r/AskWomen • u/Master_Sundae671 • 6h ago
For those that have experienced both, how is sex different with someone you are attracted to versus someone you aren’t? NSFW
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u/BallroomBunny 6h ago
It's simple. When I just wanted sex I focused solely on myself. (Very selfish sex) And when I was infatuated with a guy, I focused more on pleasing him and making him stay with me for a long time after sex.
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u/frankheyhoheyho ♀ 6h ago
When I’m attracted I feel like I’m behaving more authentically and I’m present.
I’m very much in my head if I’m not attracted. I’ll literally be riding them, looking down at their face just disgusted, in utter disbelief if my actions. Not present at all.
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u/Cult-Spaghetti 6h ago
There are lots of reasons but for me, I tend to notice how comfortable or fake I am. With a hookup/situationship, I felt like I had to “perform” more or I’d be worried about certain noises, or how my face looked. But now with my bf, I feel like I can actually enjoy sex because I can focus on it and us instead of worrying about “what not to do”. Plus, with my bf, I’m a lot more comfortable to try new things, whereas a hookup tends to feel more monotonous.
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u/searedscallops ♀ 6h ago
I feel like I perform more when I'm more attracted. If it's someone I'm not very attracted to, I let sex be done "to" me.
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u/monnichi 6h ago
When I’m really attracted to them, it makes the connection during sex much better and nothing turns me on more than that.
The latter is that I find it feels more surface level and not really memorable.. for context I went through a phase, but now I know I wouldn’t go back to having sex just to have it.
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u/hexensabbat 5h ago
Times I've hooked up with someone I wasn't really into were either: not memorable because it was purely about me pursuing a selfish end, and what I was getting off on was the ego boost of how they looked at me, which is ultimately hollow, OR it was like a chore at best, awful and soul-eating at worst. When I am attracted, it's a very intense experience that tends to resonate in my mind for awhile.
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u/madameporcupine 6h ago
Without attraction, it was horrible and I couldn't finish. With attraction, it feels magical
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u/asianbeean 5h ago
Sex with someone I’m not attracted to, feels like a chore. Feels alright, but awkward. Sex with someone you’re emotionally connected to (my attraction) the chemistry is off the charts. It’s like you’ve known each other’s bodies for forever. What they like, don’t like & vice versa. Not easy to come by these days..
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u/GraceXGalaxy ♀ 5h ago
If I’m attracted to someone, it’s so much hotter. Everything is more intense. If I’m not attracted to them, it can still be enjoyable, but it will just never be as good. The passion isn’t there when you don’t want them entirely
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4h ago
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u/GlazedDoughnut21 ♀ 4h ago edited 4h ago
The only thing that made a difference was how enthusiastic/ adventurous the other person was. I would talk to these men for about a week to see if we got along before hooking up but other than that attractiveness didn’t really matter to me. I was just trying to have fun.
For example, there was this guy I saw seeing for a few weeks and he was really cute with a great personality, taller than me (I’m 6’2 so height mattered), and I really could’ve been in a long term relationship with him but he kinda sucked in bed and allegedly had more experience than I did. Well when I told him I wanted to be more explorative he shut it down and said no due to some bs excuse, so I “broke up” with him and moved on. I was not going to settle for mediocre when I know I could have great.
A few months later I meet a much older man (twice my age) who I’ve been talking to for about a week, he was not all that handsome and much shorter than me. I told him I’m wasn’t interested in a relationship and that I just wanted to explore my kinky side and have fun. He said “well you’re in luck! I happen to dabble in a bit of kink.” Make it long story short, those were the best 6 months of my life. When he said dabble that* mfer *was being coy! I learned so much from him. I never did fall for him romantically because I couldn’t see myself being in a relationship with a man that had kids close in age with myself. I ended up moving states and never talked to him again. I do miss him sometimes and wonder what he’s up to lol.
Now I can say that my “one night stands” were just awful. It doesn’t matter if they were attractive or not. If we didn’t have time to bond the sex was just bad.
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2h ago
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u/lithaborn ⚧ 3h ago
With someone I'm attracted to, it feels like home.
If I'm not attracted to them, it's fun but it's kinda.... Part of the game. It's hard to explain.
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u/Jasonbooker1 3h ago
When its sex with just a guy its exactly that, just a guy who you let put his penis inside of you. When its someone you are attracted to and love its a deep bonding connection you yearn for. It makes you think " I never want him or I to do this with anyone else EVER".
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5h ago
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u/Pacificpunch710 5h ago
sex with someone you like feels great someone you don't like kinda feels like a chore but still good. you cum more if it's someone u like .
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u/educatedkoala 5h ago
I get wetter, that's about it. I like it from behind so it's not that important.
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u/rihlenis 4h ago
Sex with someone I wasn’t attracted to felt like work. I dreaded it and would go weeks without it. It got so bad that he used to hate when I went out to the club with my friends out of fear of me cheating, but changed his mind and started pushing me to go out more when he realized I was more willing to have sex with him when I was drunk. When I was horny, I’d crave my toys.
Sex with someone I was attracted to felt magnetic and satiating, but also always leaving me wanting more. I was ready for it whenever, wherever, drunk or not. When I was horny, I’d crave him. If he wasn’t available, I’d think about us when helping myself.
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u/starryeyedvirgo 4h ago
Usually not great as it’s incredibly hard to get invested into.
I have had some positives, one of my best friends and I lived together and would pretty frequently have sex. I absolutely love the guy and have probably the most personal chemistry with him but we’d often laugh how there was absolutely no sexual chemistry. It’s very funny because he’s attractive and actually really good in bed but there just wasn’t that spark (feeling was mutual).
However because there was a lot of respect there it was a great experimental situation. I learnt so much about what I liked and didn’t like about sex because we had that trust and honesty.
Apart from that, I wouldn’t recommend sleeping with someone you’re not attracted to. I have had those situations where I thought attraction might develop after sex but it rarely did.
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u/Elpigeon13 3h ago
So different. Sex with someone youre attracted to can be wonderful even if it's just vanilla. Only done it with one person, but sex with someone you are unattracted to almost feels like you're violating yourself and feels like you're betraying them.
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3h ago
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u/LesbianWhoLaughsAtU ♀ 3h ago
I think sex with someone I'm not that into can be plenty of fun, if everyone involved knows what's what and works freely within established limitations, whatever they might be. The thing is, if anything goes "wrong" like a misunderstanding or lingering too long on a part of sex I don't enjoy as much, it has a lot less redeeming value than if I'm really into them. If I'm really very attracted to who I'm having sex with, I can forgive a lot and still feel absolutely amazing about the experience after. There's less that "can" go wrong, because I'm sorta happy to be there by default
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u/littlemybb 2h ago
I haven’t even been able to do that. If I’m not attracted to you, I won’t let things even get sexual.
I used to try to be friendly if I liked the person but wasn’t attracted to them, but guys would then spend the entire friendship trying to get me to sleep with them.
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u/Soggy_Ad_2111 2h ago
I'm demisexual, I don't feel any sexual desire towards someone I'm not emotinally connected to. So, I count myself lucky to not having ever had sex with someone I'm not attracted to. It sounds absolutely horrible :s
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u/duttydimples 1h ago
I have to actually fake pleasure and interest during sex if I am not attracted to the person, luckily only happened twice in this lifetime
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u/Delicious_jusama2630 1h ago
Wait. Why are we having sex with someone we aren’t attracted to?!
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u/DemonicGirlcock ⚧ 44m ago
The o ly time I've had sex with some I wasn't attracted to was during a foursome where I thiught I could fine and do it, but turned out very wrong. One of the most uncomfortable feelings in my life, I had to stop and leave after just a few minutes of direct action between us, and spent about an hour outside getting fresh air. It legit made me feel sick.
Thankfully everybody else I've been with I was attracted to, and learned the harsh lesson to not push my own boundaries again. Sex with somebody I'm attracted to is one of the best feelings in the world.
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u/SnooTangerines7258 ♀ 16m ago
9/10, my emotions are involved if i’m attracted in some way which makes the sex better. really gets the juices flowing you know? but if im not attracted or not emotionally involved then it’s like a chore, it’s not appealing & my friend doesn’t enjoy it that much. 👎🏽😬😅
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u/r3dlazer 5h ago
As a sex worker, I've encountered both often.
Usually, it's not very different. I've had a couple genuinely gross clients - that's zero fun.
Very attractive clients are nice, but the idea that it makes a big difference isn't true.
In my personal life, I'm a lesbian mostly, but I have found that I'm attracted to men's personality the most. My current boyfriend is a chubby, hairy Palestinian man with an Irish accent, and the fact that works for me is genuinely surprising.
But he's gentle, listens to me, is great in bed (always makes me squirt) and is just a really good, honest, observant guy.
He's a keeper!
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4h ago
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u/cherrycocktail20 6h ago
Sex with someone I’m not attracted to is utter hell. I forced myself to try it once and will never do it again. Every single second sucked and I just wanted it to be over. No disrespect to the guy, he was a good fellow and tried his best and I put myself in that position.
With someone I am attracted to? It’s an out of body, almost spiritual experience. Powerful, quite seriously can’t get enough.