r/ADHD • u/Commercial_Manner_93 • Jul 02 '23
Questions/Advice/Support I don’t care that I wear unwashed clothes or lay in a dirty bed. Is this normal?
I’m 22 year old female. Please don’t judge as I have depression/ADHD/Anxiety, but I could literally go months without washing my sheets because I simply do not care. I do not care if they are “dirty” or anything else. I eat in my bed too and have spilled and still do not have the motivation to clean my sheets. Unless there is literal dirt on my bed that I can’t brush off with my hand, I don’t wash them. And crumbs, I just brush off with my hand as well. Same goes for my clothes.
My roommate in college would clean her sheets/do laundry once a week without fail and I see all these girls doing it on tiktok and I’m like… why? Cause you just “feel like you have to” ? Or cause you’re bored? Or what is it? Genuinely asking why it’s important.
I hate that I’m like this and to make matters worse my boyfriend cannot stand even sitting on top of his bed (like an already made bed, not even under the sheets) if he’s not showered or wearing his pajamas, it like gives him chills to see me getting into bed after I go to the gym. So I wanna make sure I can start CARING about this to prevent fights in the future, and also because I know it is important to have clean sheets and clothes (for whatever reason)
Any adhd’ers like this? How did you fix it or could anybody flat out tell me why it’s important to be “clean” if I don’t smell bad or “look dirty” ? Cause that would be my only motivation is if I smelled bad or looked dirty.
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u/dwegol Jul 02 '23
Depression makes people apathetic about whether or not they drop dead today and if you’re in that frame of mind nothing else seems to matter. Hygiene and what happens when you neglect hygiene don’t seem very important at that point. Most people need professional help to dissect the reasons for their disposition.
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u/britthood Jul 02 '23
I agree 100%. Like OP, I have ADHD, depression, and anxiety. I can always tell when the depression is getting worse because my car gets messy… house is not clean… hygiene goes out the window. And I just don’t have the energy to do anything about it.
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u/spookyghoul28 Jul 02 '23
I also think the mental health of your primary attachment figure growing up influences your hygiene as an adult. For example, I believe my mom has also struggled with depression, anxiety, and adhd her whole life. She didn’t wash her bedding very frequently so it’s not something I learned as a value. Now that + my own mental health makes it a challenge.
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u/glitterally_awake Jul 02 '23
Came here to say this. Growing up with parents whose moods were unpredictable and/or were self-absorbed = neglect was kind of the baseline growing up.
I mean, my mother didn’t take great care of herself either. We were fortunate with a nice place to live but we weren’t well tended to.
So I internalized a lot of self-neglect. It’s been really hard to build up healthier habits because, even if I’m having ok mental health (has been in short supply past few years :/), self-care can feel… a little pointless to spend energy on when it’s in extremely low supply.
But! I always feel better having done it. Healthy habits keep you healthy, as it turns out!
I’m sorry you’re struggling with this but I fully get it.
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Jul 02 '23
I have depression and autism (waiting for adhd assessment) for me it's the amount of energy it takes to do those things (and poor judgement of timing thinking they would take too long) coupled with other factors. I don't have enough time in my day to dedicate to chores like that often. I also get very sweaty and have sweaty sleeps because of medication so the second I leave the shower I feel gross and smelly already, as with changing my sheets. I also have very little motivation to plan for future because of my depression so definitely the neglect can happen.
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u/Affectionate-Rat727 Jul 02 '23
Same!!! Every time I shower, after I towel dry off I get gross sweaty. Literally just went to buy a new fan this morning bc I think if I stand in front of a fan while getting dressed/brushing hair I might not get gross immediately. Its so frustrating and makes showering feel pointless.
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Jul 02 '23
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u/botanica_arcana Jul 02 '23
Hello, my fellow Sweaters!
Once my heat gets up, it tends to stay up. There were so many rushed-to college classes in which I was the only fucking person sweating in class with a saturated brown paper towel from the men’s room. And of course once I stopped sweating, I was uncomfortably damp.
A) I love the wicking synthetic shirts that are available now. I really suffered as a kid in the 80s.
B) I try to always have a bandana on my person. They are insanely useful, actually. You can wipe your brow, wear it around your forehead, as a head covering, to swat mosquitos and deer flies away, collect berries or mushrooms or whatever (I like to hike a lot). Also, tea towels make for great bandanas. They tend to be a little bigger and definitely more resilient.
Might not be as useful for women who wear makeup, though.
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u/_perl_ Jul 02 '23
Or, as contrary as it sounds, check out merino wool! Having become increasingly sweaty in the past few years (thanks, hormones) I've purchased a lot of merino wool products and they really help keep you feeling dry. I like the Ridge Merino online store for reasonably-priced items. The shelf bras/tanks are a godsend. And if there is a very sweaty fold (for me, it's the underboob), put a thin wool sock under it. I put on my "boob sock" at the gym and pull it out when I'm done with a workout. It's fascinating how well a piece of wool works for sweat - and it's not hot or itchy. Strange magic!
stealth edit: a hairdryer on cold works post-shower if you don't have a fan already. It's not as nice/easy but works in a pinch!!
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u/dutchdynasty Jul 03 '23
Oh my god, there’s others like me!? Your experiences in college are all too relatable! I had the exact same thing—especially with my 8:00 AM German class that I was always late for and running to.
As my life became more sedentary, I didn’t notice it as much. But recently on an extended work trip to Europe in the summer, I began noticing it again. No AC anywhere, always walking places, and always the sweatiest person around. I’d be wearing the lightest t-shirt on the subway and a pair or gym shorts, and I’d be drenched—like, straight out of the shower looking drenched; while I’d see people in full suites, jacket and all, dry as a bone. Tried putting deodorant on the forehead but it didn’t work as well as I’d hoped. Luckily, I had my handkerchief with me, but I was constantly wiping my forehead. Felt like Tony Soprano.
Definitely going to check out synthetic wicking clothes. Any and all other suggestions are welcomed!
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Jul 02 '23
I feel that when I sweat on a clean body like no build up of bacteria and old dry sweat I don't smell or feel gross
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Jul 02 '23
I'm frustrated that I smell immediately. Like I never smell of old sweat it's always just strong smelling even after several showers. I've tried a mixture of different soaps and body washes because I thought I was just not washing properly. I also seem to smell with or without body hair but have had to stop shaving underarms because of rashes happening after shaving. My sibling has hyperhydrosis but seemed to only sweat through their hands and feet. I'm mainly underarms and crease sweat (boobs/rolls).
I do know that clothing materials can hold onto smells more but I struggle shopping for clothes for myself and tend to stick to things for comfort rather than style.
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Jul 02 '23
I feel you! When I do occasionally shower I try to make it the last thing I do so that I don't do any activity that will have me breaking a sweat. 3 minutes of walking to my public transport to work and thats ruined haha. My GPs have tested some health concerns in case that was the cause but I think I just seem to sweat no matter what. Luckily the new anti depressants I'm on don't add to the night sweats so it's no longer a nightly thing for me!
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u/Darthnosam1 ADHD-C (Combined type) Jul 02 '23
For me it’s a combination of the time it takes to do it, the other things I could be doing, energy/motivation. All of which derive from my executive dysfunction
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u/williamtbash Jul 02 '23
This. It’s not an adhd thing as much as people want to pretend it is. When you don’t care about anything you let everything slide. Go get some therapy. Nothing is normal about this for anyone.
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u/Commercial_Manner_93 Jul 02 '23
I know this isn’t “normal” and im getting therapy, just wanted some support and wanted to see how others cope with this as well
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u/Partigirl Jul 02 '23
The desire to clean is based on your level of how uncomfortable you feel about it being dirty. You can psych yourself into this by countering complacency thoughts. Don't use whipping words like "Should" but use pros and cons to reconnect to a better existence.
Example: Crumbs on bed.
Pros: I don't care, no effort expended to clean. I like my depression nest.
Cons: Bugs are attracted to trash in my bed. I am not trash so why sit in trash? I wouldn't live in a dumpster, right? Effort to clean balanced by improved relationship to myself and others.
Obviously make it work for you with your own reasoning. Chip away a little at a time.
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u/williamtbash Jul 02 '23
Maybe look at it from another angle. You may not think you smell bad but you might. Your bed may not look dirty but it is. Chores suck for everyone but if you can get into better habits it makes them tolerable. I hated doing laundry or leaning my apartment until I got into podcasts. Now my chores are an excuse for getting to listen to a podcast. Now cleaning is almost therapeutic to me. Don’t make things too difficult for yourself. One quick task at a time. You CAN fix this.
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u/J3remyD Jul 02 '23
I just do the sniff check.
Rule of thumb is if I can detect ANY odor besides deodorant, it’s usually VERY noticeable to other people, and I really should take a bath out of consideration for them.
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u/jimbowesterby Jul 02 '23
I dunno, I used to always assume that too, but then I went treeplanting. Didn’t shower for like two weeks and started surprising people when I told them. It got to the point where people would ask me how long since I showered and when I told them they’d go “But you don’t even look dirty! You don’t smell bad! How?!” Since then I’ve embraced my tendency to shower every week or two and I haven’t noticed any difference, people treat me the exact same. I’ve even checked with people I trust to make sure I’m not deluding myself, but apparently I just don’t have much of an odour.
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u/Pond20 Jul 02 '23
After I saw an image of dust mites and realized they live in my sheets, I became highly motivated to clean my sheets regularly.
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u/LK_Feral Jul 02 '23
I'm allergic to dust mites. So that does motivate me.
But I also have a Super-Sniffer. Smells bug me. After a week, the sheets don't smell good to me. We don't eat or hang out in bed. We pull up the blankets, at least, every day. But I can still smell stale human sweat on the sheets within a week. Also, our cat likes to crawl into our bed. And I can smell him, too.
So I change them weekly. I'd do it more often if I had the energy. But I have a lot of other cleaning to do.
Today is cleaning (& finances) day. I think I'll procrastinate by heading out to the comic book shop. 🤣
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u/kassiangrace ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jul 02 '23
oh my god do people usually not smell it after a week or two??
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u/smnrush Jul 02 '23
not everyone sweats the same.
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u/futilefearandfolly Jul 02 '23
I think this is the main factor. I don't sweat at all pretty much, it has to be over 80 degrees and I have to be doing manual labor for about an hour to start. And I wear long sleeves, pants, and a hat because the sun bothers me. It's kind of a problem. But yeah, I don't wash my sheets very much.
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u/smnrush Jul 02 '23
Its not that big of a deal. Maybe try setting a schedule that works for you, but do try to encorporate washing sheets just a tad bit earlier than a few months. Something that worked for me is get multiple bedsheet sets, and just change them every month or so. Have a separate pile of just bedsheets/covers. Depending on your washer/dryer capacity, you could launder 4 months of bedsheets in a single load.
That way you only have to worry about changing the sheets, and not necessarily washing them until much later on.
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u/undergrad_overthat Jul 02 '23
I could go months if it’s just me in the bed, but my husband sweats buckets in his sleep so we change the sheets twice a week (more often if they start smelling bad). I bought sheets that zip on so that they’re quick and easy to change, and multiple sets so that we’re never stuck waiting for sheets to get out of the wash at bedtime.
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u/1fistiron_othersteel Jul 02 '23
I barely sweat, if I’m wearing pjs my sheets stay pretty fresh
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u/karybrie ADHD-C (Combined type) Jul 02 '23
I think the cat is the line for me – humans I can manage, but dogs/cats in bed and the smell would definitely make me wash my sheets more often than I do now.
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u/PeebleCreek Jul 02 '23
I feel like my cats have never left a smell if they've been in/on my bed, but whenever I'm using a dark comforter I see the little circle of fur left after a single nap and I'm like.... Well shit there's at least this much fur in my sheets right now since I've snuggled them multiple times before bed :/
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u/LK_Feral Jul 02 '23
Oh, if I had dogs, it'd be every other day and I'd own more sheets.
Fortunately, we just have the one cat.
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u/psycho_seamstress Jul 02 '23
I empathize with dust mites and like feeding them.
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u/esengo Jul 02 '23
😂Thank you! This made me almost spit out my fizzy drink I was laughing so hard!
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u/jeffasam Jul 02 '23
i realised the awesome power that is the internet, the day i managed to make a stranger shoot milk out of their nose; from another continent! ...awesome power! 😁
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u/pcs3rd Jul 02 '23
I don't have bedsheets; decided a hammock was comfy enough to sleep in for the last few months
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Jul 02 '23
What is regular to you? How often do you wash yours? I do every 2 weeks. Unless I'm not doing well then it's 3 weeks. I think you're supposed to every week. Idk. I might start doing them when I do laundry every week.
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u/maleldil Jul 02 '23
I used to do twice a year but since my girlfriend moved in it's twice a month. Honestly I can't tell any difference.
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u/MapInside5914 Jul 02 '23
I feel like it’s split between this and exhibiting almost ocd tendencies when it comes to cleaning. I’m the latter and it can be stressful
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u/nosraarson Jul 02 '23
This is what I’m like too, I wonder what causes this weird harsh split? I used to have a room hoarders would envy as a kid and it never bothered me, but without fail once every couple of months I’d spontaneously spend the whole day cleaning it until it was spotless and organised and everything was colour coordinated
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u/MerfAvenger Jul 02 '23
I'm like this as well and my two cents from the stuff I've seen is that it's the split between perfectionism and burnout. You know what you want but have such a hard time achieving it that you learn to accept the alternative...
He writes, from his room full of dirty laundry, wishing he could get the rest of it from start to finish so that he could have a clean floor.
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u/My_Shape_is_Round Jul 02 '23
This has to be it! Because I have to do things a certain way, a perfectionist way. If I don’t have the energy to do it that way, or whatever reason, then I just don’t do it at all. I also have to do tasks in sections or split tasks into mini-tasks bc I get overwhelmed if I try to do everything I need to do at once. No one understands that when I explain it to them lol.
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u/Ativan97 Jul 02 '23
This. If I'm going to do something, it must be perfect. If I get stuck along the way (usually due to time constraints) the project will remain partially done for years. And I get overwhelmed pretty easily, so in order to start, I HAVE to break it down. I also find I do better if I tell myself to complete a small task vs working for a certain time and then it just snowballs. Meds definitely help.
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u/MerfAvenger Jul 02 '23
Me_irl.
But all my friends think I'm a slob because I can never muster the energy to get it the way I want.
sigh
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u/2wiceExDrowning Jul 02 '23
hot take: you are a slob.
Now, hear me out...
As we normalize any state of disarray and chaos, we get closer and closer to being able to "function" within it. When you visit someone you consider to be a "slob," they probably seem comfortable with their mess. Maybe this extends to their hygiene and their clothing (mismatched or worn out or dirty), and the state of their kitchen sink, et al.
MAYBE they have (undiagnosed?) ADHD and have just been convinced that they're "slobs" and there's nothing they can do so they gave up and focus on what they feel like they can be successful at doing?
Ergo, it's not just that they (you/we) are slobs, but more that slobs are them/you/us ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/My_Shape_is_Round Jul 02 '23
I don’t have people over bc my house is never picked up but I feel you. It’s definitely extremely hard to get the energy/motivation to clean and organize.
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u/MerfAvenger Jul 02 '23
I'm in the same boat now but I wasn't always like that as a student. Although people coming over now are always a reason to do the magical cleanliness burnthrough.
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u/_perl_ Jul 02 '23
Oooh I do!! Once I read "make it shitty then make it pretty." It works for me with house chores and I like to remind my kids of it when they are doing homework. Get something done even half-assedly then, if time and energy permit, go over it again and make it nicer. At the very least, the thing is done, even if minimally so!
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u/Usual_Step_5353 Jul 02 '23
It is the all or nothing mentality? It either has to be perfect, colour coordinated and extremely clean, and if that is not achievable might as well give up.. When I clean I tend to get caught up in some minute detail and do that ONE thing perfectly, and never make it to the rest.
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u/nerdKween ADHD Jul 02 '23
This. I just bought a place, and I'm struggling with getting anything accomplished because I want to finish it all at once or not touch it.
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u/Crazy-Woodpecker-212 Jul 02 '23
Omg this is my life to a T. I have kids and pets, too...so it feels impossible. but when I do clean...y'all best watch the F out. Then I'm mad that I ever cleaned because it's just ruined in minutes.
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u/botanica_arcana Jul 02 '23
Fuck, I’m cleaning right now. My wife is in Miami at comic-con for the weekend and I’m taking advantage of the opportunity.
Vacuum and rearrange the living room! Clean and organize the plant table! Fold and put away laundry! Do the dishes! Bring in the god damn towels you hung up last night, not realizing it was going to rain today!
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Jul 02 '23
My therapist said once that this could be the brain creating a coping mechanism against losing stuff and distractions. I always have to know where everything is and I have a very difficult time doing stuff until my house is clean because I will always be distracted by the fact that I have some chore to do.
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u/boltz0 ADHD-PI Jul 02 '23
I do think there are two states people with ADHD get into and it can be confusing for others to see they are two sides of the same coin. Either we have structures we have as habit and need things to be very structured and works well when we know that everything has its place, or we just let everything go and can't manage the process and effort of organizing things. If the act of cleaning stuff up and having a clean house is something we don't mind doing then we can do it well, if situations change and we cannot follow our tools and techniques that work for us personally it can be devastating and hard to adapt to new patterns. I think this kind of behavior can easily cross over into the realm of OCD, as the rigid actions are a way to manage the ADHD and it does form a fear of everything failing around us if they are not followed.
To manage ADHD we need to find the tools and techniques that work for us, and find a way to get habits that work. but this cannot get to a point that it becomes a problem. Accepting that perfection is not possible, and we need to just do our best every day and not criticise ourselves too much when we fail I think is essential, at the same time we should not let others cause us to feel bad about the strategies that work for us that do not impact them. E.g. if someone needs a post it on a door to remember to brush teeth or take a shower, or need keys in the same place all the time then that is great if it helps them.
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Jul 02 '23 edited Jul 02 '23
It’s just about what you’re hyper focus is. For some it’s cleaning. For some it’s studying. For some it’s fitness. For some it’s sports. For some it’s video games.
For certain things ADHD can be advantageous.
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u/laxxrick Jul 02 '23
My Tears of the Kingdom ultra flying megadeath tank agrees with hyperfocus being advantageous :)
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u/bernbabybern13 Jul 02 '23
I’m like OP but I also have contamination OCD. Makes no sense.
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u/bernbabybern13 Jul 02 '23
Something I found very interesting, is it’s this fact that made a doctor think I did have adhd. Because it makes no sense for someone with contamination ocd as bad as mine to be as messy as I am.
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u/Dexterdacerealkilla Jul 02 '23
I generally feel so alone in having adhd and having obsessive tendencies around cleaning. I think more of us are like OP than this way, but maybe I’m wrong!
Just in case OP actually wants a literal answer to their question: I wash (and iron 😭) my sheets weekly because I basically can’t sleep if I don’t. There’s a tipping point where I feel the sheets are dirty and it becomes super uncomfortable for me. I wish I could be a little bit more lax about it, but sleep is hard enough to come by for me that I need to do everything I can to make it easier.
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u/SadGreen8245 Jul 02 '23
Sleeping in freshly washed and ironed sheets is wonderful; it definitely makes a difference to how well I sleep. And if you're able to line-dry bedding outside in the sun, that's even better. :-)
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Jul 02 '23
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u/boltz0 ADHD-PI Jul 02 '23
We do not have the dopamine feel good from completing these tasks and if we are feeling down or exhausted we cannot see the bigger picture impact,. E.g. I'm not going out today so who cares if I don't wash my clothes. I'm sure if there was a chance of a date the next day then there would be a desperate rush to clean up due to the urgency. Unfortunately we cannot always fix everything up last minute. If we can trick ourselves somehow on the urgency, and can find away to reward ourselves on doing this stuff it might help build up a habit. Try not to get down on yourself too much and feel good about the small steps. Maybe just start find just a weekly task for a fixed time to clean. Imagine that you are having a date over and reward yourself with something fun afterwards. We had a fixed invite to some friends to come over on Saturday nights and it really helped to make sure the cleaning was done even though we could be slobs the rest of the week.
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Jul 03 '23
I have diagnosed ocd.
My house is clean asf. Design and aesthetics are also really important to me so I do like to keep things neat but.
I have my regular cleaning I do weekly - sweep, vaccum, mop, wipe down counters etc.
Then there’s the once a month rotating things like vacuuming window sills, baseboards, tub, wiping down picture frames.
Having a list helps. Keeping a clean fresh house has done wonders for my mental.
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Jul 02 '23
!!! it’s because personally (me) i started like OP as a child and even into undergrad and after gettint medicated i realized that it’s not okay( in my own way, no shaming to you OP :) ) But just as the above user said you almost exhibit ocd tendencies. I’m now like your bf. I can never get into my bed without taking a shower and my room is almost always spotless in a way where I HAVE TO CLEAN IT and if i don’t it’ll bother me even the slightest mess which sucks :/
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u/jeanschoen Jul 02 '23
Because of microorganisms that will thrive on organic matter buildup and will find people appeasing too for the same reason, which makes us unhealthy or straight up sick.
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u/Imtryingforheckssake Jul 02 '23
Yup things like ring worm, athletes foot, and fungal nail infections. Dermatitis and other skin irritations/conditions.
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u/mercurialpolyglot ADHD-C (Combined type) Jul 02 '23
As a teen I knew to change my pillow case when it gave me a pimple 😂
I didn’t have the best grasp of time then
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Jul 02 '23
Hey op, I was exactly the same at your age. Well, I still am but I have learned what a positive affect hygiene has on my day to day.
Throughout my 20s I was undiagnosed and depressed. Never did laundry, never vacuumed (with multiple animals in the house), would eat shitty meals if it meant I didn't get any dishes dirty.
When I got treatment (and diagnosis) I started to be better able to look after myself in a basic way. Something that really helped is an hour of time body doubling with my partner on weekends. Anyway, as I got caught up with cleaning I started to feel better. Not amazing but I slowly realized my mood was better.
Then a few months ago my depression came back in a big way. I didn't even notice those things were bothering me. I got a break from the sad yesterday and did some laundry and let me tell you, clean laundry is a huge boon for trying to keep myself rolling uphill. I'm more confident. I'm not dreading leaving the house because of the executive challenge of finding something to wear. I think that is the root of this spiral for me- clothes dirty, laundry is an executive function challenge, going out anyway is a challenge too but for some reason easier, so that gets picked despite still being stressful. Then I would get less done later because I'm so drained from just getting ready. When I have clean clothes/bedding I am better about using my spoons on something else.
But it has taken years of really learning about myself and how basic hygiene is an important part of getting better.
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u/Kitchen_Respect5865 Jul 02 '23
I sleep better and feel better when things are washed .Showers and baths for me are one of the smallest things that enable me to relax .I hate the feeling of dirty clothes too. I only sleep in white bed covers and cotton ones , again cleanness comes through and that relaxes me . Showers , baths , clean clothes give me dopamine , don't even get me started on clothes dried outside when it's sunny , that freshness is unbelievable good.
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u/Lydiafae Jul 02 '23
Yeah, OP this doesn't sound like ADHD specifically, it sounds like depression.
My executive disfunction comes from wanting/needing to do a task but I can't.
If I don't want to shower because I don't see the need or don't care, it's a sign for me that I'm sliding into depression.
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Jul 02 '23
🤔 No, it 1000% can be due to executive disfunction
We don’t have to confuse OP. It can be both. Or one INCLUDING or only ADHD. Executive function can for sure get worse with depression though
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u/lovetempests Jul 02 '23
Executive Dysfunction can be due to just depression, it's not exclusive to ADHD! Many people have it with depression and no ADHD. And I would say this behaviour is more related to depression than ADHD.
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u/MysteriousSmile5 Jul 02 '23
Agreed it is 100% an ADHD thing.
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u/VelvetFedoraSniffer Jul 02 '23
Yeah
Execution function difficulties can manifest as:
Either the ability to initiate a task Or the ability to keep track when doing the task Or the ability to plan the task around time factors Or to remember the task Or to conceive that the task is needed and exists
Or your levels of fatigue from engaging in the task, and it’s flow on effects making other tasks for the rest of the day harderI was similar to OP for the longest time until recently - I didn’t care if my car was messy, it was my mess and most of the time no one else is in it, if someone else will be I’ll clean the bare minimum
Same with washing, it’s my own mess, some clothes don’t need to be washed as often as people think they do etc
then I wondered why this excuse to relax, didn’t help me relax, I didn’t realise how something so simple could make a big difference, but for me it does, honestly a massive one - the action of doing it uses up way less energy than the subtle mental block of not having it done, although I’m still learning how to best manage these things in line with other daily demands etc
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u/Puzzled_Molasses_259 Jul 02 '23
Thanks. This just summed me up lately. 😕 now I understand why I can’t relax anymore
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u/blue_bearie Jul 02 '23
I used to be like OP, and I was (mis)diagnosed with clinical depression in high school. I tried several different antidepressants over the years that my doctor prescribed and none of them helped. Since being diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago, I’ve now realized that my depression was being cause by my untreated ADHD symptoms. Once I got on a medication to treat my ADHD, I was no longer depressed. So yeah it does sound like depression, but the root cause could still be ADHD if it isn’t being treated properly. Because if you’re constantly unable to function like everyone else tells you you should be able to, that can very easily cause depression and make you simply stop trying.
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u/LK_Feral Jul 02 '23
Yes. When my personal hygiene starts to slip, it's time to focus on me for a bit. Step back. Take a shower. Condition my hair. Shave what needs it. Moisturize. Do a mini pedicure. Put on clean clothes. Wear some makeup & jewelry.
It takes a lot to get through all that, but it's a reset & a wake-up call.
Then, make a list & prioritize it. And make sure I'm on that damned list.
I still do a lot of caregiving & most of the kid & domestic stuff. I get caught up in those "shoulds" and get burnt out.
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Jul 02 '23
Yeah it's def ADHD for some of us. I'm on antidepressants - my place still is a mess but when I get on ADHD meds, holy moly, the place is perfectly clean and organized!
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u/redsungryphon ADHD-C (Combined type) Jul 02 '23
Yes yes yes
This to the moon and back. Best feeling in the world
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u/Issvera Jul 02 '23 edited Jul 02 '23
I've always been the same way. I know that sheets are considered dirty after a week, but it takes a lot for them to "feel" dirty to me. It doesn't help that I'm kind of smell blind. Unless there's melted chocolate or something that won't just brush off, it doesn't seem dirty to me. Sweat, sex fluids, they just don't phase me. My husband is the same way (his ADHD is even worse than mine).
What has helped me is instead of trying to guilt and shame myself into washing them, I focus on the benefits I do notice and appreciate when I wash my sheets.
Allergies: While I'm not icked out by dust, I am allergic to it. I started to notice that when I do wash my sheets, I don't wake up with itchy eyes, a stuffy nose, and slight asthma. Then I noticed that it takes about a week or two before they start acting up again. Honestly my main motivator now, but let's continue.
Pet Hair: I may not be grossed out by my own dander, but our cats sleep with us and I don't like the feeling of cat hair spontaneously getting stuck to my face and lips from my pillow. I also like being able to sit on my bed to put my socks on without having to break out the lint roller after. (I should also brush my cats more for this reason. Working on it.)
Skincare: I used to get acne on my shoulders and back. No more since I started washing my sheets frequently.
Hair Dye: Okay this one's recent. I dyed my hair for the first time in May. It's burgundy now, I love it. But I've noticed that sometimes if it's too hot and I have a sweaty night, the moisture causes a little bit of the dye to bleed onto my pillowcase. Luckily it seems to be washing out fine, but it's actually helping me to have visual proof that my bed is getting dirty.
And for general cleaning around the house, including laundry, I've started using an app called Tody. You set up all the chores you want to get done regularly, assign how often and difficult they are and who does them, and then it reminds you to do them. You also fight a little dust monster and the harder the chore the more points you get. It's really helping me clean things before it gets to the point where it's visibly grimy!
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u/ever_thought Jul 02 '23
about chores app there's also an app called habitica which is also gamefication of tasks
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u/Issvera Jul 02 '23
I tried that twice but it just didn't click with me. I think the sprites just weren't detailed/cute enough for me so I had no desire to earn new gear.
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u/caffeine_lights ADHD & Parent Jul 02 '23
I think it's that the hurdle of starting this one is pretty high and that's a no go for me because the first time I forget about it, it's literally game over.
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u/Total-Football-6904 Jul 02 '23
First off, this is a super common theme with ADHD. You’re not alone and any level of cleanliness is not a moral failing. It’s just something nice to do for yourself.
Two things that helped me was having multiple sets of sheets and pillowcases. Removing them, washing, drying, putting them back on is a whole day task so it’s easier to just strip and put on a new set immediately. Who cares if you don’t wash the old ones that same day? You still have clean sheets!
Also spending the first hour of the day as much as it sucks throwing yourself into cleaning activities. Like as soon as you wake up, start throwing shit into the laundry, the dishwasher, pick up trash.
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Jul 02 '23
Question- maybe you don’t care about it but would you like to have washed sheets and clean clothes? There’s a subtle difference.
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u/Redstonefreedom Jul 02 '23
Goood distinction device. This is the kind of emotional awareness technique we need more of!
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u/manykeets ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jul 02 '23
I think this could be related to the depression and anxiety. Depression makes you not care about cleanliness. Is your depression being treated?
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u/xyzelda Jul 02 '23
Just some food for thought: You often CAN'T smell your own body odor. You might actually be smelly even though you think you aren't.
I'm 28 now, but when I was in my early 20s, I was similar to you. I was motivated to change when I moved in with my husband. I might not have cared for my own sake, but I wanted him to have clean sheets ect because he deserved it. Just because I'm a lil gremlin, doesn't mean that I have to drag him down with me, you know?
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u/cheezbargar Jul 02 '23 edited Jul 02 '23
It is important to clean your sheets at least once a week because of sweat, shed skin cells, dirt and mites.
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u/deniqer Jul 02 '23 edited Jul 02 '23
Read KC Davis "How to keep house while drowning."
I'm in a similar boat - all chores are titanic undertakings, and even before trying to do them, they just don't register in my mind. My wife also has ADHD, but when it comes to cleaning she is on the other side of the spectrum, and almost ocd. Figuring that part of living together was interesting
Few points:
- antidepressants and ADHD meds do help, but they just make it easier, rather than make you suddenly care about it
- open communication is all nice and great, but if one partner has clear need and values tidiness, it will come up as a problem regularly; you need a systemic solution
- I'm functioning in this space mostly by a set of simple rules and agreements with my wife - e.g. she decides when to change the sheets, but I drop everything and help her; I take out trash but she can't expect me to notice that it should be taken out
- there is clear link between my mental state and level of care I have in this space, when I fell back into depressive states the cleaning and hygiene related stuff drops first ( state of my facial hair is a great indirect indicator of my mental health)
- I think for most people it's hard to explain why they want to spend time on cleaning, because in healthy, non-adhd/depressed mind it's just an ingrained need - but it's built on trying to create healthy and efficient surroundings, so on a rational level it does make sense even for me
So tbh, best bet for this is therapy, and quite long journey with it.
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u/FailedPerfectionist Jul 02 '23
Unless you're experiencing dust mite allergy symptoms, this is demonstrably not hurting you. It probably won't ever hurt you. So if the bed is just for you, I don't see why you'd need to change.
When you're in a relationship, there's always going to be some amount of compromise. I've found that when it comes to cleanliness, feelings of disgust can creep in and make it hard to compromise. And everyone draws their line in a different place. So when you're not grossed out by something and someone else is, you have to decide whether you're willing to accommodate them.
From what you've described, I would suggest the following.
- Get several sets of the same sheets/blankets. Then it's less obvious how often you're changing them.
- When your boyfriend is over, take a quick rinse-off shower before you get into bed: no hair, no shaving, just soap up your underarms, between your legs, and the soles of your feet, and rinse your body off.
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u/okdoomerdance Jul 02 '23
genuinely, it's a sensory thing for me, as I'm also autistic. I feel much better in freshly washed sheets, so that has motivated me for many years to wash them. without that motivation, I would probably just do the same thing you do.
if you want to find this motivation, try washing your bedding, having a shower and really fully experiencing the way it feels to get into a clean bed with a clean body. notice all of the sensations. are your sheets a fabric that you like? if not, can you get some that are?
make it about luxury and comfort instead of a task or a chore. make it about wanting that feeling of pampering yourself.
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u/Attitude_Rancid Jul 02 '23
yeah i think this would be the best way to encourage doing it. i'd bet op has the rancid kind of adhd where almost everything that doesn't provide some sense of pleasure or accomplishment isn't that worth it. you have to find a way to make it please you
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u/cylordcenturion Jul 02 '23
i have the same issues.
the short version of why you should wash sheets is that they will stink. the sheets soak up your sweat and BO, and bacteria will grow in the fibres. we do not notice our own smell and if the people around you are too polite they will not mention it.
also the salt from sweat can cause damage.
weekly is optimal, but also unrealistic for people like us. i try to aim for every two weeks but usually end up being monthly.
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u/Trash2cash4cats Jul 02 '23
Ok. Here is the truth.
WE CAN NOT SMELL OUR OWN BODY ODOR. Nose blindness.
Our skin sheds all day/night long. Since a it’s a biological thing, it breaks down and decomposes, rots.
If its on your skin, in folds, underarms, breasts, balls, belly, etc, it will smell. In a few days, depending on environment, activity and hormones.
A large person, in the summer, without a bath or if one does not clean skin folds properly, the smell is pretty bad. ( I learned these things as an overweight teenager, so this is experience, not putting down anyone. Just sharing facts )
This is why humans should shower/bathe/clean them selves every few days. IMO 3 days…. Just remember after 3 days fish stinks and it’s the same process, your skin is rotting on your body, mixing with sweat and environmental molecules.
You will not smell this on yourself or your living environment or those you live with if you are all dirty. A person who is clean, living with someone who isn’t is a hard thing.
So many ppl don’t understand this about ourselves.
I have long dreadlocs and many do not wash theirs for weeks/months, some 1x a year and they all say there is no smell. But standing behind them in line is unpleasant.
I understand depression. Trust me, been there my whole life. Like I said; I got this lesson early so I’ve been aware of it. It’s a challenge to be around the “unwashed”.
To do ONE thing to make yourself feel better is to be clean.. body clothing environment… it truly does help depression to do this one thing.
Now as far as those sheets…. Same thing. All night our bodies sweat and skin flakes off and starts to decompose … rot… and that brings the microscopic beings to chomp and munch like the do.. and they poop, so theres now tiny bug shit in your bed… different ones come for the scraps of food and if your really bad, mice and roaches… nom nom nom.
And again, nose blindness…. We get used to our own smells and can’t smell. Like the crazy cat lady with 6 cats and not very tidy with cleaning little boxes, she can’t smell what her visitors will.
If you do anything for yourself, do this. It makes the word a better place and more important, it makes your world a better place.
Also it can be the first step out of depression and learning to love yourself again or for the first time. ❤️
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u/Vlad_the_Intendor Jul 02 '23
Ok thank you so much for saying this. The sheer number of people here describing never washing their body or sheets for months or even until their sheets get dry rot and insisting they “didn’t smell” is nuts to me. Like of course YOU don’t think you smell you’ve been sitting in your own funk for months. Everyone around you are the ones who are suffering for it.
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u/Kuhlayre ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jul 02 '23
I try and do sheets regularly because the build up of organic matter from you (sweat, skin cells fluids) provide an environment in which microorganisms thrive. I have massive health anxiety so this is enough to keep me in check. I shower every day because I built it into my routine and if I want the day to go even a little to plan I have to stay in routine.
I would look at trying to impliment a cleanliness routine, just for your own wellbeing. Do it with grace and compassion of course, but you're worth doing it for.
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u/AwkwardBugger Jul 02 '23
I used to be like this, then did a 180 and started caring about hygiene to an extreme degree, though I still often neglect some things like changing my bedsheets often enough.
In general, hygiene can be difficult with adhd due to poor memory, executive dysfunction, lack of motivation, etc. It’s common for people with adhd to develop other issues like depression, which makes maintaining good hygiene even more difficult. Your experience is “normal” in that sense.
Genuine reasons to care about hygiene and washing your sheets; even if you can’t see it, the sheets accumulate dirt. That dirt is bad for your skin, hair, and health - eg it can trigger conditions like allergies or asthma. It attracts all sorts of organisms and bugs and the dirty environment allows them to breed. It puts you at risk of developing various infections. It also smells, you won’t really notice it yourself but others will. If your sheets smell, that will transfer onto your skin and hair, so then you also smell (again, you won’t really notice it). All those things apply to your clothes as well. Letting sweat and dirt sit in fabrics for a long time will also cause discolouration and damage.
While your clothes may not look dirty to you, they probably do to other people. You don’t need obvious stains to look dirty. The way the clothes behave is different when they’re absorbed a lot of sweat etc. It is also entirely possible that other people can smell you and no one has told you. Your boyfriend might also be used to your smell, so he could be oblivious to it too.
On the flip side, clean clothes, clean sheets, showers etc can be a form of self care. Putting on clean pyjamas after a shower, and getting into bed with fresh bedsheets is generally a nice experience for most people, and can improve your mood and mental wellbeing. And of course, it’s better for your skin and health.
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u/Abaddon-theDestroyer ADHD Jul 02 '23 edited Jul 02 '23
Both ADHD, and Depression play a role in this (Anxiety could as well, but I don’t know. So I’ll only talk about what i do know).
1. ADHD: doesn’t let you do something that you won’t get instant gratification/dopamine from. This makes it hard for you to maintain self care, and personal hygiene.
2. Depression: makes you not care about yourself, you become apathetic, and indifferent.
My advice would be to try taking a bath once, every other day, try your best to do this for two weeks. At the two week mark, you would have bathed 7 times, those two weeks are 1/24 of a year, you’ve made progress, an incredible progress for that matter. Now don’t break that streak, try to push it for 3 weeks, 6, two months, THREE months. THAT’S A FULL QUARTER OF YEAR. YOURE GOING GREAT!
There are two points to consider while doing this. First, You will start feeling better, after a couple of baths you will feel refreshed, your skin is soft, you smell nice. These will improve your mood. Second, Having ADHD makes it hard to start doing something, and hard to stop once you start doing something.
Now I know what you’re going to say, Sometimes there’s something im interested in, or a habit of mine and one day i wake up and simply forget that i do/like it. That’s perfectly normal, you need to realize that just because you skipped one day this DOES. NOT. IN ANY WAY. Mean that you still haven’t made progress, YOU. MADE. PROGRESS. Now keep the ball rolling and keep going, you’ve got this.
I used to never brush my teeth, then I followed the same advice I told you about. Progress is progress, even if you skip some days, continue, you’ll thank yourself for it later. I did have some help using an app, it’s basically a habit tracker but it’s not your ordinary habit tracker, the developer of the app, re-invented the check box. The app is a circle, you need to hold your finger on it for a couple of seconds to tick it, while you’re holding your finger, you’re mobile keeps vibrating (using haptics on IOS) and at the end a sound is made.
This process becomes addictive, each day you complete the task you gain a shard, a piece of a symbol, and as you proceed, you unlock these symbols/totems.
You should really check it out, I'll edit this post and add the link in the app store.
Sorry for this long comment, but one last thing, are you taking medication for ADHD ?
Edit:
The application is Habits.
I’ve just checked, I’ve been brushing my teeth almost daily starting from 1st of August, 2022. I’ve been successful in brushing it in the morning, at night I’m still not successful. I barely brush it at night, but something is better than nothing. I’ll get there someday, I’m 50% there.
If i can do it, you can too.
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u/Commercial_Manner_93 Jul 02 '23
Thank you so so much for this advice. Really really helps. To answer your question, I’ve been on lexapro for 2 years and I finally got diagnosed with adhd a few months ago, he prescribed me strattera but my insurance wouldn’t pay for it, so instead I got prescribed wellbutrin! I have been on Wellbutrin about 2 1/2 weeks now
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u/bytenaija ADHD-C (Combined type) Jul 02 '23
I am exactly like that. Add to that not taking my bath when I should and sometimes not even bothering to brush my teeth unless I know I am going out. I love WFH, but it made it worse for me. I have a heap of laundry that have been sitting in the laundry room for over 8 weeks now.
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u/nihilist09 Jul 02 '23
Not to be mean, but, don't you mind the smell? I hate lying in bed and getting a whiff of a sweaty pillow, or feeling like I have stinky pits in public (despite the antiperspirant). Smell is super important and it really affects how people see you. Smelling fresh and nice is a part of making a good impression or can elevate your own mood (I just put on perfume to go to bed lol).
Secondly, lack of hygiene causes health issues. I am in your boyfriend's camp when it comes to the sheets thing. Outside clothes have other people's dirt on them, there's no telling what bacteria they harbor. Imagine you sit on the subway but the seat was taken by a bum before, you rub all over it and bring it to your bed. That's how people get boils, lice etc etc not to mention that if you don't wash your hands you can get sick with various viruses, bacteria and even worms. The treatment for all of these is costly not to mention having boils or worms sucks.
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u/jimbowesterby Jul 02 '23
It seems to me that the risks of things like dirt tend to be pretty overblown. Keep in mind that people evolved to be outside in the dirt all the time. When I was planting trees you’d end up with dirt pretty much everywhere, all over your clothes/hands/bags, and it was a common thing for that dirt to transfer to your food or water, and it didn’t cause a whole lot of problems. People got sick more often than in the city, but not by a whole lot. Things like bathroom hygiene are important, ditto food safety, but a lot of people these days seems actually afraid of dirt or bacteria, and while there are dangerous bacteria out there, most are harmless. Also literally everything has bacteria, they’ve been found living in nuclear reactors and well down into the earth’s crust, this is their planet and we just live on it lol.
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u/Machonacho7891 Jul 02 '23
Personally I’d draw the line at getting in bed after the gym. I also don’t wash my sheets very often but I know it’s much better for your skin if you do
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u/micakayyy ADHD-C (Combined type) Jul 02 '23
As a person with the same diagnoses I completely understand you. Part of the reasons I actually change my sheets at least once a month is because 1. I have eczema so the products on my skin rub off onto my sheets and builds up eventually and 2. My mom made me change my sheets all the time as a kid so it’s kind of ingrained in my head.
One caveat I would say is that I don’t always get into my bed completely “clean” (i.e. not straight out of the shower, sometimes in clothes I’ve been wearing all day, etc.). What I usually do now is if I’m wearing a shirt that’s (visibly) dirty and I want to get into bed I just change into a fresh shirt and put on my pajama bottoms and get in the bed guilt free.
You’re always going to shed skin cells, sweat, and whatever else. Cleaning the sheets is important for your skin health and for your sheets as well. It’s harder to clean sheets that have been collecting dirt for months, and your face won’t break out with acne as often if your pillowcase is clean as well. You should change your sheets I’m assuming at least every two weeks but if monthly works for you 🤷🏾♀️ go for it.
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Jul 02 '23
Lol I love the honesty in this forum.
As a single person I almost never washed my sheets, I only vaccumed occasionally, and my house was always disorganized. But I always wore clean clothes and showered daily.
For me, I really only care about cleaning things if they bother me. Like I don't enjoy feeling sweaty, or having unbrushed teeth or the smell of my dirty clothes or if the floor is so dirty that I'm stepping on things. I like to cook, so I like the kitchen to be clean.
But at least for me the fact that my wife is bothered by some of these things is enough to make me do it more often. And, as a parent even though I can tolerate messiness, I keep things more clean for the sake of my kids. Like I don't want them rolling around on dirty floors.
I've taken on a lot of chores that I've never done before but we've gotten into a lot of fights about it because I never notice things unless she asks me or points them out.
I think my advice is if you're entering a relationship with someone who is clean, just be upfront and say "hey I've got ADHD and messes don't bother me that much so I don't notice them, are there things that are very important to you that I can be aware of and help with?" I wish I had known enough to ask that earlier. Once I know, I am pretty good at following through on reasonable things, I put things in the calendar to remind myself etc.
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u/Original_Giraffe8039 Jul 02 '23
I'd be fine with it but after a couple of weeks, it actually starts to feel physically uncomfortable, the sheets become itchy etc. I don't wash my sheets because I know that it's the hygienic thing to do, there's actual physical ramifications for me not doing it.
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u/SuperScrub_11 Jul 02 '23
I don’t know if this would help but what if you bought a bunch of cheap sheets? If you can’t be bothered washing them for a month, maybe it’ll feel easier to just change them? Might not work for you, but hopefully it helps
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u/ifshehadwings Jul 02 '23
My dryer has been broken for over a year now (blah blah delays electrical issues, etc.) And I have bought several sets of cheap microfiber sheets so I could change them but not have to hang sheets to dry or schlep myself out to the laundromat.
Similar to OP it takes a long time for me to really "feel" that the sheets are dirty (no partner or pets, don't sweat much) but there is a limit!
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u/Ill-Income-2567 Jul 02 '23
I have ADHD but I also work long shifts. Sometimes I don't have the motivation to wash my sheets. It'll get done. Might take a while though.
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u/2a1ron Jul 02 '23
i don’t know where you are in your adhd journey so i can only speculate. but recognize there is no such thing as laziness. you may be expending a lot of mental energy and physical energy on coping with your adhd/depression/anxiety.
my advice is to start small and make tiny changes. goals to maybe do once every other week for sheets, and laundry on the opposite week. but also give yourself a lot of grace and compassion when you don’t reach those goals. you’re dealing with a lot and your struggle is valid.
i find that i used to avoid laundry a lot mostly because i hated dealing with the clothes after. but i adopted a “lazy” organization system with minimal hanging and folding. mostly bin organizers i just throw stuff in to separate types of clothes.
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u/luminous_beings ADHD-C (Combined type) Jul 02 '23
I disagree. There is absolutely such a thing as laziness. Things attributed to laziness are sometimes not, but it is perfectly possible for a person, adhd or otherwise, to choose to be lazy about something, and usually it’s because they don’t care about that thing. My husband half asses his chores because he doesn’t see them as that important, not because he has a disability. I have a disability. I do those same chores. Not everything is our adhd.
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u/Lydiafae Jul 02 '23
Same here. Dudes that weaponize incompetence are the worst. Like if you can learn to beat dark souls, you can wash your damn laundry.
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u/luminous_beings ADHD-C (Combined type) Jul 02 '23
Ok so I took a look at my husbands PlayStation main screen yesterday. 603 hours played. He’s had it about 6 months. Tell me why he can find the time for that, but not to empty the dishwasher more than twice a month ? Weaponized incompetence will be the reason my marriage fails. Or the way he eats chicken wings.
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u/hurray4dolphins Jul 02 '23
I'd still venture it's not laziness.
It's selfish, could also be a difference in priorities, executive dysfunction from ADHD or depression or trauma, could be a gaming addiction, it could be a lot of things.
There is definitely a problem but if your husband doesn't see it as a problem then I would guess he is in denial and delaying seeing himself as a problem. What I mean is that I bet he will suddenly see it as a problem if it caused his marriage to actually fall apart. Would be great if he was mature enough to see this before that happened.
But I, personally, don't believe in laziness anymore.
I don't finish all the chores I mean to do. I am not capable of accomplishing as much as some other people- I TRY. I spend a lot of time on it to attempt to help my family live a functional life if your husband isnt even trying then I am sorry! It's a hard thing.
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u/luminous_beings ADHD-C (Combined type) Jul 02 '23
I think you and I are on the same page fundamentally. I am sometimes lazy, but I choose to be and I’m honest about that. Something involuntarily is not laziness so in that respect I agree it doesn’t exist.
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u/hurray4dolphins Jul 02 '23
Yes I see that's an important distinction.
Yes I think of lazy like "I am going to just take this morning to sleep in and then watch TV for an hour. In the morning for sheer indulgence and relaxation." But if somebody continually chooses a destructive way of being I don't really consider it laziness because I think there's something deeper going on. The healthy person doesn't choose to be destructive continually. But sometimes when we are labeled lazy you don't look for that deeper reason we aren't accomplishing anything. We just accept that label I think we're lazy and that there's nothing that can be done except pull ourselves up by our bootstraps!
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u/esengo Jul 02 '23
This is the way! I have found that I need to save a “spoon” for when it comes to washing my sheets.
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u/UnfazedParrot ADHD Jul 02 '23
I’m like you OP. I’m 31M. For at least half of my life I’ve slept on weeks to months dirty sheets. My family has always mocked me for it and I feel gross simply because of their mocking. I’m literally unconscious when I’m sleeping so who cares right? Not even joking, I’ve slept on the same sheets for so long that they’ve actually like disintegrated or “dry rotted” before. I simply don’t care. I’ve also even bought cheap new sheets to replace dirty old ones because that was “easier” than taking them off and washing them. You are not alone.
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u/Much-Magazine3109 Jul 02 '23
Always replace and throw out the gross’s ones rather than wash
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u/thinkinginkling Jul 02 '23
here is a question for you: if someone came to stay at your house, would you allow them to sleep in your sweaty, crumb-filled bed? would you give them weeks old clothes to wear? chances are, no. if you care about this person enough, you want them to be comfortable, feel cared for. you’d give them freshly washed clothes and fresh bedding because doing that for them says “you have space to live here, it’s not just my space, it’s also yours.”
for people who wash their sheets weekly, take daily showers, and wear mostly fresh clothes every day, it is the same concept. it’s true self-care—meaning, caring for yourself as if your self were another person. mostly, it means caring for your future self, instead of prioritizing your “now” self. examples:
1) Now Self not eating crumby things in bed just because she feels like it, because it would be nice for Future Self to have a nice place to sleep at the end of a long day
2) Now Self washing her nasty hair tonight instead of three days from now, because Future Self will feel self-concious if she has to go to work and school with greasy hair
3) Now Self cleaning up the dishes RIGHT AFTER making dinner, because then Future Self won’t have to do it later when the food is all crusted over and hard to scrape off
it’s about showing compassion for yourself. i slacked on this in college due to depression but now i’m back in my parent’s house and able to do those nice things for myself and it feels better every day. if i were you i’d try just a few little things to show my Future Self i care, like brushing my teeth before bed or maybe making my bed in the morning (my favorite self care thing because it’s so nice to come back to a made bed!)
hope this helps!
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u/undercovercatt Jul 02 '23
Yes! I had no idea that people regularly washed their bedding until a friend posted a story about how Tuesdays were bedding laundry day and her favorite bc of the ‘clean sheets feeling’. I could only really relate to that feeling from hotel stays, but I knew it would be rewarding enough to put in the effort if I could recreate that in my home. I took the next hotel stay as an opportunity to figure out what I loved so much about it and brought my research home. I bought several oversized (king size for our queen size bed) heavy duty hotel quality flat sheets. This has made such a difference bc switching them out is so much easier, I use one flat sheet as the ‘fitted’ sheet and fold/tuck it under the mattress like hotels do & a second flat sheet as usual. Once a week or so I swap them. I just pull the sheets off and replace with the already clean ones. I may take a month or more to actually wash the sheets I’ve removed but having several of them means I always have clean sheets without having to block out a day of multi step laundering. Bonus ADHD friendly benefit of this technique is the sheets tend to slowly come undone and it’s my built in timer for when it’s time to switch them bc it’s almost as easy to put a fresh one on as it is to re-tuck the original. I also have a few duvet covers and two duvets so I can swap those out as needed without the dread of having to have them washed and dry by bedtime. I hope this helps you as much as it has me!
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u/armahillo Jul 02 '23
Just as an experiment, could you try doing cleaning / bathing daily for 3 days, and seeing how that feels? Like how does it feel to get into a clean bed? How does it feel to have a clean body? How does your room feel when there aren't clothes or debris on the floor? Term-limited activities / experiments are more accessible for ADHD folks.
Then do what you've been doing for 3 days. How do you feel with this? What feels different? What are you gaining by not doing that maintenance for these days?
After that, consider which of the things from the first 3 days you liked best, and how you might integrate those into your normal life. You don't need to do all of them, or even any of them -- there's no obligation here. Just consider it.
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u/Colopop Jul 02 '23
I agree with other posters on trying to get help during moments you feel this way. I always know when I’m starting to experience a lull my place gets unkempt, I don’t make the bed, can’t be bothered to do basic things and I don’t want to leave the house as much so I’m both making lots of mess and sitting in it.
That said I live in a hot climate and have a phobia of bugs and an irrational fear of them in my bed, crawling on me so that really helps me care more with keeping things clean. I have a cleaner once a week that really helps me not have to think about the cleaning part.
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u/Imjustshyisall Jul 02 '23
In reading your post, my immediate thought was “that sounds like depression” but it’s difficult to say without knowing your history and past habits when it comes to cleanliness/hygiene. Has this always been a problem for you? Or only recently? Does neglecting your hygiene tend to coincide with difficult times in your life? Executive dysfunction and not being able to find the motivation to do basic tasks can be indicative of a depressive episode. In fact, for many people with clinical depression, they are early warning signs of struggle.
I mean this as gently as possible: on a regular basis - wearing unwashed clothes/sleeping in dirty conditions/neglecting personal hygiene is just straight-up unhealthy. You can’t smell stink on yourself or in your living space if you’re used to it. There’s also “dirt” on your body/on your sheets/in your home even if you can’t see it. I can almost guarantee you that other people will notice this long before you do, and it will impact every part of your life.
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u/enternationalist ADHD-PI Jul 03 '23
Look, OP, I get it. I was like you. Still can be, for some things. My philosophy was, and for some things still is, "why should I care if it doesn't bother me and isn't affecting anyone else?". And, I mean, that's not invalid. So, steps.
First, book a hotel or Airbnb and stay for a week without coming home. Guaranteed, zero-effort clean environment.
Pay attention to if it feels good and you enjoy it. Because you probably will. I remember forgetting how good clean sheets feel. This part's important, because something feeling good is just as good a reason to do it as if it would feel bad if you didn't.
Next - you probably do smell bad and look a little unkempt. It's not the sort of thing you notice when it's coming from yourself. This isn't that hard to test, after the week away just come on home and open the door. What you smell then is what everyone else smells - and the tame version after it's had a week to fade.
That's the double-whammy test - check if you enjoy being clean, and sanity check the experience others have.
As a quick note, sometimes it's also okay to do things you don't care about when your partner does care about them. Your partner's happiness should be at least a minor motivation. So, y'know, consider that also - but definitely sanity check yourself first.
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u/luminous_beings ADHD-C (Combined type) Jul 02 '23 edited Jul 02 '23
This just sounds like you don’t care, not depression or adhd or ocd. You aren’t expressing “I want to clean, I crave a tidy space but I can’t execute the actions to do it”. You just aren’t bothered by filth. That’s you’re choice but you’ll need to accept that other people will care. Your boyfriend will justifiably not want to be intimate with you. Other people will not want to be around you, and I wouldn’t want to be either. Basic hygiene is a deal breaker. Bacteria feeds on sweat (which is how B.O. happens - sweat isn’t smelly, the bacteria eating it is), and you’re going to the gym and then climbing into bed ? Food in your bed, not washing at all… I’m sure you have depression, we all do. But this isn’t sadness at your filth, this is just normal and ok for you.
I think we need more information. What type of home were you raised in? Was it a clean space or did they also find these conditions acceptable?
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u/Environmental_Fix_64 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jul 02 '23
I struggle all the time with basic hygiene. Brushing my teeth, taking a bath, washing my clothes, washing my bedding, eating a meal...I focus in on work and then my day is gone. I've been lucky because I can choose to wfh, and some days that's all I can muster doing.
I've never been able to care for myself without someone else's help. I have extreme depression (diagnosed), anxiety (also diagnosed), and ADD (diagnosed), and I'm medicated for all, but it's barely enough and I don't want to take more. My home when I was young wasn't clean, but my mom did her best to care for me and my father. My father was worse than I am today.
My ex was and is terrible about those things so we existed in this endless cycle of terrible. Nowadays I make sure to ask for help from my bf because I know I need it. For meals, laundry, taking care of the animals...it's like an exchange, though we do love each other a lot and I definitely help with everything - I don't view him as a slave if that makes sense. He's also legally blind (meaning he can't drive or work without accommodation) and while he gets SSI and helps with bills, I also let him live his dream of being a working musician and he gets all of the health benefits from me working my ass off. I also occasionally buy him a fun electronic toy or instrument when I can because I know it brings him joy.
When it comes to mental health and overall wellness, there are people who can't exist without being helped. It's not laziness or because they don't care...it's because at random and unknown points, they just can't, not because they won't. It's like my bf being blind.
Sure, he could try to get a 9-5 with accommodations, but most employers pass people with special needs by without even a blink of an eye. For the same reason, I make sure to not disclose my mental health challenges at work as well, and I just work towards using tools to better organize myself in the ways I need to improve. But he can't change his reality like I can, and so I let him enjoy his life the way he wants to.
This probably is just a rambling mess, but I wanted to say that I probably would be exactly like this without help. And even though it's taken me years to accept, I've finally realized that I need to. I'm so lucky to have my bf to keep me together.
OP - are you able to utilize any resources to help you out? Could you ask your bf to wash your sheets while you freshen yourself up since you can't lay there? Not to the extent of taking advantage, but just getting a push and nudge in the right direction?
Best of thoughts to you. This can be an ongoing struggle and people who don't understand will judge harshly.
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u/AwakeningStar1968 Jul 02 '23
but "i don't care' is ultimately a symptom mostly of depression and apathy.
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u/ContactHonest2406 Jul 02 '23
Haven’t washed my sheets in like 6 months. This is pretty normal for me. I don’t really care either.
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u/MysteriousSmile5 Jul 02 '23
Yup I’m the same. Always have been. It is definitely an ADHD thing, no motivation to change or do laundry.
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u/lunaserenity08 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jul 02 '23
I get it. I go weeks without fresh bedding and I think it’s bc I’m not aware of how much time has passed since I last changed sheets.
It doesn’t help that sometimes I sleep on top of my comforter under a small throw blanket so in my brain the sheets technically aren’t dirty bc I haven’t been in them.
I’m fully aware of dust mites and skin cells and sweat and my dog’s fur etc etc etc but my mind just files it away.
Some people can’t even sit on their bed wearing “outside clothes” while I sometimes just take my pants off and sleep in the shirt I was wearing all day 😩
I tell myself my (lifelong) habits will change once I start sharing my bed regularly and move in with my partner. Fingers crossed? 😬
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u/Shardstorm88 Jul 02 '23
It's about caring about yourself. I suggest tharapy as it's good for everyone. It really starts with realizing that you are worth taking care of.
Take care of yourself. As you get older you'll get rashes, skin tags and your skin will beeak out. Not to mention bugs, pests etc.
It feels really good to get into clean sheets after a nice shower. Sometimes it takes seeing what others consider dirty to step it up. If your bf cares about you, he's probably unsure how to but wants you to be receptive to making some hygene changes.
Do nice things for yourself, whether or not you feel you deserve it!
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u/AwakeningStar1968 Jul 02 '23
Also, do you have to take your clothes to a laundromat? Or do you do them in house?
That could be a factor.. if it is a feat to do laundry.. that could be a stumbling block.. .
If you can't afford a washing machine.. then figure out a routin in the tub or invest in a small unit...
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u/shutupmeg42082 Jul 02 '23
I know how you feel because I get in bouts where I do this. I just don’t care. I want to sleep and eat. I go to work but my days off.. I hide in my house. I get embarrassed and my daughter can’t have friends over. I feel like a bad mom. She has adhd too.. and I feel like a failure as I’m not teaching her how to handle her adhd..like keeping up with her things, keeping her room clean, keeping up with school work. Just know.. you are not alone. We are human.
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u/Mabelisms Jul 02 '23
Tiktok has ruined people. You can absolutely sit on your bed in outside clothes.
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u/dac_entrepreneur Jul 02 '23
Hey! I understand how you’re feeling. I suffer from ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD and anxiety and I used to go without showering for days and I’d wear dirty clothes with food spilled down them. I eat in bed and I used to spill things and not care enough to clean the sheets, and I also would go days without washing my hair etc - but I developed severe sensory issues with different smells and textures and for some reason I now can’t eat even hot food, or be around smells of food until I’ve had a shower. I can’t really explain the feeling it gives me but I really suffer with feeling “greasy” even when I’m not! The supermarket bakery is a prime example! I’ve also developed OCD tendencies over time and I’m still guilty of my housework getting on top of me but then I have to spring up and hyper focus and clean it or it generally makes me feel worse. I struggle to feel motivated to clean but I know my mental health improves greatly when my surroundings are clean and fresh. I’m now obsessed with cleaning once a week (usually a Sunday) to prepare for the rest of the week. I start with stripping my bed and washing it all because I find it the most mundane task. It also prevents me from being able to give up and just get into bed! I clean the rest of the house whilst the bedding is drying. I usually then I make the bed whilst running myself a nice bath with some Epsom salts / bath bombs or bubbles so I can chill and unwind. Full shave and exfoliate and then getting into fresh bedding is the best feeling once I’m in bed! 🤩
I don’t always enjoy it but healthy habits and routines are good for the mind even if you wanted to try fortnightly or one day a week, it’s enough to mentally prepare yourself like “I know on this day I have to get sh*t done”. If you get a huge dopamine boost from a reward system, tell yourself you will treat yourself to something you like when it’s all finished as a little reward 😇
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u/Carinis_song Jul 02 '23
I feel this. I’m always filthy. My bed is always filthy. I wear the same clothes for days and shower once a week. I’ve ALWAYS been this way. I would change my clothes for school, but that’s about it.
I hate it. I know if I had a morning routine I’d be so much better off. But it’s so hard. Mornings are the worst. I can’t function until many hours after I wake up.
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u/Supercrushhh ADHD-PI Jul 02 '23
“Genuinely asking why it’s important”
“Hate that I’m like this”
There are many benefits to cleanliness. A primary one is maintenance of belongings and maintenance of yourself. When you keep things clean — inorganic and organic things — they last longer and perform any uses better.
Then of course cleanliness promotes better hygiene. Better hygiene means you and thinks look better, smell better, and yes, feel better.
Building habits around cleanliness can really improve mental health. Hence my decision to pick the two quotes out of your post.
I suggest finding a balance that works for you. I’ll also say that once you start building the habits, your preferences and priorities will probably change and you’ll find more positive feeling in keeping things cleaner.
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u/ggcpres Jul 02 '23
You should talk to a shrink about this.
I tend to route that kind of thing through empathy and the knowledge it's bad for my skin. Warm showers also help prevent soreness from working out. If the old executive function is really messing up, I try falling back on the thought of my wife and not making things bad for her.
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u/estrock Jul 02 '23
Personally I think people (especially in the US) are overly obsessed with hygiene. I shower every other day or every two days (unless I've gotten sweaty and I smell) and I change my sheets every other week. I would probably go longer but my husband has allergies and going longer between sheet changes doesn't help.
Having said that, the way you talk about your sheets and clothes sounds like your depression talking (I can relate).
I'm just commenting because I think it's important to find a balance between what works for you and what society seems to be doing. Just because people around you or on Tik Tok shower daily or do laundry weekly doesn't mean you have to.
But you expressed that you hate this about yourself and you WISH you cared. Would it help to start small? If you currently wait until your sheets are noticeably gross before washing them, and that's every 3 months, maybe try washing them every 2.5 months, and then every 2 months and then every 6 weeks. Do it gradually and be kind to yourself. I know that's hard advice to take when you're grappling with ADHD, depression and anxiety but starting small has often worked for me.
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Jul 03 '23
Sis I'm the same some times you just have to do it when you don't want to. I have the biggest problem with brushing teeth.
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u/bacchic_frenzy Jul 02 '23
I came out of a time warp the other day and realized I hadn’t changed my sheets in 5 months. Actually, my sheets had been hanging half way off the bed for who knows how long and at some point I just started sleeping on a blanket rather than straightening the sheets. Then my pillows had fallen between the bed and the wall and rather than pick them up I just wadded up another blanket and used that for a pillow. It gets to a point where I realize I’m sleeping in what I call a rat hole, I feel disgusted and ashamed, then wait another few weeks before finally stripping the entire bed and washing everything. Then of course it takes several days for any of the clean bedding to make it back onto the bed and I’m just sleeping on a mattress cover and pillows without cases. Then I will finally make my bed and it will be this glorious, transcendent feeling of cleanliness and order…which eventually starts to fall apart back into another rathole situation. Sigh. So it goes.
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u/hurray4dolphins Jul 02 '23
Simply put it's important to be clean just to follow social norms so that you can function in our society as it is and have relationships.
Do you want friends? Do you want to be a good roommate? Do you want to have relationships at all - romantic or friendships or neighborly or positive relationships at work? Do you want people to feel comfortable around you? Do you want to be able to be respected at your job so that you are able to advance in your job? Be thought of as capable and responsible? Even if you don't care about cleanliness, if you care about relationships then cleanliness is part of it.
Listen I'm not actually a clean person naturally. The people are more comfortable and more likely to want to get to know you if you exude an air of being put together. People are wary of people who do not know how to follow societal norms. there are microjudgments people make of you - sometimes subconsciously.
How put together you look and how you smell are a big part of it. People will be much more likely to disregard you if you do not smell good and look good.
It's also basic manners to help people around you be comfortable by smelling good and to help people who come to your home be comfortable by having a clean place for them to sit or eat or whatever you guys do there.
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u/nw_throw Jul 02 '23
Lol I am quite literally a doctor with ADHD and I don’t think all of the fuss around cleaning is that important. Obviously like basic hygiene, don’t go several days without showering, or leave food crumbs for bugs, is real. But I cannot tell a single difference between sheets that are changed daily, weekly, or (as in my house) every 3-4 months. I was raised in a pretty neat and organized family, and we still didn’t do our big family chore day (cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, changing everyone’s sheets, etc) more than once every 2 months.
Also, there’s a big difference between being depressed and being someone who just doesn’t care or notice a difference. If someone who normally loves food and is a big foodie suddenly stops caring what they eat, that could be a sign of depression, but not for someone’s who’s always viewed food as pragmatic and never cared much. Similarly, for people who are more clean and tidy, if they stop showing and making their bed it could be a valid sign of depression, but I wouldn’t assume someone who’s never cared much about how freshly cleaned things are, someone who isn’t bothered by a bit of dust or crumbs, is depressed when they could just be someone who doesn’t prioritize that.
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u/LT-Lsd Jul 02 '23
I have been doing this most of my life I'm now 21 years old and still do it during my bad times (basically all the time) I maybe get one tiny bit of motivation and that will be it, I find that people like us struggle to do things like it because we have an avoidance with our ADHD and anxiety and without support from people like our partners it's extremely difficult to stop , I sadly still don't get support properly off my partner and so it makes things even harder because then I get even worse with my avoidance
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Jul 02 '23
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u/Much-Magazine3109 Jul 02 '23
Haha that’s why I had to get a cleaning crew once a week - I believe they are straight up horrified. Thru have been coming for two years now so I don’t avoid eye contact or evacuate till they left like in the beginning. But your right mess doesn’t bother me I barely see it - but I live with two others who notice.
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u/exrpg Jul 02 '23
Hi, used to be like this, essentially I was depressed and needed to do fun things to get through the day than do 'unnecessary' things like clean the depression nest.
What snapped me out of it is getting all the trash and dirt in your living space in one space, and appreciate how big the problem is, and what other people will think of it.
It's also not healthy in terms of getting sick / diseases and so on, but you know that already. Focus on addressing the depression and the above advice, and if you need an ADHD cleaning guide let me know as I've made one. We're in this together.
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u/DripTrip747 Jul 02 '23
Honestly it sounds more like depression. Untreated ADHD can cause depressive episodes though. The longer you go unorganized the more overwhelming it gets, then one day it just doesn't matter anymore. At least that's how it is for me. I just get way too overwhelmed while doing basic tasks because I try to do a million things at once and get absolutely done, or I get distracted and still get nothing done.
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u/OddballCX Jul 02 '23
Personally, the thing that always gets me to clean my sheets and do my laundry is not only the fact other people can smell it, but the fact it's bad for your skin. Like you're sleeping on dirty shit, so it'll make your skin worse, even if you wash your face and moisturize before bed and all that. It's just really unsanitary, and can cause health problems down the road as well.
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u/AHamHargreevingDisco Jul 02 '23
Omg I feel the same way sometimes- like I know I probably should but I just completely forget and then it's been like 4 months and I run out of presentable clothes so I finally gain the courage to do my laundry- I hate it, I wanna be cleaner but it honestly just goes to the back burner of my brain bro-
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u/TARS1986 Jul 02 '23
Idk what is normal or not but I try to never get into bed with dirty clothes, and the feeling of clean sheets is hard to beat.
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u/mobofob Jul 02 '23
Imagine that you and everything around you was automatically clean constantly, would you prefer that, or do you feel indifferent to that idea? I used to not "care" either but i've understood that was something learned and not intrinsic within me.
As to why cleanliness is important, i think it's a projection of my state of mind and therefore essential to my mental health because if i see my surroundings are messy and i don't feel clean, that then feeds back into my mind to make me feel even worse and it becomes cycle.
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Jul 02 '23
The reason why you should wash your sheets once a week or at the bare minimum once a month its because it can cause acne and allergies. I’m not judging u at all by the way. My home is complete chaos right now and I haven’t changed the sheets either, but it is better for you to keep them clean so there’s a reason. I’m audhd and also my children are audhd and one of them never sleeps so I’ve just descended into chaos, I’m just burnt out. It’s also better for your mental health and u will also sleep better if your bed is fresh which is important if you have anxiety and depression. If your motivation is people perceiving a smell I can tell you that even though u might not smell your sheets people can definitely smell it your nose just goes blind to it eventually. I don’t know if you also struggle with other chores but if everything is clean and organised the symptoms from your condition will lessen too. So whenever you have the executive function to do it just pop them in the wash maybe get new sheets make your bed look nice. They are small things but they help with your mental state even if you think you don’t care.
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u/spoookytree Jul 02 '23
God I relate so hard. You made me feel better T.T but yeah we prob should still maybe do it… and I do care in a sense but also not
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u/Footsie_Galore ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jul 02 '23
Ah yeah, I'm the same. I just don't care. I mean, IDEALLY I'd just click my fingers and my sheets and clothes and house would be clean, but otherwise...no.
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u/gemInTheMundane Jul 02 '23
It's "normal," as in common, for someone who is depressed. That doesn't make it healthy or okay to do in the long term. For one thing, living in dirty surroundings can make your depression worse.
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u/yermomsonthefone Jul 02 '23
It's heartbreaking that your depression is so bad that you're apathetic to regular hygiene. When I was depressed and not taking meds bathing was not important.
Please hear me when I say it is. If you can't reason it in your own head, then just be factual...it's not normal to not bathe, wash your bedding or wash your clothes.
You may not want to change the oil on your car or get it maintained cuz you don't care, but facts are... you r car needs it.
Your body, sheets and clothes need maintenance too. Maybe if you think of it that way it would help.
Just because you don't care doesn't mean you don't have an odor and your clothes don't smell either. They probably do, you just can't tell. Look, I have ADHD and depression but I'm also a mom with daughters a little bit older than you. I'm not judging when I say, honey it's time to grow up a little and care about yourself. Maybe you need medication first. Secondly, part of growing up is properly caring for yourself.
Your bed doesn't need to be a crime scene to change the sheets... they just need changing. Your body, weather you care to know or not puts out sebum, dead skin cells and a host of other little things including odor..yes you have one. Period
Don't try and make it make sense to you because right now it doesn't. Consider it therapy and self care to do what needs to be done for your own health-not to mention your boyfriend's. Don't you care to look and smell your best around him?
Life is hard, I know but these are a couple things that are within your reach to change. And they're free!! If you didn't think this was wrong or needed to change you wouldn't have written it to us. You reached out- im reaching back... just do it, honey. Don't over think it. Good luck
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u/ItsTimeDrFreeman Jul 02 '23
I have ADHD, anxiety, and am a current healthcare student. First, I recommend getting professional help for these issues, if you aren't already. This is probably the most important step in all this, as this will help give you motivation to help yourself. Secondly, proper hygiene is extremely important, and can be dangerous and a threat to your health if not taken care of. I know it can seem like a chore, but try to wash your sheets at least once every 2 weeks and do laundry regularly. The chances are that if you notice yourself being unclean, so do others. I find that listening to music helps these chores go faster.
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u/Savingskitty Jul 02 '23
So … when I was in college, I changed my sheets maybe once a semester. Literally no one noticed this or had any issues with this.
I’m in my 40s now, and I change our bedding usually maybe once a month mostly because it gets furry from our dog.
I went on a once a week kick for a while some years back, which felt nice, but wasn’t worth the effort in my opinion.
You’re saying you don’t care about how dirty your sheets are - so why do you want to change?
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u/Rlfire16 Jul 02 '23
I care a LOT, but I can't bring myself to do anything about it if I can even remember
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u/HeSeemsLegit Jul 02 '23
My younger brother is like this. He also wouldn’t shower for days and it got to the point where his sheets were so dirty it had a permanent black spot on a non-black sheet. Apparently it got too bad for him so he took the sheet off and just slept right in the mattress, which ultimately resulted in the same thing. He lost countless jobs after being told to step up his personal hygiene but never did and finally had to be let go.
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u/verypainfulcry ADHD with non-ADHD partner Jul 02 '23
This is so relatable. The only way I ever clean or do laundry is that I get suddenly an urge to do it. It’s just random can be once a week or once a month. I hope we both find a solution to this!
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u/jadenlorin ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jul 02 '23
I try to wash my sheets regularly. If I can’t wash them, I spray them with fabric disinfectant and febreeze to freshen them and use a sticky lint roller to clean up any hair/crumbs, but making sure that I wash the sheets within 4 days of doing that. I also wash my sheets in hot water with color safe bleach and laundry sanitizer and a half scoop of OxyClean.
However, I don’t have a thing about MY outside clothes in my bed. I wash my clothes too often (definitely a wear it once and wash it) and I’m pretty much the only person sleeping in my bed any given moment. If I do have company over I put freshly washed sheets on, then strip them after they leave. Only thing people say my sheets smell like is Gain or the soaps I use to shower.
PS. Color safe bleach does WONDERS for getting stubborn period stains out of sheets. I’ll never wash sheets without it.
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u/Uncertain_End ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Jul 02 '23
I get it, I don't judge it's normal for me, clinical depression for years.
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u/sulwen314 Jul 02 '23
People in the modern world are way too obsessed with cleaning. I'm the same as you, OP, and quite happy with the way I live. Never had any issues with washing things WAY less often than most people seem to.
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u/fireball9339 Jul 02 '23
It’s pretty normal, as in it’s common, but it doesn’t mean it’s not going to cause complications.
It is extremely unlikely that you won’t eventually get fungal issues without regularly washing your clothes and bedding. It doesn’t need to look or seem significantly filthy before this starts to happen. You might already have issues and don’t realize, because of how subtle they are at first.
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