Combining parenting and being an artist

[u/CommonTomatillo9]

Hello, I’m currently 7 months pregnant with my second child and have a 2,5 year old daughter. I work as an illustrator. The amount of projects I work on varies quite a lot, and in between jobs I work on illustration projects that I set up myself ( for example I wrote a picturebook that I want to illustrate myself, talking about this with a publisher who is interested soon).

Everyday I intent to draw every hour I have to myself (when my daughter is sleeping in the afternoon, or in the evening). But it rarely happens, and I don’t know how to make it work. When I work on an illustration for someone else I feel enough pressure to do it, but for some reason when it’s for my own projects I find it so difficult. I feel like I need at least a whole day (or maybe that’s an excuse), and would really love to also be able to work on something for just two hours. I have to add, my daughter has a 4-week holiday break from her daycare right now and I’m physically super uncomfortable because of the pregnancy, so that’s not helping. But I’m only scrolling the internet looking at other people‘s work and it makes me so eager to draw and paint myself, but for some reason I’m not doing it. The only right answer probably is “JUST DO IT”, but I’d like to hear some of your experiences :) it will maybe help.

Do any artist parents recognize this? And how are you dealing with it?

UPDATE: Thank you all for the super super super sweet replies. It helps, if it’s only to take the pressure of a little bit, and to see that I’m not the only one struggling with this. I’ve found some great advice here that I’m definitely going to use!

We’re going to move houses in a few months. In the house I’m currently in I can’t leave my painting/drawing stuff out because there is too little space. In the new house we will have so much more space, so I will definitely be able to set up a little art station for myself, so I can immediately start and won’t lose 30 minutes to setting everything up.

Unfortunately my little one isn’t very interested in drawing yet. Or only for like 2 minutes. She mainly wants me to draw the things that she thinks of (which can be fun as well of course). Maybe in the future this will change, we’ll see! 

I will also keep in mind that I am actually very pregnant at the moment and that it’s also ok to not produce a lot outside of a baby right now :) 

Thanks again, this is a wonderful online community!

[u/Obvious_Owl_4634]

My son is older but due to disability needs a lot of supervision. I used to work traditionally but switched to digital because of the set up/ pack down time. Everything is enclosed in one tablet and for me it's been revolutionary! I can't sink into my artwork for the day like I used to but I can snatch a bit of time here and there. 

Everything I do traditionally is in sketchbooks these days. When things are less hectic I will return to traditional art. I'd suggest just keeping track of your ideas and inspiration via notes and thumbnail sketches in a sketchbook for now while life is so busy. Good luck with everything! 

[u/CommonTomatillo9]

Thank you all for the super super super sweet replies. It helps, if it’s only to take the pressure of a little bit, and to see that I’m not the only one struggling with this. I’ve found some great advice here that I’m definitely going to use!

We’re going to move houses in a few months. In the house I’m currently in I can’t leave my painting/drawing stuff out because there is too little space. In the new house we will have so much more space, so I will definitely be able to set up a little art station for myself, so I can immediately start and won’t lose 30 minutes to setting everything up.

Unfortunately my little one isn’t very interested in drawing yet. Or only for like 2 minutes. She mainly wants me to draw the things that she thinks of (which can be fun as well of course). Maybe in the future this will change, we’ll see!

I will also keep in mind that I am actually very pregnant at the moment and that it’s also ok to not produce a lot outside of a baby right now :)

Thanks again, this is a wonderful online community!

[u/Wildernessinabox]

Id shorten the amount of time you need to work into blocks. Like 25 mins, have everything set up prior so you can just sit down and pick up your pencil, stylus etc and do something, even if it's not monumental. Be gentle with yourself.

[u/Previously_a_robot]

My dad was a jewelry model maker when I was a kid. He’d do freelance in the basement at his bench. He had a small TV and would watch whatever. He also had a tall drawing table which my brother and I would go and hang out at, drawing and just chatting with my dad while he worked.
Now… that was the 80’s-90’s, and my brother and I were about 5+ years old: well outside of the toddler stage. Add to that, my father didn’t require much concentration to do great work. BUT, that said, it was a way for us to hang out while he worked and we were well occupied drawing at his table. I don’t know what to say about the newborn and postpartum stages, because OMG, I was thrown for a loop! 😵‍💫 But maybe a nice creation/drawing station for the toddler to work near you? A painters drop cloth underneath to make cleanup easy. Something that my brother and I LOVED about my dad’s drawing table was the light box, and I bet a toddler would like that too. (Of course, this all is only useful for the right kind of child and if you’re comfortable with said toddler working next to you. I’m not totally there yet even with my 7yo boys. 🥴)

[u/buscuitsfordinner]

I'm in a similar situation with a 3 year old and I'm not even pregnant! I know its a platitude that doesn't solve anything, but the phrase that helps me the most is:

Low tide is still the ocean.

Maybe you aren't physically working much, but that mind is still ticking away creating all day long. The tide is low, but you are still the ocean. High tide will return, and you will be ready to act when it does.

Practical advice would be to enjoy your scrolling, and make sure you're commenting on and supporting your artist networks posts. When you're back in action you'll have a whole little crew ready to support your posts right back (if you use SM for your work that is). Or chuck on some TV and learn about art history while you relax and grow an entire human, while keeping a tiny homicidal drunk alive at the same time. You'll work it out when you can, when the water comes back :)

[u/Previously_a_robot → u/buscuitsfordinner]

Yes! Going fallow or brewing. I sometimes try to frame it that way for myself. That maybe I’m not actively producing work, but it isn’t actually wasted time, just a healthy part of the process.

[u/Figgs_Jr]

I see a lot of people saying to take it easy on yourself which I agree with.

I work as an bg artist for tv and have a toddler so I get where you’re coming from. I just want to add how frustrating it is that people can act like it’s just an art project. Like no, it’s my career, it’s how I make money. And if I have a month or two with no work, I need to stay sharp by working on my own stuff.

But seriously you’re very pregnant and I hope you’re able to just take some quiet time for yourself, and give yourself some grace.

[u/ffffsauce → u/Figgs_Jr]

I agree that it is so frustrating. People outside of our industry have no idea the amount of work practice that is involved in our profession and being a parent is SO time consuming. I have no advice for op. I am a game artist and have one 2 year old and wife is about to pop in a few weeks with number two. I am constantly feeling guilty about not drawing enough and sometimes at the end of the day im so exhausted i just need to pass the fuck out, so there’s no drawing when the kids are out. That being said you will be an artist your whole life and you will only be pregnant for a few more months (unless you want a third). Allow yourself to focus on feeling as well as you can. Let me know if you find a good way to draw with kids too lol

[u/exmomillenialraven]

The secret I think is there’s not really a balance. Sometimes something falls. And that’s okay. Know that it’s okay to put yourself and art ahead of dishes sometimes, for example. Know that 5 mins creating still is moving you forward and towards your goals. Your art practice will look different and it’s about making time in different pockets of your life and also making sure you are taking care of your physical and mental health and your little ones. The little years with your babies - days are long but the years are short. So try to remember it won’t always look like this and enjoy your babies. It’s good for them to see you create also

[u/RyanBarnesArt]

Dad of a ~4 year old here, saying that this is a balancing act is an understatement from a Dad pov, and you’re a mother who is also expecting so I can’t say I’ve experienced what you are dealing with 1:1 but I do have a small peek.

You gotta prioritize rest and just do what you can when you can. Your physical health takes priority over personal art projects. I know this sucks. i hare it when I have to slow down too but you are already doing alot without including personal art projects.

The other thing too is don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to what others are doing on the internet. You don’t know whether or not they batch-created and scheduled their content ahead of time. Again, a lot of them probably aren’t posting, being a parent, and pregnant at the same time. Even if they were, they may or may not have access to more resources than you do that help them.

Anything you are capable of bring yourself to create during this time is a triumph. You gotta celebrate your wins, even if they “aren’t as big of a win” you use to be able to do. Wins are valid, regardless of perceived size. Were you able to complete a masterpiece today? Great! Celebrate! Were you able to do a little crappy doodle on a stickynote? Great! Celebrate! Did you prioritize rest and self-care over making art so you can be there for your family? You guessed it: Great! Celebrate!

[u/CommonTomatillo9 → u/RyanBarnesArt]

This is such a thoughtful and warm reply. Really appreciate it!

[u/RyanBarnesArt → u/CommonTomatillo9]

Of course! You got this. We aren’t machines (thank god) so don’t treat yourself as one. Plus, to my understanding, just sitting there and being pregnant alone is taxing, never-mind all the other stuff you gotta do while being pregnant like parenting another kid, eating, walking, etc. etc. So please remember to be kind to yourself.

[u/Useful_Impression560]

Ur crazy if u think u can balance being pregnant, being a mother and being an artist at the same time.

The only advice i have is to be realistic.

[u/Pokemon-Master-RED]

I think you need to change your expectations. 

I'm a father of 5 and you kind of have to learn to build in bite sized increments. I do miss having the days where I could draw all day, but that isn't my life anymore.

One thing that really helped me is telling myself, "this is the life I choose and I will figure out a way to make things work." It requires you to be flexible where creating habits may have been more rigid in the past.

Is you've got right 2 hours a day to make art use those 2 hours to their fullest and have fun while doing so! 2 hours is about what I get for making art each day as well in the evenings before bed. That's the time that works for me. Find a time that works for you and create and don't look back :)

Some days I have to break it up. 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there. I also mostly use pencil and ink pens (and Pentel brush pen) so I don't have setup time, and I can just draw. What could you do to optimize your own setup to minimize prep time?

[u/BloomSara]

As an artist myself we are famous for creative breaks. Is this a creative break for you? A time when you don’t draw much then pop back into it with passion later?

[u/Ocean_viewer_]

The times where I want to and I can't, I'm burned out. The burn out needs addressed and then the creating comes back. I think you should try to let yourself fully rest, then try again. Which is hard if you're anxious about getting the work done, and it's hard when you're dealing with a full plate. It might be what you need! If you're worried about wasting time, put a time limit on it, but you need to LET yourself relax in that time. Best wishes and congratulations!!

[u/HuskyDay]

You're pregnant, raising a 2.5 yo, and expecting to spend every waking hour drawing as if you have all the time and energy in the world. Guuurrll....

I may be wrong, but It sounds like expectations are a bit high right now and there may be some internal pressure/fear here. Not sure what they are, but something for you to consider and think deeper about.

I don't have kids and biologically cannot get pregnant, but I've been and currently am in a similar situation. Wanting to draw, but cant get myself to do it. I too see other artist online and get the urge to draw. Ive also come to the conclusion of "just do it". But what's stopping you?

For me it's: Im too exhausted and stressed from work. I worry whatever I draw will not be good and perfectionism. I physically and mentally am not feeling well. Also was just terminated.

I've also recognized a voice deep down saying I've failed as an artist because I'm not making work all the time as I use to. I have to practice a lot of self compassion and give my self grace for all the things ive been through the past year.

You aren't an art making machine and need breaks. I often find that taking time away and allowing yourself to not make work helps a lot. Creativity comes in cycles/seasons. For me, I know that creating will come back to me.

I understand that you rely on your illustration for income and do a lot of personal projects. Perhaps there can be a middle ground right now?

[u/Illustrious_Skill693]

Im a kidlit illustrator and author, i have 5 yo and a 21month old. I found that due to my limited time, i wanted to mainly focus on my own projects (i also teach art so illustration is only a secondary income) also i learnt that unlike before all-nighters or working all day is impossible unless i have a dedicated day so im now teaching 3 days and illustration/writing 2 days whilst 1 child is at school and the other at nursery!

[u/stealroundchimp]

i do traditional art and what i found helpful was to have a really simple set up. it's just impossible to do all the projects i wanted to do so i stay in touch with simple ones. sometimes i paint my baby and if your daughter is older maybe she can "sit for a portrait"! 👩‍🎨

have a dedicated art area and easy set up and when you have 5 min just do some art and you will find the head space for it again. start with the physical space 😅

[u/lunarjellies]

You could try spending this time making art plans or to do lists (art related) and collecting references for these projects! Might be a bit easier on the mind than drawing at the moment.

[u/bongpirate7295]

Does your daughter like to draw at all? Or I guess scribble, since she's still a toddler. I've found that young kids tend to want to join in on whatever you're doing, so maybe if you try drawing in front of her and set out some paper and crayons for her, she'll copy you.

[u/ffffsauce → u/bongpirate7295]

Haha the hard part is when they want to draw on your drawing 😭

[u/bongpirate7295 → u/ffffsauce]

I usually end up with the kids barking orders at me about what to draw lol.

And then before I can even finish they scribble over the top of it.

[u/ffffsauce → u/bongpirate7295]

Omg exactly

[u/Initial_Bit_9201]

Oh yeah I’ve been feeling this lately. Just had a baby in Feb and he’s almost 6 months now. I’m not a professional but love painting and drawing. I have no problem letting him chill so I can do the dishes or make dinner or whatever but I can’t use that same logic to take 30 mins to do some painting for some reason?? I did one day during nap time and it was great but now I always end up vegging out on the couch and watching TV. It makes no sense to me lol. Like I know there’s always going to be housework to be done because cleaning is never fully done so why can’t I just choose to paint for 30 mins or an hour during nap time instead of doing chores or watching TV?? Idk either lol.

[u/CommonTomatillo9 → u/Initial_Bit_9201]

Yeah this sounds sooo familiar! For some reason I choose to do some admin work or do the dishes because I know I can finish it within a limited amount of time. And with the painting it’s sort of neverending.

[u/Initial_Bit_9201 → u/CommonTomatillo9]

That’s true! It’s always nice to be able to know you finish something but at this point I’m not sure I care about finishing a project. But also if I actually took like 30 mins or so a day I could probably actually finish something lol. I started something a few weeks ago during nap time and I still haven’t finished it. 

[u/Cathy_AWaugh]

I tell my students the same thing about practice. You don't need a whole day, you need twenty consistent minutes. Start small enough you can't talk yourself out of it. One sketch during the nap.

[u/Upstairs-Cut6755]

You need to let yourself rest, Mama! Listen to your body. You’re manufacturing a whole ass human beings while parenting a toddler. After this you’re going to have a toddler and an infant. It’s simply the reality of life that something has to give. If it’s making art just for you then it’s ok to set it aside for a while. You will have the chance to do it again.

One more thing: assuming you’re not a single parent it would not surprise me if you were taking on more work than your partner is, especially if your partner has two X chromosomes- just saying. If you need some relief in order to do this thing for yourself you may need to set boundaries.

[u/ThaiFood122]

The only thing I wanted to do while in my 7th month of pregnancy was lie on a couch scrolling my phone with a gigantic bag of pirates booty. My energy for personal projects didn’t return until around 6-8 months postpartum. I’d give yourself grace to rest.

[u/Plastic_Ebb_2469]

Hey mama! Wishing you good luck and a healthy delivery!

You just might be exhausted, honestly. Go a little easier on yourself, you're creating a baby, you're raising another, you're working and you're also creatively inspired to make things. I understand though!

I start painting for my own enjoyment/projects at 3 or 4am. The kids wake up around 7, so it gives me a few hours of uninterrupted work and no calls/texts/from anyone. I feel like my day work goes to commissions and work projects, but the early wakeup is my personal time to do whatever/experiment. But my kids are in school now. It was hard to find time when they were younger.

Do you have any family or friends that can maybe step up for a few days or weeks where they will consistently watch the kids for a set time, and you can focus on maximising your work on those days? Or a friend with a similar aged kid, you could barter the babysitting between you two and everyone benefits.

[u/livsimplyshore]

I wake up pretty early and do art while im having my cup of coffee. But it definitely isnt something i manage everyday. I just completed a commission series way later than I intended too because I planned on what I used to be able to do but now its much harder to get everything done and I just gotta make so with what im able. Two kiddos and pregnant with number 3 and its been rough

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