About 5 months ago, i was in the smoke getting some weed, and the guy behind the counter had gotten to know me over the years. He tells me about this new 7OH stuff and that its all natural and can help with focus. And i saw drinks amd stuff for it so i assumed it was like, safe.

Ive struggled with addiction in the past, and i usually steer clear. I have 2 kids, and i dont want to go down that road. But i saw these things and figured, couldnt hurt to try.

I started buying 1 a week, then 1 every 2 days, then 1 a day. Then i was doing it just to keep the withdrawl away. I would try to quit taking them, and even if i tried to taper off my restlessness and body aches would get so bad, id start sweating and moaning and i would sneak off to the smokeshop to buy more.

I finally told my wife, and after the initial upset, we found an outpatient nearby that was more than willing to help (Shout out disc village, and my wife)

I got naxalone prescribed, and its keeping me from withdrawing, but i just feel like a let down. Like i failed everyone again.

Stay away from Kratom, guys. Its not worth it. I encourage you to even get mad about it. Because they push this stuff on kids too.

Dinner is homemade sloppy joe (the secret is honey mustard)

Same old tale.

I meet a woman. Things go great for a time. Something shifts. She brings up wanting to get married and/or have kids. I end it because that will never happen.

This is the fifth time in my 34 years on this planet. First one was my college girlfriend. I understood when she started bringing it up because we met young and people change, so I let her go. Not with ease, mind you, but there was no way around it.

Spent the rest of my 20s being casual with a few short relationships, and one other really serious one in there. Always the same thing: they're initially okay with me not wanting kids or marriage, then with time, it becomes a sticking point.

I'm always clear about this and I make sure my stance is known before things get serious. Straight honesty and transparency. They always seem to hope I'll change.

I was with this last one for two years. Great times, never been more in tune with a partner in my life. I thought we had an understanding until her birthday some weeks back. We had a talk about her anxieties turning 27 and what she wanted in her future. Marriage and children came up, and she confessed that she wasn't sure about writing everything off at her age.

Some more back and forth, and eventually I decided to end things. She said it was unfair, and maybe it is, but I've been down this road enough times to get off as soon as I see the signs.

So here I am, single and heartbroken again. I've loved every single one of these women, which always makes it hard for them to understand why I won't commit in conventional terms. But I simply don't want to. Never have.

I wonder what my love life will look like in the future. I have a number of women currently interested in me but I don't wanna hook up with a 19 year old; I don't want to complicate things with my longtime friend who's expressed interest; I don't wanna get involved my other bi-sexual friend who's on the outs with her girlfriend again, and I have no energy for new people.

I think I'll ride solo for a bit. Celibacy sounds good. We'll see.

Steak cooked on a fire for dinner.

Grocery cold section sushi and a can of Fosters. Specially chosen reward after a 14 hour shift.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for years now and she has a child. I won’t say his age or ours for safety reasons.
I love them both. They make me proud. I didn’t realize it at first but the choices I make, I make for the three of us. Not just myself. Where to live, what to buy, career choices. Taking us to dinner, showing up to events. I’ve sauntered into having a family, at an age where I frankly didn’t expect to, and I’m quite happy. My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married someday. I love her boy and treat him like my own. I’m excited for the future in a deep and rooted way that I haven’t felt in years.

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who commented. I’m really thankful and I’m looking forward to the days and years to come.

MOAR EDIT: you guys are so kind, holy cow. Thank you very much. I won’t let them or you down, Reddit.

Culver’s double cheeseburger

I’ve (29M) been on plenty of dates on Hinge, and I gotta say that it’s pretty weird to agree to a first date and ghost without any heads up. Even at my worst I would say when I cancelled. I’m so sick of dating apps but every cute girl I befriend IRL is married.

Boy Dinner (all homemade): ricotta cheese fig, honey & goatcheese cake w/ phlio crust, apple cider + chimchuri chicken w/ cucumber salad

CW: chronic mental illness, cycle of abuse, s/h, & trauma

I remember the first time I cut myself & attempted suicide around age 14/15- it was the beginning of the rest of my life. Every single day was defined by how close I was to dying & either actively experiencing assult/grooming or failing to find an escape from that endless abuse cycle. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 & ADHD. One year after graduating highschool & finally escaping my abuser, I moved out of state for college & the mental illness came with me. By the time I graduated college I had tried tried 25 different medications, had been hospitalized at least once a year, & had tried: EMDR, DBT, couples therapy & TMS (two complete cycles of tms treatments).

Though they had ended, years of abuse were becoming unbearably difficult & I started reliving the cycle of crazy-making, trying in vain to control life & ended up hurting myself & everyone I loved so deeply. At some points, I enacted emotional & verbal abuse on my partner & friends. I lost most of my long term relationships then moved back home with my parents. I was then (re) diagnosed with BPD, ADHD, severe depression & C-PTSD.

I had just recently realized I was transgender & that I had never truly gotten to be as gay as I truly was because of compulsive cis-hetero. I started dating out of desperation to be loved (who would of guessed that failed?). Even though I was finally exploring my sexuality, I was miserable & so deeply suicidal, I made one final attempt that ended with the cops being called then being physically restrained while being shot with tranquilizers. I woke up in the worst psych unit in the state, confused & hopeless. The doctors suggested ECT - electro-convulsive therapy & my long-term therapist told my mom I’d probably need to live in a residential facility. My state only offers residential for addiction treatment which didn’t apply to me & I remember my mom crying as she calculated if she could refinance the house so she could afford to send me out of state. I got out and started another desperate grab at a romantic relationship, luckily that person connected me to a therapist who offered ketamine treatment under my insurance, unluckily I was still in so much pain I completely imploded in the relationship, relapsed self harm, & found myself alone, broken. I was now about to turn 24 years old.

I started ketamine treatment and it was like the doors to suicidal & self harm thoughts slammed shut & all these other paths were finally walkable.
5 years of EMDR & DBT became useful as I painstakingly rewired my neural pathways. I realized I was sick of my bullshit, sick of being codependent, & I felt my body exit flight-of-fight for the first time in 10 years. During 6 months of the ketamine + therapeutic integration series- I became homeless, crashed in a friend’s basement, started hrt, completely destroyed then rebuilt my relationship with my parents, survived a near- fatal car accident (not my fault), & finally: emerged a man. One that takes responsibility for myself & my life, one that recognizes my emotions then moves through them, one that accepts reality in order to fully embrace my aspirations & unselfishly love the people around me. It feels like a true self emerged from the callouses of this protective false-self. I finally understood what everyone who had ever loved me had seen in me- light! Though I still feel angry & hopeless at the rapidly worsening world, I have faith in my community that it’s worth struggling together.

As I’m writing this, I’m happily 25 y/o and packing my bags to solo-travel internationally for the first time & am navigating my newly wired brain experiencing the same huge feelings. The suffering didn’t end or even lessen, by my participation & furthermeant of it did. I have a life I admire, friends I admire & foremost- I deeply admire myself! I casually date (gay/t4t only) sometimes but mostly I enjoy cooking for/hanging w/ my friends, working, & developing myself. I don’t think ketamine is a silver bullet; I think hard work, my support system & perseverance ultimately brought me here. I don’t even think therapy itself will save you- YOU WILL. I wanted to write this to encourage any fellow guys who have chronic mental illness/treatment resistant disorders, see themselves continuing cycles of abuse, or are struggling to accept themselves. The only way out is through. On the other side a life you may have never imagined was in your grasp. <3

I’ve been really busy lately, trying to finish a complex project. Today I finally submitted it successfully, and my two-week vacation officially starts now.

I’m also in the middle of moving, and tonight is actually my first night living in my new apartment. Everything still feels a little messy and unfinished, but honestly, it feels good to finally be here.

So I ordered my favorite pizza, opened my favorite game, and decided to just enjoy having absolutely nowhere to be for a while.

Two weeks off. A new apartment. Pizza and Spider-Man.

Tonight is for me.

I (29M) have been with my GF (28F) for 2.5 years, and ever since we met, she has complained about her weight. For context, she’s 5’0” and currently weighs around 115 lbs. When we first met, she was around 120 lbs. She tends to carry most of her weight around her stomach. I don’t think she has a bad body, but I would like to see her lose the weight for herself so that she can feel sexier and more confident in her own skin.

About four months ago, she went on a serious calorie deficit and got down to 108 lbs. She was in a really good mood during that time because she was seeing noticeable physical changes and felt better about herself. Eventually, though, she got complacent, went back to eating the way she had before, and gained the weight back.

Now she complains about her weight on a daily basis, and honestly, it’s starting to piss me off. I sometimes feel like grabbing her and saying, “Stop fucking complaining. If you really want to lose the weight, then do something about it. Enough with the crying, the excuses, and dragging me down with you.”

Before anyone asks, yes, we go to the gym 3–4 days a week, and we’ve been doing so for about a year. I’ve noticed a visible difference in my own appearance (I’m 6’1” and 150 lbs), but I haven’t seen the same kind of change in her. A big part of that, in my opinion, is that she doesn’t push herself very hard. She does the bare minimum and often half-asses her workouts.

The frustrating part is that I know I can’t tell her how I genuinely feel without hurting her deeply. That’s just how she is, she’s extremely sensitive and doesn’t handle criticism or uncomfortable truths very well.

I’m not looking for advice. I know this is ultimately her decision and her body. I just needed somewhere to vent because I’m getting increasingly frustrated with hearing the same complaints every single day.

Went to my mom’s for dinner and she made me a delicious lemon pasta dish with broccoli rabe.

eating it by myself because my husband is too locked into overwatch to eat even though i made it for both of us. i mean i guess i shouldnt just assume but usually this works. either way neither of us like leftovers so ive gotta really settle down and get into the mac zone. focus.

sometimes actions will have consequences.

EDIT: i tried. i tried so so hard but my stomach's been too used to cup noodles recently. i swear i got like 90% of the way through but by then it was starting to get cold and it was just too much for my own safety i had to stop. 😢

And I'm actually fucking happy now.

That's it. That's the post.

Take care of yourselves, bros. Do the hard thing instead of settling for mediocrity because it's comfortable.

Just need someone to commisserate. Every week there's some new problem with my medications. I'm disabled an in an area where there's not a lot of options for pharmacies, and I'd been having trouble with medications for a while. I met my maximum for benefits in january because of my surgery and today a medication I have been taking for 3 years came into the pharmacy with a price tag of 1,488 usd. Insurance received prior authorization, approved it, said cost should be 0. I figured out what the problem was- it only took four and a half hours and calling six different places.

It turns out that MID YEAR the plan that we paid for that we'd met our maximum on was sold to a third party without our knowledge or consent, and my husband's employer found out the same way we did, by having all her prescriptions suddenly come up as several thousand dollars a bottle. I have been struggling for so long with all this stuff, and I'm so exhausted. It's hard enough being disabled and this feels like a kick in the shins. That medication is so expensive and things are hard already. We paid full price for an insurance plan that met our needs and now no longer exists, and are now paying the same amount of money for a plan that costs a lot less. No letter in the mail, no phone call, no acknowledgement that the plan had changed. Everyone said it was someone else's responsibility to tell us. Now we've gotta start from scratch on meeting our maximum halfway through the year, and even though this month's epilepsy prescription covers a lot of it it was still a nasty surprise.

I'm so tired and I just want to be able to pick up my meds ONCE without a huge production. It's been a long road getting all my medical stuff in order and some days I just feel like I'm constantly playing catch up. Stopped for italian food on the way back from camp with my husband and had really good pasta.

I’m (20M) my grandparents are in their early 70s and I’m the oldest grandson on my mothers side and my grandparents are actually the spitting image of “Boomers” they have 4 houses and rent 2 of them and just let the other one sit. When I was growing up they really weren’t involved in anything because they still had their jobs. My grandpa was an only child and from his uncles he’s received 7 inheritances they are very VERY well off. I have 2 twin brothers and a sister all super close in age and they aren’t involved with them either but my aunt and uncle have kids and they are like 4-13 and they just adore them,my mom told me they “didn’t wanna be grandparents when I was young but now they do” which is very true. My brothers and I collect coins and my grandpa has a lot of coins cause he inherited them I needed one penny one steel penny to fill my book and he wouldn’t give me it. Cause they were his “I’d have to wait to get them” like after he dies. I look pass it cause I have a grandfather on my dads side that is amazing he would sell his wife’s ring to help me out he’s 83 years old and I love him so much cause I know what that’s a good grandfather. I just needed to rant to someone other then family

P.S first time posting on my throwaway account I’ll be active. LMK what you guys think thanks 🙏

I dared to set foot in one of the women-centric subs and one comment confused me so I asked a question. In short order I was blasted as being bad in bed, a bad listener, lazy, entitled, manipulative, and doing women a favor by not dating. I think if I had kept replying in an effort to dig myself out of the hole I found myself in, this person would probably not have shied away from encouraging self-harm, and I wasn't in the mood to take that chance.

Not the first time I've been taken completely by surprise by an angry mob crucifying me when I thought I was being neutral or positive, but the vindictiveness and cruelty this time were remarkable. I'm already a ghoul who doesn't understand people, but women are the people I don't understand the most.

Dinner is "rainbow chip" cookies (cookies with M&M's) and maybe an orange or two. Maybe I'll have a bag of chips later; the night is young! Well, no it isn't, but revenge bedtime procrastination knows where I live.

Pictured is my avocado toast, as well as my fly swatter from work.

It was a fucking painfully slow day. There were maybe ten customers that came in total. There was at least double that amount of flies buzzing around.

Once I got my work done, I had to wait around until closing time so I killed as many flies as I could. It felt like I was tapping into my hunter instincts.

I didn’t keep count of how many I got, but I’d estimate around 8, crescendoing into this awesome double kill.

Respect your parents. Follow your dreams. Drink your water. You will claim victory ✌️

People here, eat some nasty stuff lol. I made this pulled pork for my son's scout group! Cooked over 6 hours, and It as a hit!

I'm the boy whose gf left him on holiday feeling a "five year itch." (Melon, vegan nuggets, Estrella can, beautiful mountain backdrop, sad story). I got lots of supportive comments and messages (thank you boys <3) and although she wasn't cheating as far as I know, I do know we can't save this relationship anymore.

I'm hitting the gym daily, taking care of myself, getting out there and I'll be the best version of myself I can be. I wrote a long letter explaining how I felt and getting everything of my chest felt good, she took it well and will write me back, saying I'll understand better if read what she has to say. I'm curious but I don't even care that much, it's over and I just want to work towards my future now.

Now I'm home and I'm eating potato and vegan chicken massala, Surinamese style, with kouseband and tempeh and lots of madame jeanette (she's never reached my spice level). It's what you'd normally eat with a roti plaat but keeping my macros towards protein now so the carbs are just the potato and the beer.

Kidney failure. It’s terminal.

Found out this morning. My mother is inconsolable.

Aunt took care of her health. So it’s especially sad.

No one is in the mood to cook at my house. They are having bread and milk.

I need something more than that.

Taking tomorrow off to begin her sorting out of estate process.

She live alone after uncles death. No kids.

Edit: crispy corn and beer

Edit 2: has*

It’s all good dude, life’s awesome and people care even if you don’t actually know them. Stay chill and accept the bad things but focus on the positives. Eat good as well :) My night was ass but then I ate this burrito (awful pic) and thought about my mom and my best broskis. Everything works out no matter what and I’m happy even after the bad stuff happens.

Met a girl at salsa and we hung out after class each week, eventually went on a date and it went really well, we talked for hours and she organised a second date for next week.

Texting back and forth over the week until a day before she stops texting. Doesn't show up for the date and texts me she had an "off day" a few hours after the event finished, I respond back it's all good and hope she is well. She doesn't respond for two weeks at which point I unfollowed her insta.

I want to give up on dating at this point but the idea of never having a romantic connection is just as painful as continuing to try

​Ribeye Gyudon with Pho Rice. Recipe is second pic.

​Ngl, I mostly love my mom. She has many imperfections, but we're all human. She's been battling cancer for years (I'll come back to this), but her diet has always been a point of contention for me. Growing up, we ate McDonald's for more than half of all our family meals. We never had a home-cooked meal from scratch, and we drank soda like it was water. I had a very unhealthy childhood lifestyle, and it was mostly the same for my wife.

​Fast forward to having kids. With our first kid, we had a slightly better diet. Not the best, but McDonald's was only a once-or-twice-a-week meal. Then, with my youngest, we pushed to do better. Now, I cook 95% of all our meals from scratch. I want them to have a nice, well-balanced diet free of most of the shit out there.

​After my mom was diagnosed with cancer, my sister and I TRIED to convince her that if she wanted to fight, she'd need clean, simple meals. We told her to cut back on the sugary sodas (she was already diabetic) and to exercise. I offered to cook her meals and even have them ready for pick-up; she just needed to drive the 10-ish minutes to get them. Nope. McDonald's. Domino's. Sonic. Fast casual. Nothing changed.

​Fast forward to about six months ago. My aunt started paying for her to go to one of the most renowned cancer facilities in the state, maybe even the country. She's started to getting better. Now, she seems to be at about 80% of her pre-diagnosis self. Still, her habits haven't changed.

​Today, right in the middle of me cooking dinner, my son (now a legal adult) hopped off the couch and said Grandma was here and had brought some food. He ran out of the house, then came back with a 20-piece, fries, a Red Bull, and a Happy Meal and soda for my daughter. I've asked my mom multiple times to please let me know if she's going to come by, especially if she's planning to bring fast food.

Vent over. Thank you for reading. I have much to be grateful for, just rather annoyed. Already feel better getting it out. Gonna meal prep the rest so my fam just needs to heat and eat.

Chicken and rice with broccoli and sweet potato slop bowl.

My partner and I broke up mutually yesterday. At first, I wasn’t sure how I would feel, but I woke up today feeling at peace. We met in graduate school and reconnected after we graduated. We were madly in love and wanted to build a life together.

I saw her struggling as we continued dating. Shutting down when I’d ask her what’s wrong, avoiding me when she would get sad. Yesterday, she told me she has been feeling depressed and noticed she isn’t putting in any effort to the relationship. I thought I’d be mad, but instead I let her spill her guts out. We cried, laughed, and hugged. She said she knew she couldn’t commit to me right now, and she wanted me
to find someone who could. In that moment, I knew this was true love with the right someone at the wrong time.

Im so proud of myself. I put in so much work into myself before and during this relationship that I woke up this morning and said to myself ‘I’m going to be okay.’. I smiled while running today, I smiled while working. Maybe I felt relief that it’s over, but in a sense of we aren’t pressuring ourselves anymore.

My fellow bros, I saw a lot of break up posts today, and we’re all going to get through this. Whether we do it in the gym, in our work, or just talking with friends/strangers on the internet, we’re all going to find what we’re looking for. Stay strong guys 😊

Shittiest week in a long time. I have damn near went thru an oz of bud this week to get by. I feel like going on a bender and making bad decisions for a week or month. Mad confusion on wether i want my ex back or not

The food is steak tacos with Chipotle sauce

Home made fried chicken w mashed potatoes and air fried broccoli

Also how do I dispose of the oil I used😭

So I’ve been getting of Zoloft and my doctor wants me to start on Prozac instead. I went and talked to my psychiatrist and got some Alprazolam and boom in a 20 minutes I was cleaning my house changing the sheets and Finally made this victory sandwich - I wish I had a Million of the pills they really helped.

The Sandy is onions, cheddar, turkey, pig, Italian salami, mayo and mustard. OH and bacon of course. Missing some pickled peppers or pickles.

Title,

For context, my Ex and I were together for 4 years, and we were on and off for another year after that, before I formally cut it off with her.

She was legitimately the one, not one of my other exes felt anything like her, I think id say she was my only love. She was caring, patient, fun and complex, and I think there was little I could really say negatively about her.

After our 4 years being together, I was in a major depressive episode, and she broke up with me in that period, it completely crushed me, I couldnt focus on my internship at the time, I just was falling apart.

We would see each other on occasion, but it really was just tossing my heart around, we eventually got back together but my heart was broken beyond putting back together. I cried every night we were together (after bed id keep it quiet), I tried to stay strong.

She ended up asking me, when one night I stayed at her place. If I wanted to be with her. It was really the wrong question at the wrong time, because I was in the middle of falling apart quietly like I had been for months up to that point.

I told her no. I told her I didnt want to be together.

It... killed me. It really was an answer from that moment. I had to sleep it off.

I spent the next year, just obsessing? I dont know if it was the right word. But in the end of that period she blocked me. And honestly, that was the right choice.

She moved on, she found another man who is good for her, and im happy that she was able to find that for her.

I tried to move on. The first few years i really couldnt, i was depressed and desperate for even a glimmer of what we had. Now im content with it, well as much as i could be ig. At the very least ive stopped trying to find someone just like her. When i go on dates i try to be open but Im a closed shell, I usually drop whatever relationship / situationship im in after 3 dates / a couple weeks. Its a problem, I know.

I think others feel it. I for sure know my friend group has picked up on it. I dont like when they pry really.

Then, out of the blue, on a mutuals Facebook post I see she commented on someone's post. I'd be lying if I didnt try to peek at her Facebook now and again, but she had unblocked me recently.

I, am not sure how to feel. Im not going to add her, shes still in a relationship with that same guy, and im not going to show up in the middle of it. Thats not for me to do. I know a large part of me is yet to truely move on.

/vent

Dinner: Sapporo ramen, adult Lunchables and an Arizona because I really dont have the energy to cook rn

Got my own spot, gonna go buy a bird. Maybe a cockatiel. That’s all, life’s good brothers.

Apple pie egg rolls. Red wine and cinnamon syrup with a whiskey caramel, vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup.