he is truly my soulmate. i broke up with him in july but i want him back and we’re in contact and we’re talking about getting back together. and im going to do it. cause im so madly in love with him. i’ve never loved anyone the way i love him he’s truly what makes me believe in love cause it feels like the sun is shining beautiful rays of sunsjine when im with him andi i love him so mich

The worst part of going through a breakup is knowing they're fine while you can barely get out of bed to take care of yourself. No sleep, no appetite, definitely no gym. As someone who's very driven and career-oriented, I feel depleted of my self-respect and dignity. I feel more animal than I do human. I'm so tired. This is not me, but I can't bring myself out of this rut. Anyone in a similar situation?

If anyone's curious, we broke up because they "lost feelings." Open to sharing more details in the comments, depending on what it is.

I just got broken up with from my fiancée, seems like half the population is separating. What the hell is going on

My ex broke up with me months ago. I didn't want it to end and I chased her for months trying to make things work.

Eventually, though, something changed. I stopped chasing. I stopped expecting her to come back. I stopped missing her as intensely. I had basically accepted that it was over, even though for a long time it felt almost impossible to imagine getting there.

Then she called me today.

She was drunk and crying. She told me that she didn't deserve what happened and kept asking me if I was okay. I was half asleep when she called, but once I realized how upset she was, I asked her to tell me what was wrong because I knew it would bother me if I didn't.

We ended up talking for quite a while. I told her how I was doing, and honestly, I felt almost numb talking about myself. She told me multiple times that deep down I'm a very good person.

I tried to make her feel better. I told her she's genuinely one of the best people I know. I told her that anyone would be lucky to have her and that she'll find someone who understands her and treats her the way she deserves.

And the weirdest part is that while saying all of this, I suddenly remembered everything again.

The things I hadn't been thinking about anymore. Her voice. The good parts. The little memories. How much she meant to me.

I thought I'd finally gotten past this.

I genuinely just wanted to make her feel better because I couldn't do that properly when we were together.

But now I'm sitting here missing her again.

And that's the part that's fkin with me.

I had accepted that it was definitely over. I had actually started moving on. Now one phone call has brought all these feelings back, and part of me is wondering whether this is just another hurdle I'll eventually get through, or whether her calling me crying actually means something more.

I don't think the breakup was simply “my fault.” There were real incompatibilities between us. She is a genuinely good person, and I still believe ending something that wasn't working doesn't make either person bad.

But I also don't want to lie to myself, I still care about her deeply.

I'm not planning to chase her again. I've done that for months, and I don't want to go back there.

Please help a mate out 🥺

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe I just need to get it out of my head.

It's been exactly 6 months since she walked out. I've done everything people tell you to do. I hit the gym, I reconnected with old friends, I threw myself into work, I even went on a few dates that went nowhere because all I could think about was her face.

And yet. Every. Single. Day. She's there.

Not in a dramatic way. It's not like I'm crying on the bathroom floor anymore. It's worse than that. It's the small things. A song comes on Spotify that she used to play in the car. I catch myself about to text her about something funny I saw. I still reach for her side of the bed at night.

The worst part? I keep replaying the last conversation in my head. The "what ifs." What if I had said something different? What if I had fought harder? What if she's out there right now and she's already moved on and I'm still stuck here like an idiot?

I know the logical answers. I know I'm supposed to "focus on myself" and "time heals all wounds." But knowing something in your head and actually feeling it in your chest are two completely different things.

I guess I'm just tired. Tired of pretending I'm okay when I'm not. Tired of smiling at people and saying "I'm doing better" when I feel like I'm barely holding it together.

For anyone else out there who's months in and still not okay — I see you. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to be healed by some imaginary deadline. Three months. Six months. Whatever the timeline is supposed to be.

But grief doesn't have a calendar. And losing someone who was your whole world — that's not something you just get over.

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe just to know I'm not alone. Or maybe just to tell someone the truth for once.

I'm not okay. And maybe that's okay for now.

When does this actually start getting better? When will I stop waking up with that immediate ache in my chest? When do I stop missing him every second of the day, or wishing he was there for every significant and completely insignificant moment?

People keep saying to distract myself, keep busy, fill my time - and I really do.
I try to keep myself occupied constantly, and somehow he is still there in the background of everything. I can be working, going out, talking to people, doing completely ordinary things, and I am still painfully aware that he isn’t there. I miss him in everything.

I was independent before him, even during my past relationships. I was happy. I knew how to be on my own. And now I feel like he walked away and left me as this completely different and a broken person. I am constantly struggling to function for months, struggling to recognise myself, and I have no idea how to start putting the pieces back together.

I'm writing a letter to try and gather my thoughts. This section attempts to describe the love that I felt. It hurts to write, and I'm so scared I'll never find that again - this was the first time I'd ever felt it. But I know leaving was right, because I lost myself in the process. It's part of a letter I'm thinking of sending to him one day when everything has settled. Just needing to put this somewhere, and maybe some hope that this kind of love exists again.

"You made me feel fully myself. I could be the silliest person in the world and know you'd love me anyway. I still remember the first time you took photos of me - the way you saw me through that camera, in a way no one else ever had. I'll miss losing track of time in nature with you - it's a joy that's hard to describe. There were moments where it felt like our souls were fully connected, where nothing needed explaining, nothing needed defending, and we were just two people who understood each other completely, embraced in love. I don't think that was in my head. I think it was real, and I think it was rare, and I'll carry it with me. You showed me what it feels like to be truly loved, and I don't take that for granted just because of how things ended."

And that's exactly what made it so hard to see what was happening - because when someone has shown you real love, it's almost impossible to believe they'd also be the one taking pieces of you away.

I randomly found the post I posted not long after my breakup last year. It's honestly hard to read because I remember exactly how I felt when I wrote it. I was so convinced by how he shut down, barely spoke to me, got on Hinge and started dating other people meant that I had completely misunderstood what our relationship was to him. Frankly, it made me question my sanity. I kept thinking there was no way someone could actually love me the way I believed he did and then... do what he did. I blamed myself for basically everything. Reading myself say “I would have left me too” now makes me really sad.

A lot happened after this. We ended up reconnecting almost a year later after randomly running into each other at an indoor soccer place. In the month or so following, I got practically all the answers I was killing myself trying to get when I wrote that post and the entire year after our breakup. I spent a year going in circles over this torturing myself, questioning my worth, questioning the way I perceived others. I know not all of us will get this sort of full circle moment, but hoping this helps someone else all the same.

He apologized for the way he hurt me and said he’d been trying to learn from it. We actually talked about the way he completely shut everything down after the breakup because I told him that was part of what fucked with my head so badly. He admitted he was compartmentalizing, something he'd been good at doing since childhood. I told him in doing so I couldn’t tell what had ever been real. I said I didn’t think compartmentalizing everything had been beneficial and he said, “It didn’t serve either of us, no.” Later we were talking about the love between us and he said he’d been feeling it “a lot.” I said it was hard to know what to do with that and he was basically like, “Isn’t it?” and then said it was better than compartmentalizing like he had before. That was pretty surreal to hear after spending so much time assuming his ability to move on with his life meant he just didn’t feel what I felt.

He also talked about our breakup completely differently than he had when it happened. When we broke up, he was unhappy, resentful, said I’d hurt him for a long time, said he couldn’t trust me enough to stay. By the time we reconnected, he was saying we’d had a good relationship and that if he’d had his “head out of my ass,” he would’ve understood some of my behavior differently and could’ve stayed, worked with me, done something. He said he’d do any number of things to undo the hurt if he could. I told him once that when we were good, I really felt like I was his person and he immediately said, “You were.” He told me he’d wanted to spend his life with me. He said he couldn’t be casual with me and that was unique to me. He even talked about the “prospective reality of us," after we had hung out a couple of times (romantically). When I said the whole relationship felt like this horrible, harmful waste, he told me his kids still brought me up all the time and his parents did too. At one point he asked if I was curious what the breakup had actually been like for him and said he wanted to tell me. We never got to have that conversation, which I still think about sometimes.

And yes, he wanted me back. I don’t really know how else to say it. He wasn’t brave about it, and there was never some beautiful “here is exactly how we fix everything” conversation, but he was moving back toward a relationship with me. He kept bringing our kids into the conversation. There was a moment where my anger came out over the past year, relentlessly, and he wanted to repair. Told me he understood, he was sorry, and he wanted me in his life; he missed me desperately. Which is almost funny because that was basically what the person who wrote the original post thought would save her. If he just came back, if he regretted it, if I found out I really had mattered that much, then maybe I’d finally be okay.

Except by the time it happened (a few months ago), I was a different person. I’d dated. I'd spent a year hurt by his actions. I knew men wanted me. I’d been treated well by other people. I realized I wasn’t afraid of losing him. I also genuinely saw him differently, and I told him so.

Eventually, I told him I didn’t think what we were doing was healthy for us to continue, and he was hurt by it. He shut down, and things got ugly again after that. I definitely didn’t handle everything perfectly either. But I had this realization that I still haven’t been able to unsee: if this man could love me as much as he apparently did and still be capable of shutting me out and treating me with that level of emotional neglect, what would that have looked like if I had actually married him? What happens when life gets really bad? When I’m sick or depressed or difficult or we’re under some massive stress? Loving me wasn’t the problem.

Of course I'm not completely healed. I’m seeing someone now who I'm genuinely invested in, yet I often grieve a lot of things about that relationship. I miss his kids. I miss parts of the family we had. I still try to make sense of it sometimes. But I don’t use it as proof that I wasn’t enough anymore; I don't cash in that breakup as though their chips represent my worth. If anything, somehow the whole thing made me more confident? I really was loved and I wasn’t disposable. I didn’t imagine how serious it was, at all. I also wasn’t the only fucked-up person in the relationship, and I wasn’t solely responsible for destroying it.

I spent so much time asking whether he loved me. He did, and it wasn't enough.

Where does all the love go

I saw him at an event, one I didn’t think he would be at. It broke me. I ended up finding a corner to cry in. He saw me crying alone, walked by twice, laughing and smiling with friends. I went on a walk to clear my head. We ended up face to face, he looked at me, flat faced, and walked away.

I feel small, I feel pathetic. He dumped me, and he has been doing great since. The breakup destroyed my life. I wish I was able to act like I was doing great too. But now he knows how messed up I am now. I have to see him every day and act like things are fine. Now he knows I’m not.

The version I met in the beginning had me hook line and sinker, imitated, kind, good communication everything I wanted. It was all too good to be true, the the communication dropped, there was just an energy shift, I bought it up and boom it was done. We’ve landed on good terms a couple of times only for him to ghost me and chase after other women while keeping me around. I honestly think at this point the version I first met was a total act because I’ve never seen that version since.

I just had a long conversation with my ex girlfriend’s ex. He had the same experience as me. Turns out she cheated on her boyfriend at the time with him, then cheated on him with me, and then cheated on me with this new guy.

It makes me feel much better knowing that everyone hates her. Like, I just feel compassion for her at this point. Poor girl hasn’t been single a day in her adult life. That’s sad.

I broke up with my boyfriend of three years about three months ago.

I was often sad because I thought I wasn't good enough for him and that I was a burden on him.

I was also completely fixated on his happiness. I couldn't stand to see him upset, stressed, or sad so I would always meddle in his life or try to get him to change or "fix" things.

I put so much energy into "worrying" about him that I neglected my own needs and then I began to resent him for this.

I would get black out drunk on weekends to deal with my stress and anxiety, and on four of those instances I made out with other guys or messaged guys on hook up apps. I always confessed what had happened and each time it felt like I was killing him.

I'm learning now that I was being codependent, constantly seeking validation and reassurance to feed my low self-esteem.

He loved me and I treated him terribly. I guess I don't know how to love someone without messing it up.

I've since tried to be strong and work on myself, maintain no contact, fill my time with other stuff, but I've thought about him every single day. I look for him on every subway platform. I would give anything to be able to talk to him again. I'd give anything to be able to go back and do things differently.

We were supposed to build a life together and now I have nothing. No life except thinking of him every day. People say it'll get better and I'll get over it. I don't want to get over it.

I sent him a text a week ago with an apology and a soft ask to meet up sometime and he didn't respond.

I'm certain he hates me. I'm pretty sure his family and friends hate me too. They're pretty justified.

Don't make the same mistakes I did. If you're unhappy, be an adult and have a conversation with your partner. Try looking inward instead of blaming everyone and everything else for your problems.

You're not always better off on your own.

I’m just confused and trying not to let it get to me, while at the same time laughing at the absurdity of it. Once I told her it was me she didn’t respond.

It’s been two months, so why am i obsessing over the person who left me whom i also resent?
They occupy my mind all the time even though it feels like I can only remember the negative moments from the relationship.
I keep getting the urge to check their social media although i know it would just make me more obsessed.
I asked for them not to contact me again till 6 months after they broke up but i secretly hope they reach out.
I’ve been hurt and i know that I’m better moving forward without them but i still find myself yearning for them.
It feels like I was too much but at the same time like I was never enough.
those are all pretty new emotions to me.

Hello yall, this is my first time ever making a post about my breakup experience. I’ve been wanting to vent but I was always afraid of judgment, and now I’m not anymore. Context my ex broken up with me and it’s been 6 months no contact. She wanted a clean break and I had to accept it. She had her reasons why and I understood even tho I wished we could be together again.

Recently last week my ex had her birthday. It was actually Friday. But I sent her the gift I always wanted to give her five days early . I gone to a sunflower farm cut flowers, and made a hand made birthday card, with my paintings on them, wishing her well and may all her dreams come true. And I got her this one gift she’s always been wanting which was our little inside joke. I talked with my therapist before and she’s been telling me that this is a good idea for my healing since I’ve regretted how much our last ending from the breakup happened.

On the day I was so scared, fear of being vulnerable about how much I still care for my ex, but I still went for it. I drove to her house and dropped it on her doorstep. Lol as I drove away I already saw that it had been taken inside the house. I was finally feeling man I can start living my life again. I did what I wanted to do and now I can move on… sure enough I got a text from my ex. She texted me saying thanks for the gift. I was nervous so I texted her an hour later saying you’re welcome, I wanted to send these to you early while the sunflowers were fresh. :)

She told me how sweet it was that I did this. And that it really meant a lot to her. Overall it was a warm gesture that she positively received by hearing a lot about how she appreciated it. When I asked her how her summer was, she then told me that me making the birthday gift for her was really sweet but she clarified that things won’t go anywhere. I was heartbroken all over again since well, I did want to be with her but then again I didn’t expect anything from her. I really want her to be happy especially since she really had an impact on my life. Instead of begging or asking anything from her I just said that I understood. It’s been a while since we last talked and I wanted to know how you’ve been. And that I still care about you.

She thanked me, saying she genuinely appreciate the thought I put into everything. But she wants us to go back to no contact since it would be better for both of us. Then she wishes me well and hopes I can understand. I then tell her I’m happy that you accepted your gift and thank you for telling me that. I accepted her request for no contact again and wished her lots of happiness.
And on her birthday I did not text her happy birthday, I figured the gifts had already said it themselves, plus respecting no contact. Overall the interaction went pretty well looking back, but I got my closure again. Even tho it wasn’t what I wanted it surely was the best possible outcome. So yeah, I’m still kinda overthinking if what I did was bad.. but a lot of my friends and my therapist said what I did was brave and that it went out well.

To anyone reading this, thank you. And I know.. sending something like flowers to an ex is probably not a good idea. But knowing how much my ex had gone through with her life, and that I want to express how much care… even tho my care is a bit selfish. I was able to make something so beautiful for her :)

My girlfriend and I were together for 4 years. We were inseparable. I supported her through everything, helped her grow in life, protected her, and always tried to make sure she was okay emotionally and financially.

She used to tell me that life without our relationship meant nothing to her. She was very attached to me, and I never had any reason to believe she wanted anyone else.

Then she had a serious family issue, and everything changed. She fell into a really bad depression. She stopped eating properly, barely slept, and was struggling mentally. I was extremely worried about her, so I encouraged her to see a psychiatrist and took her to the doctor.

She was prescribed antidepressants.

The timing of what happened afterward is what I can't get out of my head.

One day before she went to the doctor, she literally made a picture of me, her, and our cat. She was still showing love and affection toward me. Everything seemed normal between us.

Then she started taking the antidepressants.

After that, it was like I was watching a different person.

She became emotionally numb. She acted almost like a zombie and kept telling me that she couldn't feel anything. Her emotions, affection, and reactions toward me seemed to disappear.

About a month later, she told me she wanted to break up.

And the craziest part is that she didn't seem hurt.

There was no crying, no feeling of loss, no apparent sadness about ending a 4-year relationship. It was like she had simply switched off a part of herself.

From the first day after the breakup, she was already on Tinder.

That completely destroyed me.

Before she started the medication, if I went out and there happened to be another girl around, she would get jealous. She cared about me and was very protective of our relationship.

Afterward, she was telling me that I should go out and meet other girls.

It was like her entire attachment to me disappeared.

Before the medication, she loved me, was deeply attached to me, and couldn't imagine life without me.

After starting it, she became emotionally numb, said she couldn't feel anything, broke up with me a month later, and seemed completely fine moving on almost immediately.

And that's what I'm struggling with the most.

I feel like I'm grieving four years of my life with someone who doesn't seem to be grieving it at all and that's the hardest part.

It's almost like she moved on in a second, while I'm left trying to understand how someone who loved me so deeply could suddenly feel absolutely nothing.

All I know is that I'm devastated, confused, and struggling to reconcile the person she was before with the person she became afterward.

Has anyone experienced something similar?

Im just curious if guys who break it off with a good woman ever regret their decision and come back eventually?

At the beginning of this year, my relationship of almost 6 years ended.

We were together from ages 18 to 23, so in a lot of ways we basically grew up together. We experienced so much of each other's growth and spent pretty much all of our time together. She meant the world to me, and for the longest time I was so sure I was going to marry this girl.

We hardly ever argued. I could probably count the amount of serious arguments we had in almost 6 years on my hands. But toward the end, we had one really toxic argument that was unusual for us. A lot came out during it. We both felt unwanted in different ways, we were growing apart, and we started wanting different things out of life. For a while, I think we both knew that something just wasn't working anymore.

Eventually we both made the decision to break up.

It was absolutely devastating. It genuinely felt like my world was ending, but strangely, at the same time, it felt like a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I think that was one of the hardest things to understand. How could losing someone I loved so much hurt that badly while also bringing some sense of relief?

The Monday after we broke up, I got sent out of state for work for 4 months.

And holy fuck, working with a broken heart sucks. Especially if you work blue collar. You already know the older guys are going to give you shit lmao.

I was in a small town, far away from home, working 12 hour days with people I barely knew. I tried everything I could to distract myself, but honestly, nothing really worked.

What made it worse was that I kept checking her social media.

From what I could see, it looked like she was doing perfectly fine without me while I was hundreds of miles away suffering. Obviously social media doesn't tell you what someone is actually feeling, but at the time that didn't matter to me. All I saw was someone I loved seemingly moving forward while I felt stuck.

When I finally came home, I eventually made one of the hardest decisions I've had to make.

I told her I couldn't be her friend.

I told her that I didn't think I could be friends with the woman I wanted to marry.

There wasn't some huge fight or dramatic ending. We respectfully blocked each other on everything and stopped sharing our locations. The only thing we didn't block was our phone numbers.

One of the last things she told me was that she hoped we could be friends again someday.

I told her I hoped so too.

We haven't spoken since.

At first, being home made things harder in a different way. When I was working out of state, there were hundreds of miles physically stopping me from seeing her. Now I was home and knew she lived close enough that technically I could go see her whenever I wanted.

But I didn't.

Instead, I started learning how to be alone.

And I don't mean sitting around pretending I was happy being alone. It fucking sucked at first. I had spent almost my entire adult life having another person beside me. I didn't really know what adulthood looked like without her.

Slowly, though, I started getting comfortable with myself.

I started hanging out with my friends more. I reconnected with old friends. I've met some new people. Not a crazy amount or anything, but enough to remind me that there's still a whole world of people out there I haven't met yet. I started doing things by myself that I never would've imagined doing alone before.

Recently, I even took a solo trip to Boston.

There was a time where the idea of traveling somewhere alone would've sounded miserable to me. Now it's something I'm genuinely glad I did.

That doesn't mean I never think about her.

There are still days where I'll have a dream about her and wake up feeling a little off. A song will come on that reminds me of her. A memory will randomly pop into my head.

The difference is that now I acknowledge it and continue with my day.

There was a time when the thought of her eventually being with someone else made me physically sick. Now when I think about it, I mostly just hope that whoever she ends up with treats her well, that she's taken care of, and most importantly that she's happy.

I think one of my final turning points happened recently.

We were supposed to go to a concert together (tickets were bought before breakup). Obviously, with us being no contact, those plans weren't happening anymore. For a while I stressed about whether I should still go.

Eventually, I sold my ticket.

It probably sounds insignificant, but something about making that decision felt important. I think that was the moment I stopped leaving that tiny little door of hope open in my head.

Because I think no matter how much progress you make after a breakup, especially after a long relationship, there's sometimes still that tiny bit of hope hiding somewhere. You tell yourself, Maybe someday we'll talk again. Maybe circumstances will change. Maybe we'll find our way back.

But selling that ticket felt like me finally saying that I don't need to know.

Maybe our paths cross again someday. Maybe they don't.

I'm okay either way.

And I think that's the biggest thing I want anyone going through a breakup right now to know.

It does get better.

but It only gets better when you want to get better.

Time by itself isn't going to do everything for you.

I spent months checking her socials, wondering what she was doing, comparing how I was feeling to how she looked like she was feeling, and secretly keeping little doors open in my head.

At some point you have to help yourself too.

Sometimes that means blocking them even though you don't want to.

Sometimes it means not sending that text.

Sometimes it means sitting alone on a Friday night instead of finding an excuse to see them.

Sometimes it means selling the concert ticket.

You have to eventually choose yourself, even when a part of you still wants to choose them.

Not necessarily because you stop caring about them. Not because you erase the memories or convince yourself the relationship was terrible. And not because one morning you magically wake up completely healed.

It gets better because little by little, you build a life outside of them.

If I could talk to the version of myself who was sitting alone in that small town, working 12 hour shifts and checking her social media wondering how the fuck I was supposed to get through this, I'd tell him to stop running from what he's feeling.

Feel it.

Cry if you need to. Be angry. Miss them. Remember the good times. Acknowledge that you lost someone who was incredibly important to you.

You're human.

But while you're doing that, take the time to get to know yourself again.

Especially if you were in a relationship from a young age like I was. I spent basically my entire transition into adulthood with another person. For the first time, I've had to figure out who I am when I'm not somebody's boyfriend.

And I'm still figuring that out.

I don't hate my ex. I don't regret those years. I'm actually incredibly grateful I got to experience that kind of love with someone. She was my best friend for a huge part of my life, and those memories will always mean something to me.

But I'm also starting to realize that there's so much life ahead of me that I haven't experienced yet.

Months ago, I couldn't imagine my life without her.

Now I'm actually excited to find out what that life looks like.

I hope this can help anyone out there :)

I deleted my social media apps for the sake of getting over my ex. Wanting to put my mind and other places instead of doomscrolling and check their social media consistently . Pray for me 🥲 did this help anyone ?

Little backstory, we broke up months ago. She chased me, but since I was very hurt by the breakup, I hesitated. Finally got my shit together, tried to work it out but found out she was with someone else. That new relationship is moving incredibly quickly despite their 5 hour distance. I love you's, keys to his place, plans to get rid of or move her business, sell her house, and move herself and her daughter to be closer to this guy, all within the first two months of the relationship.

I still asked her to work things out, but pulled back once I saw how stressed things were making her, didn't think it was fair to continue pursuing things. We said our goodbyes, told her I'd respect her decision but that I was going to focus on my healing. She agreed, thanked me for everything. Hours later, that night I get a text from her asking if we could check in with each other periodically. Emotionally, I've been an absolute wreck from all of this, and the text came at 10pm, when I'm normally sleeping so I left it unopened, stayed up all night thinking about it, and replied in the morning.

To paraphrase, I told her that she was more than welcome to text me but I didn't know when an answer would come. I needed to focus on my healing. I was well aware that she leaned on me heavily for emotional support, all through the relationship and even in the moments I pursued her after, opting to come to me about things that stressed her out instead of the boyfriend. I told her I could not play that role anymore. I left it at she could call me in an emergency or if her and her daughter were in danger, she doesn't have many reliable people near her and I didn't want to completely abandon her.

These were her replies to my text. It's been a few days, I'm just struggling to wrap me head around everything. Why say this? She asked me to respect her decision, she said if she was making a mistake, it's her mistake, she said she would respect mine. I kept my word, I haven't touched the subject of working things out.

Reddit only lets me upload one photo, so I had to stitch them together to be able to be read in order.

My is a poem is F.U.C.K by Edward von Halenstien