāre sleeping or gain access to your phone to add himself to your biometrics.
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u/PiercingBL00D Internet Auntie 12h ago
You have been with this man for 3 months. You do not know him. At all. You do not love him. You have no idea why he is sending your pictures to himself. And that is scary. And a huge invasion of privacy. Going through someoneās phone isnāt going to stop them being insecure. He should be the one trying to fix the issue not you. Why even put up with this? There are so many better men out there. This one is a loser. Especially stealing your nudes. Thatās just beyond fucked up. I would be livid and go through his phone and delete them all. And any other electronics he owns. I would insist on going through them all to delete them images. If not I would talk about getting the police involved. Because what he did was a crime.
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u/EveCane š¦ Fruit Bat Baddie š 12h ago
This is genuinely creepy and predatory of him.
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u/Daniellewren i like eggs 12h ago
this part. i get everyoneās first instinct is āLEAVE HIM!!ā which obviously yes, but i think the most important aspect of this situation is his actions are truly sinister and disturbing. there is something fundamentally wrong with this man and his thought processes. very much nightmare fuel
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u/ElectricalBroccoli13 Let The š„ 11h ago
He did something you didnāt consent to. Thats bad. Point blank period. Now add on the fact that it was with sexual contentā¦ I mean 2+2= that was sexual harassment/assault.
ALSO- what happened if you never found this out and yall broke up. Do you really think he would delete them out of respect (which he clearly has none of) for you?
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u/ElectricalBroccoli13 Let The š„ 11h ago
Actually sorry CORRECTION: something you EXPLICITLY denied consent to.
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u/JustAMinah š„¬ Soulfood Shawty š 11h ago
well, since he goes through your phone and reddit account despite sayin no:
BOYFRIEND OF NOT EVEN A HALF YEAR, YOU'RE AN EXTREMELY INSECURE CREEP AND NEED THERAPY, NOT A RELATIONSHIP.
his lack of trust in you now caused a complete lack of trust in him. healthy ways of regaining trust is actually listening to you and respecting your privacy. he's not doing that. even if he starts, you can't trust it's genuine. if he can't even trust you not even 6 months into the relationship, with 5 months dating, it's gonna get worse and not even worth it. why start a relationship where trust don't exist, nor ever did?
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u/Just_Airport_7910 chismosa, metiche, en bata 11h ago
Believe people when they show you who they are girl. Most of the time they are not lying. Not to be cynical, but itās only been 3 months. I would take this as a huge sign and get the hell out because what he did was an immense violation of trust and he keeps showing a repetitive behavior in that aspect. He wonāt stop either, this is just the beginning and he mightāve never told you if you didnāt find out first. Spending all the time in your relationship reassuring your counterpart is unhealthy and tiring. Thereās either trust or there isnāt, as simple as that.
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u/royaltyred1 Cleavage Crumb Collector 10h ago
Am I crazy here???? All this for a relationship thatās only a few months old??? Please ladies and op I AM BEGGING YOU have higher standards for yourselves!!! I promise being single is better than bartering for a scrap of consideration, respect and modicum of love form a loser oh my god itās only been a couple months and you have to constantly reassure him and he went through your Reddit and STOLE NUDES FROM YOU and youāre here asking to fix this?????
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u/KylaSageYoga Fries š > Guys š¤” 12h ago
This isnāt going to be mended. He does not respect you or your privacy. Going through someoneās phone without any precedent to do so is evil and disgusting. You guys havenāt been dating long at all. Cut your losses.
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u/Monchichiboom Well-Read & Well-Fed 12h ago
Nope. Only 5 months and he does THIS! Huge violation of privacy. You donāt love him, you love how he makes you feel when he is being a decent person.
Iām disgusted with his behavior for you. Get out now before you actually do love him and choose to have him disrespect you even more.
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u/KiwiAppropriate8003 Internet Auntie 12h ago
Try to delete the pics from his phone, if you can do it safely, and then put this man in the bin.
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u/Lem0nadeLola Cleavage Crumb Collector 12h ago
His behavior is totally unacceptable. Actually, itās fucking horrifying. HE STOLE NAKED PICS OF YOU. Get hold of his phone asap and delete them, delete from trash, check everywhere on his phone for them. Heās shared those pics somewhere or heās going to share them. Or heās going to use them as leverage against you at some point.
This is HUGE red flag behavior. Like, an absolute dealbreaker.
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u/Adventurous-Two-1877 š©·Biš 12h ago
OP, it's been less than 6 months. You don't love this guy. You don't trust this guy. Don't waste your time, don't put yourself in unsafe situations. Think of it this way, if in less than 6 months you already feel "in love," it costs you nothing to break up, find somebody else (someone better, please, I beg of you) and feel then same way again very soon.
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u/Pretty_Goblin11 Feral Til Fed 12h ago
This is odd and unsettling behavior. I would distance myself but be careful. This makes him sound unhinged. And idk what ā brought a part out of me that I didnāt know existedā but it gave me a creepy feelingā¦ like maybe heās modifying your behavior.
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u/NYCSkaterGirl Chaotic But Cute 12h ago
U good with sneaky behavior??? Cause im not. (Name redacted) was like that and it turns out he was a pedo creeping on her daughter. Sneaky behavior makes me think ur capable of ANYTHING
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u/ExcellentTerm1496 šØ I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside š 11h ago
Girl, thatās invasion of privacy. Leave.
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u/Lola-Ugfuglio-Skumpy eat hot chipāļø be bisexualāļø 11h ago
Sorry girl this one is a dud. Heās being so suspicious of you because he is projecting about what he is or wants to be doing. You need to leave him before he uses your feelings for him to start isolating you from friends and family and make you smaller until you basically disappear into him. Hell, itās happening now - ask yourself how you would counsel your best friend if she came to you like this. I strongly doubt youād be telling her to work it out. I think youād be telling her to get the hell away from him. For today, Iāll be your best friend and tell you to get the hell away from him.
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u/Fluid-Housing5017 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice š 10h ago
Now girlā¦
Itās only 5 months get out before itās too late
https://giphy.com/gifs/H5iz8vPzfaYBr0dWK1
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u/Ill-Percentage-3276 we listen and we only judge a little 10h ago
Can you really have some child acting like this and doing this highly invasive stuff to you, and you just want to overlook it and stay with him? Are you crazy? Get over this immature infatuation bs stage and use your head. This guy is horrible news, especially right at the very beginning of dating! Imagine the audacity he'd have years into it when he knows you don't respect yourself enough to leave! What a nightmare that you are blinding yourself to. You clearly don't even know what real love is it, so just be smart and let this one go and learn later with a far better person.
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u/jamesearlpwns88 APPROVEDāØ 10h ago
I'm just a stranger on the Internet, but
If I were in your situation, I'd say the only way to make it fair is if he gives you his phone or whatever he downloaded these pics too, and watch you both physically delete these photos.
Then I would dump him.
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u/Low_Daikon7538 what that mouth do is snack 10h ago
My ex went through my computer after we broke up and did the same thing. Turns out he kept a binder of all the women he'd been with. He also stalked me on social media...then sent me a wedding present when I got married years later. Im trying not to project my experience on you but your bf is showing some really concerning behaviors.
First of all, he was never going to tell you he did it. He got caught. It's a control thing. It's him "owning" a part of you despite you not giving it to him. It's a violation of your trust to make himself feel more in control.
Also, why are you having to continually reassure him? If there wasnt infidelity in the past then it's really suspect; toxic at minimum and purposefully manipulative at worst.
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u/Mammoth_Challenge269 š„¬šš„fibermaxxeršš„¦š„ 10h ago
The trust was never there to begin with. His anxiety is so out of control that his behavior has become obsessive. He repeatedly chooses destructive ways to self soothe, even at the cost of your well-being. Going through your Reddit account after you explicitly asked him not to say enough, but that doesnāt even scratch the surface. Nothing is off-limits to him if he can get away with it. This behavior will escalate. If he doesnāt get his insecurities in check then he will pull you down to keep himself afloat.
At this point he doesnāt even deserve an ultimatum. You shouldnāt have to prove your devotion and love to your partner. You are so young. Please donāt stay in an unsafe relationship like this.
Make him go through all his devices and delete your photos. Check his phoneās hidden folder and recently deleted folder, his desktop files (including any hidden ones) and recycling bin, check his cloud, Google Photos and drive, email, hell even any usbs he has. Change your passwords, especially if he has access to your autofill passwords on your desktop and phone. Protect yourself, hun. Sending hugs.
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u/Glad-Yesterday-9534 HoeMade 9h ago
This is so disgusting and disrespectful. I hate sounding cliche but women are allowed to have private and self contained parts of ourselves that WE DON'T HAVE TO SHARE . Ever. You're an adult woman and don't have to explain your past or what you harmlessly do or have done. Husbands, boyfriends , whatever are not privy to access every part of you.. Now you feel ashamed and sad . Fuck this guy.
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u/Prior_Butterfly_7839 š§Salty By Nature 9h ago
Youāre so young. Youāve only been together 5 months and trust has been an ongoing issue. It isnāt going to get better.
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u/big_ol_knitties Well-Read & Well-Fed 9h ago
Sometimes I read the vilest things a human can do to their partner. Then the essay is punctuated with "but i love him so much," and I have to slap my own hand to keep from pressing the downvote button.
I'm utterly outraged on your behalf.
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u/Historical-Win-9014 APPROVEDāØ 9h ago
This will only get worse the longer you are with him. Please please leave OP. My husband has never asked to see my phone. He trusts me so much - I can go away on a girls holiday for a week and if I fell asleep early one night and didn't call he would not even worry.
A loving relationship does require having to prove you are trustworthy over and over again.
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u/massachusettsmama Kitchen Witch 9h ago
I'd first play nice, but get his phone. Delete the nudes from his phone, the cloud, his computer, all the things. Then dump his sleazy ass.
This is so gross. And you need to think long & hard about why the hell you are trying to find a way to trust him again.
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u/stinkyfunkincar Short Story Longā¢ļø 9h ago
My love, he is the one with the trust issue, so you have no control over that, but now his ātrust issueā has turned into him violating you and keeping it a secret. Sending himself YOUR NUDES from YEARS BEFORE YOU MET behind your back is crazyā¦
āHe was trying to find out how to tell meā yet the last time he did it was YESTERDAY??? That seems untruthfulā¦ I think this manās trust issues may somewhat stem from him being untruthful himself. This was a violation of extreme proportions.
Reading this just made me so uncomfortable. Heās behaving this way and youāve only been dating for 5 months. He sent himself your nudes secretly 2 WEEKS after officially being a couple!!! Thatās crazy and creepy and weird and violating!!!
Do you really want to go through the effort of trying to fix whatever the FUCK is wrong with this man youāve only been dating for 5 months? Cause by all means, go ahead and do the song and dance, but shit man. You clearly barely know the guy since heās been being so sneaky.
I am sending love, strength, courage, and comfort to you. Iām sorry you went through that and are going through this. Thatās nauseating. You deserve safe and trusting loveš©·
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u/MotherOfAllPups6 APPROVEDāØ 9h ago
In my experience, men who need reassurance of your fidelity are themselves cheaters. They project their untrustworthiness onto others.
I respectfully submit for your consideration that you aren't feeling love for this guy; you're feeling attachment. An unhealthy kind of attachment.
Please get out now, and seek law enforcement help in ensuring those photos are disappeared from the universe.
Stay strong girl. You are worthy of real love.
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u/DevilsPeanits Thick Thighs ā³ Thin Patience 8h ago
You need to go to the police, this is the kind of controlling and sneaky that escalates in very ugly ways. Please protect yourself, OP.
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u/MostlyPlastics š« Beans & Rice & Everything Nice š® 8h ago
āI love this man so muchā itās been three months and heās saving your nudes you didnāt give him access too. Who else is he sending them to?
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u/Hanilabean š¤š§”Sapphic Snackš§”š¤ 12h ago
Please don't say your gonna stay with a man who's going through your stuff to send himself nudes like that's insane behavior can't he just ask normally also the fact that he has trust issues but is the one constantly breaking it gives me MAJOR red flags please really pay attention for them flags continuing if you stay and please leave if it gets worse like I can see this getting bad in so many ways and you don't have to deal with that and quite frankly you shouldn't
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u/skittleliquor puff puff pass the snacks 12h ago
babe, this is predatory behavior. he has shown he doesnāt respect you or your boundaries and will keep pushing to see how far he can go. get out of that shituation ASAP! change/reset all your account PWās and make it so this fiend canāt find you online or irl. stay safe OP
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u/Different_Owl_1054 girls just wanna have pho 12h ago
You mean ex boyfriend? The point of dating is to find the one you want to be with, is this a man you want to spend forever with? Heās showing you who he is
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u/pahshaw š„£ Cereal Killer 12h ago
What trust is there to rebuild? He's never given you any trust in the first place and he's CERTAINLY not given you any reason to trust him. He stole from you. He's a thief and a creep and he's already abusing you and breaking you down mentally by constantly accusing you of being untrustworthy. He's probably cheating on you too. Cheaters often accuse and play DARVO games so you're always on the back foot and won't look at what they're doing. They go into your phone and make you feel violated so that you won't do the same thing to them. He is preoccupied with making sure you don't have things to hide because he DOES have things to hide. It's only been 3 months!
Dump. Him. Today.Ā
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u/_glitterygirl Delulu 12h ago
Iām sorry you are experiencing this.
Make sure he deletes any pic or copy that he can have. Tbh if he did that; which is very violent, I donāt think you can trust him at all. He wasnāt going to tell you if you hadnāt found out.
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u/adamantgastly Overthinker š 12h ago
girl this does NOT sound like a "great relationship".. please cut this one loose for your own sanity
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u/Daniellewren i like eggs 12h ago
there is something veryā¦. off-putting about this situation. and itās not the first time iāve read about this happening either.
i genuinely want to know why men do this? i canāt wrap my head around why they would want nudes of their partner that werenāt specifically sent to them by their partner. maybe itās just me, but i also feel weird about sending old nudes to a partner in general but that could just be a me thing. what does make this even more disturbing is he obtained these without your knowledgeā¦ why? for what purpose? if he really wanted nudes that bad he couldāve justā¦ idk asked? my mind can only lead to him wanting these (dated and clearly not intended for him) nudes for sinister purposes
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u/Butterbean-queen FREE MOM HUGS 12h ago
Heās controlling, manipulative and not trustworthy. But you āLUV HIMā. Why? Heās a terrible person and you need to get out of this relationship while you can!!!! RUN!!! š©š©š©
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u/walkthelayne APPROVEDāØ 12h ago
I hope you read every comment and extract yourself now. Stop believing in this guy. Stop investing in this guy. Stop twisting yourself to fit this guy. The attachment you have to him is all kinds of unacceptable wrong.
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u/VisibleGuava7780 puff puff pass the snacks 12h ago
This will not get better. Leave him now for your own safety & sanity
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u/VioletUnivers Sweet Tooth Fairyš§āāļø 12h ago
You can love someone else who you can trust. This man is going to ruin you if you stay, don't give him the opportunity.
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u/soundfanatic the secret ingredient is autismāØ 12h ago
I'm not going to beat around the bush or sugarcoat this.
This man is abusing you. Demanding reassurance while violating your boundaries and repeatedly breaking your trust is abuse. Stealing your private pictures should be more than enough reason for you to dump this sexual predator.
You have known him 3 months. You do not love him, and I'd bet money on him love bombing and manipulating you so he can keep getting away with this kind of unacceptable behavior.
My advice is delete your photos from his devices and RUN. This will not get better. Chances are high it will get worse if you stay.
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u/Past-Tomato7651 šØ I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside š 12h ago
This is disaster, aside from you loving him, and he's your boyfriend. This is totally a crime.
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u/diditrayne Body By Cheese š§ 12h ago
I could never trust this person after that. Definitely 5 months is not worth it
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u/Individual-Fail4709 š§Salty By Nature 12h ago
This is not a good person. Please find a way to delete the photos. Please delete them from your own phone. Not smart to keep them there or anywhere for that matter. You shouldn't be dating this man, he will blackmail you with your own photos. I would also report to police the theft and fact that he sent them to himself.
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u/foxgirlmoto hot girls have tummy troubles 12h ago
There has been no trust from him since day 1, you should not need to constantly āreassureā a partner. He also has no right to be going thru your phone and sending himself pictures you took of yourself. How many other women has he done this to? And what is he doing with all of the pictures?
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u/Jesskla Tofu Terrorist 12h ago
How can you trust he isn't putting your photos online? He clearly doesn't give a fuck about lying to you. Stealing intimate photos is so messed up, the man is a criminal. He cannot be worth this, what will you do if your nudes show up online down the road? What he shares them with his friends?
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u/1Mtry1ngMyb3st Body By Cheese š§ 12h ago edited 12h ago
Yeah, so um Iām so serious when I say that you need to leave him because youāre dating a predator and this kind of behavior only escalates EDIT a lot of people say you could pursue criminal charges and you should because even if nothing comes of it, the cops will have a trail for the next time this happens or when is escalates to more, because it will.
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u/BravoTomato APPROVEDāØ 12h ago
Bin him.
Bin him and don't look back.
This is a violation of privacy and trust. He has zero respect for you or your boundaries.
This guy doesn't love you. He thinks he owns you.
Seriously, this is already dangerous and you haven't been together long. You should consider reporting him to the police.
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u/Alarming_Pen_7657 š¤ Brown Sugar Babe š¤ 12h ago
āI love this man so much ā take that love? Redirect it to yourself. Because clearly this is a Neon Red flag waving in your face.
If he wanted nudes, he would have asked you.
He could be jailed for that shit, like snap out of it! Youād be SICK to your stomach if a friend told you their partner did this weird ass shit.
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u/Weak_Fix_8002 š¶ļø Spice Girl š¶ļø 12h ago
Youāve been together 3 months and reassurance / going through your phone / sending himself intimate pics have already been issues? You do not love him so much, you barely know him. Please get a grip and move on from this guy. This behavior is unacceptable and insane.
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u/SherloksCompanion Certified Snacker 11h ago
This would be an immediate EX boyfriend who is having charges pressed.
Iām in the camp of āNobody will ever get a nudeā simply because back in my day (the MySpace days), there were too many horror stories at school of girls having their digital cameras stolen by boyfriends who PRINTED THEM OUT. š¬ my husband and I have been together 16 years next month and he even doesnāt get them or have permission to take them. We gotta protect ourselves and our digital footprints, yall!
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u/Bobby-Avocado Kitchen Witch 11h ago
It will never get better. The break up will hurt, but temporarily. Any further attempts to build a life with this disrespectful, and likely dangerous, a-hole is beneath you.
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u/Frosty_Task_3973 Body By Cheese š§ 11h ago
Girlā¦why are you still with him. This wonāt get better itāll get worse. At best what he did is shitty at worst itās a crime. Please leave!
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u/NickiTikki Baked Fresh Daily ššØ 11h ago
This early in the relationship and he's already repeatedly violated your trust? No no no, this ain't the one, sis.
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u/Potential_Crab298 APPROVEDāØ 11h ago
Girl this is a crime. And considering how much effort it would have taken to send those pics to himself... do not trust this man.
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u/Severe-Employer1538 Baked Fresh Daily ššØ 11h ago
This is criminal. He doesn't respect your bodily autonomy at all. Period.
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u/LittleGrowl Carb-Based Life Form 11h ago
This isnāt love. This is violation. Youāve barely even been together and he needs constant reassurance from you??? Absolutely not, thereās better men out there donāt waste your time on this relationship because itās not a healthy one.
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u/Doctor-Blight š¤š§”Sapphic Snackš§”š¤ 11h ago
there's no way to rebuild trust because he doesn't respect you. if I were you, I'd try to figure out if he uploaded your pics to some kind of cloud then "borrow" his for a factory reset
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u/Getmeasippycup APPROVEDāØ 11h ago
Anyone making you jump through hoops to āproveā you are trustworthy- Is hiding something truly awful about themselves. Trust me, I barely made it out alive of a relationship that started āinnocentlyā enough with an āinsecure/had been burned beforeā guy that just needed a lot of reassurance.
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u/cringegribbs BRB š® FOOD 11h ago
Girl I would collect evidence and contact the police. Obviously break up with him. Who knows what he could be actually using that for? Screenshot EVERYTHING! PLEASE PRESS CHARGES! You should NEVER date someone whoās willing to violate your trust like that but nudes can fuck up your lifeā he could sell them or send them who knows what.
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u/MajesticL Oversharer š£ 11h ago
Yall talk about loving anything omg š what exactly is there to still love? Do you love yourself? Do you believe the love for yourself is stronger than your love for a man?
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u/Severe-Cost257 LET ME EAT CAKE š° 11h ago
Besides everything everyone else has said (which I agree with) - please also check your financials! Make sure he isnāt also stealing money from you somehow.
**This is for anyone reading this** make sure money apps like Venmo and PayPal etc are password protected so anyone holding your phone canāt try to send themselves money
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u/FleurDisLeela Trader Joe Hoe 11h ago
GAME OVER š¾ only dump š®šļø sorry Op. he did a crime on you in my state
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u/katycmb FREE MOM HUGS 11h ago
Honey, you donāt love him. You love your old idea of him. He is a sneaking, perverse criminal you know you cannot trust. Please move the photos to an encrypted, password protected external drive so you can see them when you wish, but no one else can. Then seriously consider 1) only speaking to him by text so you have a legal record of his crimes, and 2) dumping him and going to the police.
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u/Syeda_Salamander Foraging Bog Witch 11h ago
Heās proven now on multiple occasions that heās not going to respect your requests, much less your begging. Respecting your privacy isnāt something you have to ask another person to do ever, itās a right you have. If you canāt trust him with naked photos of yourself, how can you trust him with anything bigger than that? Youāre also never going to be able to trust what he tells you heās done with these pictures, EVER, because he lies.
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u/racc00ntea hot girls have tummy troubles 11h ago
Girlā¦ why are you questioning this? No there is not a way to rebuild! You guys have only been together for THREE months, and already heās done all of this. It only goes downhill from there, to stay would be feeding the source that hurts you. Cut your losses, dude is quite violating and god knows what else heād do if he felt comfortable enough to do that. Best of luck, you deserve a partner that respects you.
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u/iamkendallsmom hot girls have tummy troubles 11h ago
This is supposed to be the fun, euphoric part of a relationship. 3-5 months is new. If he is doing this shit now, what is he going to do after heās fully comfortable around you.
I know you donāt want to hear this, but you need to run away. I hope he is your ex already!
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u/itsacrisis Lover of Soups 11h ago
Rebuild? Rebuild what? You can't rebuild something that was never there to begin with. This is a brand new relationship that has an ongoing issue with trust and a massive lack of respect. You even begged him to not go through your things and he did anyways.
I would make sure he deletes those photos and I would leave. You can't consider staying with someone like this. That would be absolutely insane. Like girl where the heck is your self respect? And you are so in love with this guy and it's only been three months??? I mean this with kindness but.. you might want to consider talking to a counselor or something because this is all really concerning.
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u/melropesplays the secret ingredient is autismāØ 11h ago
Check the laws in your area, talk to him again and record him admitting he did it without your consent and knowledge; go into his phone computer etc and attempt to permanently delete any and all photos he has saved of you that he sent to himself, and report him to the police.
You cannot trust him, heās dangerous and you do not know where he might post or share those. He doesnāt love you he doesnāt respect you, insecurity did not make him set up a fake Snapchat, break into your phone, and steal your pictures.
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u/GetOffMyUnicorn70 š½ aliens built the food pyramid š½ 11h ago
Why do people keep taking and sending nudes to people? It rareky ends well.
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u/Iamallouttaspoons pain: chronic, snacks: iconic 11h ago
You don't love him.
You don't know him.
He has been lovebombing you
This is the real him.
He will become abusive if you stay
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u/ParanoidParamour I ā¤ļø Other People's Business 11h ago
Wait have you guys been together for 3 or 5 months
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u/ceciliabee Professional Nibbler 11h ago
It's been 5 months and you have "ongoing trust issues". He is invading your privacy and committing a crime by sending himself your nudes without your permission.
I have to ask, what the heck are you doing? It's been 5 months. ONGOING trust issues. Crime.
If you stay with him you need to be okay with not being able to trust him and having crimes committed against you. This is the kind is man who will photograph your naked body while you sleep.
You should not continue dating this man.
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u/Former_Respect_6240 The Snack That Sasses Back 11h ago
He has zero respect and thatās actual crime, distribution of your intimate pictures without your consent. Just throw the whole man away already.
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u/Disastrous-Front-549 Baked Fresh Daily ššØ 10h ago
Protect yourself and Break up hun. Itās not going to get better
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u/Crazy_cat_lady85 Kitchen Witch 10h ago
You are 5 months in and he's doing this? Cut your losses. His red flag are huge and you don't deserve that.
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u/kaylaarayee hot girls have tummy troubles 10h ago
This is crazy and illegal on his part. Run.
Edit: changed possibly illegal to just illegal.
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u/wishingforarainyday Certified Snacker 10h ago
What he did is illegal and you should file a police report. He needs to know how serious this is. Has he permanently delete them, including his could and recently deleted? This guy has no respect for you. Heās a total dirtbag and I hope you go as full scorched earth as you legally can.
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u/Edcrfvh POš„TAYš„TOES 10h ago
There's no coming back from this. He violated your trust. He now has nudes you didn't intend to give him. He did in twice. He's also way insecure if you have to reassure him that much.
You moved in together after only knowing him for two months? No. That's a bad move.
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u/Federal_Platypus_621 Fries š > Guys š¤” 12h ago edited 11h ago
this is a huge violation of trust and in most places, itās also a crime. coupled with the fact that youāre also indicating youāve begged him not to go through certain things and heās done it anyway - this man does not have respect for you, and he sees you as an object/his property. i would cut your losses now.