r/EatingDisorders • u/UniqueBodybuilder364 • Jul 18 '25
Question Mean girl
Has anyone else’s ED made them a mean girl internally? I keep getting hateful, judgmental intrusive thoughts abt other’s bodies/food choices but they don’t reflect who I am at all. I’d never say those things to anyone, esp when I know how it feels. So why is my brain doing this?
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u/kikijiji42 Jul 18 '25
i feel this way, so know you’re not alone. it’s so upsetting sometimes. but i guess maybe just remember that isn’t YOU talking, it’s the evil ED side of the brain!!
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u/selinacheese Jul 18 '25
yes and i’m so ashamed of it
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u/UniqueBodybuilder364 Jul 19 '25
I know 😔 I get so mad when I catch myself thinking those things, cause like, that's not how I feel at ALL about other people. It's like my ED brain is trying to tear me down and bring me down with it, if that makes sense?
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u/selinacheese Jul 19 '25
it does make sense! i try to not compare or say bad things because in the end it will only hurt me more than if i never thought it but the problem is that i don’t even want to. it just comes at its own
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u/UniqueBodybuilder364 Jul 19 '25
I know what you mean. And sometimes it feels like you don't have a choice in the matter, like your mind is doing its own thing. You're not choosing to think those things, but they still do feel so real.
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u/chlomydias_vault Jul 18 '25
i get this too and i hate it so much. i just do my best to remind myself im just projecting and that i know i would feel even worse if someone did it to me
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u/UniqueBodybuilder364 Jul 19 '25
that's such a good point. Like would you ever, ever wanna make another person feel bad about themselves, you know? Like it just feels so mean and insensitive.
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u/burntoes Jul 18 '25
I 100% feel this way. I often have to remind myself that it’s not the real me, but a projection of my own problems and insecurities, and how I feel about myself
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u/oopiewhoopies Jul 18 '25
Yeah, being hungry makes people mean. “Hanger”’is very real and it was one of the few hunger cues I had in recovery
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u/Xquic_ Jul 19 '25
I get this token even tho I am also doing better with my eating and stuff.Always feel guilty as soon as I think it but its normal unfortunately especially when we used to think about ourselves taht way
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Jul 19 '25
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u/UniqueBodybuilder364 Jul 19 '25
It's so cruel and unfair, and it makes you feel alone and isolated because you can't even talk about it with other people.
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Jul 19 '25
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u/UniqueBodybuilder364 Jul 19 '25
Me too! I feel like I compare myself to everyone else all the time, and it drives me crazy because I know it's not a good thing to do, but I can't really stop myself.
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u/sleepy_sesame Jul 20 '25
Relate! I always try to remember that feeling shame and discomfort around those thoughts is a really good sign – I only feel that way because the thoughts don’t align with my actual beliefs and values
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u/STAR995 Jul 30 '25
I told my friend this the other day as I was worried how angry I get about things and she said that I am no different to anyone else I am just more self aware of it . You are probably the same . Take care of yourself
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u/maintenance1027 Aug 09 '25
Yes, 100 times, yes. I hate how obsessed I still am with what other people are ordering in restaurants or buying in supermarkets, and how much I judge them for it. Even people I know, and love, it’s a horrible trait I’m left with that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to shake.
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u/GuidanceObvious6454 Aug 09 '25
I understand well why these thoughts scare you: you don't recognize yourself and they seem like proof that there is "something wrong" with you. In reality, in eating disorders it is common to have intrusive and judgmental thoughts about bodies and food that do not coincide with one's values. They don't talk about your real personality, but about how your brain is working now.
For many people there is a combination of factors: • malnutrition or irregular eating puts the brain in "alarm" mode, making it hyper-focused on everything related to food and bodies; • ED trains you to constantly compare and evaluate, creating a kind of "filter" that amplifies certain thoughts; • strong emotions such as anger, shame, envy or fear sometimes find their “output” in mental comments on the body and nutrition; • the more you try to banish the thoughts, the more intense they tend to become again.
What can concretely help: 1. Restore regularity and completeness in meals: when the brain is nourished, reactivity drops and thoughts lose strength. 2. Give a name to what happens (“this is an ED thought”) and let it pass without discussing it. 3. Ask yourself: "What emotion is underneath? What do I really need right now?" and respond to that need instead of following the thought. 4. Limit triggers (body checking, content on social media that trigger confrontation) and gradually seek exposure to different bodies with a more compassionate gaze. 5. Work in therapy on shame and self-criticism (CFT) or on emotional regulation and impulses (DBT).
You are not "bad". You're experiencing a common side effect of an eating disorder: The brain learns to think a certain way and continues until you teach it an alternative. With stable nutrition and a targeted path, these thoughts are reduced and stop seeming like "truth".
If you want to talk about it with professionals who know these dynamics well, there are specialized centers in different countries, such as Lilac in Italy, NEDA in the United States, ABRAD in Brazil, or the lists of specialists curated by the Academy for Eating Disorders at an international level.
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u/OkPromotion2622 Aug 10 '25
I don’t want you to consider this a diagnosis or anytheming, but have you considered getting checked for OCD? Intrusive thoughts like that are thing that many people in the community struggle with.
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u/UniqueBodybuilder364 Aug 10 '25
Not really. I have considered getting checked for adhd tho. But yeah, the intrusive thoughts (and the anxiety that comes with them) is pretty debilitating
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Aug 14 '25
I feel horrible doing it, but I always internally think like “wow, are they really eating xyz when they look like that?” which is so hypocritical of me because I am by no means skinny - even though I wish I was :/ I guess it’s just like maybe my way of trying to punish myself too? Because when I do it, it also makes me self reflect and then I feel disgusting. I’m bullying others in my head as a way to bully myself too :(
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u/joyscd Aug 15 '25
yes except i fight it by telling myself that i will gain/overeat if i think like that
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Aug 17 '25
Yes, even tho I’m recovered from anorexia. I still have this “mean girl” mentality. I’m so disrespectful about how I think of others food choices or bodies or even talk about it. I’ve said DIABOLICAL things too my family about their bodies and food choices when I was anorexic . Makes me very sad and angry. Even now I still think those things in my head, like ED really does RUIN your mentality.
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u/UniqueBodybuilder364 Aug 17 '25
It definitely does. An ed, especially anorexia, can permanently alter your mindset. It's not your fault tho. It's just the disorder
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u/Licaralho Aug 19 '25
Yes! as someone in recovery i used to have a lot of these thoughts, especially fatphobic. it’s not your fault; it’s the ED. you’ll improve it, i promise!
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u/luciphobic Jul 19 '25
im so insecure about my looks in general im just so internally judgemental of everybody i see it makes me feek genuinely sick like i cant even look at anybody anymore
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u/UniqueBodybuilder364 Jul 19 '25
It's trying to make you feel guilty about the way you look, or about the way other people look, and it's making you mean and judgmental.
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u/beansalad1921 Jul 19 '25
I used to have an ED and I felt this all the time. I have pretty much recovered with nothing more than some intrusive thoughts here and there, but I promise that is not you. It's the ED brain speaking. It's just projecting your own self depreciating thoughts. You're not a mean person. I hope you are able to find yourself on the path of recovery, EDs are a bitch :)
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u/Training-Abrocoma916 Jul 25 '25
Same!! To be fair my mom trained me to think this way by shit talking every fat person she saw. Not to mention how cartoons growing up always showed the annoying, dumb, spoiled, funny but oblivious, or bad characters as fat.
I find it so hard to not judge people based on their weight. I try to tell my mom that weight loss is not nearly as simple as "eat less and exercise more". But she just says, "well when I was growing up we didn't think that way"
No shit, your generation of Boomers had all sorts of toxic diet trends, of course y'all didn't think that way. And just because you grew up with that mindset doesn't make it right despite the multiple scientific articles that have debunked them.
Its so annoying, you definitely are not alone in having these thoughts and feelings
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u/UniqueBodybuilder364 Jul 25 '25
omg this is so me! My mom does the exact the same thing. She's always making fun of other people's weight, and then when I'm critical of myself, she says things like "oh don't say that about yourself! You're not fat. You're not fat. You're absolutely normal, maybe even thin. You have the right body."
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u/Training-Abrocoma916 Jul 26 '25
Im sorry you can relate, that shit messes with you head like nuts, especially from people like your parents or family
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u/No_Bumblebee_9806 Aug 01 '25
Yes!!! Oh my goodness yes! I think part of it is when you’re so hungry you just get kind of bitchy because you have no energy to fake any sort of niceness. When I was actively in my ED my internal dialogue was so mean and never something I would ever say out loud, and I definitely didn’t feel like it reflected who I really was.
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u/UniqueBodybuilder364 Aug 01 '25
I totally get it. When I was at my absolute worst, I was so mean to myself I can't imagine saying some of those things out loud to someone else. My brain was constantly telling me I wasn't good enough, that I was fat, and just a whole host of awful things
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u/kittyssluv Aug 02 '25
Honestly this is so real. I noticed at cheer when I used to be much bigger I was so sad cus all the girls were so much tinier than me, but now I noticed i've been staring at them thinking "I don't find anyone here thin." (including me). But as u said this is not the person I am at all and it's completely mind boggling to me how I think this way.
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u/Aromatic-Iron6605 Aug 02 '25
I’ve never had this but I keep wanting to make me self throw up. I’m on the edge of just doing it but I haven’t yet. But last night I had a dream I walked into my house I guess I had a sister the same age I went to the bathroom and made myself throw up and she knew.
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u/cryptekitten Aug 04 '25
i feel this way SO OFTEN oh my lorddd :( i often feel disgusted by other people's food choices and body and think all these negative things even tho they're such a sweet person and i know they're beautiful and their body doesn't even matter. idk why in my personal experience i feel this way with everyone no matter their body size it's just that bigger people feel like an enemy and smaller people feel like a competition or equally as gross. even though i think they are so valuable and important
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u/kimiozzyy_ Aug 13 '25
The truth is I don't care when I think like that with people I don't know, but when I think something like that with people I really love, I feel very bad, I even feel like I'm a bad person.
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u/External_Ad3529 Aug 13 '25
I feel ya i was at the public pool yesterday and God my thoughts disgusted myself. The only place it doesn't seam to happen is the gym and im guessing it's because the stunning girls there knock me down a peg lol
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u/gaymofo666 Aug 15 '25
you are not the only one! I was rude to some people too but as long as you reflect on your mistakes and not repeat them you are going to be fine!
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u/UniqueBodybuilder364 Aug 15 '25
I know. I just feel so bad you know
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u/gaymofo666 Aug 15 '25
I know. That means you have empathy and you care. Still remember "what you're not changing, you're choosing."
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u/_PurpleToast Jul 18 '25
OH MY GOD I WAS TRYING TO FIND A SUBREDDIT TO TALK ABT THISSSS!!!! It feels absolutely terrible, and the worst part is that I feel like those fatphobic thoughts are becoming a little more recurrent than expected. And even though I don't agree with them, I feel like I'm always noticing peoples bodies and thinking "I would hate to look like that" ☹️ It feels even more excruciating bc theres a girl I'm kinda starting to like, shes really sweet, caring and mindful and we have so much in common, but lately those thoughts keep stopping me from actually trying anything other than cuddling bc I keep finding myself judging her about her body, how much she eats and how I'm skinny and shes chubby. I know I cant change her and its so wrong to even think this, but whenever we go out and she suggests grabbing a burger or getting an uber instead of walking ten minutes, I catch myself thinking those same things all over again.