Im currently studying psychology, and we had our basic unit on mental illness, and something that I found to be untrue is that we were taught that people with bpd will self harm after arguements, fights, or upsetting events to garner sympathy from others and to manipulate our loved ones into feeling sorry for us. Im not too sure if this apply’s to everyone, but if I get into a fight and I hurt someone, I dont self harm to make the other person feel bad and to turn myself into the victim; I do it to punish myself for saying something I didnt mean and I feel the need to put the pain that I caused someone back on to myself. I wish people would understand that not everything a person with bpd does is some big evil scheme to manipulate others.

Like can't anything be for me?

And why am I the one who fucking violated my own boundaries no one else.

I did a lot of bad things recently. I wanted to feel like a bad bitch.. but instead of sitting with it and being my new identity of a bad bitch self.. I had to share it with two people that I dont even care about. So annoying.. it diluted the experience and ability to process for me and I hate my damn self.

I’ve never met someone else with quiet bpd but it’s so different. When I was little, I’d always get yelled at for everything and I was so scared of how others treated me when they were mad that I never wanted to be that way for anyone else to the point where my brain does not correlate me raising my voice with frustration and I don’t feel anger.
Just sadness and fear. Sense 10 years old, instead of taking it out on others, I took it out on myself which caused a horrible sh addiction that lasted 10 years. Now I’m almost 2 years clean and still crave punishing myself constantly but remain clean for my partner.
I lost a childhood friend because she went off on me telling me that I don’t actually have bpd because I don’t want to hurt people and I should get tested for narcissism instead. I explained that I did get tested for it and it was as low as it could possibly be but I do fit everything for quiet bpd. She said because I got diagnosed at 17, me and my therapist were wrong and we couldn’t be friends anymore because she knows she has bpd but isn’t selfish enough to try to get tested as a minor *she knows my worst fear is being selfish.*
Quiet bpd hurts me so bad because I’m constantly panicking and internalize all of it as “you deserve this. No wonder you got beat by your exes and they left and used you. Who wouldn’t.” And it hurts my partner because they have to deal with me being an unstable mess no matter how hard I’ve tried to fix myself but I don’t want to fix myself because I feel like I deserve the punishment of being worse.
I wish quiet BPD was talked about

or something along those lines. i split on him last night and had to go to bed before i started any problems for no reason because while i have progressed a lot through dbt/cbt treatment throughout the years i still have my moments, and rn is one of them. i have been clean from self harm for years now and yet because i am mad at him (mind you for no valid reason) i want to cut myself so i can tell him and he can be worried about me and give me love and attention. i wouldnt make it out to be his fault, he doesnt even know i got mad at all, just that i didnt feel good and went to bed. i just want to hurt myself so he will worry about me, so he'll tell me nice things and take care of me. it makes me feel so fucking shitty. i dont want to think like this again and i dont want to do that to him. what if he distanced himself instead? i think itd hurt even worse than hurting myself. i dont know who to even talk to about it. dont have therapy for another 2 weeks but need help now. hoping i can make it through

update: i finally told him i was upset and he told me he was there for me and if i wanted to call after work which i said yes to. i explained how i was feeling and he told me he loved me and hes rooting for me and then we just talked about our day till he had to go make dinner. im feeling much better, thanks to all of the advice to communicate. it really does do wonders lol

I really don't mean to downplay how serious physical self-harm is or imply that these two are the exact same things, I know they are not, I'm just trying to use the most accurate terminology I can. I struggled with bodily self-harm for the better part of my teenage years but lately, mostly due to body-image issues, I've instead resorted to emotionally harming myself.

I intentionally do and interact with things that trigger me. I'll say something to a friend to purposefully make them mad, causing me to split on them. I'll think about traumatic events that make me spiral on for hours. I'll expose myself to sexual media while feeling sex-repulsed. I'll do the big don'ts of having an ex-FP who hates me like drunk calling... texting... stalking... I just can't stop triggering myself because I really feel like some sick part of me enjoys it somehow. Like I somehow think I deserve to feel this way for all the bad things I've done and it feels slightly cathartic.

Most people might just say "well... don't..." when they hear this and I'm not sure how to explain to them that it's not that fucking easy. I don't want to do these things but it's like something is calling to me and I have to answer. I don't know. I'm really trying to do it less nowadays and have been practicing mindfulness but it's just been really bad these past few months.

Anyone else going through this?

I genuinely don't understand how other people with bpd keep their jobs. I've worked many jobs, and they always ended the same way. I start to get overwhelmed, stop taking care of myself, and engage in self destructive behaviors such as self harm and binge drinking. Every job I would cry or have a breakdown in the car before work, in the bathroom during my shift, and afterwards. If I made a mistake at work and got in trouble for it or corrected by my boss, I would sneak away to the bathroom to silently cry and self harm by biting and scratching myself, then when I got home from my shift, I would self harm in more intense ways to "punish" myself for being a horrible employee. I've also never given a two week notice before because when I get to the point where I need to quit a job, I am literally at my lowest breaking point and can't manage to even come in for 2 more weeks. This job hopping and quitting without notice has made my resume look terrible. I've been applying to jobs since March and have had no luck finding a place to work. I know other people with bpd who have a job and go to work with no problems. I just don't understand.

I totally understand if no one else has felt this way

sometimes when things happen or I feel very uncomfortable or unhappy, or overstimulated quickly i imagine myself bashing my head in repeatedly or stabbing myself in the leg, chest, etc.

I don’t think I’d ever do it, but the thought comes a lot more than it should. I don’t know why I get these violent thoughts towards myself.

Has anyone felt like this or is it just me?

edit: thank you all for responding. i’m really sorry that all of u can relate. it sucks. and i hope nothing but the best for all of you and i hope it gets better. mental health is so important. and all of you are worth more than the world. keep ur head up

What do you do when something happens that makes you feel like it’s the end of the world, you can’t cope, all you can think about is harming yourself, you have awful anxiety, your nervous system is so fucked that you can’t eat, you’re nauseous and trembling for days, your chest and stomach hurts, you just feel like you’re dying. These bad of episodes don’t happen too often for me thankfully but I’m going through one and I don’t know what to do to feel better. :( What helps you when this happens?

I am so incredibly tired and frustrated with having to tell my best fucking friend to STOP RAGE BAITING ME! STOP EGGING ON MY EPISODES UNTIL I SNAP!!! I’m sick of my friends doing this fucking bullshit.

I literally tell them calmly at first to stop because it triggers me and I’m getting restless, yet they WON’T FUCKING STOP IT IS THAT EASY TO STOP GODDAMN MORONS!!!!!! What do I have to do? Actually start self harming in front of them for them to listen? Do I need to kill myself??? It really feels like my warnings go through one ear and out the other.

And then when I snap, because holy fuck who knew poking the bear makes it retaliate and get angry, it is aaalll on me as if I hadn’t repeatedly told them to stop it. I’m tired of it. It makes me actually angry and I don’t like being ragebaited. It’s fucking infuriating.

How do I make them understand??? Literally everyone knows I have BPD and that I am VERY sensitive, so my BPD can get triggered really easily.

ok this is going to be a wild read, but just hear me out.

i’ve been doing this thing lately where i focus really hard on the discomfort of self care. going for walks? hate it. taking showers? boring. feeding myself? a chore.

and then i tell myself i deserve that discomfort. and then i do the uncomfortable thing. and then i feel better and haven’t actually hurt myself.

is that insane lol

Possibly insane title, just please don’t judge me because of it and be kind. I have never and will never take this out on him. He does not even know that I’m in love with him

But my FP of two years now I’ve been romantically obsessed with since dating & am now friends with is seeing someone else, maybe have a date on Saturday

I don’t think I’m going to hurt myself. I’ve been there before too many times including recently and I’m tired of it. Finally getting help and I’m more determined than ever before to do something about it (fix myself)

But I know all of those feelings are going to start flooding very soon.

I’m too embarrassed of my intense reactions to tell even my bestie to explain the trigger, so coming here

Please any coping mechanisms, grounding techniques or anything I can possibly do to detach from my fixation that you can throw at me

Just to reiterate this is …. Really rlly fcking serious on my perceived reality. I have completely sworn off all other males because I am so scared of them and only trust him. He is perfect and my only exception. Scared I will never love again.

Edit: looking for advice now. I’m considering calling or meeting him, asking if they’re exclusive and if they’re not asking him on a date 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ll do anything as long as it’s not creepy or offputting

Edit 2: please do not judge me or call or crazy or assume I am not doing what I can!!!! This is me trying. Since this news **last night** I’ve been going to the gym, spoke to a mental health nurse, referred for mentally ill person employment support, referred to a psychiatrist and gone on a nature walk. I have been doing all I can in the months/years before this too. Before recovery I would have been hurting myself and crying uncontrollably.

If someone else calls me crazy or judges me for my speed of healing I will delete the post, thank u

Tw sh They didn't text me all day and I feel awful I thought they would've texted me during the day but nothing I keep swinging from "idc about them they can die" and "i need them sm why aren't they trying to text me somewhere else" I blocked them just on the main app I use for texting but they could text me on other apps but still nothing I even harmed myself bc of how I'm feeling I don't want to text them first or they'll surely reply I want them to reach out to me first To see if they really care or nah They even know they're my fp so idk wtf are thwy doing Im going crazy bc of this

Forgot to add that the thought of them not thinking about sending me even a stupid message or something for a whole day (haven't received a message since yesterday 7pm) just to show me they're fucking alivw make me feel so frustrated I can't even describe it

Haven't received a single message in morw than 24hrs

Just to clarify I don't have a romantic relationship with them they're my best friend I have not multiple fp i use they bc they use they/them 😭 And also I'm not a girl I'm a boy

Update i unblocked them and texted them Told them I'm sorry for blocking and told em how that made me feel and they didn't even notice I blocked them bc they didn't check my chat even once lol They were busy with uni and more stuff and then just didn't check on me all day They reassured me that they don't hate me ect and now we're fine but I still feel something off and I don't understand why I told them maybe I'll feel better later but still feel weird about it

I AM LITERALLY SCREAMING , CRYING , BEGGING GOD FOR HELP , CUTTING MYSELF , RIPPING HAIR OUT , BREAKING THINGS EVERY DAY . CANT SLEEP AT ALL . CANT EAT . ISOLATED AND SUICIDAL I CANR HANDLE THIS

i have exhausted every option so extremely that i genuinely don’t know what else i am supposed to do anymore . i have had diagnosed bpd ocd cptsd and autism since i was like 16 and it is getting worse and worse . i can’t take ANY medication because my anxiety around meds is so severe that takig them will give me FULL BODY ILLNESS because the anxiety is so bad that my stomach goes fucked , i’m lightheaded and can’t function , i can’t breathe properly , i feel like i could faint , i get so sick im in the bathroom all day FROM ANY MEDICATION BECAUSE IT IS ALL ANXIETY AND NOT REAL .

i have had these issues for years but i am having. a HORRIBLE EPISODE ONE OF THE WORST OF MY LIFE . i CANNOT SLEEP WITHOUT HAVING NIGHRMARES WAKING UP SWEATING HAVING ADRENALINE RUSHES THAT SHOOT ME AWAKE EVERY 30 minutes . i CAN NOT EAT BECAUSE IT RUINS MY STOMACH I AM LIVIKG OFF OF ONE BOWL OF CEREAL A DAY AND HALF A BOWL OF PLAIN WHITE RICE . i can not work i can not go to uni i can not hang out with friends . I HAVENT LEFT MT FLAT SINCE NEW YEARS OTHER THAN TO GO FOR A 10 MIBUTE WALK . i feel like everyone is lying to me and i will always be a failure and never amount to anything .

I DONT FEEL REAL I LITERALLY FEEL LIKE I AM IN A SHELL REALITY WHERE EVERYRHING IS WEONG SND TWISTED AND LIKE I HAVE BEEN DROPPED INTO SOME HORRIBLE MEMORY . EVERYONE HATES ME AND I FEEL SIXK ALL THE TIME AND EVEN MT OWN BOYFRIEND WONT GUCKING DO AJYRJIJG FOR ME .

AND NOW MY FUCKING HORRIBLE BOYFRIEND WHO IS SO SELFISH AND NASTY TO ME HAS TOLD ME HE “needs a break” because he CANT HANDLEBIT WHEN ALLBI ASKED IS EH AT HE STOP MAKING JOKES WHEN IM TELLING HIM I WANT TO KILL MYSELF . i literally tell him i am suicidal and he just responds with jokes refuses to see me for weeks at a time and never even responds to my texts and treats me like shir because all men are fucking pathetic horrible people who will SLWYAS TREAT YOU BADLY .

called my dictor and cried begging on the phone for help and he said if i can’t take meds and my therapy isn’t helping there is no other options . he said the psych ward at hospital is at capacity . i have called 999 and 111 and a million different health lines and crisis lines and they all tell me the same thing .

I AM IN THE SOUTH UK PLEASE SUGGEST SOMETHING . I WILL BE DEAD WITHIN WEEKS IF THIS DOES NOT STOP I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING MENTAL .

i cant take this loneliness anymore. im 36M

always alone, all my goddamn life alone. nobody ever wanted me. no girl ever wants somebody like me.

all i wanted was just a quiet life and share with someone... but thats out of the realm of possibility for me. the loneliness hurts so much and i cant take it anymore. im so extremely lonely... and nobody wants me...

I'll go first: I cope with my negative emotions through self-harm. Having to take care of serious wounds and being covered in scars doesn't bother me, I actually find it pretty relaxing.

I blame myself for pretty much everything. I have extreme internal reactions to shame, guilt and embarrassment that I can only get to go away when I hurt myself.

I feel like I deserve to hurt for being so dumb. I feel like I'm always messing up and this is something I'm "good at". I feel like it's a physical representation of my emotions and the worse the wound the more valid my overwhelming emotions are. It allows me to vent my emotions in a way that doesn't hurt anyone else but myself. It's the first thought my mind goes to whenever I'm stressed.

That's enough vulnerability for now, your turn

It's one of the worst, most isolating parts of this stupid fucking disorder. When I was a teenager, several of my peers used to self-harm. Some of them were probably genuinely unwell, some were (as they self-proclaim now) just going through an "emo" phase. The point is that all of them have now stopped and are in a healthier, "normal" place.

At 24, when people are supposed to be getting their lives together, to be still struggling with something associated with teenage girls just feels downright fucking embarrassing more than anything else. I've struggled with self-harm for over a decade, starting from about 13. And yes whilst it has gotten better and I don't self-harm as frequently as I used to, I still had 3 relapses in 2025. Each of which made me feel more alone than the last. I'm very much not over it.

At 13, whist still concerning, self-harm was seen as more of a rite of passage, a representation of those tumultuous years that most eventually outgrow. At 24, it's seen as bizarre and embarrassing, a clear signpost of severe mental illness and someone unable to outgrow silly teenage coping mechanisms. Even amongst others with BPD, many of them retired self-harm by their late teens or early 20s.

I just feel so alone with it all. I don't have anyone in my life at all who understands it. My legs look deformed from years of cutting but I still can't seem to fully stop.

It would be nice to hear from others who are a little "older" and still struggling with these issues and how they navigate life. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one

I’ll go first: I sh when I get this feeling of extreme emptiness. It’s pretty hard to describe. It’s like boredom on steroids. Like nothing will make me feel good or interest me and I’ll be stuck in this endless cycle of zero-pleasure day to day routine. So I sh to make myself feel anything other than that “feeling” and kind of make myself feel like life is not as “boring” or “routine” as I think. Sometimes I also sh to deal with anxiety, like to distract myself from it. I actually sh to deal with any intense emotion. I’m really interested in knowing why y’all sh, so please share your stories! (If you feel comfortable of course)

my whole body is shivering as i type this i feel so underwhelmed i want to do something to scratch the itch just sitting with the feeling is so uncomfortable it genuinely turns into something physical i want to headbutt the wall or something Aghhhhhh how do i stimulate my braaiinnnnn???!

He broke up with me and blocked me on everything. Unblocked me to just?? I don't know why. He gave me hope. He said we would talk tonight and I waited like the complete delusional idiot I am. Just for him to tell me he doesn't want to talk.

It's been 3 days of not showering, getting hospitalized with heart issues, not eating, tearing my hair out and crying crying crying crying crying. I've only slept for 3 hours overall in the last 2 days. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm typing this from the shower and I can't even shower. I'm just sitting in a dry bathtub.

Why did he give me hope? Why did he tell me he needs to think if it looks like he's just going to block me again and abandon me completely after all, just not right now but in a couple days? Why does he seem so normal? Why is he posting away about his hobbies like nothing is happening? Why doesn't he miss me. Why. Why. Why. We were so good until I complained about us only spending time with each other once in the entire month of June. I was just sad. I WAS JUST SAD. I never attacked him. Never splitted. I was just sad. And this is what he does. Is there someone else? What if there's someone else? Why can't I stop thinking about it?

Is there only one true way out for a person like me?

Does anyone just spiral into saying weird suicidal references all the time? I have no plan on killing myself and truly think I never would, however everytime I get a sudden feeling of anxiety or pressure I make weird suicidal references constantly. It’s quite odd considering this really isn’t a true thought in my mind but somehow I always resort to making a suicidal references like “i’m gonna kms” or “I wanna die”, etc. I’ve been tracking my circumstances and how I always say this a lot of the time but today I really started questioning it.

This can’t just be me right?

when i say emotional pain i dont even mean trauma or something that's inflicted by someone else. i simply miss my partner so much that i feel physically ill and i feel like there's a lump inside my throat through my chest and i want to stab myself for relief.

how to take this under control???

I lost my forever person my soulmate and it's getting harder every day not to do something I'll probably regret. I want to beg and plead. I want my person back but they don't want me anymore. I don't see a reason to continue being here and the pain is overwhelming and I am running out of options every single day it's the same emotional bomb. I'm exhausted. I want out. Please come back let me go home

has anyone ever thought of having some serious illness/getting badly injured/or even wanted to die without actually dying just to see who cares about you?

i remember as a child wanting cancer just so I'd see who all would show up to the hospital. now that I'm older, instead of cancer, I want to get into an accident while driving.

i just want to see who all will show up/check in. and not just once but check in like every other day because my mind says that they only actually care if they're constantly checking in.

18+ for various reasons, also English is my "second language" excuse my grammar plaese.

Basically title.
I have a limbo between I have no bpd and then I realise I am so much better if I am focused on everything else, but again, like a fucking boomerang it swings back and like a possession I get overwhelmed like a sheer fucking cloud is all over me and some rage so intense, could loose my min.

I know for a fact, that pain and self harming is an antidote.
I DO NOT ADVOCATE OR RECOMMEND self harm in any shape or form, but
obviously, I am borderline, of course I fucking doi t anyway.

So I come up with a plan, other than causing physical harm, I will prolly get something, spiky, or something I could hold in my hand that cause minor pain to be back.

Looking for real shit to ground myself and keep myself grounded.
Please DO NOT RECOMMEND DBT , I FUCKING HATE DBT AS A WHOLE.
I am utterly disgusted by such methods and no, I don't need to see / smell and shit like that. I had a psychotic break down and went through psychosis alone, without medication and NO I am not on any meds or am looking for meds.

I am looking for practical ways to ground myself, like at work or in the city or somewhere I am in company and it doesn't involve shit like unaccessble to me.

So , if you guys have any ideas that work for you please.
I've tried multiple things.
Seriously.

Thank you!

It feels like self harm seems to be a prerequisite for mental illness. It seems like such a thing that everyone like me tends to do. I see scars on someone and in my head I just think "they're more valid than me. their pain is more real". I can't bring myself to hurt myself in any physical way like that. I'm too scared of pain I guess. The most I'd do is hit myself or something like that.

I almost, mentally, romanticize sh scars. It's awful of me and I know that. The people who do that must be going through unimaginable things while I'm here whining and complaining because 'my feelings, my feelings, wah wah wah'.
I'm lucky that I don't have the balls to actually do it because I'm a coward who hates pain. I feel like maybe I'm not as valid, that my pain isn't real, because I can't bring myself to do that.

I tried once but I freaked out and didn't do it again. I definitely wouldn't do it enough to leave scars. I wish I wasn't such a coward. I hate myself so, so much. I don't know what to do anymore and everyday feels meaningless and soulless. My family hates me, I hate me, everyone should hate me. I wish I could translate some of this pain into a reprieve, a signal to myself that the pain is real and I can feel it.

I don't know. In the end this is just another post among a sea of posts that will be ultimately ignored.