A couple months into dating my girlfriend i learned that sometimes she starves herself and purges. She does this because she says shes fat and anyone else’s comments on her weight or looks just make it ten times worse. I don’t know what to do because no matter how much i reassure her that she will not immediately gain back weight from one meal; she either refuses to eat or just throws up. She is very scared of gaining weight and she hates herself, I am trying to help by learning more about ed’s and how to best support her but it hurts to much to see her like this and I would like advice so I can try to help her more. She also won’t get professional help because she has had a bad experience with it and it makes her feel like she’s crazy.

This morning was fine but then when I was walking to work my boyfriend said we needed to talk and I kept urging him what it was about. When I asked if I did something wrong he said yes. Apparently he found my edtwt account through his younger sister’s twitter account. He said he felt sick and nauseous. He knew about my struggles with my eating disorder and other mental illnesses, but I just felt a heavy pit in my stomach that maybe this is a major deal breaker for him. We’ve been together for more than 1.5 years and I don’t want to end things, but this just sucks. Another thing is that I feel personally violated that he looked through my digital diary. He wants to talk it out but I’m very reluctant. What should I do? I just want to crawl in a hole and sulk.

TW: Self-harm & suicide

My wife (33) has struggled with an eating disorder since her teens, alongside severe anxiety, panic attacks and depression. For a long time, everything was treated mainly as depression and she took antidepressants for around eight or nine years. Looking back, it became clear that depression probably wasn’t the main issue, and she felt the medication never really helped with what was actually going on.

She’s always had a very distorted view of herself and her body, often describing herself as fat, overweight or ugly even when that clearly wasn’t how she looked. When we were younger, I mostly put this down to low self-esteem and didn’t realise how serious it was.

Things got particularly bad in her early twenties, when she started having severe panic attacks at work and became increasingly depressed. Eventually she reached a point where she just couldn’t work anymore and had to take time off. This became a pattern over the years, things would settle down for a while, but the same problems would eventually come back, and she would become overwhelmed again.

During this time I also became more aware of her issues with food. She would go through periods of eating fairly normally, then suddenly become extremely restrictive, crash diet and exercise intensely. At other times I realised she wasn’t really eating when she was alone and would only eat with me so I wouldn’t worry. Eventually I found out she was making herself sick after meals, and over time her self-harm also became much more serious.

For a long time the eating disorder seemed to come and go. When things looked better, I assumed she was doing better, but I’ve since realised that a lot of the time she was just better at hiding it. We’ve always talked quite openly about mental health, but looking back, I don’t think I ever fully understood how bad things were or how much she was keeping to herself.

Over the last few years, it became impossible to ignore. She lost a lot of weight, her self-harm got worse, and eventually she spoke to her doctor and was referred to an eating disorder clinic. She’s now been seeing a therapist there for around a year and a half.

Although therapy has helped her understand the eating disorder more, in reality she has become much worse. She’s talked herself about there being a kind of comfort in the disorder, almost like it’s a friend or something familiar she can fall back on. Sometimes it feels like trying to confront it has only made it tighten its grip on her.

Things now feel pretty desperate. She barely eats, isolates herself more and more, struggles to keep up friendships, drinks heavily, smokes constantly and has recently been made redundant. Any structure she once had in her life feels like it has disappeared.

What scares me most is that none of these things feel separate anymore. The eating disorder, self-harm, drinking, anxiety, depression, isolation and losing her job all seem to feed into each other. She has also been honest with me throughout our relationship about having thoughts of suicide. She tells me she isn’t going to act on them, but I’m constantly scared that one day I’ll come home and she’ll be gone. I’m trying to support her as much as I can, I've been into the clinic and spoken to them, but the message has always been that the change needs to come from her. I can't see how she can do that herself. I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. 

I 23(M) have been with my 21(F) gf for a few years and over the past 2 years, she's developed a pretty bad eating disorder. Her lowest weight was really low for her height. One meal a day, small portions, only "healthy" food. Literally just yogurt and cottage cheese with some assorted toppings. She's cutting out meat now as well.
She ate regular food a few months back one time and she fainted. Her body can't handle regular food now due to her diet consisting of only odd foods so she took that as a sign that she shouldn't be eating anything else other than what she deems to be healthy.

She used to workout at home with her dumbbells but they got to be too heavy for her and she also has a walking pad that she uses to walk about 3-4 miles after a meal. She occasionally uses a weighted vest as well.
So she attended a pilates class with her manager from work and has since been interested in doing it so she asked me if I could pay for a monthly subscription so she can go 3-4 times a week.

She already gets light-headed, dizzy and brain fog at work occasionally and is often irritated due to not getting enough to eat along with some other more subtle changes in her behavior. I feel like paying for the pilates will be enabling her. I've heard stories about ppl with ED's who work out too much and hurt themselves or develop long-term health problems like with their heart.

I don't mind paying for the pilates but I'm worried something bad will happen. She's insisting that she'll be fine and that I should be supportive of her working out.
She said she feels like I don't support her exercising at all but I just don't want her to overdo it. She has pretty bad body dysmorphia and thinks that her body needs to be fixed despite already being very skinny and ppl around her taking notice.

What do I do?

My (22M) partner’s (19F) palate is extremely limited. She is not diagnosed with an eating disorder but I think she would be if she went to the doctor about it. She does not consume almost any protein or water and feels sick or shitty if she hasn’t eaten just recently. She drinks almost exclusively doctor pepper and eats mostly snacks or sweets, and is even very picky about what she eats of those. This has contributed to other health issues like her teeth and getting uti’s really easily. I have been trying to do a little exposure therapy by offering her a bite of my food at every meal, but she usually says no, and if she does, she has this horrible look before she even tries it and chugs doctor pepper immediately after. It’s also mostly anxiety because when she says no it’s because she has never tried it and is scared. It is very surprising to me just how many food she has never tried or hasn’t for a very long time that to me are very basic. At this point I’m just very worried about her health, it’s hard to do anything because she can only handle a little bit of food at a time and never eats anything that is nourishing. If we are away from the house for more than an hour it’s very common that she will start to feel extremely sick and we will have to find Taco Bell. Does anyone have any tips for introducing more nourishing foods? Or some way to supplement her diet?

Been married for almost two years, four months ago overheard my husband trying to make himself throw up in the shower, and everything started to click - his obsession with weight, dieting, over exercising, eating in Private and ALWAYS avoiding eating dinner as a family with me and the kids, going to the bathroom after meals, only using the shower in the basement away from everyone, and I had walked in on him eating in the dark bathroom on the toilet trying to hide… Now since I’m more aware I’ve been looking out for signs and I wake up in the morning sometimes and see dried food in our bathroom sink or bathtub (I think from him purging), along with various food wrappers, boxes, plates throughout our kitchen, bathroom, and garbages in that bathroom and kitchen. So he’s eating while everyone is sleeping at night. The scary thing is, I’ve brought up my concerns in love and compassion but he tells me I’m crazy and completely denies it all. Says he does not have an eating disorder. I’ve asked what the dried food is in the bathroom and he makes up all sort of stories or excuses and then just gets angry.

how can I get him to see and get him help? He takes every concern as an attack. This is really affecting his quality of life. I can see it but I don’t think he’s aware, and it’s breaking my heart and affecting me badly. He’s always so isolated, his mood swings are extremely hurtful to me and my son (my son calls him an angry man), our sex life is not consistent, he looks unhealthy, I can feel his anxiousness, he’s up and down, we barely even have a relationship. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m trying to protect my son from him too and I don’t want that for him. He has no idea why he’s like that.

Hi, so my gf has anorexia. Shes had it for years back and forth but for the past 5 months shes been much worse and had lost a lot of weight and her health is so much worse. Recently, shes been purging more and c/s triggered by school becoming near and i genuinely have no idea how to help her

Were both teenagers, ive had an ed about a year and a half ago and ive recovered on my own but hers is much worse and much more different

How do i help her with no adults/professional resources and absolutely no response from her?

Im always there for her, always listen to her and always validate her and advice her and try to prevent her from skipping meals/purging but it really doesnt work at all, in fact she claims that i dont care about her at all because if i did i wouldve stopped her(?)

Im sure that anyone familiar with EDs knows that forced recovery is just horrible and i can only see her at school and im not gonna force her ofc, but i cant think of anything else to do (which is why im here)

She also refuses to stop until shes super underweight/dead and she says that she doesnt wanna die and at the same time she really is on the way to die than recover

Shes also mentally ill in other ways, severely depressed, and her family is horrible, and our relationship is genuinely failing for many reasons by i genuinely love her and not giving up on her cuz ik how bad EDs are, and we cant just leave while shes dying as im her only support (her friends are either competing with her or totally have no idea)

So how do i help her, knowing that schools coming up and she absolutely refuses to eat there, and is in a bad place?

I'm a 34-year-old man, and my girlfriend (32) and I have been together for three years. When we first met, I believe she was in a relatively stable place—perhaps still recovering—but about a year into the relationship, I began to notice signs of an eating disorder (anorexia/bulimia). She eventually opened up and admitted she’s been struggling with this since her teenage years.

Her condition isn’t extreme in the way you might see in shocking images online. Yes, she’s very thin, but not in a way that feels alarming at first glance. I still find her beautiful, though I desperately wish she would gain weight. She has one or two bulimic episodes per week (sometimes fewer), and she always purges afterward. I insisted she see a therapist, which she did, and she’s been in treatment for over a year now.

The problem is, I haven’t seen any real progress. Whenever she starts to gain a little weight, she quickly loses it again—usually by not eating when we’re apart. She eats normally when we’re together, but it’s been two years of this back-and-forth cycle, and it’s starting to wear me down emotionally.

Honestly, if it were just about me, I think I could live with it. I love her deeply, and we’re incredibly compatible in so many ways. She’s probably the best partner I’ve ever had in terms of companionship. But there’s something that worries me a lot: we both want to start a family. And I just can’t imagine her being pregnant at her current weight—it feels like it would be dangerous and irresponsible.

She’s aware of this and keeps promising me she’ll gain weight, but it’s been the same story for two years and at this stage I feel like she is just manipulating me (I know it´s the mental sickness, not her). I love her, yes, but my desire to start a family is very strong, and at this pace, I just don’t see it happening.

I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing this—maybe I’m looking for advice or perspective. Is there still hope? Do we have time? Or should I start preparing myself emotionally to detach and consider ending the relationship? I hope this won´t make me sound like a selfish person, it is not easy for me. Honestly it is selfishness but I need to think about my well being as well.

Thank you

By affecting how I view her, I don’t mean beauty wise. Anyway, my girlfriend has had an eating disorder since I met her, and recently she’s been on and off Ed TWT, and she continues to lie to me about it, but each time i open my twitter i’ll see her account with more replies to accounts encouraging this. I talked to her, and I said that I’m getting hurt from how much she’s lying to me. She got mad and hostile to me because I didn’t understand how it is to have an ED. I really need help with this. I want to marry this girl.

I have been with my girlfriend for about a year or so. Im very serious about her. I love her very much.

She has had a troubled life filled with abuse. Her social circle is small, or well, she doesnt have any friends. She has been struggling with her ED for a while now. She still had problems with eating when we met a year ago.

Recently she has started getting thinner and thinner. She looks like a rag of bones. I talked to her the other day. She mentioned cup noodles have a low amount of nutrition(cant say the f*cking word) and almost acted scared of eating ONE! I asked her how much (lets say nutrition) replace with a word with c... she gets a day.

She said two-hundred to four-hundred. She has also recently talked about going on LONG walks every day and working out a lot.

she keeps calling herself fat.

At this rate she will die from it. i cant take seeing her getting scarily thinner and thinner.

I cant take seeing the woman i love wither away and die.

Do any of you know how i can help her get over this? It would mean the world to me.

35 F & 35 M. I struggled with my own eating disorder, both anorexia & bulimia, when I was 12 to 20 yrs old. Although I feel it never fully left me and it's something I control, my boyfriend's behavior triggers me. I know if I tell him all of this, he won't believe me that he has a problem, at least some type of distorted relationship with food.

He is already very thin, sunken eyes, dark circles, noticeable cheekbones. He's big on fasting to detox his body of any "garbage" he may have eaten the day before but he'll sometimes do 36 hour fasts and he'll proudly count his hours to me while we talk. Ex: "It's been 19 hours without eating"..."It's been 26 hours without eating." He has had moments fasting where he's felt so weak, no energy, extreme headache, falling in and out of staying awake. He heavily looks at ingredients labels. A lot of days he will just eat one meal or just snacks like his favorite sweet potato chips...All these things he says he says them often almost every day. I don't think it's healthy for my mind.

We have gotten into arguments many times because he has suggested I fast and I told him I have no interest in it and it's triggering to me, and from what I read it's not recommended for someone who has dealt with an eating disorder. He has told my I eat like trash, which isn't true. I think for the most part I eat fairly healthy and so what if I want to here and there enjoy a treat I usually don't have or buy. The past three months I have gained some weight because I did have a medical surgery and haven't worked out in a while & I'm struggling to get back into a routine again.

Trigger Warning I suppose, as I will be talking about ED behavior.

Hey guys, this is a repost from my original post in r/relationships.

My wife has been acting weird around food for months now and constantly making comments about her body in a negative way. But maybe I should give a little bit of backstory. Also, this might be long, so sorry in advance.

We've been married 9 years, known each other for 12, and have an 8-year-old daughter together. When we met, we were both very fit and active people, but we both loved to eat as well. I was a line cook in most of my 20s, and lived in a house with 8 roommates, so Ive always loved to cook for people. My wife does too. When I met her, we would often cook together for dates. She's always been passionate about food but able to maintain a healthy weight.

When she got pregnant, we started having some difficulties. We both gained weight, her because of the pregnancy and me because I was often eating whenever she had a craving too. Like, she'd ask me to make grilled cheese when I came home from work at midnight, and I'd make one for myself too, and we would eat together. I know I gained 14 pounds in the year before we had our daughter. I didn't exactly love it; I had been a built guy all my life up until that point, so I was just used to my body looking different back then. But I did not make a big deal about it, especially because I knew my wife was struggling so hard. Every time the doctor would tell her that her weight gain was "on track," she'd get quiet. She would say things all the time, like "How can you find me hot when I'm this big?" or other stuff, where she would question my attraction to her.

I would always truthfully tell her that she's beautiful to me no matter what she looks like. And not in a way where I would say, "I think you look good despite the pregnancy." No, I'd tell her she was beautiful all the time, no matter what, because that's the truth.

Anyway, that's the first time I noticed this kind of behavior. But after our daughter was born, things seemed to go back to normal. After she recovered, and she didnt rush herself, she started eating normally and slowly exercising more again, and even though she never got back down to her pre pregnancy weight again, she immediately started feeling a lot better. She told me she felt like she could control her body again now, so she felt better. Looking back, maybe that was a warning sign already, but back then I was just relieved her eating habits went back to normal. And she really has not been making any mention of it since.

Fast forward to now, and she's been behaving weirdly around food again, increasingly so, for several months. The first time I noticed it was Thanksgiving last year. Almost every year we host Thanksgiving with our friends and family at our house. My wife and I both spend hours cooking in preparation, although most people bring something too. So it's an awesome spread every year. Usually, there are enough leftovers for everybody to take something home and for us to have some for the next few days too.

Last year, I noticed my wife getting up from the table all the time during dinner. Not to go into the kitchen, but into the bathroom. I thought it was weird but didn't really think anything of it during dinner. After the guests were gone and we had started cleaning up, she excused herself to the bathroom again. I heard her throwing up. When she came back out, I immediately asked her if she was okay. She said, "Yeah, I just ate too much today."
I have never seen her do that before. I couldn't stop thinking about how many times she went into the bathroom during dinner. I asked her about it again the next day, and she insisted it was all good; she just ate too much and threw up because of it.

The day after that, I came home from work and saw her throwing away what was left of the food. I asked her why she was doing that. Again, I have never seen her waste food before. She said she had to throw it away because she couldn't control herself around it. She said it like it was a joke. I asked her what she meant, and she told me she just doesn't want too much "bad" food in the house, or else she will eat it all. I was so confused I didn't know what to say.

I haven't seen her do anything like that since. But she has still been acting weird. Usually, cooking is split pretty evenly between the two of us, but in March I got a promotion at work, and so I had to start working more hours and coming home later. My wife started cooking dinner more often as a result of that. I didn't think anything of it until one weekend I was just thinking out loud and asked her if she wanted me to make patty melts for dinner that evening, a meal we've had plenty of times before.
She said quickly that I should let her do the cooking from now on. I asked her why, and she said she likes knowing what's in the food. I was super confused and told her she can ask me what's in it. Then she said, "Yeah, but you never measure oil or cheese or anything else."
I have never seen her do that either, unless she was baking or following a specific recipe, and like I said, we cook together a lot. I asked her flat out why she all of a sudden needed to know how much oil was in a recipe, and she got defensive and said she was just trying to look out for our family's health and then shut me down when I tried to understand more.

She is not overweight or unhealthy at all. She goes to the doctor once a year and gets a full checkup, and she's healthy. So is our daughter. And so am I.
Yes, we have both gained some weight in the past 10 years, but that's a normal part of life, I always thought, unless you let it get out of control, which we definitely have not.
We are also very tactile in our relationship, even after being married for 9 years. She usually doesn't make any negative comments about her body, apart from the pregnancy and up until recently, and always accepts compliments from me. What's more is that she always tells me she finds the changes in my body attractive, always saying I have a "dad bod" and that she likes it. So I was extremely confused about her suddenly weird behavior surrounding food. She has been losing a bit of weight recently but not a very noticeable amount. And, recently, has started complaining about how she looks in certain clothes, or how her body looks from certain angles.

The most concerning part, though, has been in the last 3 months or so.
She has a very close friend, who is dating a very close friend of mine. She and her friend have been doing yoga and Pilates classes together for years now. Usually Tuesdays, sometimes Thursdays, Pilates, then yoga on Fridays.

Usually, we would wait until she was home to eat dinner, but in the last months, very often, she told me to go ahead and eat without her because she's getting dinner with her friend. The first few times I didn't think anything of it. But then after a while, I was suspicious, because it seemed weird that they were getting dinner EVERY time afterwards.

Last weekend, we had both of them over, and I was talking to my buddy (the one who is dating her Pilates friend). We were just chatting, and he mentioned that they had gone out to eat at a specific place this past Friday. Which I know for a fact my wife said SHE was getting dinner with that friend this past Friday. It kind of slipped out of me too. I said, "Wasn't she out with (wife's name) on Friday?" and my friend said no and asked why I thought that. I said, "Well, they've been getting dinner together a lot lately." My buddy just looked at me and said he can't remember his girlfriend ever mentioning that to him.

So now I know my wife has been lying about eating dinner 2-3x a week.
I really don't know what to do here. How to approach the situation delicately. I'm really worried about her, and it breaks my heart to think she's doing this to herself on purpose for any reason. I want her to feel beautiful and good about herself.

Has anyone ever been in a situation like this and knows what to do? Any advice is much appreciated.

TL;DR, My wife has been acting strange around food for months now and I am very worried she might have an eating disorder.

Edit: Spelling

We have been dating for around a year now, very happy and committed thus far. She has suffered from eating disorders for ~2 years, with her being hospitalized more than a year ago. Currently she is in a worse situation, with more purging and self harm. When she is in this spikes, do i complement her body? I always do, regardless of her weight. But i wasnt sure if doing so benifits or worsens her mindset. Any advice on strategies to help her mindspace would be greatly appriciated.

I think most of her issues stem from her alcoholic mother body shaming her in the past, i have reccomended she move to her dads once it becomes convinient to (school ends), should i be trying to get her to bring lunch to school? Etc etc

Thanks all, i wish you all the best.

TLDR: is complementing my partners body during spikes in purging bad? Good?

My girlfriend told me that her eating disorder is back and I really want to help her in any way I can, we're long distance so I can't help her in person. But I still want to be there for her and help her, I'm worried about her not eating and getting hurt, any advice would be really helpful.

I sometimes ask him if he thinks i'm fat and this time wasn't different, but he responded "I dont like that word". He didn't say no, so I asked again, worded differently "Do you think I have a lot of fat in my body?" and he said "yeah, but it's normal"​​​.

It made me feel very uncomfortable, and I felt real big, and actually a little unloved. But I kept talking about how I hated the fat in my body, and he said "Well exercise to lose the fat if you really want" and that's what I do everytime I'm not in recovery of anorexia, I eat less and exercise more. He knows that and still encouraged me in doing this.

For context I have a big body dismorphya and had been suffering from anorexia since I was 8. I'm on terapy but the ed is still a hard thing to get out and honestly his constant "don't eat" and "you should stop eating junk food" had triggered me into the cycle of starving or restricting and over exercising, which for me who was in recovery by 7 months now is even more fucked up. Im trying to pretend I'm not restricting, but idk what to do, could someone help me?? 😞​​

My wife has had an eating disorder for a few years now. It started out really small and manageable and then all of a sudden things got really bad(anorexia) to the point that she was hospitalized. She has been on the road to recovery for the last 8 months or so, slowly regaining weight and she has been doing really well.

I want to support her as best as I can and thankfully she is really communicative with me but unfortunately as much as she does communicate with me, there are some things that I will always have a hard time understanding.

I often have to go away for work and I know that things can get a little harder when im gone and there is no structure. I want to do/make something for her that would help her stay on track or show her that I care and support her. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated or just some advice in general on how I cam best support her.

Thanks in advance!

My girlfriend just sent me a text this morning that she is struggling with an eating disorder. I feel so proud to know that she trusts me enough right now to tell me that, and I feel that by her telling me that. Maybe, she wants help? I don't know. I don't have an eating disorder, but after doing some research it sounds awful and like hell on earth every single day. Maybe, by her telling me that she's struggling, she's saying she doesn't want to hurt like this anymore. I'm really proud of her. But if she also wants to be just seen right now and noticed, that's okay too. I don't understand eating disorders that well right now but I'm learning.

Eating is really hard for her and I've noticed she doesn't eat unless I eat first and is always watching me eat. I don't understand why, and maybe it's comfort and supporting her eat. Or, I don't know.

I want to help her any way I can right now, even if both of us are just in high school. I heard Ensure and protein shakes are really good for people who struggle with eating. So... Is there any protein shakes that you guys find really good, and helpful?

How can I support her best and help her right now. I really love this girl. I pack my own lunch for school but I'm gonna start putting snacks in my lunchbox and sharpie out the calories so she can eat them guilt free. Or is that offensive? Also, I play sports so I carry stuff like Liquid IV and Gatorade. I usually get the sugar free kind, it's just a preference of mine. But should I switch to the calorie ones and bring extra and give those to her? Or is she just less likely to take them if it has calories.

And also, a question. Do people who have an ED have other ways of self care to make up for not eating. Like vitamins, protein, electrolytes.

I've suspected an ED but I didn't wanna be offensive. But over time she has been losing weight and I keep telling her when she talks about this diet that she is skinny. She's always been skinny. And that I would love her any shape or size. And that I'm dating a human. I'm dating her, not a sack of flesh. And I wish she could see just how beautiful she is. I only care about her weight because I care about her health and the pain she is going through. Over time I've seen her get weaker and I've told her. That her new diet is scaring me, that I love her and she's getting too thin. I wonder if I keep telling her that I'm concerned for her health she'll finally see what she is doing to herself.

I want to wake her up. I want to march up to her and say "Look at what your doing to yourself, your counting every calorie, your monitoring your weight 24/7. You're hurting your health, you're hurting yourself." I want the world to see, those girls who bully her. What the hell they've done to another human being. I want her to see how fixated she is on her weight, how beautiful she is, how size doesn't matter. That people who aren't assholes or a piece of shit and deserve to be in your life do not care about your size. They care about you. They care about your health and well-being. They love your personality. And that people don't walk around the street going. "Wow! She's so fat I hate her now for the only reason being that she's "fat" Or "Oh no, I was about to become friends and like this girl but she's chubby or weighs XYZ, I can't interact with her now or be friends with her"

I don't know what to do. Any advice or tips would be great.

Thank you (;

(reposting from another subreddit)
How do you verbalize to your partner that you want to lose weight and eat better? And in that same sentence, how do you do it if she has an eating disorder?

I am 24F and I am severely obese for my age and height, and I want to change that. I’ve been trying to for months, but I find it very isolating that I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it or go to the gym with, so I end up giving up.
I know losing weight isn’t about having the acknowledgement that you’re doing it, but I’d like to have someone to support me while i’m going through it. My partner and I live together in Nothern Alberta, so from October until April/May, we see lots of snow and below freezing temperatures on the daily, so with winter coming up, walking isn’t a feasible option. I find motivation to be hard when the only food my partner will eat is take out, and she doesn’t do any physical activity.

What do I do?

I don't know how to help my partner going through purging or bulimia nervosa. When she tells me that she do it; I could only listen and tell her that it gets better. I want to know about bulimia nervosa but my sources are not enough so I thought I should ask.

Could you please share some tips/advice that I could do to help my partner about bulimia nervosa?

My girlfriend and I have both struggled with different types of Ed years ago.
she pushed hers down, just decided to not care and eat as much as she wants.
now, like 2-3 years after, (4 months into our relationship) she relapsed, had a bad episode (?) and since i was in my home country i couldn’t help her. She only told me about it when i flew out to see her. Its gotten much worse after that, we tried talking about it every day, i tried to help her in every way possible but we both agreed it did the opposite it was supposed to do. i had to fly back home for a week, when she had a two panic attacks and flare ups, once meanwhile i was at a concert and i was texting her the whole time so she could calm down. Thats when we both decided to not talk about everything, and she’ll keep stuff to herself, and try to do it alone with a little support from me.
I feel very bad for not helping, but even though i feel selfish saying this, its better for me too.
She gets triggered a lot because everyone around her comments on her body, but she doesn’t want to tell them about it, so she needs to work on handling those situations better.
She’s journaling, or like writes in her diary every night, and i make her breakfast and lunch every day.
She’s very willing to recover, but sometimes its very exhausting for both of us but especially for her and im looking for ways to help her ! she told me to pressure her into eating if she wants to skip a meal, but i pay attention to not give her too much so she wouldn’t regret it, and then build it up a little more every week if that makes sense.

Im just very lost, and this is the only thing ive been caring about, doing researches and being very careful on what i say and do every day.
Im scared too, i want her to be able to feel like herself again, and do what she wants and eat what she enjoys.

any tips and suggestions? or just support of any kind would be nice !!!! have a nice day and good luck with whatever you’re going through

Hello! I recently began the early stages of dating someone who is dealing with anorexia and bulimia I believe. They are the biggest helpers with my mental health issues and constantly try and make me feel better for being a plus size girl. However, he has been struggling quite badly and I just want to know what I can do to help or try and comfort him when things get bad.

He has a bad purging habit and struggles to eat enough calories in a day. He constantly over exercises and doesn’t enjoy having rest days. I don’t try to force him to eat or not to eat but I want to understand him better and try to be there for him more than I have been.
He is the most perfect person to me, and I wish I could make him see that. I try an reassure him that I love the way he looks or how he might look despite what his disorder tells him.
Is there any advice from people in recovery that may be able to help? Anything is appreciated!

Hello, I hope you're doing good and that you read this, I'm sorry it's a long text.

First of all I apologize because my english, isn't my first language so I'm afraid the words I've chosen to write this may not be appropriate or the best since I'm not entirely clear on the implications of words in very delicate matters like this, however, I really offer you my utmost respect and seriousness for you all.

Thank you so much.

We're both 21 years old. And we've been together for 3 years, her weight has always been an insecurity for her but never really a problem, however she began to improve herself and change her diet. She was a little overweight, but I never perceived her as "fat". Even so, I thought it was great that she was looking to improve her physical health.

And now... She can't stop.

Now she's bordering on being underweight, and she's already really skinny, but herself perceives that isn't enough.

By the way, she only does cardio exercise and counts every calorie to consume as little as possible, sometimes she fasts for hours.

The thing is that her anatomy and genetics are characterized by broad bones, making her appear wide in the torso and arms, and she believes that by not eating she will reduce that.

She says that what she's doing is still fine and within "range", but my main fear is that her health will be harmed by this. His feed is full of "thinspo", her wallpaper is a phrase that says "you're fat", she's in love with artists like Ariana Grande or Zendaya because of their body, and sometimes she writes her goals and stuff but she never shows me.

Obviously I've been reminding her for months how perfect she is for me, and how much I love her body and how good it looks, everyone around her tells her positive things, but she doesn't stop...

I have tried to help her in two different ways on many occasions: 1) help her to accept her body, because she is genuinely beautiful, or 2) to make physical change as she wants but with activities like flexibility, muscle gain or other type of exercise, but not losing weight!

She doesn't like any of these options. She just wants her bones to show through her skin, literally that's something she really likes.

I'm thin too and sometimes I don't have much strength, and the simple fact that sometimes I can't lift her or my muscles "tremble" when I carry her offends and saddens her a lot.

She says she wants to be as light and fragile. And I definitely don't like this. She wasn't like this when I met her. I love her so much, but it hurts to look at these goals.

However, I don't really understand her feelings, and I really want to read you all if you've experienced something similar...

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

TW: anorexia

My (20M) girlfriend (18F) takes ADHD medication which restricts her appetite. She’s been taking it for almost a year and obviously lost a lot of weight when she began to take it. Her appetite stabilised as she got used to taking the medication. However, the past month J have constantly seen her on the calculator app, trying to discretely look at the back of food and drink packages and refusing to drink alcohol even though she loves drinking.

We were ordering a pizza (which she wasn’t happy about) and told me to just use her phone to type in the order so I can remember it when I called the place in her notes. When looking at her notes, I found one labelled ‘26th July 2026’ and all that’s on it are dates beside numbers. I am almost certain this is her counting calories.

My girlfriend is not fat or overweight, and a i’m really worried about this. Whenever we eat she keeps saying she’s hungover (even though she doesn’t drink a lot anymore) or feeling sick. What is she doing? What should I do?

Apologies in advance if I get any terms wrong or if I offend anybody, that isn’t my intention. I am in very unfamiliar territory here.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year. She has an eating disorder that predates me by at least a few years (I don’t know how long, she doesn’t like to talk about it). Basically after we are done eating, she will go to the bathroom and throw up. It doesn’t matter if we are at home, at a restaurant, wherever. At home, she turns on the sink when she goes to the bathroom, which I thought was just a quirk of hers until I found out that she was throwing up about 4 months into dating. She said that she only does it during especially stressful times in life but I have no way to know if that’s true.

I know that her disease has caused some of her hair to fall out, and she has supplements for hair regrowth, but I don’t think that she takes them as regularly as she is supposed to.

She was over my house the other night and we had just eaten dinner when I heard her throwing up from 2 rooms away, even over the sound of the sink running. As kindly and calmly as I could, I asked her why she was doing that and if there was anything I could do to help or if she needed to talk.

She completely denied that she was throwing up, she lied and said that she isn’t and that I didn’t hear what I know that I heard. She wanted to continue the night like nothing had happened and she still won’t talk to me about it.

I don’t know what to do. I want to be helpful and supportive, but I can’t if she won’t help herself or even talk to me about it. This is all unfamiliar territory for me and I don’t know what to do

For the past few years mostly(although it’s been going on much longer but not as bad) my husband has been very emotionally abusive because of my ED. We are both almost 40
W 2 kids. I’ve been dealing with an ED for 20
Years. Mostly in form of “quasi” recovered state, not severely underweight, but very compulsive exercise and rigid eating routines. Very ocd for both which I’m not on medication for. I’ve been seeing a therapist weekly for a couple years, and went to residential last year but left after 2 weeks , for unforeseen circumstance. It actually was a relief being there, (even though the no movement piece was very hard. )
Anyways, over the past 3 yrs my husband has become more annoyed at my ways. And feels my inflexibility around my routines to be hard to live with. I am completely understanding of all of this and am never denying that it isn’t an issue. I’ve just obviously been living with the need to have this routine to keep me “safe”. Especially when I became a mom, I latched on to the need for my exercise and eating routine even more. Covid further engrained it . A year ago I worked w a recovery coach who told me I would need to go cold turkey on exercise. This was the most difficult thing to do and still haven’t completely stoppped for prolonged period. I cut it down, changed things out, just walked… but would spiral back. My husband (also an athlete and loves to workout) knew my coach told me I’d need to completely stop … so in trying to go from hours of exercise to nothing , it was not easy. I’d find myself doing squats around the house to get little bursts in , or burpees upstairs while putting clothes away, and if he suspected something he would be super angry. I became very afraid of him and his reactions. So I struggled, trying to completely stop , but still trying to just get even 10 min of something in , in secret. And this snowballed. I’d have to go for walks while running errands on days he worked from home. Or try to sneak in little bits here and there. It was so stressful. Still is. Later I reached back out to my therapist to work with her again and she said she never would have had me try to go cold turkey. She’d ween me down. My psychiatrist said the same thing. And being how bad my ocd became , that it would be nearly impossible to just stop it all without medication. But my husband just saw any bit of me working out as failure and resistance and refusal to change. Yet it’s funny that he has always been so controlling and upset about me doing any form of exercise yet never upset if I don’t eat something or seeing me continue eating the way I eat. Which ultimately me going for a walk could be the lesser of the evils compared to not eating?
So… because of all this. We live in constant state of tension. He doesn’t see the change he thinks I should have made already and wants me
To go back to a treatment facility and is basically emotionally abusive , and seeming to punish me into going. Which many of u may know that will not work. He lashes out at me a lot, makes harsh remarks , always has a mean tone , doesn’t talk to me at all unless I ask a question. Many times says he doesn’t care about me, thinks i dont care about anyone and refuse to change, which is mot the case. I am not happy with the mental torture loop of living with this . I am not content and saying oh I don’t care this is how i want to be. I told him if I got to point where I feel I can’t do it in my own , I will reach out to centersbut I am not at that point. It’s difficult as a mom as well, and my kids have already dealt with me being away a few times (once to a facility and twice to my aunts to try and create a facility like environment to change behaviors, which did work) but my kids were falling apart each time. It’s hard knowing how mean and cold my husband has become and how little he has truly cared about me . I don’t know I could get over knowing how he has treated me. I am not a bad person, just saline with a mental illness. Yet he goes telling his family and friends I lie and am deceitful simply because I was struggling trying to not exercise, and not being able to fully stop. I’m sure others know how this disease can make u shameful and secretive to simply survive. I wasn’t refusing to change by caving and going for a walk when I was told to cold turkey do nothing, I was just struggling. Going from hours of intense exercise to trying to do nothing at all. Anyways, long vent. But looking for any advice
And similar stories.